T said ask this here

(((O E )))) You have to schedule and work at taking a break. Why do you think I play all those games in the arcade here? It forces me to NOT think about all the bad things in my life, all the miserable injustices that have occurred "to" me in the past that do me no good revisiting.

I'm glad your T asked if he was helping you. Until you reach that point where you don't want to go in and rant and rant about all that's going on but begin to work on HOW it's affecting you and HOW to change how it's affecting you, HOW you are reacting and HOW T can help you learn to RESPOND instead (not a knee jerk automatic reaction that is normal for PTSD, but a habitual calm, active response that attacks the problem level-headedly...) well you won't heal. (Wow that was too long of a sentence!)

You need to find what you do need from T. I often tell my T... ok I need you to .... when I find I keep doing or saying or ruminating over something and need to get out of that rut. You might begin (if you're ready) to tell T... I need you to limit me to 10 minutes of relating the current events, and then help me move to changing how to look at them differently.

For another example, I recently asked my T to help me with looking at Christmas differently than I have since the injury(PTSD)... because for the last several years I haven't even put up decorations because??? Because (T says) I'm bitter. Yep I think that could be it... no one comes to my home, no one sends me or brings me any presents, no cards and maybe a phone call after the fact/day from a brother. How is that Christmas? But of course, Christmas is Christmas because of what happened 2000 years ago, and I need to remember how to rejoice and be happy JUST because of that fact!!! Regardless of who is in or not in my life... etc. See? T will help me find the joy in Christmas that PTSD has caused me to focus on the negatives and such about what isn't happening during the holidays.

I'd keep your T for now... see if you can give him guidance as to what you really need. Trust me, I know you need to vent some about current activity, yep, or else you feel "no one" really knows what you go through daily. But then, you need to work on WHY you are reacting the way you do, well we know it's PTSD, but to realize the mechanics of it all... T can help with that. Once you begin to see the nuts and bolts of it, you can begin to dismantle the beast.

open eyes

it is a hard situation...yes. i have read most of all your posts in all the different places. i can sympathsize with you...to a point.

i have ptsd. severe childhood abuse..sexual, emotional, physical, the whole shebang. non ending from almost an infant to hs. severe ptsd from doing law enforcement & terrorist training law before it was the "popular" thing it is now...at a place that should never have even crossed my mind to do it...going to work & being told you are going to die & write a will is not a good thing..dealing with jumpers, etc all on national tv is not an easy thing...but i did it & picked up the pieces later. watched my parents abuse & kill animals...so i have my own severe issues. so much so i am on disability from work for it.

am i angry? yea. severe ptsd..especially this year with 9/11, osama, kadafi, everything...i could rage against the system (i lost my position as management by reporting gov't fraud) but after a while it just becomes a waste of time & energy.

i did tho..fought like hell. filed a suit...did the whole thing. fought & fought. & after a while i took a settlement far less than i was seeking just to move on.

at some point you have to make peace with yourself & move on. you get but one chance at life & it si too short to spend it wrapped up in a ball of uncontrollable anger against everything.

i can't change what happened to me..i won't forgive them..nor will i forget but i can not wallow...i have to move on...it just isn't healthy.

you are angry with everyone...each & every person is either scamming you or lying or cheating or hurting you it seems...maybe, maybe not. sometimes you need to take a step back & re-evaluate things.

either way..do something. fire the lawyer, lite a candle under his butt, drop the case & move on or what ever but do something. it will make you feel better than wallowing. trust me i know.

there are constraints within the legal & medical system set up to protect their own..may not be right but that is how it is. hey if you had the chance to protect yourself you would do the same. it is their business & livelyhood..

if you need to sell the horse to put food on the table, well then do it..i am an animal lover..i understand the pain..but bills, heat, food & meds are valuable needs as well.

ranting is ok...but at some point you need action. real action. i see you commenting & rebutting replies but then no action. do something.

the neighbors are buttholes. you could win 1 million $$ & you know what..they will not respect you & will still keep bothering you..probably even more..& there is no telling how long it will take for you to see that $$.

so you probably will not agree with me..yeah ptsd is a crappy thing. been there done that certainly have many t shirts...but i don't let it run my life. otherwise it would not be my life...it would be ptsd's.

