[BetseyK]

I am new here, but am looking for others who have lost children. My 16 year old daughter died very suddenly of natural causes 15 months ago. I feel as though my life has stopped. My family relationships have changed dramatically, and all in all.. it's just tough. Any encouragement from those who have dealt with this is appreciated.

[BlueFaith]

((((BetseyK)))) ~ Gentle hugs if they are ok.
I'm so very sorry about the loss of your daughter.
I don't know what it's like to lose a child, and I can't begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling. Welcome to Psych Central. Please feel free to private message me if I can do anything for you.

Love, Jenn

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((betseyK))))))))))

I'd like to welcome you to PC and to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss.

Please know that we're here to hear anything you need to say.

Many good thoughts and wishes going out to you.

KD

[Lexicon78]

I am terribly sorry for your tragic loss. I lost my mom a year and a half ago. Even though it was not a child, I know the pain of losing someone so close to you. Although I cannot imagine the intense loss you feel for your child, I do know the intense loss I felt for my mother. I went into a deep depression and almost ended my life over my loss.

Please try to hang in there and you're welcome to PM me anytime you need to talk.

Take care.

[jagster]

Thankfully i have never had to experience the death of a child. I can only imagine how traumatic that must be. My heart goes out to you and your family. Im very sorry for your loss.

[Beautiful_Pain]

Betsey, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your child. Welcome to PC, I hope you find the support you seek here. {{{hugs if they are ok}}}

--BP

[bebop]

(((Betsy))) hi. I lost a granddaughter almost 10 yrs ago. I think that is the hardest thing anyone can ever go thru. please feel free to pm if you would like.

i'm so very sorry....i hope you find comfort here.......welcome

[gardenergirl]

Hi BetseyK,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I do not have children, so I can't offer any personal experience in coping with a loss such as yours. I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts, and I'm glad you're here at PC.

gg

[BetseyK]

Thanks everyone for the support.

Betsey, our first child, a daughter was stillborn. I can grieve with you on the loss of your daughter. I am so sorry you are experiencing this pain. Do talk as much as you need. It is one thing that does help. Do what you need to do for yourself during this time--as long as it is safe and does not harm you or anyone else--Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. You know what you need and if you make that known to those closest to you they can help.
w_i

[BetseyK]

thanks white iris...

I think the hardest part of grieving is that my husband and I are doing it so differently. It is those differences that bring out other "issues." Through my life, I have dealt with some tough grief issues- I have lost 2 brothers, also, when they were each 39, so I get a dimension of hopelessness. Like.. what is the point?

I have ascribed to the "Dory" philosophy of life.."Hey Mr Grumpy Gills You know what you gotta do when life gets you down? ....Just keep swimming swimming swimming...What do we do we swim, swim, swim..."

in doing that though, I think everyone thinks that everything is okay. What they don't see is the effort it takes to swim.

[EJ711]

Hi Betsey,

I lost my only sibling and brother when he was 38. It will be 32 years Jan. 24th. So I've been swimming awhile too. Some days are easier than others, and sometimes I feel like all the grief I have endured in my life will pull be to the bottom, and I will drown.

Regarding the loss of a child, husbands definitely grieve differently. This can exacerbate other issues in the marriage. Not to scare you, but make you aware, there is a 67% rate of divorce among couples who have lost children. You can be proactive about this, and make sure your do fun things together and go on dates, and rediscover the joy of being together.

Feel free to PM anytime you think I can help.

Jane

[Rhapsody]

((((((( hugs )))))))

YES, i know the feeling of losing a CHILD - i lost my only daughter eight years ago at the young tender age of 10 (and) I still struggle at times.
Then one year after my daughters death my niece (like a 2nd daughter to me) was killed by a drunk driver on Christmas Eve.... the two are buried next to each other.

Father Time is Healing....

LoVe,
Rhapsody

Husbands and wives grieve very differently. One of the best things you can do for yourselves is go to a grief support group esp. for child loss. It is so good to be able to tell your story to people who listen and connect. The situation may be different, but the journey is the same. It has been 33 years since I lost Jennifer. The intensity isn't there, the loss still is.
It takes time and work. Grief isn't just a step by step instruction and you're done...
It's a journey I am very sorry you have to go on. But there are many along the way who are willing to hold your hand, walk with you, listen or just be silent.
God speed as you take those first steps to healing

[BetseyK]

Yes, i have made some "compassionate Friends" friends. They are invaluable, since they (meaning others who have lost children) are the only ones who understand the sense of loss. This year all of my daughter's friends are graduating. I am so happy for and proud of them. And I love watching their growth. I am intensely jealous of their parents, however. What a strange dichotomy. I resent them for still having their children's futures. ( yes, I know that it's not their fault that Sarah died.)

I miss my daughter. I miss my brothers. I am not the same person I used to be. Now I feel like it's just a waiting game until the next thing happens. Sigh. Oh to have the hope and excitement that life once gave.

No you are not the same person you used to be. And when you have been on this journey for awhile, you will see you have a choice of what kind of person you will become...more compassionate and fuller or bitter, sour and resentful.

Miss your daughter, your brothers, your loss of what others are experiencing...give yourself that permission. But DON"T play the waiting game of the next tragedy. Give yourself the gift of the moment...however painful, however difficult. There is hope, it's not gone and excitement isn't gone either it is just shadowed right now. You'll find it again, believe me. It will just take time.
That you have.

[bebop]

Betsy I know it is very difficult to accept the death of a child. I don't think there is anything harder than that in life. When I lost my granddaughter my thoughts were "We are not suppose to bury our children and grandchildren" they are suppose to out live us by far. You said she passed from "natural" causes. first hon it isn't natural for a child to pass at 16 right? Hon the thing that helped me most of all was my strong belief in God. He helped me thru it all. That and I know she is not suffering at all. Our children would not want us to stay in a state of mourning. They would want us to find a way to find peace. I and others here are here for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

[darkeyes]

Beautifully said.

((((((((( white iris, and all here )))))))))))))))