[demolitionlover]

I want to eat all the time. I can't be bothered to cook, so i eat junk. I don't understand it. Before when the depression bit happened i forgot about food completely- and now i'm totally opposite, and i want to stuff myself all the time (except when i'm taking drugs or drinking). I want it to be like before, where i ate hardly anything for days. But i get upset and i start munching. It's making me more upset because i can see myself getting fatter and my brother has this joke;
"What's that sound? ... Oh it's just Bekki getting fatter!"
I'm too much of an idiot to puke and i know binge eating is savage, and i'm probably at normal weight right now. But it's wrong, i liked it before. I felt like i hardly existed then and i was always light headed. Now i feel like a big slobbish lump that clumps around everywhere looking ugly.

[catgirl]

i know exactly how you feel. i swing between ravishing hunger and starving euphoria. i could tell you what you really should hear but that would be hypocritical of me. so i'll just say, you're not alone in this game. it sucks! ~cat

[Miss_A]

How about setting times to eat that suits you the best.
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner.
Breakfast could be one bowl of cerial like branflakes.
Lunch could be ceasur salad.
Dinner could be pasta.
((((((((((dem & cat)))))))))))
Try to step away from the scales.
As that will just make your feel worse.
Also swimming is good to lose weight and have fun at the same time.
Like doing a set target of lenghts.
I know how you feel a bit because my mum is over weight.
But the clothes she wears makes her look great.
Can I ask you a personal question and you don't have to answer it, but how many meals to do have it day?
I only have 1 meal and tiny snacks in bewteen every day.
Keep a diary of all the food you eat each day.
Make sure someone checks it to see that your not eating too much or too little.
I believe in both of you to be happy about yourself and your body.
Sincerely, Miss_A.

[demolitionlover]

I'm not actually fat. I'm not far over 8 stone, but i feel like a whale. I don't really have meals. I cook proper meals for my brother and my sister sometimes, but it's rare i'll make an actual meal for myself. There's no one to check- as i live with my Dad, and he's not fussed about who eats what and when, he's rarely here.
I'm not obsessed with going on the scales, i just want to be how i was before- around 7 stone.
I'm not up for swimming as i don't leave the house much- and excersising really isn't a thing for me, if i could just stop chomping.

[Miss_A]

I'm 8 stone and what's wrong with that?

[demolitionlover]

Nothing at all. I was heavier when i was 14. But i know what it feels like to be 7 stone. I want that back.

[demolitionlover]

It's when you wake up in the morning and your tummy is completely flat, and it stays flat all day, and you don't have those horrid rolls when you sit down, and you can see your hips.

[Miss_A]

Why does it matter so much to you?
I'm trying to be supportive here.
But how can I, when you seem to not care.
(((((((((((((((dem)))))))))))))))))))
Well I can understand the 2nd post to that.
But thats when you should do sit ups every day.
To tone your tummy, your not over weight.
Just got a tummy everyone has....

[demolitionlover]

It matters so much to me like anything might matter to you. I know you're being supportive, and i didn't mean to be rude.
And of course i don't care- if anyone cared at all about anything we wouldn't be here.

[Gemstone]

It took me a mintue to figure out the stone thing, but I got it now. I am 7 stone and I am really sick because of how little I weigh.

It doesn't matter what your weight is as long as you are healthy. At 8 stone you are not fat (you already know that).

Why not try exercise to achieve the body look you desire? Believe me skeletal is not attractive. I know because I am there.

Try to eat healthy and be healthy. Exercise and try to eat better foods. You are not an idiot for not purging; its a good decision.

It would be different if you were horribly obese, but this is not a healthy conversation. Don't aspire to be like me. I pass out a couple of times a day from low heart rate. I am not happy. It is hard to stop once you make it habit.

[demolitionlover]

I was fine at 7 stone. People commented on how i looked. People were nicer to me. People took notice of me. Then i had one happy bit and woosh, i put on a stone.

Everyone knows it's about the inside and not what's on the outside. So, i may be perfectly normal for my height etc, but i feel awful crap.
I could look better, but i'd still feel like a blob.

[eskielover]

I can understand what you are feeling too. It took a little looking on the internet to realize that 1 stone = 14 lbs here in the US....given that, I am at 7 stones too. To be honest, I do have problems at this weight....according to my GP, I have no reserve when it comes to dehydration, the heat, or with an illness. I am constantly passing out due to low blood pressure. They got me through the malnutrition at the beginning of the year when I couldn't eat due to the exhaustion & stress & the trauma I went through with the death of my Mother & the home care RN that did the ID theft & threatened me. It took a central line with bags of nutrition to keep me alive at that point while arranging my Mothers funeral & then they put me back into the hospital after the funeral to continue the treatment for another month.