Oh Stumpy, I agree with you. I am getting more reality at PC than outside PC in that I hear people saying, yeah your right Open Eyes. I have been trying to first understand the dementions of PTSD, I really didn't have that. And just by reading your experience is telling me the reality, because I was basically thrown into one situation after another, and I just wasn't ready for seeing all the blocks that were put into place that protect the medical field and even the field of psychology/psychiatry and now law. It has really been a lot to think about.

Coming to PC and even reading your post or JD's input is very helpful because I just dont have that outside PC. And I have actually been trying since I came to PC to get a baring on the PTSD and also I have been taking a time out by just spending time here. Basically I spent a lot of time addressing the issues of other members and different articles and research etc. I basically used that as a resput from my brain so that I had something else to think about instead of just being wrapped up in myself. And I have to say that it really did help me in more ways that I had expected. It was not easy to find a good therapist and I was on my own for a while. I am actually amazed at what I did do that was good for me on my own. I actually see what I was trying to do to help myself and I am actually pretty surprised at how I was able to see enough to help myself. And even though I am not sure that my current therapist is up to speed, I do listen to him and and take time out to think about what he does say. I have been balancing myself between dealing with the way PTSD effects the brain and working around it. There is a lot to learn about it and understand. It is very hard to believe that something like this occurs in the brain and comes out totally unexpected. It really takes time to understand, it is a very complicated issue or disorder, or whatever it is. I actually feel bad for people who dealt with this before it was recognized and there was help for it. It is a very troubling disorder. And I think that I am getting a better bearing on it.
Knowledge is definitely the key, understanding it is paramont to any recovery or resolve of it.

Now I know it seems like I haven't taken action but I actually have, I actually have worked at this since it all happened and I hadn't realized that it made the PTSD worse and I was battling depression. I have had to learn what triggers are and why so much was coming forward and what were the flashbacks and why. And I have actually come a long way, I really have. Calling the attorney the other day and rattling him and not getting a chemical dump meant progress.

And I do understand what your saying about life and trying preserve my life. But I do have everyday issues that are a result of someone's negligence that I have to address.
It isn't just a matter of letting go, because that is not going to make the debt go away.
And as far as selling the horse is concerned, yes, I did come to the conclusion of what really matters and how to put things into perspective. I am not at the point where I have a real buyer with money in hand, hopefully that will come. And I dont like what I have to do but I am facing realities and I am waking away from the emotions and this is something I could not do before. So I see that I am making progress, and I have some clarity, and I also am paying attention to what JD is saying in that I have to remember that I still have the PTSD and that is going to present itself in different ways and I learn how to opperate around that. But I had to learn that first, I have learned more here than anywhere else to be honest.

One thing I really needed was a way to have validation for what has already taken place.
I have had to really work at getting that, verses people that look at me like I am imagining this, because to be honest, I couldn't have imagined all this maze of events.
And my own husband sees it now and luckily he has seen my therapist and he also knows or has exposure to people that struggle with PTSD. So he has learned that he can't deny me, he has to see the reality and help me with it. That was very important for me to have that happen. Because before I was able to get him up to speed he was fighting me and actually allowing things to happen that were very bad for me. If anything, getting him to recognize that I am really trying very hard and how things effect me, oh, he is slowly learning to work with me and if I get a chemical dump or he pushes and I get into that anger spot that comes from the PTSD, he is learning to back off and help me instead of pushing and making it worse for me. And that has been so helpful, a real must for me to get any forward momentum.

