gained 40 lbs :(

I am so disheartened....I have gained 40 lbs. and just can't loose it. I am a compulsive overeater, and for the majority of my adult life I have keep my weight down...then when my ex-husband and I divorced after being married for 33 years, I gained the weight. I lost it by becoming a vegetarian....then when I stopped that, I gained that and more. No matter what I've tried I can't loose it, and I'm miserable....none of my clothes fit. It is so much emotion, although I am through the divorce, and have moved on. I eat for every reason...happy, sad, glad, mad...and not because I am hungry. I am grateful for this site....at least I can write to others that understand.

hi ,I am new to this site but I can relate to nearly evryone. I comfort eat ,binge eat too(as well as bulimia and anorexia in the past).Had a bad day today -maybe its the anti climax after christmas ect..really sad ,feeling hopeless and helpless. my eating disorder/addiction is so strong.but its the start of a new year (and already resolutions broken) but maybe can try a bit harder to get out of this mess .make a plan ,eat 3 moderate meals. eat healthy you know.but then I want to lose weight too so I start thinking drastic measures. detox .I get so mad in my head.and I am so tired of dieting ..after 15 years .aanyway so ,yes angelbreath I know how you feel ,it can be very shameing and disheartening this disease.but the more good days we can have the better and stronger we will feel .coz when i binge again I feel like I have fallen down into a pit. but I have had 6 months binge free before and I knowfor me it was by sticking to a plan.anyway I hope you (and me) feel better soon.take it easy
blueflower

Hello I hope things are going better for you at this time. A nutritionist can help you lose the weight in a healthy manner, exercise is good as well to boost your metabolism. There are many meal planning techniques on the American Diabetes Associaiton website that may can help you eat healthy and help you to lose the weight. TOPS( Taking off pounds Sensibly) is a group that may be available in your area and help people to lose weight. I hope the best for you at this time, I hope things get better for you soon. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia

Blueflower
Thank you for writing.....today has been a very challenging day for me....as well as an ED, I have bipolar, severe anxiety and fibromyalgia...a lot on my plate. But, I feel comforted on this site, knowing others, like yourself, understand....Just keep taking it one minute...or second at a time.
Take Care
Angelsbreath

Why did you stop eating vegetarian since it worked for your body? Perhaps that type of eating gave your body just what it needs, and now that you aren't feeding it that, it craves food...everything... and nothing satisfies it nor you??? Just a thought.

Try eating healthy first... don't worry right now about stopping the poor eating habits but add in the good food for you... fruits and vegetables (not bananas nor carrots perhaps though, as the sugar in them go directly into the system)....

You can lose this weight, please don't despair.... 2 lbs a week is a great goal... once you go back on ANY plan and do the best you can on it, then your mind can settle down and concentrate perhaps on the emotional reasons.

TC!

Sky,
Thank you for the advice. Being a vegetarian was way too restrictive, and I had gotten down to be painfully thin....and looked horrible. But, now I'm just the opposite. Thank you for saying not to eat bananas...I had decided to eat one everyday for lunch....and perhaps that is a trigger. Sugar is my problem, naturally.
Today is a new day...I always start breakfast well, but today with the help of God, I'll continue.
Thank you for being here for me.

Hi Angelsbreath
Yes I will try to hold on one meal at a time ,one min at a time as they say.Ive been going mad about bananas,making smoothies ect..but maybe it is my disease,I can start abusing anything ,I am definately having problems with honey.I should just give it up....the disease has been on me ,I am trying to detox my liver but I only end up eating more.anyway I need to detox my mind too, I can get deppressed I need to be very loving and caretaking and take some excercise.and fresh air.
take it easy
blueflower

Hi Blueflower,
My disease is really out of control, too. I am sitting here thinking what I am going to go eat. It seems nothing is working. When I go to bed at night I am convinced the next day will be better and it never is. I was sure I had made a turnaround yesterday, but didn't. I must be gentle with myself, too. Today is a new beginning.
Let's keep in touch.
God's blessings to you always,
Angelsbreath

I'm with you all--gained 50 lbs. in the last 4 years. My husband said he no longer found me sexually attractive which sent me into a severe depression (bp 1) & I overdosed. He took me to the ER. Now we just don't talk about it. It's the pink elephant in the room. I have gone to a doc specializing in weight loss & found out I have low thyroid, insulin resistance, "metabolic syndrome", plus quit smoking 3 years ago & went through menopause--I'm 52.

