Things that have been happening here are almost too much for me to deal with right now.

I think part of the problem for me is that there have been some posts which are obviously criticizing another individual. As I tend to the paranoid, I have felt that those comments are about and aimed at me. That has been very difficult for me to deal with.

I would like to ask all of you to accept that there may be two sides to any disagreement. In supporting friends here, some people seem to feel it necessary to attack others. That is what has hurt me. They may not know who has upset their friend. They don’t know both sides of the story. Their comments may not even be aimed at anyone on this site. But because they are such general and public comments it FEELS like it is at me. I doubt that I am the only one to have felt threatened by some of these posts. Shouldn’t comments like this aimed at another person be addressed privately to that person? As it is I have ended up feeling insecure, threatened and attacked, and all in ways that I can do nothing against.

Any suggestions gratefully received.

[SeptemberMorn]

Seems to me you already have part of the answer. You admit that you tend to lean towards paranoia. Before you take something personally, stop and think; try to look at any particular post more rationally. If it's not addressed to you directly, or if it still feels bad, check it out with a mod and get their perspective of it.

I have
They agreed that it was understandable I felt that way. The posts in question weren't addressed to anyone, just vaguely accusing.

[Lexicon78]

I can completely relate to the paranoia you feel about some of the attacking posts. I often feel the same way with the vague posts like this.

The only advice I can give is to ask them directly if they are referring to you. If they say no, then you'll know that it isn't you they're referring to. Instead of running with something, go straight to the source and check for accuracy!

I hope this helps some.

i agree with septmorn and lexie. i also feel that posting something vague is hurtful. we're all here because we are hurting. paranoia runs rampant here, as does other symptoms of our illnesses.

if someone takes advantage of being vague, yet they know exactly who they are referring to.... that is not cool..in my book. take it up in a PM..please, please, please.

read my signature two or three times and think about it. when we're hurt, we may read something into a post that simply isn't there.

i hate for someone to feel hurt and confused over a post that they think might be aimed at them.

why don't we just all promise to not post things about others and take our problems to PMs? wouldn't that make it easier on all of us?

love, pat

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

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Their comments may not even be aimed at anyone on this site. But because they are such general and public comments it FEELS like it is at me.

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I think as you stated that this may be more your issue..as in the paranoia you mentioned than attacks on you ..I cannot see people posting family members names or friends name..maybe friends who are fighting as being helpful to the site *as a whole*..I always ask myself is it me or am I guilty of something and if I am maybe I need to fix it..if I am not then it may be..I am just wrong. I do not suffer paranoia but honestly I cannot see a whole site full of posters watching how they words things and names of friends and family being posted just to help your paranoia..I think maybe you could take this up with T???

[Greenleaves]

You're not alone Caroline. At lot of the time I feel like things are about me or directed at me even if the person says that it was not about me. I still think that I must have influenced her/his thoughts.

I think we have to realize that people are flawed. People have bad days. I think most of the time people don't have bad intentions but once in a while they may. We just have to have enough self esteem to know that it is more about them than it is about ourselves.

Sorry if my post isn't all that reassuring...

All I can do is be non judgemental and treat everyone with kindness and forgiveness...hopefully it will rub off on others.

[(JD)]

I totally understand what you mean, Caroline (or at least I think I do.) Yes, the vagueness at times, especially when it is obviously an onsite type comment, does put many members into a tailspin, imo.

Yes, I also think it should be taken up in PM... but even with that, all posts, threads, chats, PMs are to be supportive. Countering what someone else says needs careful consideration, imo... and is difficult, to say the least. I know I feel that if noone replies to someone's thread starter, then it's out there like: this is truth, everyone agrees...so some posts need a response for that fact alone?

IMO a thread that begins asking for opinions is different than one that shares how one is feeling, needing support, don't you?

The good thing about a community like PC, is once a member gains a little confidence, and understanding of how some members always respond, they do better IRL..having developed a slightly better perspective.

I hope you will feel comfortable posting here in the future... as it takes posts to keep the site useful

[SeptemberMorn]

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it FEELS like it is at me.

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Something I learned in therapy: Feelings are NOT FACTS. Check of accuracy. Maybe that will help you.

Thank you Sky, Faye, Greenleaves and Lexicon for your empathy and your willingness to try to understand what I was inadequately trying to convey. Septembermorn and Sleeps, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to convey it to you. I could try to answer every point you made, but I don’t feel there is any point in prolonging the discussion; it clearly polarizes opinions and I don’t want to do that. I would like to make the point that I wasn’t trying to say that my feelings were right, and I recognize that they are feelings not facts; I was trying to explain those feelings in the hope of understanding, for I don’t believe people here WANT to hurt others any more than I have ever wanted to hurt others in my posts or pms.. I thought in explaining some of my hurt it might help others in their clearly genuine desire to support.
So be it. I have decided I need to take a break from here, for the sake of my mental health. At the moment I am clearly not balanced or rational enough to be here. I have put my email in my profile in case there is anyone who wants to keep in touch. Thank you to all those of you who have offered me support. I have tried to be supportive in return. I will miss many of you.

[LMo]

Caroline, I'm sorry - I'm know that I'm not very good about having enough empathy for feelings when (as September said) they aren't clearly supported by facts. Jan recently called me 'pragmatic' and it was a good descriptor, although I never thought of myself that way before. I know that this is a personal deficit and I hate how I have gotten myself in trouble a few times on this site by not being able to focus on a friend's FEELINGS exclusive of the facts. I'm really, really sorry. I will work on that.

Anyway, I do wish you the best of luck and while I generally don't communicate with people outside of PC via email, I will think of you often and keep an eye out to welcome you should you decide to return.

((( Caroline ))) take good care of yourself,
Love,
LMo

[SeptemberMorn]

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At the moment I am clearly not balanced or rational enough to be here.

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This site isn't here for the "balanced or rational."

Some of us, in giving "support," say things that we think you may need to hear, rather than what you WANT to hear.

I'm one that is all for taking responsibility for my own actions and my own thoughts. I've even been known for taking "constructive" critisism and checking to see "if the shoe fits." Perhaps I came on too strong. I'm sorry for that.

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry to hear your decision to leave PC. While we really don't know each other I hate to see anyone who is hurting such as you lose a means of support. I would like to hope that everyone can resolve their issues in an amiable manner but maybe I am being unrealistic. If you decide to leave good luck to you a nd I wish you my best. Please take care.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I was merely supporting you by using what you yourself said on your paranoia by suggesting you talk to your T about this in case it is indeed paranoia. It is possible as YOU said that is what its about and maybe that can be helped and you can still enjoy the site. I am one to see both sides of a coin and this IS possible..maybe nobody is talking about you ..but by all means do what you feel is best for you

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Caroline)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))