My mother passed away...

I am 23 and my mother passed away a few days ago (at age of 57).

I feel simply terrible. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I was too young when both my grandfathers and grandmothers passed away. Learning that and having to go to the funeral was devastating for me.

And I'm starting uni again next week so I have to get my stuff together really soon. I can't postpone it due to finances being on the move. Right now, I feel terrible...

And to think that the last 2 times we spoke on Skype only for couple of minutes (we rarely spoke more than 4-5 minutes a week for the last 2 years). Last 2 calls she wanted to talk to me out of our arranged talking time (I live abroad) because she missed me and I simply ignored her. We had a very complicated family and I was being too cold to her in the last couple of years. I wish I wasn't that cold to her, she didn't deserve it...

I now feel empty.

Just wanted to share that... Thank you for the spent time.

I am sorry. My mother died a few months ago, and she was almost 94; I am 69.......we are never ready to lose our loved ones. Yes, regrets are hard.....you could write about your feelings or write a letter to her........hugs

I am so sorry for your loss friend.
Just remember this `Your mum knew that deep down you really loved and cared for her`

I lost my mum when I was just 6yrs old in a car crash. `BUT` Being that young I did not know what death was. "Or did I"!..................

Take Care..................

Take care it will be hard for a short time
But time heals

dear venom, I am so very sorry for your loss, and at such a young age. I wish you could have had many more years with your mother. the next few months will be very difficult. do cry and post and vent as much as you need. as for your regrets, if you acted cold towards your mom, there must have been a reason for that so there's no need to feel bad about that. but, like the other poster said, your mother knew deep down you loved her very much.

after my mother died, it took me many years to sort out my feelings. when things settle down, try to look back into your mother's life and maybe you will understand why things were the way they were. for me, understanding why mother was the way she was and forgiving her and me and others, was the key to finally getting some peace. I am wishing you the same.

I am sorry. My Mother died a few weeks ago at the age of 78. I had a tumultuous relationship with her.

I am sure you had a reason for acting the way you did. I had to set boundaries with my mother because she could be very emotionally abusive. Perhaps it was the same with you.

Don't be hard on yourself. Let the grief come.

I am so sorry for your lost. I would be inconsolable for days if I lost one of my parents now (I'm 23 as well) we all lived abroad together so we're really close. Again sorry for your untimely lost.

I am very sorry you have lost your mother. I lost mine when she was 73 and I was 46. It's always so hard to lose your mother the one who you once were close to. I wasn't as close to my mom any more when she passed and I had my reasons. Yet, it is a very hard loss none the less. If you can try to go to a grief support group. I did and it helped me a lot. I didn't go right away but a bit later. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes naturally as there are many feelings and phases of grief. Here is a link that I hope will help:

Stages of Grief: How to Cope With Grief and Loss

Thank you everyone... I appreciate your support.

I am now starting uni again (2nd year in the UK) and I have really lost the motivation for it. I want to quit. If I continue uni, but ultimate fail it (because of grief for my mother), a lot of money spent for my education will be wasted. On the other hand, if I quit now, these money could be saved...

What would you recommend me?

I am not sure how student loans or payment systems for university work in your country. You have an advisor, yes? Talk to your advisor and if it would not mess up your finances going further in your education you might want to set out for a semester. Not sure what your major is but perhaps there is some volunteer work or an intern position that might work well with your studies.

I am so very sorry your mum has passed.

JMHO, Keep going to school if you can. I am trying to keep things as busy as usual. I find that doing something helps me.

MY Mom died 2 weeks ago. I am older. 50 and she was late 70's.

Well, each year is 9000 pounds (student loan) so a total of 27000 (minus interest). I don't re-pay the loan if I don't earn above 25,000 a year and if I haven't repaid it in 25 years, the loan is waived away. Also, I can't take any maintenance grants, as I am not a UK citizen (but from Bulgaria).

As I am already 9000 in (passed my 1st year), I am wondering whether it is a good idea to continue. Even if I graduate, I will owe 27 000. But if I fail, I will still owe those money. And this is my worst and most feared thing - failing uni while still owing those money and re-paying them for the rest of my life without having graduated. Although I know that the loan doesn't affect savings (they don't take away from savings if you have any, but only a % of the monthly salary bill), I am still somehow scared of that loan and losing any savings.

And that doesn't include ALL the money that my father will have to send me abroad in the following months so I can continue my education.

Part-time work during uni is not an option as I travel by bus to uni and takes me 4 hours total every day so I barely found time for studying during 1st year (but still passed with 70).

So I am really under pressure + my mom passing away made me even more scared of the future...

P.S My degree is Marketing.

You sound like you really want to graduate, so you should!

Thank you for the support and also very sad to read this. Sorry I didn't respond earlier. How has it been going for you after couple of months?

It is definitely much more tolerable for me now, but the sadness never leaves unfortunately. Almost 3 months and it still feels like yesterday.

Sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost mine when she was 65. Didn't even have a chance to enjoy retirement. We were distant due to my work and family drama between her and my dad. I saw her two weeks before she died.

So sorry for your lost. My mom died two years ago.

You have it somewhat harder because you lost your mom at a pretty young age. I also had a tumultuous relationship with my mom but I was with her at the end. The best advice I can give you is be kind to yourself. You will probably struggle with a lot of guilt and what if's. What if I was nicer, what if I didn't say that, what if? One thing that helped me besides therapy was going to a grief group and writing my mom a goodbye letter in it I got to say how she disappointed me and things I was sorry for and then things that I wish I could have done differently. Powerful stuff very cathartic.

Another thing piece of advice is let you know it is okay to feel what ever you feel. There is no wrong or right way to feel. Let yourself still be happy if you are feeling happy that day. Your mom would want you to go on. If you are sad, let yourself cry. People will try and tell you to get over it or not to feel a certain way but don't listen to them.

Grief takes as long as it takes. There will be up day and low days and days in between. The first year is the hardest with the first holidays without your mom, the first birthdays, and then get it starts to get a little easier.

I hope I was helpful. again i am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. If you need us, we are here

Awe..don't feel empty. It is of no ones fault your relationship was however it was. You loved her..she was your mother. My children don't talk to me but I know they love me. And they know I love them.

I do kinda know how you feel..cause reading your post..makes me think that I should go to my parents today (they live close) but my immediate reaction is NAH..not today..too much drama there.

So I would feel guilty if something happens to one of them too...my Dad is not doing well either.

Try not to beat yourself up...focus on what you have to do..because most of ALL...ALL mothers want the best for their children regardless of the relationship status. Do it and she will remain proud.

So sorry venom! Try to stay in school! Keeping yourself busy towards building a future for yourself sounds like the best place to be through this period of mourning. Xo

well I am back again my mother birthday is coming up a loss of a mom is hard no one who understands you like your mother mom did
thanks all

I would like to thank everyone. After more than a year passed, time has finally come to play and has eased things a bit...

The hole is still there, but i finally faced acceptance of what happened and try to live my life as I go.

I'm glad that you are feeling at least somewhat better. I am just now seeing this post.

It was very difficult for me when my Grandpa died when I was a child. I still miss him a number of years later. I've also lost other family members and it's been heart breaking.

However for me personally, my faith keeps me going. I don't know what I'd do without it.

I am so sorry. My dad passed away in 2015 because of cancer, I still cry. With time, you will feel a little better. You'll never forget your parent(s), their memories will always be with you. Your mum would still love you and want happiness for you. I hope you'll feel ok.

Thank you, everyone

I really hope all of you recover as well. Life goes on and we can do nothing, but continue living and trying to get the most positive aspects of it.

I sorry you lost your mom early