eating disorder's daily check in spot

That's how I feel too. How can I accept my body when I'm unhealthy and obese?

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I went to Red Lobster for dinner with my daughter and friends. I don't eat fish, so I had chicken. I feel so full right now and I didn't have much to eat. 3 chicken strips and about 6 mozzarella sticks, about half a cup of soup and a 1/4 of an apple dessert. I feel the need to exercise even though it is 10:30 at night. Like I can't go to bed with all these calories. I wish I had said I didn't want to go there. The restaurant we were going to go to had food that I feel comfortable eating. Why can't I stick up for what I want?

Last week i felt truly physically an mentally horrible. Over the weekend i really tried to have some real nutrition. So i had slightly more than ive been allowing. But now my brain is already carving it out of the week to come even though it made me feel better.

I coudnt eat when my plan for what i was going to eat was derailed. I considered snacks later, but it created enough anxiety pre that i feared a post correction so opted for water, mineral pill, and cookng show watching.
I have been noticing a lot that i fill in meals with recipe or menu reading and watching cooking. I will sometimes recall that i ate items when really i just read about them . I wonder if anyone else does that?

I'm in hospital for suicidal and delusional stuff. They know about my AN. I have been refusing to be weighed. I haven't eaten today yet. I have no interest in food. When unmedicated, it's so futile to try to eat.

not doing well today with my overeating.... 3 bags of sweets, 2 slices of toast and a bowl of grapes in the space of an hour

and it's only 1 pm in the afternoon..... blah

I'm okay right now,trying not to get overwhelmed by going out to dinner tonight. Just want to purge for precautions

Ugh!

So over myself about this blasted binge eating thingy ...

Will try to do better tomorrow!

i had very bad food behaviour today.

we should try together

actually (not sure if i should be surprised or not) but i am not hungry that much today!

does not stop me from pigging out on chocolate biscuits though

sighs..

I really tried hard not to mess up our day with my restrictions.

not eating too much for dinner yesterday (some horrible sour pork thing) i'm even more inclined to overeat today

so far though just 2 slices of toast, bag of jelly babies and some sausage rolls

suppose not so bad in my books

I've employed an unhealthy app to assist in my eating decisions. The last time i was this sick (?) I didn't have a smart phone. I know i ough to know better. Or feel indignant at the unhealthy choices available. ..or something. But mostly i felt happy to have it help me with the math to reach my goal.

What is your goal?

Thank you for asking, but there is not supposed to be number talk in this forum.

Right. Without thinking about specific numbers, though, in view of your recent posts it was just unsettling to me to speculate about what your goal might be. I hope that it can be a healthy goal.

Thank you. I know i ought to be ashamed of myself, and truthfully, i am. But I'm entrenched now. Every time i think i should turn away i find i've turned full circle and now am even more deeply mired than before. So no, i am not working on a healthy goal. I've set an unhealthy one. It feels nice to have something to be looking forward to. Even if its something negative.

Thanks for your response. Of course I worry about you having an unhealthy goal. I suppose you feel that healthy targets are unattainable and so an unhealthy one feels good in being perhaps attainable. Are there people irl who can support you in seeking more healthy targets?

There might be. But that would be unacceptable sabotage. Why would i do that???

I feel I'm overtaking this thread now. If you are still interested you are welcome to pm me. Or if your curiosity has been satiated, thats fine too.

so far so good today.

even asked for my grapes to be removed from the desk for a while

I had a good day, which i suppose is a bad day, but it still feels like a good day to me.

I was surprised...last monday was my birthday & friends from church took me out to dinner Tuesday, went out with my horse friends Wednesday, & my really good friends from bible studt took me out for lunch on Thurs. Had my doggie bags from each meal i ended up eating on through the week...& i gained NO weight. I'm in a very stressful situation with a medical issue & guess that stress has my metabolism on overdrive. Ate really healthy food also...soup & salad mostly & it was very satisfying....was totally shocked to have not gained when i really just ordered what sounded good & reallt tasted good also...what a relief

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my ed thoughts are getting stronger and stronger and I'm trying not to fall apart again but I'm struggling not to hide in my safe hole

I've got my types of days categorized now and today falls under a preferential categorization which gives me some relief in my head. Just hope it equates to appropriate outcomes.

Haven't purged in almost a week,so doing okay on that end