today it has been snowing all day- and it's been really nice (I love the snow)

I've been having some greif with my alexa and that's been making a little depressed/ angry (actually I want some stuff I can't have because I don't have a phone that supports the alexa app).
I struggle with that, because for me when it comes to owning something, it's using it for all it's intended purposes, or nothing at all
I had takeout pizza today which was nice (even though it was filling, too filling for me)

no sleep last night. partly because of the imsomnia but also it was too hot. heating was turned up way too loud.

seems this weather has 1 drawback

you either are too cold or too hot

their's no in between

[may24]

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and I'm struggling with the urge to binge and purge quite frequently ...
I went to the grocery store today and I was about to buy binge food, but then I put it back... so that's good.
There's a lot going on in my family right now and I feel like I can't relax.
Also, I've been touching certain topics in therapy recently that I had been avoiding for a very long time. I think this is something that is gonna help me in the long term, but right now it's making me feel quite unstable and making it harder to cope with ED thoughts.

[Albatross2008]

Happy with my meal choices so far today.

Having trouble getting myself to drink enough water. Not drinking any other liquids, only water. I'm shooting for 4 16-ounce bottles a day, but can only manage 1 or 2.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I was very mad this morning at myself and felt like crap. So I decided to counter all the ED thoughts. I have been somewhat passive about recovering because there's a small part of me that still wants to get to that "perfect weight". So anything negative that came into my mind I said something to counter it and positive things. I've dealt with this for half my life. since 12, I'm 24. The thoughts have been there since 12 because even though I wasn't overweight at all a family member, my brother, called me all kinds of names and told me I was disgusting and fat,..etc constantly for months and I started hating myself and believing I was. He wasn't joking, and it wasn't like he was a kid and didn't know better, he was like 20 years old then.

I'm not blaming it on him, he didn't "cause" the eating disorder but it definitely didn't help and I started calling myself those things ever since then, for the past 12 years, it's just so ingrained and I have to stop it.

That's terrible. Mine is the standard ED formula - sucky childhood: sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, zero approval from my father, perfectistic, straight A student (graduated valedictorian though my class was small - 109 students). I did get straight A's & 1 B (Physics II was a killer) in a large college in Microbiology, a major that weeds out many pre-med students. ED started when I was 18, and I'm 41 and still have it. I have lived more years with the stupid ED than without it and even more if you consider I had low self-esteem & negative thoughts about my weight all through high school.

Sometimes, I have brief periods of sort of recovery, but when life's problems add up, I turn to the ED like it's an old friend.

Even though, skinny is never skinny enough, reach a goal, go lower, and I would never, never go back to my lowest weight. It wasn't even living a life at all though I fantasize at all the bones that showed then, how tiny I was, but the truth is, my life (if you can even call it that) sucked so bad at that weight, why would I even think any part of it was good or want it back?! It baffles the mind.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I hope you feel better

I have the same problem with the scale. I have it sitting in my kitchen, which is really ridiculous. I go back and forth between obsessively weighing then being terrified of getting on it when I think I've gained

I think I'm going to put it in the trunk of my car out in the garage. I weigh myself with just my underwear and I won't take off my clothes in the garage where others could see me. LOL. It's an apt. complex garage. I know what you mean about being scared to weigh. My problem is that my weight loss is so slow it drives me crazy. I want to weigh less every time I weigh but it does not happen for long periods of time. I don't exercise. I will start physical therapy in 5 days and maybe that will get me to exercise again.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Arbie

Happy with my meal choices so far today.

Having trouble getting myself to drink enough water. Not drinking any other liquids, only water. I'm shooting for 4 16-ounce bottles a day, but can only manage 1 or 2.

Sounds like you are taking good care of you. I drink water with real lemon squeezed into it and then I put the pieces of lemon in the water. It's good for detoxing the liver. Some people put fruit in their water to help it taste more like they want it. I don't think I get enough water either. I drink about 4 16 oz glasses a day but sometimes less. I forget about it, too.

[Gr3tta_0]

I'm going to make another huge batch of veggie soup over the weekend. Add in some white beans for protein. Hopefully hit the reset button on my tummy et all.
Ready for the stupid snow to melt!!

[LucyD]

I took that damn scale and put it out in the garage in the trunk of my car. Tired of being petrified of it! Now I can breathe again.

