[Greenleaves]

It's been a really long time and I'm still only about half-way through my block at another online support forum.

I learned my lesson. I'm getting upset over being blocked again. I just don't know what to do. I just don't know how to cope. I've been replying to almost every single thread on the social board at the other forum and saving my replies for when my block is over.

That is the only way I can cope with being blocked right now. I've also been e-mailing the administrator there again. I just don't cope well. I've been obsessed with coming here and replying there since my block. I need to busy myself with posting or else I will lose it.

I don't cope well. I'm tired of being blocked. I'm sad and tired. I think I'm going to have to drop many classes this semester. I haven't been studying since my block. My hamster died the day before a midterm and I was too upset to write it. I'm not going to graduate this school year.

I'm tired all the time. I think it may be the Risperdal. I can't concentrate on things. I couldn't even concentrate on a movie yesterday. I feel like I'm disconnected from the real world. When I walk, I feel like my body and mind are separated. Things don't feel real to me. I don't know if this is because of the 0.75 mg Risperdal or not.

On a positive note, I'm not thinking of suicide anymore, but I'm feeling a bit out of touch with things.

Can someone attempt to make me feel better?

i'm sorry, i don't know that i can make you feel better. sometimes we find ourselves in a hole that we just have to dig out of. keeping a journal might help you. writing down your feelings and re-reading it later. perhaps that would help you get a perspective on what's happened and is happening with you.

[dottie]

This is really taking a toll on you. Why were you blocked? Then I can understand better.

TGC

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Greenleaves I am sorry youre sad but you did make some people over there who asked you to use the word trigger feel unsafe.....I feel that you have a lot of support here and why isnt that enough? If they wanna reach you they would have your email

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I don't mean to be harsh but you have a TON of support here. WHY isnt that good enough? I know you admitted you didnt post a trigger to upset someone who emailed you its on that site and I read it....I almost feel like a friend who has been there for you who hears I miss my other friend

[Lou_Pilder]

Gl,
You wrote,[...I...don't know what to do...how to cope...I'm sad...may be Risperdal...not thinking of suicide...can someone attempt to make me feel better?...]
I could make the attempt from my perspective if you would like.
Lou

Hey there. Yup, you are about half way through. And I reckon you have been doing really well. Really. Hang in there.

I think maybe...

It would be more profitable to focus your attention here rather than there?

I mean that in the sense that... There are caring people here too. Sometimes it can be hard... I know I can be like that with therapists sometimes. I am seeing a current one... And still pining for a past one... It can make things very hard sometimes.

The sense of disconnection...
I'm wondering whether without that resperidal if you would be doing much worse than you are?
Becuase you know...
Some pretty hard things have been happening for you.
I know that blocks can hurt a whole heap :-(
And when the boards become such a part of your life then the time the block lasts can be hard too :-(
Because it is a radical change in our life.
And Hammie.
(((Hammie)))
(((Deneb)))
Thats gotta be really hard hon.
And school... Things have been getting pretty hard there too, huh? That was round about the time when you got blocked on the other board too... After missing one of your midterms.

So... Stuff is going on. I know I get pretty stressed out when stuff like that is happening too.

Actually... I've been stressing out rather a lot lately myself. My thesis is due in one month so I really need to get into taht and i have been procrastinating rather... And I've been getting applications off... And that brings back the trauma of the last application round :-( And the 'what if...'s' and the health insurance saga... And I got terminated from treatment completely...

Anyways... My point is just that I've been losing it.
Really.
Go check out psychology if you don't believe me.
But really...
You don't need to check.
Sigh.

The point is we can do it.
We are going to do it.
We are going to get there.

If you need to pull out of a couple classes, thats okay.
They will be there for you next year.
But you will get there.

Maybe try and do a little bit of study or something tomorrow?

You can tell me something interesting from your biology text book

(Hopefully you will be allowed to post it lol ;-)

Those posts you sent me seemed fine.
mostly your posts are just wonderful, you know.
Its just when you get too distressed
or too irreverant... or something...

anyway...
better go to bed now...
and write something tomorrow...

sleep well
i'm sorry things are hard
you will get through.

ps i'm sure you don't need me to tell you to stop emailing dr-bob those kinds of emails that get sent sometimes when you aren't in such a good place.

you know he never responds to those anyway - right?

[Kismet]

Are you perhaps being a bit overly-dramatic? Actions have consequences. Accept it and move on. Your life is not falling apart because you were blocked from another site. Perhaps focusing on something else would be helpful?

[dottie]

[dexter]

Greenleaves...

I wonder if the problem isn't being blocked from the other site but rather that you have been relying too heavily on the other site. Support sites are intended to help us cope with life but not to be our lives, if you know what I mean. I know it is difficult to have your support cut off but you still have support here.

Maybe it is time to move to the next step. Do you attend any IRL support groups? That might be a step toward moving out of your depression. That's just one idea, I'm sure there are many others.

It concerns me about keeping replies to everything there, only in the sense that if you post them all when your block is removed that might be viewed as something that makes people uncomfortable... like they were being watched while you were blocked in an unhealthy way. I don't know anything about that site or the type of people there so that is just a thought.

I hope you can find some relief in a solution to this Greenleaves, I know how hard it can be to find relief when we are depressed, but I also think if one source of relief is removed for any reason (could be insurance cut-off from a doctor, people moving away, etc) it is up to us to find new ways to cope and not dwell on what is gone, which is never a healthy thing to do.

