[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm trying to get things under control but no one else sees an issue. None of my doctors mention my weight. They are just concerned about my other issues. I don't know if they are being dismissive or if I think things are worse then they actually are. My GI called me very muscular.

Have they mentioned varisces (VER-ih-sees) in any of your reports? They are life-threatening. 20-40 lbs overweight isnt life-threatening. "Morbidly" obese means morbid means causing death, but even that doesnt mean immediately in danger, and thats like 100 lbs overweight. Your GI problems, if they are not taken care of, by med and/or by a careful diet, can cause varisces to weaken and burst, then its goodbye charlie.

For more info, see "liver disease" on youtube. He describes stomach aches like yours, hitting your back. He says its pancreatitis. He gives a lot of good detail about what can go wrong in the digestive system. He is most focused on the liver, but he talks a lot about puking too.

He used to be pretty fat, but he is a size small now, after all this. He cannot eat fatty foods at all anymore. His digestion cannot tolerate it. They seem like nice people following him.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

My creeper of a (male) gyno complemented my abs when I was compulsively exercising. Like, dude, just scrape my cervix and shut up. Don’t make it weird and don’t encourage me.

That's terrible! I remember when I was nearest my lowest point, I was doing work-study as a library aide and one of my co-workers was a tiny Asian young woman and she said she wished she could be as thin as I was! She wasn't fat all! And I'm thinking, "Oh, no you don't wish it. Not if you knew what my life was really like!"

But at least she wasn't creepy like your gyno or a doctor who should know better. (I do have a male gyno, they're not all creepos. The last female gyno I had was so unsympathetic like, "Oh, they're just cramps, every woman gets them. Suck it up.")

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Have they mentioned varisces (VER-ih-sees) in any of your reports? They are life-threatening. 20-40 lbs overweight isnt life-threatening. "Morbidly" obese means morbid means causing death, but even that doesnt mean immediately in danger, and thats like 100 lbs overweight. Your GI problems, if they are not taken care of, by med and/or by a careful diet, can cause varisces to weaken and burst, then its goodbye charlie.

For more info, see "liver disease" on youtube. He describes stomach aches like yours, hitting your back. He says its pancreatitis. He gives a lot of good detail about what can go wrong in the digestive system. He is most focused on the liver, but he talks a lot about puking too.

He used to be pretty fat, but he is a size small now, after all this. He cannot eat fatty foods at all anymore. His digestion cannot tolerate it. They seem like nice people following him.

My GI never mentioned anything but my malrotated intestines and my escohpagus issues and it eventually turning into cancer if left untreated. They seem really freaked out by it. More then I am

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

That's terrible! I remember when I was nearest my lowest point, I was doing work-study as a library aide and one of my co-workers was a tiny Asian young woman and she said she wished she could be as thin as I was! She wasn't fat all! And I'm thinking, "Oh, no you don't wish it. Not if you knew what my life was really like!"

Bad phone snip.")

What do you even say when people say stuff like that? “Haha, yeah, it’s great, laying on my mattress hurts my bones. Love waking up to muscle spasms from electrolyte imbalances..”???

[Mountaindewed]

I heard on a podcast that you don't mess with larger peoples food and you don't mess with smaller peoples food. This person was saying that someone messed with something they ate.

I told my heavier therapist that and she got mad at me. My smaller therapist was like "omg yes!" Idk. I'm flexiable either way. If I don't like a place I just won't go all together or I'll pick at something.

I kinda restricted today but I got off 2 meds that made me hungry.

[Blueberrybook]

I have not taken a rest day from exercise in over a month. I feel extremely guilty if I do, afraid I will suddenly blow up and become morbidly obese. I know these fears are not rational and days off from exercise actually are recommended, but lately, I just can't do it.

muddy, I'm like you. People perceive me as underweight though my BMI is still normal but only just. And I love the feeling the ED gives me from being perceived too thin by others; I love it too much I think. One the other hand, I spent most of my adult life a bit with an underweight BMI until I got put on Zyprexa. I feel like well, I'm only losing the weight I was on before Zyprexa, it's not a big deal. I still eat normally, but I exercise pretty much daily. I take several power walks each week that are exceptionally long though when I do pilates I do a normal workout time for most people. It's a tough road to row.