I am just beginning to get to that point where I can try to make efforts to see realities and begin to take steps. I have done a lot of the work, I did all the discovery and all the facts are in place, and that took a while. And it is a good case, it is just that my attorney for reasons unknown has fumbled. I am only just beginning to look at that and see where he fumbled and call him on it. Unfortuanately he is most likely fighting some kind of age related dimentia, or something that is interfering with his capacity to do his job. And I don't know exactly what it is but I am seeing the reality of it, and thats something I was again not ready to address. And I am trying to say, yes, another issue in my path and yes, I didn't see it but I did sense that there was something not right about him. And as far as taking action is concerned, I wanted to make sure that it wasn't me or my issues that was distorting what was going on. I am treading lightly and I just didn't want to jump into a conclusion and be my own enemy. I have been working on understanding what I have and how I have to learn to differenciate between the chemical dumps and the real sense of that catastophizing and to make sure I can not let that take over. So as far a me not taking action is concerned, I feel that it is important that I just don't act by compulsion and assumption.

Now when JD talks about stepping back, I was trying to do that, I was actually trying to isolate and work at myself by coming to PC and just letting the dust settle and getting a hold on what I have and how to control it. Yes, it has been helpful for me to just come to PC and journalize what I see and putting myself into check. Having the Byz say, hey your right, your attorney is not communicating and JD making her suggestions. That was important because that was someone recognizing I am not just spinning. And that allowed me to find a mindset to look deeper and look at the reality of the situation. Writing a letter is a good idea, but the wordage is very important, and I can't just write it in anger or acusation, that would only feed more trouble. I am starting to see a path, but I can't just run down that path, I have to study it and step back and think and make sure that I don't allow the PTSD to talk or present itself.

So it isn't just about actions, it is about the right actions. And my gut tells me to be careful and go slow because, yes, it is my case and I have to learn more about the procedure and what is truely suppose to be taking place. And my attorney saying one thing and then changing it to another thing is wrong. I recognize from my last conversation with him that what I have to do is learn how this process is suppose to proceed so I can actually see where he is messing up. And I am not sure exactly how to do that yet. I am only just looking at that, because I recognize that he truely isn't communicating with me the way he is supposed to.

I see the suggestions and I have to step back and figure it out, rationally. Yes, is isn't right, what can I do to address it effectively instead of making it worse? I am taking a time out to figure that out. And I really appreciate everyones imput and help and understanding, it has been such a saving grace.

Open Eyes

There is such a thing as righteous anger. You'ld be pretty unhealthy, IMO, if you weren't angry. How to best channel it is a big challenge. I don't have any great suggestions. But I'm trying to think. Now, your pending claim would come under Tort law, I think. The Byz can correct that if I'm off, as I am no legal expert whatsoever. However, didn't these people violate something other than your rights. Aren't there laws against wantonly endangering animals, even if they didn't belong to anyone? Doesn't that come under the heading of Criminal law?

Okay, I understand that - with a license - you can legally hunt certain animals with specified restrictions. But if you turned your domestic dogs loose in the wild and they killed or damaged some protected species, or any animals your weren't licensed to hunt, I think you could get prosecuted for that. It wouldn't be by way of someone filing a Tort claim.

So I'm wondering - why isn't some animal lovers group demanding that this neighbor get prosecuted as criminally violating the public's interest in preventing persons from causing the wrongful death or harm of any animal? Perhaps, you could solicit some support. Seven years ago can be ancient history, news-wise. I am wondering, were there no others in your community or surrounding communities who were outraged at this? Maybe you need some publicity about the plight of the ponies.

One year I was planning to go to a State Fair, until I heard about a very disturbing "attraction" at the Fair. It was an Show Act that involved a horse jumping from a platform into a container of water. I was horrified. Well, I was not alone. The "Act" got canceled the day after it opened. I think the "Showman" staging this performance was lucky to get out of the state alive. Also, there was a loud hue and cry of collective disgust expressed against the organizers of the Fair. An awful lot of people care very much about animal welfare. (I also realize an awful lot don't. But they're jerks.)

