yesterday I ordered takeout from the newly opened pizza place. it was nice, I had meat feast with chicken wings

after dinner I watched WWE main event (most of it was good, though I wasn't too kean on the last part)

discovered a new group yesterday called bts (and a new type of music, K-POP) which I think is awesome.

sleep didn't happen for me yesterday and nor did rest

chronic pain not letting up at all and back's really stiff

not much to do today... watch a bit of tv I missed last week (if I can be bothered), and cook something for dinner.

ffeel okay, just the pain sucks. it really, really sucks

yesterday I was listening to someone on blah therapy who had bipolar and she was telling me that no one understands her and she's sick of people judging her.

I told her I don't do that kind of thing and we got to talking about celebrities with bipolar and what an inspiration they were

she then asked me what my coping methods were and I told her I like to journal, to listen to music, and to watch cartoons.

she goes... you're 25 and you like cartoons?

and diss connected

so the fact I'm too old for cartoons is more important than being understood.... okay. personally I will always watch cartoons, no matter what anyone says.

I am feeling depressed today because.... well... it is a regular, boring day

and when I say regular and boring, it doesn't even cut it

their is nothing happening today. it's almost like this day wasn't meant to be in the calendar or something

[Albatross2008]

^^Interesting. She's sick of being judged, and then turns right around and judges you.

I'm over twice your age and I like cartoons.

Continuing to food journal. It helps that my husband is also doing it, and we can remind each other. We're trying to be thorough. Yesterday was communion service at our church, so we even logged that. Anything at all that goes into our mouths.

[may24]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I've been eating healthy today. The past couple weeks were not good in terms of food, I binged on all kinds of junk food......at least I didn't

Possible trigger:

purge

I've gained weight and am very frustrated with it. It makes me want to go in the opposite direction and restrict again but I know that will just result in a massive binge eventually and back into the stupid cycle.


Started doing yoga and drinking more water

Sounds good I'm retaking yoga classes next month. It helps me feel less stressed and that reflects on my food choices too. I've been overeating lately due to stress and lack of sleep

[may24]

I didn't get enough sleep last night and I always end up overeating and feeling moody when I'm sleep deprived... (which often leads to more overeating because I struggle to cope with my emotions)
I ate my dinner too fast and now my stomach hurts. I hope tomorrow will be better

[LucyD]

This is a crap day for me and I feel like crap. "Nuff said.

[may24]

Originally Posted by LucyD

This is a crap day for me and I feel like crap. "Nuff said.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better today

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by may24

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better today

It is a better day for me today. Not as much pain as I had yesterday. Arthritis stinks..Getting the ice pack out soon. It helps some but pain keeps coming back. Took some diclofenic which I shouldn't take for health reasons. It helps though so I'm taking a few today.

I hope your day is a good one or was a good one.

[may24]

Originally Posted by LucyD

It is a better day for me today. Not as much pain as I had yesterday. Arthritis stinks..Getting the ice pack out soon. It helps some but pain keeps coming back. Took some diclofenic which I shouldn't take for health reasons. It helps though so I'm taking a few today.

I hope your day is a good one or was a good one.

Glad to hear you've been feeling a little better today I hope the diclofenic helps. It's so frustrating when some drugs help you with the symptoms you're experiencing, but they affect your health in other ways.
Today was better for me too. I'm still struggling with anxiety and overeating, but at least I'm not as tired as yesterday.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

This is a crap day for me and I feel like crap. "Nuff said.

I'm so sorry. I hope things start going better for you.

[Blueberrybook]

As the scale climbs lower, the stupid ED rejoices. OMG. I have the one side of me knowing I need to exercise less, eat more and gain weight (opposite what all the ads on TV and any women's magazine tells you), and the ED saying, "What?! That's nothing. You got so much thinner than that before." What the F* is wrong with me?!

Not that I miss my low weight. I'd never, ever go back there. It's not a life at all.

Stupid purging type (through exercise) anorexia has to be one of the easiest EDs to hide in plain sight.

[LucyD]

Sorry I haven't posted back to anyone. I hope everyone has a good evening or night or whatever it is where you are.

[MickeyCheeky]

I hope you're all doing ok. You can do this! You're strong, I know. I believe in you. Sending many hugs to everyone

[Blueberrybook]

Running too much, weight stable though. H can now work from home Tuesday/Thursday which has been nice for me and good for my marriage. 11 year olds get way too curious in that department. Enough said.

