[honeybee777]

I am very emotional, I just found out this morning my father committed suicide. From what the corner says, it wasnt planned it just happened, he had no"regular" signs that they look for, I am confused, he was a happy go lucky fella, good man, an never left a mote, just pulled out the gun and did it, my uncle found him, dead this morning, it makes no sense to no one, we dont know what he did it for, but he did it for some reason, maybe i would feel better if i knew why, but we dont, Im at a loss for word, cant stop crying, I keep vomiting and my anxiety and ptsd is in full gear, what emotions can you expect with this? How do you comfort your siblings when he didnt tell us why, how do you find closer when you dont know wtf he was going through, Im very upset, I have to go through his stuff and legalities of everything, Im worried about my brother he is jail but on the pathway to recovery, what if i telll him and he backslides, how do I tell my children, do i tell them the truth or a lie, very upset feel sad idk what to do

[HealingTimes]

I am so sorry for your loss, honeybee.
You ask how to comfort your siblings- i am not sure of the answer, but please don't forget to comfort and take care of yourself too. Do you have someone who can sit down with your family alongside you to help tell them?
It sounds like a lot of the responsibility for your family/your dads estate/paper work has been left to you, do you have anyone who can help you with this?

Sending you huge hugs (as long as that's ok with you).

I am so sorry, kind of at a loss for words...do you see a therapist? If not, like Healing Times was saying, you have to take care of yourself as well...do you have any support in other family and/or friends? Or can you find a therapist or counselor to talk to about this if you don't already have one?

[tradika]

Sorry for your loss, honeybee. *huggles*

[beauflow]

(((Honeybee)))
's
I am so sorry for your loss, and for what position you are in. and for the confusion.

I am not sure if this would be helpful or not but
The jail that your brother is in, is there any one to talk to, to ask if a visit could be arranged that would be more personal with you and him? He is on his way to recovery, is there a person that he has mentioned/some what "mentor" of the staff that has helped him out? that maybe you could talk to?
Some staff in prisons are nice.

I agree to take care of you as well

many hugs and good thoughts your way

[karrin]

Oh honeybee I'm so very sorry. (((((((honeybee)))))))

[philbee]

awww honeybee i am terribly sorry for your loss!! (((((honeybee)))))

[Sabrina]

Oh honeybee, I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I will light a candle for you.

[winter4me]

You are starting a long road, I am so sorry. This is really not the time for stats but apparently most studies show that the time from decision to action is often extremely short. I lost my brother this way. Wish I could reach out and hold you, grieve out loud, tell the truth. Just keep it simple and compassionate, answer any questions asked as best you can without going overboard. It is ok to tell the kids that sometimes people become very hopeless and sad, that it can happen quickly sometimes, that this is a good reason to talk to someone if you feel bad, and to take it seriously when someone else is feeling down, that your dad was not thinking rationally (no one who kills themselves is in the moment--barring end of life decisions), he wasn't meaning to hurt others...)--and that you don't know why it happened. After you tell your brother, you may want to ask them to keep a watch on him for a bit; being jailed would make a person feel that much more helpless and angry/intense since they cannot "do" anything----no one can, but trapped is a bad feeling. All you can all do is be there for each other, talk talk talk---repetition is okay and necessary; be sure you have the support you need---let us know how you are doing right along...
This is so raw...later, you might want to talk to others in a group setting who have been through this (or not). Do what works for you, but do keep it honest. There will be anger, grief, pity, whatifs, ---no closure, just change over time.
My heart goes out to all this pains.

I am very sorry, Do take extra care of yourself

[k12573n]

Having never experienced anything like this, all I can offer are my sympathies and a hug. I am so, so sorry.

[Gus1234U]

oh HoneyBee, these are the things we are not prepared for. you are entering a strange land without a guide. my heart goes out to you. please try to remain in the moment, watch your breathing, count your breath slowly to help your heartbeat (1001, 1002, 1003, etc), drink water and eat (you will be burning a lot of calories and that can trigger panic attacks). the rest will demand your time, attention, all the skills you have and more compassion than you ever knew you possessed.

try to take a few minutes every day to write down what has happened so far, and how you felt about it, what significant things were said, so you will remember after the initial stress and shock are gone, and you are left blank and staring. when it's time to cry, cry wholeheartedly. if you find a moment of laughter lurking in a memory, treasure it.

turn all guilt away from the door, even if it brings cookies. do not allow yourself to dwell overly much on the meaning of things, the why's the how's, the shoulds; turn away, they will eat at you.

i have seen enough 2-sided people to know that someone can be convincingly happy to all who see them, and inside be miserable and empty. you cannot know these things if they are hidden by an expert in compartmentalizing. this often starts very young in life, and is such a strong habit that it can almost never be broken: the keeping of a separate truth.

do pardon me if i have said anything which causes you pain. i only offer what i have, with the best of intentions.

your pain is our pain~
Gus

[Hope.Floater]

