[Crazy Hitch]

Don't really know how I'm coping with it all tbh. It's my worst nightmare come true.

It sucks.

He moved out 3 weeks ago.

Nope.

Didn't see that coming.

He pushed for me to get a job last year.

Which he tells me was for no other reason than he could move out and I could live on my own.

Tells me today he didn't love me last year - he only said he did so I could get a job.

Two days into my new job he told me he's moving out.

He's denied for so so so long that there was someone else.

I stopped by his place on Thursday.

And yup, he told me (after he had blocked the entrance to the main bedroom) that he has a girlfriend.

And what pisses me off the most? Is just the thought of this woman sharing this bed with him at night!!!!!!

I have two kids....

FML.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Crazy Hitch,

I am so sorry it all had to happen like that
I can imagine you must have so many feelings going on for you right now........anger, resentment, shock, betrayal, hurt............
But if someone can be as underhanded as that then you are seriously way better off without them, you are better than that
And although undeniably there are going to be so many thoughts going through your mind.........try not to waste as many on him.........because you're the important one, and you can move on from him to an even better life if you give yourself some time, even time to grieve.............
And now..........well you've proven you can be strong, not only have you got a new job but mother of two..........that says you have strength to me.
So time to focus on you and your kids, those are the people who really matter. And try to have others around you who you can trust and find comfort/support in, whether that's IRL or/and on here. You can make it through this!!
And...........sending you hugs:


Alison

[Crazy Hitch]

Just hurting so much today .....

[Frankbtl]

Hi Crazy Hitch,

"Just hurting so much today ....."
I understand completely, and I so wish I could take that pain away
But I know as well there must have been so much of an emotional investment you've made in the relationship that it's going to hurt regardless, so there isn't a lot I, or anyone else, can say that is going to be a lot of help right now.........it does take time and support
But that's also a positive...........time can help, this might hurt so much right now.......but in time.........and gradually (there may be up's, there may be down's but.......) it is going to get better
And while you've invested so much into someone who's behaved that way.........ultimately he hasn't been worth it...........what you have got is absolutely priceless and something you have got..........your kids

Now whatever he does is going to be pretty meaningless compared to the relationship you are going to have with them
And you can eventually (when you're ready/if you want to!!) be open to a relationship with someone who truly deserves to be with you, who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. It might seem unthinkable right now.........but down the line there will be that opportunity.
And in a way, I'm glad that you've found out what he's deep down like right now, at least now you may have a better future.
But today........I know it's hurting and there's not much I can say..........so..........sending you big hugs: and letting you know that you're cared about
One day at a time...........

Alison

[Crazy Hitch]

Thanks Frankbtl ... *sigh* ... I drove past his place for no other reason than to see if her car was there. And I don't even know what the point of that was since I'd never have gotten out the car if I did see it there!!!

Can't stop thinking of him ... and yet I know I shouldn't.

How do you just "turn off" love?

Feeling so many different emotions right now.

Emotional investment, yes, this was the person I was supposed to wake up next to every single day for the rest of my life, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, til death us do part.

Yes, my kids are priceless.

Just drowning.....

drowning....

I love someone who left me years ago to be with another woman. It happens. I am sorry. It sucks. Love turns down for me, not completely off.

[Raindropvampire]

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how devastated and betrayed you must feel. If you need to vent we're here to listen

[Pierro]

I am so sorry Hun... You don't deserve this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[IrisBloom]

(((CH))) I know you are hurting right now and confused and don't know what to do next. I don't think you just turn off love, but in time you will come to terms with things. Right now just take it easy on yourself until you are over the shock and huge changes happening. It may or may not help to know that what he's done to you, he will probably do to her too.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Crazy Hitch,

"Can't stop thinking of him ... and yet I know I shouldn't"
I'd say it's kind of natural you're thinking about him a lot right now, you will have shared a lot with him, including I'm guessing a lot of personal stuff and obviously intimacy and..........this............
And often no easy way just to turn off the love I'm sorry , although maybe you could start with.........you still have love for him BUT............and add here things like.........you deserve/d much more, he's unable to give you what you really need, he isn't worthy of you..............
And ultimately who he is now/who he's showing himself to be, isn't the person you fell in love with/who you love..........that person wouldn't have treated you this way, wouldn't have been so uncaring...........
And I completely get the grieving for what you lost/the person he was and allow yourself that.......... but just remember the person he is now, that one.........is way better out of your life..........that one you can do way better without

Alison

[baseline]

(((CH)))) I am so sorry for your pain hun! It's been so long since we have talked. I am here for you if you ever need to vent. You are smart and beautiful and an awesome mom! Make sure you are getting the support you and your children need. In time I hope you can heal and find peace for yourself and possibly love with someone who can give you what you deserve! you have us honey!!!xoxo

[MistressStayc]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. You do not deserve to be treated like this. He is pond scum and a complete and utter coward. Any woman who can see what he did to you and still wants to be with him deserves his sorry *** because the previous poster is right. He will do it to her.

I know it is hard to see right now but you are better off without him, his deceit and all the lies....making you feel like you are the one in the wrong, shaking your confidence, which I am sure he did.