[LucyD]

Just living life. Dealing with various issues and ailments. I hope everyone has a good night and good sleep.

most of my time's been taken up exploring my new amazon alexa (which can also explain why I've not been here as much). I love it, my friend sophie sent it to me and so far I'm really enjoying it

I also got some new red lipstick this week. it's a really brite red and looks really nice on me.

I've had a low appetite this week because.. well, I don't know. I just have. maybe it's just because my days are so dull and depressing, or maybe it's because my cooking is just geting worse (I actually vote the latter)

I've also not been sleeping, but that's not really news

[Blue_Bird]

Possible trigger:

I'm mad at myself and feel disgusted by my body

I feel out of control

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Possible trigger:

I'm mad at myself and feel disgusted by my body

I feel out of control

I'm so sorry. I think we have all been there, unfortunately

[Blueberrybook]

Beating myself up over eating a Lindt truffle...I really wish this stupid ED would go away for good.

Do any of you feel like even if you recover from your ED or have had periods of recovery, you'll never get rid of ED thoughts completely?

I've had times when I've had ED thoughts less or not acted on them, but they have never gone away completely. Not even close. I'm starting to feel like they never will even if I recover outwardly and don't ever act on them again. It's been over 20 years with this thing (I'm 41 now), and the ED thoughts are as intrusive as ever. Worse now as I'm in a bit of a relapse.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm so sorry. I think we have all been there, unfortunately

Thanks, yeah, it sucks I ended up sketching a picture, I enjoy doing art so it helped relax me and kept me from doing something stupid I'd regret later

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Beating myself up over eating a Lindt truffle...I really wish this stupid ED would go away for good.


Do any of you feel like even if you recover from your ED or have had periods of recovery, you'll never get rid of ED thoughts completely?


I've had times when I've had ED thoughts less or not acted on them, but they have never gone away completely. Not even close. I'm starting to feel like they never will even if I recover outwardly and don't ever act on them again. It's been over 20 years with this thing (I'm 41 now), and the ED thoughts are as intrusive as ever. Worse now as I'm in a bit of a relapse.

Yes, I feel like this often. What helps me is to replace them with more realistic, positive/counter thoughts. If I let them run wild they consume me and become so ingrained it's hard to get rid of them. I don't know if they'll ever go away, I hope they do. I know never having another ED thought isn't realistic, because we're human and thoughts always stray towards temptation sometimes but I think the main thing is to keep not acting on them and countering with good thoughts

[Gr3tta_0]

1. I love cartoons, and always will. 😊
2. I also avoid #7. (Probably enough said &#128523

I have had so much stomach pain lately, about the only thing i can tolerate is boiled vegetables. 😣 I don't think this is in my head, it's real. I have resisted the scale because I don't want any muddying of the waters.
Hope all are well.
...and not in -20°F temps like me!!!

[LucyD]

Seriously thinking of putting my scale out in the garage in the trunk of my car. I doubt if I'll use it then. I feel better when I weight myself less. Been starting to weigh every day and feeling obsessive about it.

Generally feel down but not distraught. I feel like I should be bullet-proof but I'm not. I have been having thoughts of getting drunk, eating a lot of junk, too. It won't change my life but will hurt my health.

I hope you all have a productive weekend.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Seriously thinking of putting my scale out in the garage in the trunk of my car. I doubt if I'll use it then. I feel better when I weight myself less. Been starting to weigh every day and feeling obsessive about it.

Generally feel down but not distraught. I feel like I should be bullet-proof but I'm not. I have been having thoughts of getting drunk, eating a lot of junk, too. It won't change my life but will hurt my health.

I hope you all have a productive weekend.

I hope you feel better

I have the same problem with the scale. I have it sitting in my kitchen, which is really ridiculous. I go back and forth between obsessively weighing then being terrified of getting on it when I think I've gained

[Blue_Bird]

I was very mad this morning at myself and felt like crap. So I decided to counter all the ED thoughts. I have been somewhat passive about recovering because there's a small part of me that still wants to get to that "perfect weight". So anything negative that came into my mind I said something to counter it and positive things. I've dealt with this for half my life. since 12, I'm 24. The thoughts have been there since 12 because even though I wasn't overweight at all a family member, my brother, called me all kinds of names and told me I was disgusting and fat,..etc constantly for months and I started hating myself and believing I was. He wasn't joking, and it wasn't like he was a kid and didn't know better, he was like 20 years old then.

I'm not blaming it on him, he didn't "cause" the eating disorder but it definitely didn't help and I started calling myself those things ever since then, for the past 12 years, it's just so ingrained and I have to stop it.