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  #376  
Old Jan 15, 2019, 07:29 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Hey, sorry I haven't checked in for awhile.

Today's the 3rd year since my mom died so I've been thinking a lot. I'm doing well in terms of food though, I haven't binged or purged in a very long time. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've been restricting some.. although I hate admitting that.

The spring semester starts next week so I'm excited about that

Hope everyone is doing okay
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #377  
Old Jan 15, 2019, 07:33 PM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Hey, sorry I haven't checked in for awhile.

Today's the 3rd year since my mom died so I've been thinking a lot. I'm doing well in terms of food though, I haven't binged or purged in a very long time. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've been restricting some.. although I hate admitting that.

The spring semester starts next week so I'm excited about that

Hope everyone is doing okay
It's always nice to see you. You can come here anytime you feel to, I just happen to be here more lately but I take breaks when I feel to. Glad you are doing well. I have been restricting some, too. I'm going to try getting back to eating from all food groups. It's healthier for me. I generally have to restrict somewhat because of diabetes but not eating when I should is not good for diabetes either. I hope school is fun. I always loved college.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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  #378  
Old Jan 16, 2019, 07:22 AM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyD View Post
It's always nice to see you. You can come here anytime you feel to, I just happen to be here more lately but I take breaks when I feel to. Glad you are doing well. I have been restricting some, too. I'm going to try getting back to eating from all food groups. It's healthier for me. I generally have to restrict somewhat because of diabetes but not eating when I should is not good for diabetes either. I hope school is fun. I always loved college.
That must be difficult to find balance especially with the diabetes, I'm sorry you have to deal with that

Thank you! I love college too, learning is so much fun. Especially without all the drama that goes on in high school lol
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #379  
Old Jan 16, 2019, 02:35 PM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
That must be difficult to find balance especially with the diabetes, I'm sorry you have to deal with that

Thank you! I love college too, learning is so much fun. Especially without all the drama that goes on in high school lol
Thank you.

I am trying to stay on the diet for diabetes and liver disease. I have modified what I eat. I'm getting better at it. Was diagnosed with the 2 diseases in the past year and just doing the best I can. Some days I'm better at it than others but learning from my mistakes. I need to lose weight for both diagnoses. I have lost a good amount but also need to lose more. My weight loss is very slow but any progress is good, and I have to remember that at times when I get frustrated with it.

Yes, college is much better than high school. I had a really hard time in high school but loved college and learning things I could really apply to life.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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  #380  
Old Jan 16, 2019, 08:24 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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I made myself eat dinner today. I really didn't want to. I mean, I wanted to but I was afraid to because I'm scared I won't lose weight or will gain but I made myself. I realize that restricting as much as I have usually always ends up with an out of control binge at some point so I might as well just eat some to keep that from happening
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #381  
Old Jan 17, 2019, 12:12 AM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I made myself eat dinner today. I really didn't want to. I mean, I wanted to but I was afraid to because I'm scared I won't lose weight or will gain but I made myself. I realize that restricting as much as I have usually always ends up with an out of control binge at some point so I might as well just eat some to keep that from happening
Good for you! I've been trying to eat 3 meals a day now. You are absolutely correct about how binging starts. When I go without the things I need to eat it can and sometimes does lead to a binge. I believe our systems know what they need and I'm trying to follow that. I know I need protein, veggies, fruit, dairy and grains. I am eating less of some of these now due to dietary restrictions put on me from Diabetes but it's worth following for good physical and mental health.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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  #382  
Old Jan 17, 2019, 09:11 PM
mwaxy mwaxy is offline
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Good on you Blue Bird. Great thinking, this thinking leads to positive progress, I need to practice this far more often
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  #383  
Old Jan 17, 2019, 09:24 PM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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  #384  
Old Jan 17, 2019, 09:57 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #385  
Old Jan 17, 2019, 09:58 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyD View Post
How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.
Glad you had a good day and are feeling happy
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #386  
Old Jan 18, 2019, 02:14 AM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.
I haven't been the size I want in many years. I'm trying to remember that my size isn't all that there is to me, there is much more. Also that it's okay to be my size. Yes, caffeine can make our symptoms act up. I have to cut back a bit on coffee myself because my ocd and ptsd symptoms get worse. Coffee, though, is pretty good for our systems except for the anxiety component. Great on drinking more water. I am having water with lemon in it. I love it that way and it is detoxing.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Thanks for this!
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  #387  
Old Jan 19, 2019, 12:03 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
  #388  
Old Jan 19, 2019, 12:32 PM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.
Good seeing you here. Missed you! I hope you'll be able to get your insurance. When I am running out of meds and won't be seeing the doctor soon enough I cut them in half so I have something at least. Do you know why you run so much? Could you possibly be avoiding some kind of feelings? I don't know but find when I do certain compulsions I'm avoiding some feelings; trying to push them away. I, too, have a back molar that broke off and it doesn't hurt either. Been avoiding seeing the dentist because of a bad experience I had at one. Who likes dentists anyways..not me at least. I hope things get better for you.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
  #389  
Old Jan 19, 2019, 07:41 PM
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may24 may24 is offline
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Today was a good day! I went to the gym and it made me feel happy and more connected with myself.
I'm so glad that I'm able to enjoy exercising again; and not keeping track of the calories I burn or worrying about how much I should eat after a workout... Exercise used to be a huge part of my life and my eating disorder took that away from me for many years. I'm feeling grateful for recovery
I hope everyone is doing well
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  #390  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 03:14 PM
gottastopdepression gottastopdepression is offline
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Well, this is my first visit to this forum...ever...anywhere. I have identified depression and anxiety...but, in reality, this area has plagued me my entire life.