[Blue_Bird]

I did it! I tossed my scale in the dumpster.

[Blueberrybook]

That's awesome @Blue_Bird!

[MuddyBoots]

Awesome @Blue_Bird! I've been really fighting the urge to buy a scale, and you made my mind up not to

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Awesome @Blue_Bird! I've been really fighting the urge to buy a scale, and you made my mind up not to

Yeah scales are really triggering for obsessively weighing oneself then resulting in ED behaviors. So I figured it was time to get rid of it since all it was doing was stressing me out or making my obsessed.

I’m glad you decided not to buy one use the money towards something fun

[Mountaindewed]

I don't think my mom will let me throw out my scale. She blames her parents and the great depression for hanging onto stuff. I have her hide it from me but she gives it back the second I ask for it. Same with taking out the batteries. Although maybe I'll try that and just throw them out without telling her. I'm getting really obessed with the scale and not making any progress because of it.

[Mountaindewed]

I threw out the batteries. It felt really good.

[Mountaindewed]

I didn't realize how much the scale was impacting me and causing a lot of distress. A pound up or down could put me in a great mood or send me into a spiral. But my moods and anxiety have been stable all day and I haven't been restricting or giving up if the number is weird. I get weighed at my doctors in a week so I'll see then.

[Blue_Bird]

That’s good MD!

I’m finding myself randomly pulling up Amazon and looking at scales the past couple days even though I just threw mine away a few days ago. Not knowing my weight at all times is driving me absolutely nuts. But I know it’s probably for the best.

While I have been doing well with not restricting, not having a scale makes me keep wanting to get more and more steps in throughout the day to stay on top of my weight , just to be “safe” that my weight isn’t going up and is going down. Like I have thoughts of just putting in 2 hours of walks outside and treadmill or more a day. Just like giving up my hobbies/clearing my schedule and focusing solely on exercise and physical activity. I know that’s not good. It’s just hard. Cause not knowing my weight now , it makes me paranoid that it will get out of control or something without me realizing it.

[MuddyBoots]

Not knowing my weight is driving me crazy too. They weighed me on Thursday at my appointment so I have an idea, but I was wearing a lot of clothes and had drank a lot of water before, I’ve walked so many steps, did so many minutes of yoga, did so many flights of stairs, eaten so many calories, etc since then. (It’s only Tuesday lol). I want to have my own scale to see what I weigh before drinking a few bottles of water, (possibly or possibly not having breakfast), wearing so many pounds of clothes and shoes. But I shan’t.

[Blueberrybook]

muddy, I feel sad that this is the path you want to take. It's a pretty sucky one, all in all. Are you wanting to be "sick enough" for IP? If you feel that will help, then maybe? Not fun though, and easy enough to undo afterwards if you don't want it to stick.

@Blue_Bird You need to remember just WHY you thre your scale out. There was a reason. When do you see your T again? I think it is an extremely good idea to stop wearing/using whatever you do to count your steps. It was so freeing for me to stop wearing my FitBit. One of the best decisions I ever made. 2hr. walks are EXTREME BAD NEWS! Even I don't walk that long on my long power walks (which probably already are too long). At least I alternate a reasonable amount of pilates between walking each day.

You know, one very CRAZY thing I did before I actually did recover was do a couple of hypnosis sessions. Of course, the key point is that I really DID want to recover, was tired of feeling like crap. Kind of weird to be put under, though I remember it all. The thing is though, hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't really want to do or feel is okay to do. Like to check I was under, I had to raise and lower each arm. It wasn't something I would ordinarily do, but on the other hand, I had no objection to really doing it, and so I did. Very weird.

I can't say the hypnosis helped. I did recover weight-wise (and started taking my psych meds again as prescirbed) after that, but like I said, I was ready for it too.

