[friedgreymatter]

How can I get back at my deceased brother for killing himself and destroying what little there was of this messed up family?

It's been over 10 years now and I'm still sick of how sick he was in his mind. I've read his diaries, which are full of anxiety, depression, shameful self-absorption and on and on and on.

I'm not just p***ed at him, though. I'm p***ed at myself and my parents for being so damned clueless as to what to do for him.

Well, enough boo-hoo out of me. I must get on with my life. Things have been bad enough. Must make things better.

I feel for those who have lost a family member like this. It's undescribable what it does to people.

Think I'll punch myself in the ***s now.

Have a nice whatever.

[itsjustme111]

((((((((((((((Fried))))))))))))))))). I am very sorry to hear of this loss. Please dont blame yourself. I can relate to some degree. My cousin commited suicide a few years ago. Nobody saw the signs. It is really hard to lose someone this way. You have every right to feel angry. Have you ever been to grief counseling? Maybe this could help with the stages of the grieving process. It sounds like your brother was very sick but its not your fault!!!

Take care and hang in there.

Love Justy

[friedgreymatter]

I am sorry about your cousin, justme. It really is hard to lose someone this way. Have you sought counseling?

I have not discussed this with anyone. I just blah blahed about my problems and got medication.

The thing that gets to me is that we all did see the signs.

Well, anyway... he's lucky. I envy him, in a way.

Thank you, justme.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Here is some info on a support group meeting in NYC for people who have lost a loved on to sucide. I got the info from www.afsp.org. This is an EXCELLENT organization. They do lots of research and other wonderful work. Good luck. Emmy

NEW CITY
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Families & Friends of Victims of Suicide
24 Scott Drive
New City, NY 10956
Contact:
Mary Ann Prior (845) 634-5861
Suicide Hotline (845) 354-6500
Meeting Place:
St. Augustine’s Parish Center, New City
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
2nd & 4th Wednesday each month at 7:30PM
Facilitated by: Professional
Charge: No
Counties Served: Rockland, Orange

[emwell]

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

Well, anyway... he's lucky. I envy him, in a way.

<hr></blockquote>


I feel like this everytime someone I know passes. But not when they pass from suicide. Although my brother did not kill himself, he was directly responsible for his death. You do not know that he is lucky. I truly believe that those who kill themselves still have a lot to deal with when they pass. This is what keeps me alive somedays.

<font color=white>laughter really is the best medicine</font color=white>

[darkeyes]

I feel for you, have you ever seen a therapist to possibly help you through this? Some areas also have grief support groups, whatever give it a try if you haven't.
It is a normal feeling to have feelings like you explained, with talking to a therapist or counsellar you may find some help with this, I wish you luck with this.
Losing a loved one, no matter of the cause is always a hard thing, breaks hearts, some go through anger, their are several emotions/phases of grief, and none have to follow any specific order, and there is no set time limit as to when you should stop grieving, everyone is different, everyone has different type of relationships to those who have passed on. Through my own personal experience, things come on like the news was just yesterday and then time goes by and I deal with my loss, there is no certain time I have set on myself, I just miss my loved one but tell myself this is the way it must be, we never know when our time is near so I try to live my life the best I can, I hold in my heart those who have gone before me, from losing them I have learned that life has different meaning, I appreciate the people in my life and the simple things, priorities change, things I once held so high have become meaningless, most material things have lost their luster, but the life of others are now gold to me

Please take care,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Fuzzybear]

I feel for you ((((((((((((((((((((fried))))))))))))))))))))

[Mousey]

(((((((((((Fried))))))))))))))

I identify with your post very much... I have had alot of loss in my life, mainly to suicide. 2 brothers, 2 sisters and my mother, all triggered lately by the loss of a dear friend in the same mannor.
I get so angry sometimes that it scares me.
I just wanted ot let you know that I do understand. And you are right, the pain is indescribable.

Em

[friedgreymatter]

Em. How have you dealt with this?
I don't know what to say, Em. I am sorry for all the pain you've been through and hope you find solace in life.

How do you deal with the anger, Em?

I just don' get it anymore. We are born to live. Why are we capable of such actions against ourselves? When did this concept of suicide enter our minds?

Human beings are so complicated in ways and just strange. I've had enough. I am becoming paranoid.

Thank you, Em.

[Mousey]

Not very well I have to admit - I have watched as my family has been torn apart by all of this.. I blame my parents - nothing will change that. Our abusers have alot to answer for.

I don't deal with anger real well.
Is a major issue for me. I tend to take it out on myself, SI and such.. its not the first time I have smashed everything up in my house.. I have also put a few holes in my t's walls. My anger scares me, terrifies me infact.
I have a punching bag now..somedays that gives me great relief...

I don't know when the concept of suicide ever enter our minds.. I was 13 when my older brother killed himself.. I had never even heard about it before that.. but I have been in that place a few times.. that dark dark place..

Ty for talking with me

[Anadder]

Hmm, this is pretty heavy stuff. Many times I have thought about suicide because like many of you I turn anger against myself--and suicide would be the ultimate self-punishment. But never in a million years could I ever carry through with it for the simple reason that I'm a born again Coward!

But now having read some of your comments about how your loved ones' suicides have impacted you, I with shame confess that I've never ever thought about suicide in terms of leaving my loved ones in total devastation--that simply would never occur to me 'cause I can't think of a single person who'd feel my loss beyond a very short period of time--so for me, it just wouldn't be an issue.

The reason I mention this is that do you think it's possible that your loved ones felt the very same way--that they weren't trying to punish anyone other than themselves--that they didn't FEEL they were loved--feeling unloved and uncared for was THEIR reality. I dunno. The brain is so terribly complicated--and we haven't scratched the surface of meaningful discovery. Funny, eh wot? We can "afford" to spend trillions on war, devastation and any number of other hurtful things--but the brain from which EVERYTHING emanates gets pittance in funding.

[ktp]

Hi.
I, too, have been in that dark place, in the not too distant past. Still in and out of there, actually. I also turn my anger inward and sometimes it just eats and eats at me. Sometimes I do things to release it. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is that I promised I wouldn't leave my children without a mother. I grew up without one (abandoned by Mom at age 4) and don't want my children to go through the same stuff I did. (And still going through.)

Take Care. Someone very wise posted on here trying the saying. "Don't do it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT". It's helped me several times since I read it.

Much luck to you!

[lostSANITY]

Hey fried, sorry this post is so late. I know what it's like to be so angry at someone for committing suicide. My best friend did it almost seven years ago, and I still get angry about it. After he died, I suffered nightmares about him coming back and blaming me. I would wake up and still feel the blame. I finally came to the conclusion that what happened, what he decided to do, probably could have been helped, but it wasn't. I realized that he probably would have been something great, but he decided that he didn't care. It could have been prevented at the time, but he might have made up his mind to do it no matter what. I live on with anger and sadness, and after nearly seven years, not much helps. I just have to remind myself that it was his decision and I have got to deal with it better than he did. Thanks for reading this.
*lostSANITY*