But I'm feeling desperate about my weight. I,too, binge & just plain eat more than is physically nourishing. It somehow numbs me, calms me (& I take meds for anxiety!). I'm hoping that we can encourage each other. It has taken a really big toll on my self-esteem, as you can imagine. And, yes, people my age do actually have & enjoy sex! We had a very good sex life before I started gaining.--Suzy

Suzy,
Hello, my friend.....my name is Susie!! I hear everything you are saying...my heart aches for you. I am so sorry that you were in so much pain that you overdosed...that is scarey. Are you getting help....I hope. And the fact that you don't talk about it, I'm so sorry. Do you have kids? That is one of the saddest things for me...I don't ....and it was by choice because I am bipolar, severe anxiety, ED etc...and felt it would be fair to have a child....now I wish so much that I had children
I am 57 and feel so physically unattactive to my boyfriend. Up until 2 yrs ago, I was thin for over 30 yrs....I hate being fat. I have nothing that fits. I am so used to being thin....this is a person I was in my early 20's. I lost 50# and kept most of it off for over 30 yrs. Back then I did it with Weight Watchers....I tried that last year...and after 4 wks. I had lost nothing!!! I am so discouraged. Like today, I ate fruitcake, and chocolate...when I had the best of intentions this am
I initially gained the weight when my husband and I were going through a divorce after 33 years of marriage...there still is so much unresolved....and won't ever get resolved except through working with my therapist.....I can never talk to him again. He has remarried and moved 1500 mi away. He never wants to talk to me again. I was the one that asked for the divorce. We both said that we would always love each other....just couldn't make it work....we had tried for years and years. It is all about emotions....and not wanting to feel the feelings.
I hope we keep in touch....I am saying a prayer for you right now.
God bless
Angelsbreath

Hi there.
I am sorry you went through that with your boyfriend ,men can be so horrible and dumb sometimes.I have had many boyfriends where they didnt like my body or they did and then I gained weight.Now I am looking for a man who doesnt care what I look like or what my weight is ,just what my heart is ,or prefers them bigger,I dont know do guys like that exsist?maybe they are scared of bigger women thinking they have too much power-they want women to be fragile and skinny.I dont know sometimes I think I couldnt get naked in front of anyone ever again.I am very deppressed at the moment -meant to be going on holiday but the very thought of people I know and the beach -I just wanna cancel the ticket.so I am trying to diet but I have speant so much of my life dieting I cant stand it and it throws me into a deep depression.and worse still coz I have a feeling the scales are not going to shift no matter what I do-4 weeks to go and I am panicking .On the plus side the passed couple of days I have felt more in control sticking ridgidly to a measured food plan.but who knows what will happen tommorrow.I think I might buy a mini trampoline coz that I can do with the t.v on .this deppression is really crippling me I cant bring myself to go down the gym or even do sit ups at home -maybe its just shire laziness.I used to do yoga every morning (1 and half hours ) before breakfast (not easily)and I was really fit .maybe I will buy a trampoline and do that in the morning -gotta get a new positive pattern going.fight the disease.But anyway I think fat is beautiful(seriously) just not on me .ah well.
blueflower

A male perspective...after watching my x battle her ED - I would much rather have a women who has a good heart and mind then to kill herself trying to be size zero.

or what ever size it is that your trying to attain...

just my two cents.

I don't know but it seems to me in this society having extra weight is a sin, a character fault, a weakness...Men REALLY do judge you on your looks first & foremost, from my experience.--Suzy

I agree. However, I would add that most media condition men into thinking that a certain size is the most desireable.

I would thing that most men struggle with how a person makes him feel (safe, loved, accepted, etc) versus how she looks.

Media attacks us from everywhere. Then women who are in the so called preferred body style dress incredibly immodestly or allow themselves to be degraded with nude pictures. Like that helps men win the battle!

I struggle with it, but the long a short of it - who would I rather spend the rest of my life with - a women who fits what mainstream calls beatiful or what I consider beautiful inside and out.

I would admit I probably wouldn't be at this point in my life had I not been so close to someone who was suffering from in eating disorder.