[childofchaos831]

Prayers aren't my inclination, but I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts tomorrow, and will send positive energy your way.

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We see our t tomorrow... last week was rough. Panic attack with dissociation. Couldn't bring myself back. The week since has been lots of time loss for me... hmph. Don't wanna go.

I hope you go, and I hope it goes well

let us know

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

My mom is having a heart cath tomorrow. I just spent the past hour in the garage crying through flashbacks. I don't really have words.

If it's your inclination, please say a prayer for her that it will relieve the issue she is struggling with.

This is heart rending and takes me to places I don't want to be.

If it's ok, may I please ask for a prayer for me too?

I am praying for you and your mom

((((hugs))))

I ate junk.

I braught a lot of junk for next week.

I wasted the day

I feel crap

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you SS. They just did lab work to make sure everything is good before they do the cath. We are waiting.

The hug is gladly received.

[childofchaos831]

My mom had gone for a cath a while back. I know the stress you're in. Take care of yourself. Once they take her back, maybe go to the hospital cafeteria and get a coffee or something. They should have you cell # if they need you. The sitting and waiting is the the hardest part.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

My mom had gone for a cath a while back. I know the stress you're in. Take care of yourself. Once they take her back, maybe go to the hospital cafeteria and get a coffee or something. They should have you cell # if they need you. The sitting and waiting is the the hardest part.

Thank you! The waiting is the hardest! It's nice to know you guys are with me.

[Gale15]

I would like to sit closer to my therapist and I don't know how to ask him. I have had very close male friends who were my support and when I sit across the room, I feel I don't have support.
I was abused by many men but interestingly, I had some good male friends who kept me believing that there are still some good guys. I feel my therapist is just not aware that the distance is keeping me disconnected from him. I am female and older than him so it's not a threat to him ( I wouldn't think). Any ideas how to talk about this would help.

[Gale15]

It's amazing that you can work! I am unable to work as I can't focus and I never know which alter will be out front. Have you found a way to control who is out? I am in therapy and I can't control who comes out.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by Gale15

It's amazing that you can work! I am unable to work as I can't focus and I never know which alter will be out front. Have you found a way to control who is out? I am in therapy and I can't control who comes out.

Well, work is pretty much my job in my system. I also went to school. Other alters showed up in school but this was all related to social and relationship issues. None of my others are interested in participating in work. It's like they'd rather leave it to me. Also, most of us are co-conscious now and we are very cooperative generally. Even if I'm not in front I can almost always see and hear. Now, if I experience some extreme stress at work there might be a problem, but I can talk to the others at least. Truthfully, I really don't know how it's going to work and one of the others could come out when not expected, but hey, life is an adventure, right? I'm also thankful that I work in a helping profession with clients who receive therapy for various conditions, and confidential therapy is available through my employer, so I'm betting that if I demonstrate high competence (done that, and they like me), and an issue like that comes up due to stress or a particular trigger--I'll have inroads to problem solve and won't be ostracized.

[Solnutty]

To add, about controlling who's out-- I'm learning from my T it's so much less about control and so much more about cooperation. If someone is coming out and taking over without cooperation I need to be curious as to why, and work on my fears of getting to know that part. There is _always_ a reason someone is coming out. One of us was coming out at night in a way that upset me and some of the others, but there was a reason. At first I was mad and we had power struggles. Everything got worse. Also, I was afraid of her because she was dealing with things that were just too much for me. Honestly she needed that time she was taking to deal with really hard things, and it took me a while to understand that. It also took trust building. As long as she thought I was going to fight her efforts to comfort herself (us) and cope with our issues as she has always done, she wasn't willing to compromise or work to find new coping skills. After I learned how to be respectful and curious instead of fearful, she started listening to me. Now she doesn't stay up at night like she used to, and she's learning ways to cope that are a lot more functional and less disruptive. And if she goes back to what she used to do I'm not going to get all weird and flip out, either, because I understand, and I know that along with some of the others, we can help her.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you! The waiting is the hardest! It's nice to know you guys are with me.

How did it go?

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you for thinking of me and her.

There were complications. He blood level was low and they are addressing that first. She is loosing blood somewhere. They did a CT scan late this afternoon and we don't have any answers yet. I've really never seen her in a place like this. I kissed her in her head this evening and I felt like I was comforting a child.

I would value your kind thoughts and prayers. Hopefully there is a corrective answer and treatment course to correct this.