[MickeyCheeky]

I hope you're all doing ok. You can do this! You're all strong, I know that. I believe in you. Sending many hugs to everyone

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I hope you're all doing ok. You can do this! You're all strong, I know that. I believe in you. Sending many hugs to everyone

Thank you MC! Doing okay here, just tired some.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm doing good today. I have been doing some of my hobbies and enjoying them. Art and listening to music helps me relax. I slept good last night. I was going to stay up all night but that's really a bad idea. I do that then I am a complete mess the next day. I know lack of sleep causes me to be more likely to binge or start getting obsessive about things cause I'm stressed

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm doing good today. I have been doing some of my hobbies and enjoying them. Art and listening to music helps me relax. I slept good last night. I was going to stay up all night but that's really a bad idea. I do that then I am a complete mess the next day. I know lack of sleep causes me to be more likely to binge or start getting obsessive about things cause I'm stressed

Glad you're having a good day; mine's okay. A bit tired, having sleeping problems. Sometimes I stay up all night too and feel crappy like you do too when I do. I'm listening to Spotify. I got the premium now. It's a good antidepressant for me. I hope you have a nice evening.

[Albatross2008]

I just want to grrrr every time someone calls bariatric surgery "cheating" or "taking the easy way out." People think it's only a matter of making an appointment, going in to have the surgery, and then boom, you lose weight because now you *can't* overeat. There is so much more involved than that. Surgery drastically alters the digestive system. The process involves months and months of preparation beforehand, and a lifetime of different habits afterward.

Anyone who jeers at it, and doesn't think it's as honorable as losing weight without medical assistance, is welcome to go through that process. Schedule not just one, but many appointments, with a whole team of professionals including psychologists and nutritionists and nurses and social workers along with the surgical team. If you don't live in a big city, expect to drive at least an hour to every single one of those appointments. Do the pre-op diet. Then spend the rest of your life eating like a bird, after having practiced for months how to do it. Take specially formulated vitamin pills because to get the same amount of nutrients out of regular ones, you'd fill your walnut-sized pouch of a stomach up too much, and it doesn't leave you any room to eat food. And all of this is besides the actual surgery.

Live through all of the before, during, and after. Then tell me how easy it is.

all the snow's melted today.

I must say, I am a little disappointed, because I was hoping it would last a little longer (I love the snow)

it feels like a summer day today with all the sun and the briteness. I don't like it.

not really anything that needs doing today so guess I'm just going to chill

still feel about as blah as yesterday

[LucyD]

In pain today and using the heating pad. Taking the gabapentin and voltarin. Typing makes it worse so I will just wish everyone a good day!

[may24]

Originally Posted by LucyD

In pain today and using the heating pad. Taking the gabapentin and voltarin. Typing makes it worse so I will just wish everyone a good day!

I hope you start feeling better soon Take care

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

In pain today and using the heating pad. Taking the gabapentin and voltarin. Typing makes it worse so I will just wish everyone a good day!

I'm sorry you're hurting. I find everything is just so much harder when I hurt. I hope you start to feel better.

[Blueberrybook]

If I could just stop the stupid overexercise...not even a fractured toe is stopping me. I guess after having surgery for a perforated ulcer (truly, I didn't know a person could even feel that much pain & still be alive), my pain sometimes seems relative, especially when it comes to my overexercising. Running with blisters on my toes, bleeding toes, bleeding under the toenails, toenails falling off, all that seems relatively minor in comparison to this fractured toe. I broke it in a different location too, one I don't put as much weight/stress on while walking or running. My weight itself is stable, but I've gotten very lean from running so much. I wish I could just take a break.

I need to get rid of the scale. My first (and longest/best) recovery period, I took my scale and ran over it again and again with the car (thankfully, I lived in the country and not a housing subdivision as I do now). I don't know what the neighbors would think. They'd probably be calling the cops, thinking something crazy was going on here or that I just couldn't even park straight in front of my own garage.

[88Butterfly88]

Been overeating a lot these past few days.

I've have litirally felt void of emotion all day

feel so low that the word "low" doesn't cut it

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I've have litirally felt void of emotion all day

feel so low that the word "low" doesn't cut it

Sorry to hear it. What's happening?

[LucyD]

I have an ad on a dating site and I just let a guy have it. He was nasty to me about what I look like saying no one would want me. I told him off and it felt damn good, too. I'm tired of guys treating me bad!!

[may24]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

Been overeating a lot these past few days.

Same here... I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and I've been stuffing my emotions with food. I'm going through something difficult right now in my personal life, and I need to be extra careful not to fall back into old habits

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I have an ad on a dating site and I just let a guy have it. He was nasty to me about what I look like saying no one would want me. I told him off and it felt damn good, too. I'm tired of guys treating me bad!!

That's horrible people are so mean, what the hell is wrong with them. I'm glad you told him off!

[Blue_Bird]

I bought a book by Geneen Roth today (Women, Food, and God) she has a lot of good books related to issues with eating (overeating, restricting, anything) I saw it at a local used bookstore, I've read it before and liked it so I thought I'd get a copy for myself. It was only $2. Hardcover in perfect condition!