You are a survivor and will come out of this stronger in the end but for the time being just grieve for the relationship you once had. Grieving that loss will help you work through it.

[Crazy Hitch]

Thanks everyone for your replies - I appreciate it.

In his words to me on Saturday - he didn't want to tell me because he was consumed with jealousy that I may find someone else. Yes. That is a quote for quote what he said.

So I joined an online dating site on Saturday, took out the most expensive subscription fee to be billed for the next year and charged it to his credit card.

I'm meeting up with someone today that I met there.

I'll be sure to post pictures of what an awesome time I had on Facebook even if it's absolutely ****.

And this ... is just the start of my revenge

[eskielover]

Revenge isn't healthy & replacing love with hate isn't the solution either.

Dealing with the grief of the loss of what you thought you had & what you had hoped for, then get on with a NORMAL HEALTHY life that you haven't had for awhile.

You don't want to give your kids a view of how not to behave when bad things happen in one's life....it's better to teach them how to handle difficulties with grace & honor & a lot of self-esteem rather than lower one's self to the lowness that one has been given by the other person.

I know that revenge feels good.....but honestly, so does getting on with life & making it successful & showing them how great life is without them without doing it through revenge & posting crap on FB that isn't true just to stab them with it.....you don't want to teach your kids childish reactions but responsible mature reactions to bad things happening in life even if it takes longer to show the results, the end results will be much better & give yourself a lot more self-respect.

I left my H after 33 years of a bad marriage. Life was hell living with him & I bought a farm 2100 miles away & left. I have such a wonderful life now & honestly never even missed him when I first left. When I realized that he was never on my mind at that point that there was a really good indication of just how bad the marriage was.

For me, I don't think there was ever a feeling of love in the marriage from the beginning & there was no emotional connection I found out only 2 years ago why that was & to my surprise....it wasn't because of me. When a marriage is bad & we are so busy trying to make it work, we don't always see just how bad that other side is until we are finally blessed enough to be free of the bad marriage & we can finally see the big picture.

Be glad that the other woman is the one having to put up with that jerk & you aren't the one that has to any longer. Use is as something you are grateful for rather than angry about & you will be able to feel better a lot sooner than holding onto the anger.

[Crazy Hitch]

Eskie, this is very true what you said:

"You don't want to give your kids a view of how not to behave when bad things happen in one's life....it's better to teach them how to handle difficulties with grace & honor & a lot of self-esteem rather than lower one's self to the lowness that one has been given by the other person."

I admit to feeling a bit guilty now for what I did based on that alone.

My kids don't know though ....

*sigh*

[eskielover]

Sometimes we all react first then think later because we base our reactions on our emotions rather than our logic. Doesn't mean that you have to continue reacting on emotions at their same level of lowness.

The kids may not know now.....but there will come a time when they do & there's a lot that kids are aware of that we don't even realize that has an effect on them even when we don't realize that either.

My parents were totally dysfunctional though they thought they were JUST FINE & that some day I would see how wise they really were....that NEVER happened & I finally (at the age of 62) realized just how dysfunctional they really were & that it wasn't just my negative point of view of them. They were nice people......but their dysfunction had a great effect on me that I wasn't even aware of until just the last few years since I have been able to make changes in my own life that has brought light to how their behaviors had really effected me & had been the foundation of why I did things the way I did.

[Chyialee]

Oh damn. CrazyHitch, I am so so sorry for your pain. And believe me when I tell you, these emotions are gonna be on a real Mr Toad's Wild Ride for a fair old while, I'm afraid.

Eskie is very wise. Listen to her. And listen to yourself please, too, dear one. Therefore: Be sure to only tell yourself good, true, Valuing things. K?

Sigh. Men.
There srsly needs to be 3 genders. Men, women, & something for women to marry. Yeesh.

Be good to you. You're worth it.
xo
Chyia

I think posting pictures is fine. I am not saying to stay vengeful forever. However, I think if it temporarily makes you feel better, go for it.

JMHO

[OurLadysTears]

Love what he was, but not what he is. We all fantasize about "happily ever after" and "till death do we part" but somehow we have a hard time keeping it that way. And why is it so hard? Perhaps, we aren't meant to stay with the same person? My heart aches for you because these situations are disheartening.

[Crazy Hitch]

I really hate him today. I know hate is a strong word.

How does he possibly sleep at night?

Does he have no conscience?

To date he still hasn't apologized for the affair ...

Only for hurting my feelings

This is a devastating blow. I hope you can use the experience to make yourself stronger. Blessings to you

[Hope 51]

Am so sad for you Crazy Hitch.
This betrayal hurts like Hell, but there is an end to the sorrow and pain you're feeling now.
You will come out of this and become stronger and wiser.
Focus on looking forward/ahead. Cling to hope for a better future and don't let go.

Am sorry you are hurting so deeply.
Keep venting and reaching out here.
Sending my care and hugs.

[healingme4me]

((((CH)))) so very sorry to read about this happening to you! What an awful betrayal.

[Crazy Hitch]

Going to change the locks on my front door so he stops coming and going as he pleases.

[eskielover]

Very wise....very positive action to let him know exactly where he stands.