[TheDragon]

Wake up confused and scared and not suer what's real and what's not i hate this

nothing really new here at all.

lots of eating unhealthily, too much imsomnia, memories, bad thoughts... I'd say this week has been the worst in a while, but then again it hasn't has it

because every week is the god dam same

[dlantern]

Healthy eating week in a great health kick switch! Not really yoyoing....So proud of our effort truly a team effort without it having to be medical reason. I feel great not all the tiredness 9f weight . There is still the psychological exhaustion and plenty of symptoms praying for a cure one day.

Originally Posted by dlantern

Healthy eating week in a great health kick switch! Not really yoyoing....So proud of our effort truly a team effort without it having to be medical reason. I feel great not all the tiredness 9f weight . There is still the psychological exhaustion and plenty of symptoms praying for a cure one day.

that's great you are doing so well

wish we were

struggling majorly

with everything

[Gr3tta_0]

Every time i think nothings been happening, i find out about things i didn't know.
I'm very conflicted right now.

[dlantern]

Everything alright in a battle with the bio kids I got a safe because theft and alters will get you with a record I don't care if we aren't a they from a divorced home. (My bio son stealing our money) We never stole from our mom so this is an unprecedented situation. Had to be around mother's day a little somber when my son gets back around me. He can't mock yall amnesia for the amnesia without an accusation or disdain of why they hide from you all. Just because momma got the dx's doesn't mean she doesn't have ANY credibility so the lying part of him thinks I'm stupid and won't confront him. I like the judge lawyer alters because we got him to admit to one of the thefts so he is the profiled for the other two. I purchased a safe and might have to get surveillance camera things is he is just as sweet as be can be. Helpful he just think he can help him self to our purse we hide purse still got it so a safe is safer than anything else. It just adds stress something this new for a key to remember to lock but we need our money so it is what we have to share amongst alters . Thank God's his introject alter has been nothing but apologies all the around

[Amyjay]

I struggle so on mothers day. My mother demands acknowledgement on this day. I am not ready to deal with the backlash of it not being given to her. But my heart and mind are filed with memories of how much she hated me, how deeply she abandoned me, and how she loved to regale me with tales of how awful it was to mother me, the awful child who stole her husband from her.

To my dearest mother, on Mother's Day.
I will never be able to apologize enough to you for stealing your husband's attentions from you at the tender age of 2. Please forgive me.
On this day I honor you for your sacrifice, for everything you had to relinquish in order to mother the abomination that was me.
Me.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I struggle so on mothers day. My mother demands acknowledgement on this day. I am not ready to deal with the backlash of it not being given to her. But my heart and mind are filed with memories of how much she hated me, how deeply she abandoned me, and how she loved to regale me with tales of how awful it was to mother me, the awful child who stole her husband from her.

To my dearest mother, on Mother's Day.
I will never be able to apologize enough to you for stealing your husband's attentions from you at the tender age of 2. Please forgive me.
On this day I honor you for your sacrifice, for everything you had to relinquish in order to mother the abomination that was me.
Me.

I hear you.

Possible trigger:

I don't actually have a mother to celebrate mothers day with.

I mean, I have a mother, but we are so distant.. not spoken in 12 years... it's almost like I never had one to begin with.

try and have a good day.

we had some rain yesterday, and we really hoped it would last

sadly not though

today is just as sunny as ever and it sucks for our mood.

it's horrible

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I struggle so on mothers day. My mother demands acknowledgement on this day. I am not ready to deal with the backlash of it not being given to her. But my heart and mind are filed with memories of how much she hated me, how deeply she abandoned me, and how she loved to regale me with tales of how awful it was to mother me, the awful child who stole her husband from her.

To my dearest mother, on Mother's Day.
I will never be able to apologize enough to you for stealing your husband's attentions from you at the tender age of 2. Please forgive me.
On this day I honor you for your sacrifice, for everything you had to relinquish in order to mother the abomination that was me.
Me.

I totally understand. My mother demands attention as well. Every day, but Mother's Day is worse. I am going to a movie with her and then getting lunch. Definitely not looking forward to today.

Possible trigger:

I honestly wish I wasn't here.

so little is going right in our lives, our mental health in general just sucks, our support is slowly vanishing, and as for resting and sleeping, it may as well be something people do in history, as it certainly won't work for us

were we a mistake?

we're starting to wonder that question (again)

we're just holding our breaths we don't attempt, because it's round about this time of year we do.

Possible trigger:

we are sort of relieved.. our last suicide attempt was in april 2016, and we're past that now. we're in May now.

so at least we past the dreaded april.

seeing our mental health worker this afternoon.

it can not come quick enough.. it feels like forever since we've seen her, and we have loads to say to her

(she is coming at 3 PM, and it's just coming up to 1)

so killing time by posting here