Well that might be going away from the subject at hand. I am giving some thought to the issue of "forgiveness." It seems to me that forgiveness follows repentance. Real repentance implies the desire to make restitution. On another level, it would be up to the horses, in my view, to be the "forgivers" for the pain they suffered. I wouldn't think you would have a right to forgive someone for hurting me.

I'm not suggesting you forever embrace a burden of bitterness that time may help you let go of. But I wouldn't be in any rush to try and summon up feelings of forgiveness that may just not be there. You have chosen to try and address this through the legal system. It doesn't sound like you have undertaken a vendetta against these neighbors. If that is the case, then that's plenty high-minded enough of you. You don't need to overdo it.

They probably have not been living their lives in fear the past four years, and that is where they will have made a grave error in judgement. It is in the nature of reckless, careless, selfish people to live without fear of consequences. That is how they end up designing their own tragedies. When I see it happen to people who have hurt me, I am amazed at how often I kind of feel quite sad for them. They may seem conniving and cunning, but no one outsmarts life indefinitely.

In my experience, people who cause harm eventually reap what they sow. The Law may fail to compel them to recompense you. (Still, let's hope not.) Life, however, is likely to recompense them as they deserve. I don't know how this happens, but I've seen it so often that I'm astonished. If they and you stay neighbors, you may someday see that life tends to bring tragedy to those who cause tragedy. I'm not suggesting that this is something for us to be gleeful about. Nor does it give you back what you lost.

I have some reflection to offer on you're generous nature that regards this opposing attorney as "not a bad person." Well, I guess she's not Jack The Ripper. Then again, there are a lot of worthy causes that a person smart enough to get through law school could devote their talent to. It is not only poor, young, drug addicted women who prostitute what they have to offer.

My thoughts expressed here are not meant to stoke the fire of your anger. Just the opposite. Maybe you can look at some things with a bit more coldness. That might balance you a bit. Maybe not, IDK.

One last item. I'm not so sure we get to live long enough to achieve closure on the biggest hurts that have happened to us. Instead, I think we learn to live with the lack of closure, on our good days. Just the same, I think you absolutely should meet with the therapist and psychiatrist to go over your records, if you can arrange that. I think that would be an empowering process. Those records are about YOU. So who better to take a good look at them than you?

I know this is a dumb question because I'm sure you thought of it a thousand times more than I have, but isn't there something else you could part with rather than the Mustang. Would the revenue from selling him really bail you out of much of your financial trouble? I know absolutely nothing about farm finance. I'm sure you didn't come to considering that option easily.

Take Care, Rose

Hello, Open Eyes. While the advice of others may seem on point, I again will state a tortfeasor (A wrongdoer; an individual who commits a wrongful act that injures another) takes his victims as he finds them.

This rule holds one liable for all consequences resulting from his or her tortious (usually negligent) activities leading to an injury to another person, even if the victim suffers an unusually high level of damage (e.g. due to a pre-existing vulnerability or medical condition). The term implies that if a person had a skull as delicate as that of the shell of an egg, and a tortfeasor who was unaware of the condition injured that person's head, causing the skull unexpectedly to break, the defendant would be held liable for all damages resulting from the wrongful contact, even if

1. such damages were not reasonably foreseeable, or
2. the tortfeasor did not intend to cause such a severe injury.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggshell_skull

I quite expect some will say I am speaking mumbo-jumbo or legalese. Nonetheless, it is one thing to say that you should put aside the PSTD in order to better manage the lawsuit; it is quite another to ignore your mental health history. The conduct of your neighbor has exacerbated your condition and your lawyer should be seeking compensation for the harm done to you. If your lawyer is not doing so, it is my opinion he is guilty of malpractice.

Because your lawyer is not properly managing your case to put you in a position to prevail at trial, I will say once more you should dismiss him, get a more honorable lawyer to represent you and file a complaint against your current lawyer to discourage him from being a less than proper advocate in any other proceedings he is the attorney of record in.

