Daily Comments #6- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

Wishing you a rainbow
For sunlight after showers—
Miles and miles of Irish smiles
For golden happy hours—
Shamrocks at your doorway
For luck and laughter too,
And a host of friends that never ends
Each day your whole life through!

you have great talent, my friend!

I took Mom for a ride to pick up some lunch and groceries. She wasn't feeling up to walking around, but she wanted just to get out of the house for a while. I wish she was feeling better.

A quarter way through my life's journey and I have come upon myself in a dark wood, for the straight way is lost...

I am reading three books, one by a local jungian analyst about midlife crises, one on my bed called the stories we live by, and one about the denial of death...

Sometimes, like today, I will look down at my hands warm and grasping and alive and imagine their inevitable decay...

I want to visit a bone church, please do not think me weird...

I wish I felt comfortable being open with my parents, particularly that I have left their religion to find my own path, but I do not want to hurt and worry them, so I lie and therefore I am a liar.

I never feel like I can adequately convey my thoughts, partially because they are an imaged intuitive whole and interconnected process, I have never fuly said one thing that I have meant and that I have tried to say.

I feel like I live in a glass house, I am almost there, you could reach out and touch me, then you hit the glass...

This, I think, will be a fruitful time, through this dark wood I shall pass into a fuller, more vibrant sense of myself--I just wish it did not hurt so.

Some girl months ago said that psychology was a real science and people did not believe that. I believe that, I wanted to say, and it is not a good thing. Science dissects, if only intellectually, and somehow always manages to kill something in the thing it dissects, the wholeness? That is the problem with psychology, it has no soul, no beating heart, no tear stained face--nothing! It is cold and unfeeling like a statue, it is dead and how silly our doctor'priests are to fawn over it, to act like it could save me!

And I still believe that I canmot be savd, ahem.

Now I have to make my decision. Thought I had more time

So many changes....woohoo I love it!

I'm tired of replying to people and trying to help people out and never getting a reply back or spending much time, energy, and basically triggering myself the entire time to start a thread only to have it ignored by the masses. It's not worth it.

I need to stop bemoaning my small problems and look at the big picture. There's a lot of people with a lot more, more serious problems than me. I need to get over it.

Why am I letting the little stuff get to me today? Deep breath, it will be OK.

Sure, there might be people with more serious problems than you have, but that doesn't matter. Your problems are your problems and it doesn't make it any easier to deal with them knowing that someone else has it better or worse than you do.

I wish I could find this image I saw yesterday on my FB feed. The general idea was this...

"Telling someone who is sad that they don't have it as bad as others is like telling someone they can't be happy because they'll never be as happy as someone else."

Don't compare yourself to others; instead, channel those thoughts into trying to make it better for yourself. You can do it. It'll be a challenge, but just think about how amazing it will be to have the accomplishment of doing something positive for yourself.

((((Mara)))) your "problems" (feelings / situations) are just as important as anyone else's. Please don't let others make you feel that isn't the case.

Honey, you don't have to "get over" anything. Yes, there may be people with "more serious problems" but ...

... you are the most important part of the equation.

Doc app. tomorrow...more pills? Diff. pills? I am less than enthused. I've see no progress...in fact I've been seeing the opposite. The stroll is less than invigorating but on it goes. Will lay down the leather for a while yet. The patient is wearing thin mind you but go on I will. I said I would. Tooth and nail y'know? I may need a file though. Rending the cloak is a tough job.

Asked to see a therapist some time ago. Put on the list...finally have an app. in a few days. Left my last guy because he seemed only interested in trying hypno. I said no could we just try something else...you could see his face drop...sure he said...but the ensuing sessions saw him dismissive and not too interested. He wanted to play with his hobby it was evident. I subsequently dropped him.

The app. I have upcoming...is with the same guy. #$$@!! grand.

Seems today I am fearful of everything. I don't understand what is up with this. It is not anxiety. Seems as if some strange force is holding me back from everything. I have had a bit of a cold coming on so I don't know if that has something to do with this feeling or not? Maybe I do just need to rest and not go do anything for a day or two? I hope I am not getting depressed again or still!

why is it so hard for people to understand someone like me? when they hear i have depression, they go "oh i was sad too" and "i have suicidal days too" don't they understand it's more than that?

wide awake in the middle of the night - again. I need to get some sleep and try to live during normal hours. and, I wish my apartment had heat (there has been none for days despite snow and subnormal temperatures).

Mara, hun, try to look at sadness this way...compare it to a broken leg. Whether the leg was broken by a fall down a couple of steps, or because it was hit by a vehicle, the seriousness of the cause does not change the fact that the leg needs mending equally as important in either case. The cause does not change the need for treatment.

The same goes for emotions....whether sadness is caused by a serious trauma or a chemical imbalance in the brain or seasonal blues or a hormone imbalance, sadness still needs to be cared for and paid attention to and nurtured.

If you feel sad and need to express it, then you deserve it as much as anybody else. Injury and pain, whether emotional or physical is not a competition.

Today has been awful. I'm sick of constantly fighting self righteous fools who have never been abused and have no real idea what it's like. All they have is theory which really does nothing when it comes to a child alleging abuse. They think it's ok to say they don't believe the child and leave it at that but you can't do that. That "response" has life long consequences which are not easy to rectify, if rectification is even possible. Not to mention the possible consequences if what the child is saying is true- further abuse is not an option.
I just want to sleep but my brain just won't stop going over and over everything. Because apparently I'm the one with issues for wanting to protect my child. I'm the one with issues for demanding an answer as to what is being done.
Screw that. If you can sit by and ignore a child who is telling you they are being abused then you deserve to be hung, drawn, and quartered.

I'm kind of goofy. I try not to be but then it just pops out. I am loving what Pope Francis says about loving and respecting others and nature. That isn't goofy, so I guess some of me is screwed on ok.

I know, my son moved out Dec 1 -depression too bad it hurts soo bad i miss him so much!!

I want to encourage you to fight the good fight and protect your child! I was not abused but know someone who was and her family....brothers and mother...did nothing to protect her and her sisters. There is NO tolerance for child abuse...NONE. Fight on, protect, and love your child!
Wishing you much strength,
Spirit

wish I didnt feel the need to be out of the house before 3. wish that would go away

I have so much to pour out of me...so much pain and anguish and hurt. I so desperately want to put it all down in print so that I can finally be done with it. I desperately need to forgive myslef...something no amount of prayer or salvation has allowed me to do yet. I hurt inside and all my pain is contained in my childhood family.
I think I may start a blog...once I figure out how...and get started letting all this pain type itself out. It seems much easire to type then to talk.

i love the sound of the dishwasher running it's so relaxing

I'm glad I took care of myself and my family today. I was feeling pretty good but I'm getting tired, maybe because of the internet.

the smell of the new spring weather depresses me because i think out the past