and I had sympathy for the...

And I had sympathy for the Devil.

A whole childhood of that, no wonder I'm totally %#@&#!!

You are not %#@&#! up! (((((((((pegasus))))))))))))

Don't beat yourself up.

(((((((((((pegasus)))))))))))))you are not %#@&# you are wonderfull person and friend

((((((((((((( pegasus )))))))))))))
not a %#@&#! up, my friend

(((((((((( pegasus - winged wonder ))))))))))))))))

No, I agree with the others....you are not messed up at all. You are a wonderful and wise woman. You are a good friend with loving intent. Now is the time to turn it inward to yourself as others wish you to feel it from them as well.

xoxoxo
sabby

We can all believe in things that turn out to be harmful or untrue. Whatever we saw or heard at an early age is perceived by a child's mind.

As we grow in knowledge and find the truth we can change what we believe.

We sure can make poor choices based on false information. That doesn't make us messed up beyond repair. We have done the best with what we knew (or thought we knew).

As we learn more we can make new choices.

None of us have to stay messed up!

Judee

nor are you alone my dear....

((((((((((((Pegasus)))))))))))))
Hang in there. It's so hard when I have realizations of my thinking from childhood. It's almost like it shakes the whole foundation because it was the basis of my thought process. I think it's wonderful that you are becoming more aware of this. T says awareness is the first step to change. I feel pretty messed up myself but our T has been able to help us see that it can be different.

I think you're doing well Pegasus. Change comes about slowly and it's hard work. Good job for sticking with it even in times like this.

Thank you all for your love and understanding.

((Pegs))))

ive been watching this thread with a lot of interest, i'm sorry that you were feeling so badly... i agree with all the others, you definately are not %#@&#!!

i am grabbed by the tittle to this... sending you safe and gentle hugs

in many ways ive felt as tho ive spent time with the devil, or the elementa of evil... it is a very fearful place to be sure...

we probably each self define what and who the 'devil' is in our own ways? to say you had sympathy for such to me shows the very large capacity you have for kindness and tolerance and acceptance..

there are so many wounded in our midst and evil has touched each of us in some way...

the face of evil is so obscured and not always easy to recognize and to have sympathy in our hearts is a very good thing for all of us... to try and help those who fall around us is a very good and kind instinct...

we need to be very strong for this task.... sending you hopes of peace and non-suffering always...

Thank you for your reply nowheretorun.

I'm sorry I'm not able to say much at the moment for fear of stiring things up too much.

Pegasus,

I'm sending you gentle hugs like the brush of butterfly wings.

I feel very angry when I see how my abusers twisted my thinking and feeling - they made me be cruel to myself. I think this is one of the hardest struggles in my life - to stop beating myself up and saying cruel things to myself. They made good evil and evil good and they were totally despicable, rotten, cruel and evil.

Now that I am grown, I have NO sympathy for the devil, the cruelest of cruel beings.

ALL my sympathy is for those who were robbed of innocence, trust, security, peace and joy. We did NOT deserve what happened to us.

I wish I could send a gift of healing to you and to all the others of us on this forum - something beyond sympathy and concern all the way to healing and restoration. But, as I was told as a child, "If wishes were horses we all would ride."

I hope it gets better again, very soon!

Leslie and Angry Pixie

Thanks for your reply.

I got involved in some really dreadful things but really I had no choice in the matter. If I'd said, 'No, sorry but I don't want to do that...' things could have been even worse. Not sure that's possible!

The thing is I am totally %#@&#! because all of my emotions are at a child level. People don't understand that, and trying to be 'normal' doesn't work either. The only people that happen to understand me are mental health professionals, well whoopie doo for that! But it also means I can't ever really be accepted by society, I can't get a job and I find it difficult to explain to anyone why I am the way I am.

I was shoved away in a dark place over and over, maybe that is what I deserve.

It's not what you deserve ((((((((((((Pegasus)))))))))))). Hang in there. I hope things calm down for you.

Thank you for thinking of me. (((((((((((((( wanttoheal )))))))))))))

((Pegasus))))) i dont typically post in this forum but i see you are really struggling and really trying... i care... its so hard not to feel accepted into society.. being an 'outsider' isnt too fun either... i have to tell you that i do understand how badly you feel at times and i hope you can work thru this.. if its an error of the past there is time to correct it.. btw, thinking and feeling like a child at times isnt so terrible? the laughter, joy and wonder of a child is something to cherish imo... and you work with children.. wouldnt that influence in some way?

Pegs, you are not a bad person.. we all have growing to do... its ok that we recognize our needs.. wishing you the best always...

I appreciate you coming in this forum to support. Thank you.

I had to give up my job working with children, although I was very good with children because I am on their level, I couldn't cope with the adult-collegues that worked round me.

Any 'normal' person can feel joy and happiness that you describe in your post above, it's not something that 'I' can ever feel because of all that we have been through. I'm good at pretending to smile etc, but it's not actually an emotion that's felt.

you are welcome ((Pegs))) i actually identify with what you've said very well... so many times ive wondered was it me who was unable to feel, or others who were unable to understand me and it was such a confusing and sad time in my life... you are trying Peg and that is how you will get there.. it really takes a lot of time and suffering (in my experience) but i am happy to report to you that after 30 years i do feel better! just never give up ok? hugs to you ~ ~

(((((((((((((((((((pegasus)))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

Pegasus,

You don't deserve to be shoved in dark places - you never should have been forced into darkness, that was so bad of them. THEY ARE THE BAD ONES, NOT YOU.

The grownup world is hard. When you look grownup and dont feel grownup it gets so painful - when you cant figure it out and dont know what to do to REALLY BE grownup.

Dont give up; dont be mean to yourself. Put the anger where it belongs...on the bad people.

It can get better, it does get better.

Hugs to you Pegasus,

Pixies

Thank you for giving me hope.