Thanks Rose, I have been thinking about what I could sell etc. But the economy is poor and I really don't have something that could cover the expenses and I already went that route last year. And I am being realistic about letting the Mustang go and hopefully someone will come forward that will actually have time for him. Last year was really hard and I am trying to recognize that I have to make changes that will make my life easier to manage. I realize that with everything going on, I honest don't have time for the Mustang, and I have to recognize that he isn't getting any younger and I have to sell him while his age is young enough. And I had a trainer work with him last year and she really did like him a lot. She is looking for a customer who might buy him so she can have him on her farm and get to work with him. If I was not so financially bad off I would have him with her myself, but I don't have the money for that and I am not going to give him away, he is worth money.

And there are laws that protect livestock and my neighbor is liable for the damage. But I still have to go through the legal system etc. And getting a group of people to present any motion of anger isn't going to change anything.

I was ok this morning until I went outside and I am now flooded with whatever chemicals and I hate this. I am trying very hard, its very hard. These days are tough to get through. I am ok and then I am not ok and it is hard, very challenging to work through.
I am doing my best I can even feel it in my hands. It is probably because I have to free lung the Mustang and there is a part of me that doen't want to interact with him and bond so I have to work on how to do that, get that mind set. I have to learn it, figure it out somehow. I have a lot to learn and I am not always aware of what is going to cause that chemical dump. Then it just comes over me and it is very hard to shake, and there are days where it just takes the day away.

I am trying to figure out how to overcome it.

Open Eyes

Yes Byz, I see what your saying and my attorney was going to add that to the case. But he told me that my neighbor would then have the rights to my psychological history and that would include him knowing about CSA. So I left that out of my case. I had asked him later about that again and he said because I said to take it out I can't claim it anymore. I was really struggling when I took it out and I really didn't want my neighbor to have the rights to my history and I also couldn't get the mistakes corrected at the time so I didn't really know what to do. At the time Byz I was already so torn up, I couldn't allow my neighbor to have the ability to destroy my mind by attacking me psychologically too. It would have been allowing him to have access to the depths of me, it would have destroyed me.

It was very hard for me to realize that his negligence could actually give him access to so much of me.
At least that is how my attorney explained it to me, which lead to my decision. If I had been given assurance of protection of private information, I would have added the emotional impact to my case.
I did ask him a few times because I just couldn't believe that my neighbor would be able to gain access to my psychological history that way. And that it would also become accessable to the public.

Open Eyes

Have you checked into what you can keep and what you would lose if you did go bankrupt? You don't have to just because you check.

Contrary to what your lawyer suggested, complaints may be amended to add another claim. There might of been a statute of limitations (the time within which a person harmed by another must seek vindication) problem.

I intend to stop being a part of this thread. You seem to have made a decision on how you intend to proceed. I wish you well.

When I started this case I was still addressing injuries. And I was still trying to get over the psychward and it really took time for me to look at everything and put it all together.
It was like I could only just look at so much. I didn't really understand how much the PTSD was effecting me. I didn't have money to get help and I didn't even know that there were words attached to me that were wrong in files from one therapist and the psycward. The psychiatrist that released me didn't really explain to me the depths of PTSD and he never mentioned the other diagnoses and he didn't even say in his own records that agreed or disagreed, only that he felt I had PTSD. I really thought it was something that would go away like a grieving process.