I have learned (recently) that alcohol consumption triggers an intense craving for carbs...breads and candies. I mean loads.

Then, well, I need to throw up...

then, well...

I am exhausted and depressed...

then, well, husband can't see that any of these conditions/diagnoses/behaviors are r-e-a-l.

then, well...

I'll eat/drink/purge...

anybody relate?
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  #391  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 04:13 PM
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Gr3tta_0 Gr3tta_0 is offline
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Hi all 😊
A note on teeth/dentistry - if they in the back (not visible to others) and likely to have multiple and/or cascading problems, I've found it can be far less expensive and less painful to extract them. I will go over the moon to save front teeth, although i haven't had to, but I've had a few in the back pulled and no one knows but me. No one can see it, even with optional anesthesia i HAVE to have it was cheaper overall, and i can still chew anything i want totally normally. Lots of dentists won't offer this if there's another (more expensive) option, so it's always worth asking.
I never have a purge free day, but i have had less purge days.
As can sometimes happen for my particular body, this actually results in more weight loss, but i still count it as a win. Its my goals, not anyone else's.
Possible trigger:
Hugs from:
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Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #392  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 05:04 PM
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88Butterfly88 88Butterfly88 is offline
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Overate less than usual today, I'll take it. One day at a time.
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LucyD, may24
  #393  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 05:16 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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It's my birthday today. Took today off from running, had some birthday cake. A little bit of guilt about skipping exercise & sleeping in, but I'll manage. Still having problems getting my Adderall script filled. New temporary insurance isn't even there on the weekend. I'm now completely out. Tomorrow is a holiday too, and my doctor's office will be closed. Frustrating.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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  #394  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 05:24 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyD View Post
Good seeing you here. Missed you! I hope you'll be able to get your insurance. When I am running out of meds and won't be seeing the doctor soon enough I cut them in half so I have something at least. Do you know why you run so much? Could you possibly be avoiding some kind of feelings? I don't know but find when I do certain compulsions I'm avoiding some feelings; trying to push them away. I, too, have a back molar that broke off and it doesn't hurt either. Been avoiding seeing the dentist because of a bad experience I had at one. Who likes dentists anyways..not me at least. I hope things get better for you.
Thanks. I had a horrible dental experience roughly a year ago. A new dentist at the small chain I use didn't realize I needed to swallow while he was doing work to set up for a temporary crown, and I guess he wasn't good with his dental instruments either because I swallowed a dental burr. He didn't report it, but I guess eventually the assistant did or talked about it to someone because then the dental owner called me up and had me going to get x-rays until that burr was out of my body. The GI doc said swallowing that burr likely prompted my ulcer (which was symptomless so I didn't know I had an ulcer) to perforate sooner than it would have (stupid ulcer perforated on Valentine's Day), but it would have perforated soon anyway, and I was lucky the timing worked out that someone was there to call an ambulance and get me to the hospital, or I would have died. So maybe a bad experience giving good timing to a horrible experience? IDK, now I get VIP treatment from the owner dentist of that particular franchise, I guess because I could have sued his pants off. But really, he's a decent guy. He had a dentist leave to start her own business and needed to hire a new dentist and got a lemon. That dentist was fired and I'm sure some sort of mark put on his license record.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
Hugs from:
LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #395  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 05:30 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2017
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Posts: 7,001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0 View Post
Hi all 😊
A note on teeth/dentistry - if they in the back (not visible to others) and likely to have multiple and/or cascading problems, I've found it can be far less expensive and less painful to extract them. I will go over the moon to save front teeth, although i haven't had to, but I've had a few in the back pulled and no one knows but me. No one can see it, even with optional anesthesia i HAVE to have it was cheaper overall, and i can still chew anything i want totally normally. Lots of dentists won't offer this if there's another (more expensive) option, so it's always worth asking.
I never have a purge free day, but i have had less purge days.
As can sometimes happen for my particular body, this actually results in more weight loss, but i still count it as a win. Its my goals, not anyone else's.
Possible trigger:
Isn't BMI in single digits fatal? Anyway, I'm nowhere near that.

I've had one tooth extracted near the back already because of horrid dental problems. I will see about this cost of a crown on this one, if the dentist thinks it worth saving or not once I have dental insurance.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,

There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
Hugs from:
LucyD
Thanks for this!
LucyD
  #396  
Old Jan 20, 2019, 09:15 PM
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LucyD LucyD is offline
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Happy Birthday Bbb. Sorry, not posting today.
__________________
One way to get the best out of life is to think of it as an adventure.
William Feather


Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,
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Blue_Bird
  #397  
Old Jan 21, 2019, 10:54 AM
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88Butterfly88 88Butterfly88 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
It's my birthday today. Took today off from running, had some birthday cake. A little bit of guilt about skipping exercise & sleeping in, but I'll manage. Still having problems getting my Adderall script filled. New temporary insurance isn't even there on the weekend. I'm now completely out. Tomorrow is a holiday too, and my doctor's office will be closed. Frustrating.
Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
  #398  
Old Jan 21, 2019, 12:03 PM
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Gr3tta_0 Gr3tta_0 is offline
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Happy Birthday Blueberrybook!
  #399  
Old Jan 21, 2019, 01:50 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 38,933
I hope everyone is doing okay

I have been struggling with negative thoughts lately towards my body so I wrote them down in my journal then wrote down alternative statements that are actually true and not coming from the eating disorder. It's easy to just let it go and believe all the negative thoughts about myself and go along with all the stupid destructive ideas but I have to start fighting back and counteracting them
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
Gr3tta_0, LucyD
Thanks for this!
Gr3tta_0, LucyD, may24
  #400  
Old Jan 21, 2019, 01:50 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 38,933
Happy birthday Blueberry
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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