[MuddyBoots]

Yeah, I know. I’m not going to get one though. I have enough to obsess over without something that measures the pressure I exert on the ground (or whatever I’m supported by).
I was thinking it’s weird some scales use kilograms. Wouldn’t they have to be calibrated differently depending on where on the planet they are placed as gravity isn’t exactly the same at every point in the world? People are the same mass on top of Everest and at the South Pole, but their weight would vary slightly (I don’t know how much, but I know gravity and pressure are different but other than what caloric energy/mass we consume/burn in traveling we’re not going to change in mass, but the forces acted upon us will be different at the two locations).
I do generally think the metric system makes more sense, but pounds makes more sense for weight as a force because it calculates weight and (kilo)grams mass as an amount or quantity which are two different things that just are equivalent given the same conditions, and conditions are similar but not identical across the globe (and of course not a lot of people are weighing themselves at the poles anyway, but Scandinavia and Brazil? I hope they’re calibrating their scales before comparing).

I don’t know. I’ve been up since 2am and just had a good amount of caffeine which seems to be a counterproductive stimulant for me (but a good laxative). I’m in a hospital lobby just waiting to regain feeling in my feet so I can continue walking around aimlesssly until I can get meds.

[Mountaindewed]

I don't feel like weighing myself but I am looking in the mirror this morning to see if I notice any changes.

[unaluna]

Oh muddy, gravity! Now i understand why swedes are tall and skinny, and brazilians have such glorious butts. And why us midwesterners look like squat.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Oh muddy, gravity! Now i understand why swedes are tall and skinny, and brazilians have such glorious butts. And why us midwesterners look like squat.

But Swedes should be affected more by gravity, making them shorter, in theory. The skinniness could be burning more calories to compensate for the extra gravity and more height from some other genetic factor though. Brazilians butts gotta be muscular for beach volleyball though, that’s a fact.

Cheeseheads, well, it’s all in the name… lol

[unaluna]

Re swedes - but i see the pull of gravity as like stretching them. Like when my dad used to tell people who teased him about being short (5'4") - he said he was tall enough so his feet reached the ground. If it was as you say, his statement wouldnt have made any sense!

[Mountaindewed]

Is that why its called a brazilian butt lift? Because they are born with good butts?

[Blueberrybook]

I took a long power walk this morning, I know better, I really do. I really want to see lower numbers on the scale. Though I never want to get back to my lowest weight and have to regain that amount of weight again, which was more weight than I gained in pregnancy, and my pregnancy weight just fell off with breastfeeding.

If these thoughts would just leave me alone, I'd feel a lot better! Probably would mean going to therapy though, and I have had it with therapy.

[Blue_Bird]

I so far have ate balanced today. I meal prepped some healthy meals. Though I did feel a little lightheaded on the treadmill today so I made sure to eat an extra snack when I got off of it. I think my activity level today was a lot higher than usual so I need to be more careful and make sure I’m eating enough if I’m gonna be exercising regularly. Oh and drinking enough water. Especially since it’s going to be summer soon. The heat really gets to me due to my meds and I spend a lot of time walking outside. I’m gonna start bringing snacks with me when it starts getting hotter out. Plus my oxcarbazepine lowers my sodium like a lot. So need to keep things balanced so it doesn’t get too low with sweating outside.

I am proud of myself though for noticing that I was feeling off near the end of the treadmill session and making sure to eat something.

[Blueberrybook]

The heat gets to me too because of my meds and the sunlight as well just due to having blue eyes and what the eye doctor calls a very "blonde" retina which I take to mean is a lightly pigmented retina. I do most of my morning walking when it is dark and into the sunrise. I wish I lived somewhere where it were possible to walk to actual businesses and appointments and the library and such. But here, the only places I can walk to are the neighborhood park and a Walgreens I rarely use because their pharmacy staff is AWFUL (not to mention there is no sidewalk to get there); the pharmacy at my grocery store is so much better, I just use them. Anywhere else you want to go, you better have a car or you're just screwed. There is absolutely no public transportation available.

I need to snack more today due to a high level of physical activity, but I think I have a sinus infection now, and so postnasal drip, a cough, itchy, drippy runny nose has just caused my appetite to plummet. I hope I get over this soon as it's pretty miserable.