I had to be stronger because my husband broke down too and my daughter wasn't doing well either. It was always my job to be the strong one, even when I was really struggling and lost in my past. And it really took time before I could look at all of it and put it together. And my subconscious knew that there was more there but I had to look at it all slowly. And the pony that died was the hardest to look at and really allow myself to see the length of her pain and I had to learn to somehow allow myself to understand how many of them choked and what that meant, because there really was too much caos to be able to really stop and see the time line and how everything happened. And once I did that and saw it all and put it all together, it was really hard to see that my neighbor was allowing so much to happen while I slept. And once I saw that things happened on Sunday and Monday nights, I could not understand why those nights. And originally the intial attorney just put in her own start date because I hadn't really been able to figure all that out and that was before that one pony died and I was just beginning to see how bad everything was after that last time when my husband and I both saw the dog in full view running and running in circles around them all. I had no idea how much damage that was going to present, not in my wildest dreams. And then when my neighbor yelled at me and told me he knew for a fact their fence went down the beginning of May and that they were trying to find the breach, I finally had the answer to my constant question. And to know that they knew all that time and I was asleep while everything was being taken, I cant get that out of my head. I feel awful that happened and that they knew. I could never have imagined that, ever.

So when I was with my attorney, I was pretty much in shock and I did the best I could but I didn't know how bad I really was. I made sure my attorney had every detail, every bill, every injury and then all the medical records for all the animals. I did a lot of work and putting it all together was really hard on me.

I was struggling the whole time and then I had to deal with how botched up my medical records were and I did try to go back to the psychiatrist and he charged me over $500. for that one visit. And he saw it and he could have just stated in his final report about my visit with him that after seeing me and evaluating me he didn't agree with the other diagnoses, and his official diagnoses was PTSD. That is all he had to say. And at the end of our conversation, and I did have all my files with me, even the appraisal of the horse, he just looked at me and cocked his head and in a serious way, said, "you are very misunderstood". I could not have any time to address that comment, time had run out. I don't see why he could not have just done the right thing. He saw it, but wouldn't help me.
All I asked for was the truth, that is really all I want.
Open Eyes

OE - We are friends here at PC and I hope you will please forgive me if what I write feels hurtful to you, because that is not my intention. I just feel as though I should be honest with you, because as I continue to read your posts in this thread, my thoughts are that that your situation is causing severe health and and also financial issues for you. Your life seems almost to be in a "pause" state, rather than a moving forward state.

While it isn't in my profile here, I also suffer from PTSD. Every time I get into a car, I have to deal with it. But I deliberately chose not to hire a lawyer or attend the sentencing after the event happened years ago. We took pictures, wrote a statement and then let the legal process take over and sentence the guy. I just wonder if I handle my PTSD better because I chose not to let it suck my life away...

Just wanting the best for you. I hope you understand that.

Thanks Caretaker,
Not many people choose to fight back. Some might say that the neighbor might get worse etc. and yes it is a long fight. But if I had not taken on this fight, it would have been worse for me. This, without the lawsuit even, has effected more parts of my life than I could have ever imagined. So, basically my neighbor already did the worst, I lost too much and I have been paying on the debt that should not be mine. As far as my suit goes, I didn't have the right attorney, or I had a good attorney but he is dealing with some kind of issue that is impairing his memory.

And even without the lawsuit, I still would have broke down and ended up in the psychward, there was just too much loss, it was more than I could take both physically and mentally.

Leo, some people have to stand up and fight back, had it not been for those that did fight back I would not have the laws that clearly state that my neighbor is responsible for the damage his dog did to my livestalk. I think about that often Leo and I am one who wants to continue, I do have a good case, it is my attorney that is not doing his job.
I just have been so busy trying to manage the farm, the business loss, and the PTSD that was getting worse without my realizing it that I went into depression. As I have become more familiar with it, I see how it progressed without my knowing.

