Daily Comments #5- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

I used to watch Star Trek when I was a kid and I thought Captain Kirk was really cool. I liked his slanty sideburns and how smart he was and how he always ended up triumphing in the end. Now that I see the actor who played Kirk all bloated and goofy I watch Star Trek reruns looking for the signs of dissipation and sometimes I think I see his face looking a bit bloated and it seems like in some of the episodes he must be wearing a man-girdle and I feel a bit let down. I watch to see his toupee change and the sweat start to appear on his forehead; he was sweaty a lot. I think I prefer Spock now although I find his purple eyeshadow a bit distracting. Sometimes I just sit and count how many times the doctor says "he's dead, Jim."

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call to
Call Alice
When she was just small

Jefferson Airplane

Isn't she cute?

Ohhhhh.....so THAT's what those things are sticking out from beneath my ankles...

Nov.11/2012 4PM. The primary motor I'll be operating until April is buried beneath skin bone and gristle somewhere just behind muh left nip.

Nice day spent tho...16C sunny and every cycle in Ont. seemed to be on the road.

The Dallas Cowboys actually did not choke in the fourth quarter, Shocking...

Down to 30 minutes to zero hour. On the way to the hospital for the back operation. Mostly doing fine, I always worry about being awake but unable to tell them I am. Spock was always my guy.

My husband washed some vegetables in the sink yesterday but left a remnant behind. As I reached down to pick it up, it began to wriggle wildly then bit me on the finger. I wasn't sure if it was just the neuropathy causing my finger to sting or if it was actually a bite. Turns out it was a bite. My finger swelled a bit, but it's better now - though I can still feel the sting of where he bit me.

This is what it looked like:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata

The "good" part of this is I now know I'm not allergic to bee stings. If I had been, my reaction to the centipede bite would have been worse. My mother used to get stung by bees often - they appeared attracted to her, even though she did not wear perfume. Her lack of eyesight combined with the neuropathy of amyloidosis contributed to the increase in stings. I've never been stung by a bee, so it's always been a bit of a worry for me - i.e., how much does it really hurt, and am I allergic?

I've also learned those "little creeps" have much more strength, determination, and firepower than I thought! I hope I will never have to "man-handle" another one.

Ouch, Kathy... We get those centipedes all the time.. I never touch them, because I've heard they sting, so I just step on them and then toss them out.. After reading your experience, I now know they do sting.. ouchies I hate those little creatures. All those legs...ugh Gives me the creeps everytime I see one....

Wow...first person I've heard of getting bit. Decent ouch? I'll bet! The South American ones that eat small mammals would have me booking a flight or hijacking a mule pronto and heading north. Nawp...th' Amazon looks better on th' tee-vee...and I look better wearing clean pants. Hope that's your only introduction Kathy...on that note bees are ouchie but I think these would be worse somehow.

ALL OR NOTHING!!!

So I started reading this self coaching book that I actually find really interesting and helpful so far. It covers everything! Anyway I noticed why most of the time I end up shutting down and not following through. I literally go allll or nothing in my head I want to fix absolutely everything in my life RIGHT NOW instead of taking it one step at a time. I noticed this because I started trying to speed read and jumping around in the book. Well no wonder I couldnt apply things that I have read in past books, I go through it so quickly I forget everything I have read or have even missed the point so then I end up frazzled and confused on where to begin because for me in my head beginnig is doing everything all at once.

So I decided to start the book over and do maybe a chapter or two a day and take notes etc.......

I also to need to pick certain things to focus on instead of trying to focusing on freaking everything alll at the same time.....

Woo hoo! There are two new magnolia trees coming up under the huge one that's in the middle of the yard!

I would love to take a long road trip to the Pacific Northwest...

I trust nothing...and forget that far too often.
So remembering
is what troubles me.

There is nothing to trust, Pops. Nothing. I wish that I had better news.

Restraining and Refraining,

-Fleeing Bellocq

Fortunately, I still have people in my life I can trust.

I am feeling anxious and worried today for no real reason. I hate feeling like this!

I've heard it is against the law to walk alongside the railroad tracks. There is one train that runs through at night and it sounds the horn longer than the other trains. I guess they really want all the people lying on the tracks to get up and move and the people at the intersections not to do anything like drive across at the last moment. Or maybe they just want everyone within hearing distance to wake up in the middle of the night.

String cheese is awesome.

Cheese fries are really good with ranch and jalapeños

I have to get the Tibetan Book of the Dead!! It is so cool about its beliefs of life after. Having a degree in Cultural Studies, this would be a bonus to have in my collection!

Still not buying into the lie......
I am healthy and do not have a mental illness
Get a life
Quit your whinning
Get over yourself
your stronger than you think
I dont need you-you are good,yes, but I don't need you
Sorry for all of the trouble I caused it never started that way and never was my intention-wish we never went where we did, but we did
peace

I hate driving down really busy highways. I drive every week from Cherokee to Woodfin, which round trip is about 130 miles, and it's a 6 lane highway for a lot of the time, or a 4 lane with a load of traffic and truckers who tailgate you. I drive fast but these truckers are dangerous. Speed limit is 60, I do around 70 and they fly by me like I'm standing still. It's scary.

NC huh? I have a friend up here [Canada] who rigs regularly to NC. He's a mellow lad...never know what he's like behind the wheel tho...his wife drives everywhere when he's home. Trucking has cleaned up a lot over the years but yahooery is still a popular approach. Bawstards.

It's so difficult to talk about a major issue I have when it's also my worst fear and incredibly humiliating to discuss, as it makes talking about it almost has bad as living with it, and since everyone else likes it, it makes it harder for others to empathize and respect how I feel about it. Moreover, because everyone else likes it, there are few, if any, resources available for me to help me manage with it. The issue is a silent one, always around me, always within me, but invisible to others, having been buried under a lifetime of secrecy and distrust of others (within me) and the wide acceptance of it by others (around me). Can I overcome this issue?, it is hard to say, but I am doubtful of that, due to another issue altogether.

V...you have time and you're a sharp intelligent human being. Please don't count yourself out.