I like the way I look in my cloths finally I can buy things that look really cute....& I can fit into my dressage horse show cloths again (bought them when I was only 6 stones the last time I had problems eating as a reaction to prozac & wellbutrin). They were expensive so there is an insentive to stay at this low weight....except for the passing out & the fact that they can't find blood vessels to put an IV into for the fluids to help with the dehydration & am fighting this summer. I have to admit, it is also embarrassing to shop in the childrens section to find cloths that fit at the age of 52....I go into try them on & say I am buying for my daughter. I have actually gained 5 lbs since the beginning of the year & at that time, I looked like a skeleton with skin....looked horrible. They were trying to get me to go to an eating disorders treatment center but there was no body image problem that is critical which is why it didn't work the last time.

Then comes the stupidity, wearing loose cloths so people don't notice how thin I really am. When I had gained so much weight (12.5 stones) I wore loose cloths so people didn't notice how fat I was. Just can't win.

The best concept for all of us is to weight a weight where we are healty & can live a normal life....without high bloodpressure from being heavy, or low blood pressure & all the problems that come with low weight. But we all know that what is best for us is not always what we really like.

Try to find the point that you are comfortable with & they are right, exercise to get our bodies to look the way we want is much healthier than low weight to get there. I am noticing that the more exercise I do, the more I tend to gain...I'm sure that is where the 5 lbs has come from since I am riding everyday. The more training I do, the more in shape my stomach becomes...it is flat anyway, but can really feel the muscles after a good workout. I know it is better to be healthy than really thin, but I too like thin & hate it when I see the pounds coming back on.....I also like feeling in control of something when all else seems to be out of control.....I know this is a part of the issue too.

I hope you can find a place in your weight where you are both comfortable & satisfied,
Debbie

[demolitionlover]

Thankyou- i totally see where you're coming from. Thing is i didn't notice i was that thin. It was only when i went to visit reletives that i got all the comments. My Dad certainly didn't notice. But i didn't think i was that skinny or that unhealthy (but then again, i guess my mental state took care of that for me- i just didn't care). However i did like the way my clothes felt. I didn't try and wear baggy things, i always wear tight things. And i loved to even more when i was a little lighter.

Maybe i should just excersise and i'll get it again- but i need some motivation for that first- which brings me to another point...

Last year my Doc prescribed me some kind of Motivational Supprt tablets, just for two weeks, and i can't for the life of me remember the name but is was something like Bupropion? I don't know... I've tried to do a bit of research but what i thought it was doesn't seem to fit. I mean i only had them for two weeks and i remember reading the leaflet and thinking; 'Wanker, he's given me a Placebo to shut me up.' Because it stated in the leaflet you needed a course longer than a month (if i remember correctly).

I was wondering if anyone had any idea what the tablets were? It defo began with 'Bu...'

[(JD)]

so the pic in the gallery of "maw" is an old one Miss? She looks terribly slim in that pic. ff_topic:

[(JD)]

One of the simplest (not necessarily easy) things to do is write down everything you do eat and drink.. not with the intention to make you eat better, but to be fully aware of what you are eating. It helps the brain keep track...and will allow you to begin to add more healthy foods. (Thus the thread I keep track of Food Diary in the health support forum.) You wouldn't be the first person to refuse to do that, but even in depression, when you can write at all (like here) you can keep a listing... it will help, honest. Weight gain is a sure depression adder for me, too. TC

[TraptHeart]

I have the same exact problem. the only way it's going to stop I think is if we fix other problems in our life and we find ways to get balanced.

[demolitionlover]

The only things stopping me eating so much is getting drunk, or smoking.

[eskielover]

I have also found that when I am busy with something, I don't have time to eat & my hands are too busy to be putting food in my mouth. For me, my busy is riding my horses...there is no food near them except barley, alfalfa, grain, carrots, apples....no junk food even around & there is no way to eat & ride at the same time. When I come home, I am so tired & hot that I take a shower & fall asleep.....no energy to eat at all...besides for me, after I exercise, my appetite seems to go away completely.....

I think it might be better if you found a little more healthy way rather than getting drunk or smoking to keep you away from food.....just a suggestion.....guessin I don't have that problem cause alcohol just knocks me out & I'm allergic to smoke. Dang, my body keeps me honest. At least I feel great after working out several hours a day on my horses....& I am building up my muscles while I am at it. The best part is that the only weight I am gaining is muscle...I seem to dehydrate out the water too.....not a healthy aspect of the situation however, needing to get it replaced in the ER at times after passing out.....Dr said no reserve to handle the heat during the summer.....at least with a little weight, you won't have that problem.

Debbie

[Hope4me2]

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catgirl said:
i know exactly how you feel. i swing between ravishing hunger and starving euphoria. i could tell you what you really should hear but that would be hypocritical of me. so i'll just say, you're not alone in this game. it sucks! ~cat

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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{demo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
your not alone in your struggles. I do exactly what Catgirl has said.....I totally understand too and keeping myself busy is of no help and I eat junk food too....
take care

[demolitionlover]

I HATE MY FAT STUPID SELF.