New and need help..

I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help or someone to listen to me.

I have been through something terrible, and I don't talk about it. But last night my boyfrined was watching a movie on tv about selling humans for sex trade. Sorry if this is too sensitive, but i need to get this out and have nowhere to go. I am so ashamed and embarrassed, you have no idea.
I was rescued from that sex trade situation.
I was abused in every way you can think of..with anyone who wanted me. Most of the time we had no idea where we were. Just moved around all the time..

You had sex in ANY way they wanted, and as many times as they wanted. I had never done the things they wanted.

Now I have nightmares and I can't get over this. I think I will remember this for the rest of my life and it is living it over and over again , in my mind and dreams.

Even though I had no choice, I feel as if it is my fault and i am used up. I can't tell my boyfriend, he would not understand.
My doctor just says it is normal to feel this way and gives me Valium. I know I will never have a normal life.
Sorry if this was too much , but I had to talk about this to someone.
My life is ruined because of those menn.

Rita,

While your doctor is right and it is normal to feel that way, that doesn't mean there aren't ways to help feel better.

Can you find a qualified therapist to talk to? I think along those lines will be the only real solution.

Good luck to you and welcome to Psych Central

Rita,
You wrote,[..my doctor gives me Valium...]
I would like to offer you support if you would like from my perspective. I am asking you to consider the aspects of taking Valium for over a week's time. Below is a link that offers a perspective about Valium, wjich is in a class of chemicals known as Benzodiazepines of which include Klonopin AKA clonazepam and Rivitrol, Xanax and others.
There is a continuous body of research comming out that could be of benifit for you to know if you are wanting to have an informed opinion about if you want to take Valium for more than a week or so.
The United States Government in their prescription drug benifit to the elderly has a policy about funding benzodiazepines to the recipiants that you also might want to know. Also, I am not of the same opinion in regards to Dr. Ashton about many of the topics she outlines in her questions and answers. They are from her perspective and there are other perspectives from sources equally qualified to give an expert's opinion. I am asking you to consider many perspectives so that you can make an informed decision concerning if you want to take a Benzodiazepine for more than a week or so.
http://web4health.info/en/answers/bi...ideeffects.htm
Lou

Rita,
I am so sorry this happened to you ! I cannot imagine how horrific that must have been ! Certainly is understandable that you are suffering from this having happened to you. You really need a good therapist to talk to about this, and it may take a long time in therapy. Just being given drugs will not take care of this issue. It certainly can take the edge off, help you sleep, make you feel less stressed, but drugs alone for this type of issue just won't work. Please look for a qualified therapist, and talk to them openly and as you state - it was NOT your fault. Keep that always in your mind.

As for the above post [edited: about] benzodiazepines ...... please take it with a grain of salt. Taking your Valium right now may be crucial for you to "survive".

I truly wish you all the best ! I hope you find comfort and support on this forum.

Rita,

I read your post and my heart sank for you. What a terrible experience you have had and I cant imagine how you must feel.

You need to talk to someone and it would be a good idea to go back to the doctor and ask/demand to be referred to a counsellor.

As for the valium, i agree with parker, if it helps then take what the doctor gave you, it will let you sleep and relax a little.

Have you got any friends you can talk to, anyone near that can support you in all of this?

Please stick around, we all wish you the best.

allthegirls

I've been precribed Valium too - my GP has explained why he has done it and I know how to take it. I don't take it all the time, just when I am upset or anxious. It helps me to cope when otherwise I would do something silly or dangerous. But I agree about the therapy; you need to find someone to talk to about all of this.
Caroline

Rita the first thing I want to say to you is welcome to PC. I understand your need for the valium. But I believe that you would benefit from therapy as well. The valium is just numbing everything right now, nothing is being resolved. Just pushed down. You need to have a safe place to talk about your feelings. I understand your thinking that your life is ruined by these people. But you have gotten away from this situation. You are strong and you can do anything with your life now that you want. It takes courage to get away from these people . So you have to be strong. I grew up in a child porn ring and had been past around to many people. You can be more and you are strong. Don't let these people continue to run your life. You are stronger then they thought.
Much hope and care for you, Good Luck, Monty

Monty_Girl,
You wrote,[...the valium is just numbing...nothing is being resolved.Just pushed down...need a safe place to talk about your feelings...your thinking that your life is ruined...get away from these people...be strong.....don't let these ...run your life...I grew up in...You are stronger...].
I agree with Monte_Girl here in respect that taking a BZD is {...numbing...nothing is being resolved.Just pushed down...].
The poster here makes the point that one can get away and have a new life that is [...not ruined by these people..].
I think that is good advice here, to get away from those people.. But where does one go? To whom can one turn to? To a psychiatrist? To a psychologist? To a clergy person? To a friend? To an internet mental-health forum? To God? To something else?To a combination? To none of these?
Lou

Lou, I think that Rita needs to find someone who she feels is safe for her. Right now it could just be a friend or someone professional to work with. Sometimes it's just small steps at first. The world up until now has been unsafe and she may feel no one can be trusted. So Rita if you feel like you need a professional to speak with, I would say to call or stop by your local rape crisis center. They are a great place to help you start on the road to recovering from what has happened to you. Rita feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I'm always here to listen. Monty

MG.

