Agree to Dis... ahhh ... hmmmm

While i find talking about other issues in my life easy my marriage is one that i cant. I feel like what i say would/could be read and even though its the truth its the fact im posting it to strangers .. currently right now my marriage is a mess, how and things i wish i could talk about but its one of them things she will see where i am (like walk by me or ask me a question and see the webpage im on) at and then come to the page.

If i try to close the page or go to another shell siently know im up to stuff and then start talking to her family etc.. how i know is i was fixing her computer one day and i went to fix her favorites and there was stuff about me and things while it wasnt bad stuff its was things thats as far as im concerned and since then im scared to post anywhere.

Is this something we all feel knowing someone else would read what we say that is related to us etc...

Why don't you type it into a Word document and then paste it here when she's not around?

Is there any way you can get to a public library and come in that way? Does she know your s/n already? Well, if you were fixing her computer then you surely know about clearing the history and the cookies and all that stuff to not leave a trail... You could come right out and tell her you come online for anonymous support. If she doesn't like that, you can both go to couples counseling and have it known by another IRL. (Which might not be such a bad idea, anyway.) TC

That's a good one LMo.

I'm very lucky...my husband has swore to me that he will not ever come to this site, and I believe him as I've only known him to be a honest man.

My husband knows I come here. I am totally honest with him (and with the people here). I have no problem with him following me here because in most cases the stuff I post is stuff he already knows I am upset/happy/frustrated about. If its something he doesn't know then it opens the lines of communication.

That being said, I know I am lucky to have a husband like this. I am also lucky to have found this place when our marriage and I needed it most. This place probably helped save our marriage.

Do what you think is best. For me, I am open with him. I don't hide anything. Hiding things and being secretive just leads to suspicion, miscommunication, and hurt feelings.

Hi 1dayatatime2, it's great to hear that you share this site with your husband. That is really wonderful. I don't know why I want to keep it private from my hubby, but I do. hmmmm. You're making me think now....

Don't get me wrong, Shatze. He has his own screenname. He posts as him (all 7 of them) lol and I post as me. Never the twain shall meet. lol

So you're married to another member of PC??!! How cooooooooooooool!!!! Do you ever let anyone know who it is?

sorry for the jack...back to topic

(1day PM me if you tell people who it is )

ok here we go, i love my wife alot but we have several issues one that really bothers me is her "moods" while i have moods you have moods we all have moods shes like a snarling monster if you get near her shell bite your head off.

Heres a few examples ...

Shell be going to the kitchen from lets say being on her laptop ill go sneak in there while shes getting a coke ill walk up and do a sexy mans voice and say something off the wall like "gee didnt the waiter get the for you" shell look at me and push me away and say ha ha funny then walk away and im like hmmm.

Then other times shell go to bed and not say goodnite or anything then she had the nerve and tell me once when i smacked her butt "dont smack me anymore this is my body and i dont want touched" im like wooo this was just a smack (not a hard one ether ladies) and she turned it into like some violation attack to me.

Now heres my thinking .... even if its typical guys

1. Woman complain that they dont get enough mental attention, i do thigns freom writing notes in her lunch to putting something extra in there, i ask how her day was and what she did and listen to her complain and what not then all of a sudden its like do i excist.

2. Women get mad or what have you that thier other half look at other girls .. well my wife IS the one i look at .. i bet other guys have dreams of my wife. While im not saying shes some hot model but my eyes are like "man is she hot etc.. " others may dream of hot sexy models .. i dream of my wife.

3. I tell her several times aday i love her and shes beautiful and besides her looks (and she very wells knows) i care about making sure she is loved and all that i get her flowers for no reason to candy and many other things just because i felt like it.

Why am i wining about this .. cause while i have alot of issues myself im tired of going to bed at night feeling alone and feeling like im living with someone who is my friend rather then my wife. She wont even let me see her in her panties .. while that maybe stupid .. why after 2 years of marriage i feel like im married to someone who doesnt even love me but spys on me ..

as a past computer tech i have all the goodies to block/lock/log and all on my system however i have choose not to because this is my wife and i have nothing to hide, but its the fact now i feel like talking about this she will go tell her family like ive done something bad (this happened once before, when her sister called me up and chewed me out for being involved in a computer tech forum)

However now here im doing what i want, but i cant bare to think her and i are over, but as ive told her last night if she doesnt act like a wife then maybe we shouldnt be together. It hurts me real bad but i need a wife and lover not just a best friend. While the best friend part is good with her to a point i want more .. this is why i married her .. i guess my idea of marriage is alot different then i thought .. since this is my first and this is her second.

Amdx,

I am sorry your going through this. I know that it must be very painful for you. Marriage is very hard work. I know that when I am having issues and my husband smacks me on the butt I get angry also. I'm not so much angry about the smack but more that he doesnt realize that there is something bothering me. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 5 so I think sometimes he should be more in tune with my needs. Maybe that is unrealistic on my part but I truely beleive that my husband is my sould mate. I feel that I am in tune with him so I only expect the same in return.

I am like 1Day. I am open and honest with my hubby about this site. I discuss things with him that I discuss here. Sometimes I will ask for advice here and then approach him about it. But hiding this place from her could lead to trust issues and miscommunications that may further drive a wedge between you.

Have you thought of counselling? This may be an avenue worth exploring.

I wish you the best. Take care.

Jen

Yep, marriage counseling is what I'd suggest. After 26 years my husband finally agrees to go to one year of marriage counseling; had to show papers for divorce to convince him and this time it was not just a threat. I was to the point it was, here's the deal and if you don't agree then just sign.
Anyway come to find out one of our biggest problems is not knowing each others language. Example: He show's love by giving things. He figured that is what I need to feel loved. Thing is, I need to have him hold my hand, kiss on the cheek once in a while, sat next to, held/cuddeled etc.. without leading to sex every time. I really was not aware of what I needed at the time but found out when helped to take a look at it. We still have a lot to learn and I wish I would have had him agree to longer counseling time but with just the little we learned has made the biggest differance in the world. It is truely a miracle. I am grateful he agreed to a year. It's not easy cuz I also found out things about my self I didn't want to face but it is worth it.
lrks

yes - "The Five Love Languages .." by Gary Chapman. That book helped my marriage A LOT !! The book has a questionaire you can fill out that will tell identify your preferred love language. We both read the book and took the quiz. My primary love language is acts of service and quality time - my husband's is physical touch and words of affirmation. It was fun. Maybe you could get the book from the library and suggest that it would be fun for the both of you to read through it ?? Good luck to you.

(((hugs))) Often what your intuition tells you is correct. Try and sit down and have a serious talk, discussing your above observations. If this stuff is more recent than not, something has happened to cause such a change. TC