Bee,
I wish you were not on this journey. I'm almost two years into it. I think the suggestions people are making are good ones. You mentioned something about your kid's and telling them?? When my brother passed we ran into the same issue. If they are younger like kindergarten - 9th grade definitely utilize your childs school councilor if they are still in school. The councilor can give you age appropriate tip's on how to tell your children as well as grieve with your children. Also if you see a therapist check to see if they have any training on how to work with children. Another good resource is The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Awareness. The site talks about some things you can expect or might experience... www.afsp.org check it out and don't hesitate to contact your local chapter. My local chapter was a life saver to be honest... and I'm not one to really reach out for face to face help. They were there even when I was in that fog. If you need to chat hit me up with an e-mail. Every ones experience's are different even though at the same time they are similar.

[haier]

My brother commited suicide...i know how you feel

[Yoda]

I am so very sorry.

[enchanted]

((((((( honeybee ))))))) Im so very sorry for your loss I hope you have family around you for support and love.

[lynn P.]

(((honeybee777))) - my deepest sympathy and condolences to you and your extended family. I relate to your loss, because I lost my older brother to suicide 5 yrs ago. All grief is different and your loss is a parent, but we share the grief from a suicide. Suicide grief has additional pain that other deaths don't. You'll go through a myriad of emotions like shock, anger, confusion, doubt, denial and so many others.

Since you're also handling his funeral arrangements, you also have more stress, so try to delegate and ask for help. Regarding your brother in jail, have someone close tell him and forewarn the prison so they'll get him some help . Whether to tell your kids, is up to you and how old they are. I decided not to hide my brothers suicide, which is common for families to do. I believe there's more suicide because of secrecy and shame, so I told them and used it as a learning tool.

I went through the grief and had quite a bit of anger, which is normal...also you'll have many questions and some didn't have answers. We naturally try to rationalize "why and ifs", but this can prove frustrating because we can't make sense of an irrational act. Suicide can leave a lasting shame and a burden on loved ones. I decided I wasn't going to let what my brother did, ruin my life. I had a visual in my mind.....like someone handing me a cement block, which represents the burden. I've reached the point where I won't carry this burden, but I do use it spread the word about suicide and to help others. Naturally you won't be able to attain this for some time, until the grief starts to lift. My prayers go out to you and your family.

[Arethusa]

I can empathize with you -- my mom committed suicide back in 2008, a week before my nineteenth birthday. Take care of yourself, talk to a therapist & surround yourself with family & friends. It's gonna be hard in the beginning but it will get better eventually

[Kate King]

Honeybee, oh I am so sorry, you are not alone. This is going to be a long process with so many questions and very little answers. I agree with Gus and others that talk about the importance of getting out the thoughts and emotions inside. If you don't, these will eat away at you in ways you can't imagine. In regards to your children, I do not have my own, but I know from the other side, that when my uncle committed suicide, we were told very generally and then not encouraged to talk about it again. I was with my dad when we found him, and even then, it was kind of an unspoken request to just act like it didn't happen. This is not helpful! In saying that, I do not know the age of your children, so I am not sure if my advice is relevant. I wouldn't lie to them though, no matter what age, as this can cause resentment and trust issues later.

Oh again, I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you. Keep sharing here on PC and elsewhere, we are all here to listen and cry with you as your go through the grieving process. All my prayers are with you and your family. ((hugs))

[Travelinglady]

's to you, Honeybee. I'm sorry.

[honeybee777]

First of all i want to thank your all, its means so much to me to have friends that have compassion, no i dont have any family to help me, my mother is a drunk and makes bad decisions so idk i dont really feel like dealing with her insanity atm. I told me kids papa died and thats all Ive been able to say, idk Im still in shock and dont have it in me to lie nor tell the truth, because i dont know the truth of WTF happened!!! I went to my fathers house and i guess they havent cleaned up the mess and ofr some reason i knew i had to see it, I know this sounds crazy, but my uncle stopped me and im so mad at him, I wanted to cut the bloody carpet out roll it up and take it with me, and Im very upset they didnt let me see, I thknk Im just being irrational, in an irrational situation, Im going to tell my brother on tuesday idk how this is going to go over with him, Im finding out people are selfish when someone dies and all tey care about is the f**king money, it blows my mind and heart into a billion peices, so strange, but Im going through all the emions listed all in a cylce over and over and over , what would maybe bring me closer is yo answer the question why he did it, and thats somehting i will never fully understand kills me inside, idk what to do but keep walking

[Phreak]

Only just saw this thread.

All I can say is sorry honey.

If you want to talk add me to skype x

[honeybee777]

Originally Posted by Phreak

Only just saw this thread.

All I can say is sorry honey.

If you want to talk add me to skype x

I have skype but no web cam so idk even how to use it lol but thanks Phreak means alot

((((Honeybee)))) I am so sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs your way. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

[Onward2wards]

((((( Honeybee ))))) I am sorry hon.