You wrote,[...Rite needs to find someone...rape crisis center...]
I agree with the referring to the rape crisis center. That seems to me to be the most focused people in relation to Rita's plight now. They can referr to specialists in psychiatry and psychology and such.
There are many alternatives that one can use to get help in a tramatic situation. it is my deep conviction that your suggestion is the best place to turn to.
Lou

Rita,

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I feel your pain as I read this.

I agree with Monty in the fact that you need more help than you're getting right now. When we go through long lasting, continual, horrible things as a child, they tend to come out later in life when the life is more "settled", then something might trigger it.

Meds can certainly help with the symptoms. However, I feel you really need to get with a good therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. It will be one of the hardest, but most healing, things that you can do.

You didn't ask for what happened to you. You were an innocent and had no control. However, you have control now and deserve so much more than the pain and confusion that you're feeling now.

I so wish some peace for you.

KD

I don't know if i am replying to posts right.
Thank you everyone who wrote me.
I am trying to find a therapist to help more. I really didn't mean for anyone to have an arguement over medicine.
Thank you

((((((((((((((((((((((Rita)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are doing great! I see you just fine.

I'm glad that you're seeking a therapist. Please check qualifications for childhood trauma, ok?

Please keep in touch and let us know? We can help support you thru this. You'll find many other survivors here who can relate.

KD

rita, i agree with everyone about your finding a good therapist to talk to. i am so sorry for what has happened to you. it has have been horrific and of course, you're going to have it on your mind all the time. talking about it will really help you. you're welcome to PM me.

as for Valium, etc. i've been prescribed Valium before, for stress that caused a sleep disorder and i am now taking a small dose of Xanax every day. don't worry about that. you need the med to help you cope right now. just concentrate on getting yourself some help.

Hi Rita and welcome to PC.

I was sorry to read your story, and I can sadly relate.

Please feel free to PM me if you aren't up to posting and just need to talk, cry, vent or just need a good listener.

You wrote,

I really didn't mean for anyone to have an arguement over medicine.

I'm sorry that happened to you in your thread when all you asked for was support.

Hang in here, though.

There is a lot of support to be found here.

Petunia

Welcome to the forums, RitaMontreal. You've come to a good place to find support. I also watched the program about Human Trafficing and it was horrifying to know what all those poor women and children endured.

I'm very glad that you are a survivor and although things may never feel normal for you I hope you won't give up your hope for things to improve. I'm really glad you posted and have given us a chance to know you.

That's Ok..Rita. That is bound to happen from time to time. Folks feel very strongly about meds and such. Some advocate trying the herbal way. It's a jouney that we all must walk .

TGC

Yes.... welcome Rita! Glad to make your acquaintence. I was abused for a good chunk of my life. I felt that there was no help for me and my life was pretty much over. But, because of a good therapist..I learned that I can take back the power and now I run my life. No one else. Me, Moi!

TGC

Like a good bra (or jock strap if you will), we all need to be supportive.

Hey guys - I'm making some edits to this thread to keep it on-topic and helpful to Rita. PM me if you have any specific concerns, please, to keep her thread nice and clean.

Rita, welcome and I hope you find some help and understanding here.

BUMP

Rita, I'm so sorry that such horrible things happened to you! You know it's not your fault but I'm sure it's difficult to internalize that fact. Still, it wasn't your fault! With some good, professional help of a therapist, you'll eventually heal. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with taking Valium or whatever med helps you get through the very difficult times. Don't pay attention to some here that have NO CLUE what you went through and what you are STILL going through.

Be kind to yourself, Rita, and stay away from those that aren't kind to you.

We're here to listen and support you the best we can. Hang in there, ok?

Thank you so much, to everyone for your really wonderful help and support. It means alot to me.
I do have a appt with a therapist and i will ask her about her area of practice and if it involves my problems.
I know everyone has a different opinion on certain things and that is ok. Who knows what treatment will work for me.
Meanwhile, i just try to deal with things the best I can and say thanks , you are all very kind.