When I was a little girl, I went for years suffering and I didn't tell. I was afraid and I didn't know what to do and I have learned that we can't live our lives that way. I don't want to be that little girl anymore. I am actually still dealing with a sister that is Dr. Who and thinks she knows it all and she always had to be in charge. Well I had to finally stand up to her and she has no clue to what I deal with, she has it in her head that she can diagnose me with her own self proclaimed all knowingness. And she did that with my mom too and she was wrong. She was convinced my mom had dementia even though the doctor tested my mom and found her to be normal. The one thing my mom did have, was a stroke. And my mom had surgery and had trouble with the anesthesia, again my sister went on that demencia search and against the surgeons advice had a therapist see my mom and give her Rameron antidepressant. Now that made my mom worse and she would not eat, and I have a lot in common with my mom and I could not take Ramaron either, it made me sick. So I had to go into the rehabilitation hospital and listen to my mother complain of being nauseous all the time and she wouldn't eat and was losing weight, and my sister wanted to make sure I didn't talk to the doctor, she still doesn't want me to talk to the doctor. And I had called my sisters daughter and simply left a message for her to call me because I had a quick question. I came home yesterday to a long message on my machine from my sister that went on and on. And I also had stopped to see my mother on Sunday, and they didn't like that, hmm what are they hiding I wonder. And my dad doesn't want any interference because he wants my neice to keep track of my mother and mother really doesn't know anything. So even though I should have the right to know whats going on, I don't get to really know.

My mother and I have always been very close, and I promised my mom that I would not let them put her in a home, because that worries my mom. But in all honesty if that time ever came, I don't know what power I would have. And that is another reason why I wanted my records corrected, because I know my sister will take every opportunity if that time comes to paint me bad. My sister is four years older than me and she was always a controller.

And that part of my life I have not really talked about here. But the battle with the PTSD has made me very careful about being around my mother, especially when I had a flashback in front of my mom that froze me. I would have never wanted that to happen, and it frightened me. And my sister was there when I was told she wasn't there and she triggered it. Thankfully my sister didn't see it because God knows what she would have called that. My sister doesn't know squat about PTSD, and for all I know she may have a hidden worry that I may reveal some things about her in my very early childhood. I think she is hoping I have forgotten. But as many know, those kind of memories are not forgotten.

I am stuck, lawsuit or not, so I might as well follow through. I don't care about the depositions any more. I will do whatever I have to. And I don't have the psychological damage, so they cant get into my past. That part I have left out because my neighbor has no right to know my past.

Today I had a chemical dump, that is probably more from my sisters long condescending message than anything else.

I am still going to do the work, try to find ways to deal with the PTSD and do the best I can.

Leo, that was really nice of you to read all my long posts. I have come to really care about the people here at PC. I know I can't see you all, but it has been so nice to know you all. It has really helped me a lot, I can't say it enough.

Open Eyes

See now when I read this about Christmas, that is really sad, that is really when I wish I lived near you JD. I would definitely send you a card and I would call you and wish you Merry Christmas. I know you struggle and I have that distance too with those that don't understand PTSD. My last Christmas my daughter never called, but now she is coming around. I really would like her to sit with my T and have it explained to her. I know my sister has Dr. Whoed her with her poisen, that really gives me the creeps, actually goes way back, I don't like it.

That is one thing I don't like about PC, we are all so far apart and I have really close feelings and respect for many of the members here and I really wish I could actually visit them and give them a real hug if they need it.

JD, guess what, I never got to take my Christmas decorations down from last year. I never got to it, well, all I have to do now is bring up the little fake tree and Ill be all set. Ugh isn't that awful, I just never got to it this year.
Ofcourse I don't have them up outside, and I just have them in my family room but my mantle over my fireplace is still got the pines with the lights and the Christmas dishes are still in to open hutch and the candle shandaleer is still adorned with greens and my little white caroucel horses. I will just have to blow the decorations off to make sure they are not dusty.

I used to really be into Christmas decorating, wreaths on all the windows and green garland everywhere, wreaths on the barns, very traditional. I have that very traditional taste, country but also I like a little victorian and of course traditional.

I was actually in the process of some projects and then I had some big set backs, surgery and the colonoscopy and then the damaged horses and so I never got the chance to finish. I have to think about that when I get back into my life again.

Well, not to get off track, but I do wish I could make personal rounds on Christmas, that would be really nice, I could go and visit Rose and give her hugs and sit for tea, and stop by and see the Byz. and then swing over to your apartment or whatever. If only we were in a town instead of spread so far apart.

Open Eyes