{{{{{{Greenleaves}}}}}}

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i'm sorry, i don't know that i can make you feel better. sometimes we find ourselves in a hole that we just have to dig out of. keeping a journal might help you. writing down your feelings and re-reading it later. perhaps that would help you get a perspective on what's happened and is happening with you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks for the advice. I know people here can't make things better for me. It is up to me to make myself feel better. I just wish it weren't so difficult to feel better.

I will think about the journal idea, but I think I need to know that people hear me. That is why I prefer posting here.

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
This is really taking a toll on you. Why were you blocked? Then I can understand better.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I was blocked for asking people to "kill me" and for accusing people of wanting me to die. I was in a really bad place then, making threats to my life and stuff.

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves I am sorry youre sad but you did make some people over there who asked you to use the word trigger feel unsafe.....I feel that you have a lot of support here and why isnt that enough?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I didn't actually get blocked for not using a trigger warning, but I did overreact. I regret what I did very much.

I don't know why it is never enough support for me. There is something wrong with me.

Greenleaves... I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. You have my support and concern.

[Greenleaves]

((((((((((((((((((Alexandra)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry things are hard for you now. I need to stop being so self-centered and realize that I'm not the only one suffering. That's something I have to work on.

I think I'm OK. I'm not coping in the best way, but I'm doing alright.

The content of the e-mails I sent to the administrator at another online forum aren't as volatile as the last time. They are much much better.

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I wonder if the problem isn't being blocked from the other site but rather that you have been relying too heavily on the other site. Support sites are intended to help us cope with life but not to be our lives, if you know what I mean.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think you are right...that place has become my life. I'm too involved. I'm losing perspective.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It concerns me about keeping replies to everything there, only in the sense that if you post them all when your block is removed that might be viewed as something that makes people uncomfortable... like they were being watched while you were blocked in an unhealthy way.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I never thought people might get uncomfortable when I post all my replies. I think people will be happy to know that I was still thinking of them while blocked. People are my friends there. Shouldn't they like it when a friend thinks about them?

[LMo]

Hi Greenleaves -- I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time right now. I do think that you should stop emailing the administrator, if you haven't already done so. There is something about 'taking one's lumps' gracefully that goes a long way toward rebuilding respect.

I agree with Dexter. They should like it when a friend thinks about them, but in moderation.

Hang in there,
LMo

[Greenleaves]

Hi Lou

I would like to hear you from your perspective.

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I do think that you should stop emailing the administrator, if you haven't already done so. There is something about 'taking one's lumps' gracefully that goes a long way toward rebuilding respect.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think I'm a little obsessed with the administrator there. I keep thinking he is my friend and I write to him like he is my friend. He never answers back, but I keep writing anyways. I think he says things to me, but I'm sure he doesn't really. I would like to stop, but without posting I can't communicate with him anymore.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
They should like it when a friend thinks about them, but in moderation.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I don't know...I think my replies are very supportive. I replied to everyone, not just to people who reply to me. I think I will be doing a good thing if I post all my replies after my block. If I don't post them, all that support is wasted. I've written about 60 supportive posts so far. I can't let them go to waste. I want to make people feel better.

[Lou_Pilder]

GL<
You wrote,[...I would...your perspective...].
Before I post from my perspective my offer of support for your situation, could you examine the following for some background that could be relevant to our discussion?
http://perso.wanadoo.fr/lemiroir/tactic2.html
Lou

[allthegirls6]

hi greenleaves,

I think we spoke before on this in another thread. I know its very hard for you, being away from a place you enjoy and from the people who matter. But your block must be nearly up, was it 4 weeks? That cant be much longer now. Maybe if you just try and let this place be until you block is done and then you will be refreshed by the time you are able to go back. I can see what you mean about wanting support your friends but saving up posts to post on your retund maybe isnt the best way. What about sending them all a message to ay you are back and that you have kept up to date by reading the site and that you have been thinking of them while you were away?


All the girls

[Greenleaves]

I spent so much time and energy on my replies...I have to send them out.

I don't understand why people won't like my replies. All of them are very supportive.

[LMo]

I agree with Allthegirls. 60 posts is way too much. You can't "make" them feel better, and it will look a little obsessed if you slam-dunk 60 posts in on your first day post-block. Chances are that the posts your are replying to are going to be old news anyway by the time you get back and you might even find that some members would not want their old posts dredged up after they've come to terms with their issue.

My best advice is to lay very low and be mellow when you are allowed back. And definitely stop emailing the administrator -- you are hurting rather than helping your case.

Meant with kindness,
LMo

[LMo]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have to send them out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You don't HAVE to send them out. You have a choice:
A) send them out, with the understanding that some members will appreciate it, but others will be uncomfortable
B) pick your top 10 and send those, and just post a friendly "Hi, I'm back" message to the general group upon your return, as Allthegirls suggested.

Of course, you can do whatever you want. Just know that there are several of us here telling you how WE would perceive an action like that, so you should take it into consideration for your own sake. You are probably going to feel understandably volatile when you first get back in, so I would strongly recommend that you tread lightly until people are used to you again.

LMo

[allthegirls6]

Oh greenleaves, I didnt mean to say that people would not like what you had posted. Im ever so sorry if you thought that. I suppose I was saying that this site has blocked you for a period of time and maybe its like coming in the back door by saving up your posts and posting them on your return. But Im sure your posts are all positive.

Im thinking about something else too. Threads constantly move and develop. How will you be able to slot in your replies in the right places? Will they not just end up at the end of threads and sort of not make sense as the post you would have been replying too would be a bt further back? If you see what I mean.

But no, i wasnt ever saying that your posts were not supportive cos what you write to to others here is always supportive green.

all the girls