[Foolish]

Wow yea. That's what it feels like when I come to this site now. I haven't posted anything in a long time but by the looks of it the old crowd has disapeared. I'm speaking in reference to the many post's such as "MJ????" or "Mary Alice?????". Yea. It's crazy how fast people can come and feel a part of this group. I know I had a hard time connecting and in the end found no real reason to be here. I mean these are people I don't even know who try to comfort me and tell me all the wonderful thing's about myself. How do you believe a person you've never met? I know I can't. Personal connection is huge for me and well that explains my digression from this site. I hope everyone is doing well and things such as that. I will write some post's here and there just to let you know I'm still alive on this godforsaken land.

To all the noobs, Hello.

Ian

PS I am the lamest most boring person you will ever meet.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

[splash]

Hi Ian,

I don't know if a noob is a good thing or not. I'm part of that "old crowd" that seems to have disappeared, for awhile anyways. As for myself, sometimes life happens, and I have a hard time doing anything halfway, which means, if I start reading these posts, I like to respond to them, but then there are so many posts to respond to that it literally takes hours. In the meantime, life happens.

There may be no reason to be here or there may be many reasons to be here. It is what it is, I suppose. Trust and belief in people is something that does not come easily for me. There's always that risk of getting hurt in any relationship. If I had better self-esteem, it probably wouldn't be as great a deal.

Thanks for keeping us posted on how you're doing.

And, Hello there.

splash

[LMo]

Hey Foolish!
You know, I have been thinking about you, even just yesterday. Many of the crowd that was here when you last posted is now gone, and those that remain don't seem to be as cohesive as they once were. But it's probably a natural turnover cycle on internet forums; don't know. Anyway, I am GLAD to know that you're still around. I'd love to hear what you've been up to if you want to PM me. My life has gotten worse and better at the same time, but I'm hanging in there.

Thanks so much for checking in,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[PlanningtoLive]

Ian,

I am sorry that you felt no real reason to be here. From my corner of this group, I "know" these people here better than some people in 3D............they are an open, genuinely caring group of people - if you allow them to be. Maybe that was the problem?

You don't have to meet someone for them to know you. Looks don't matter - open, honest communication does.

Glad you are doing well.

Mary Alice

[darkeyes]

Thanks

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Fuzzybear]

Good post M A

[LMo]

I don't know... I feel the same way that Foolish does. I'm not feeling like I fit in, either, and it's not because I wasn't open to the friendships.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[Fuzzybear]

I dunno LMo ... but I've been missing you in chat.

[LMo]

Scared to go into Chat... too much hostility... but I miss you too, Fuzzy. Thanks for writing that.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[LadyDragus]

{{{{{{{{{{{{ LMo }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love you..
Miss you so much..
Have been kinda worried, but did not know how to contact you..

keep us in yuoru heart, cuase you are in mine

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[PlanningtoLive]

LMo, I've missed you also. You are very much loved on here.

Mary Alice

[heatherm]

I will be honest Ian....I usually avoid your posts. You negativity towards some of us here bothers me. I just have one question - You wrote "Personal connection is huge for me and well that explains my digression from this site." If personal connection is so huge - why come here? What were you looking for when you first came here? I am not trying to stir anything up....just a question that's all.

Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}

How are you doing?

I am a bit puzzled by your comment of you not fitting in? I did notice that there were a few posts asking about you for a while now. Is everything ok?


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[darkeyes]

Heather, I am puzzled by "foolish" and LMo's comments, can't people let bygones be bygones? Isn't that what families strive for? On the other hand if people go to places and do not find what they are looking for isn't it nature then to continue to go elsewhere to find such place?
I have been very fortunate in "chat", I have never come across anyone being hostile to anyone there, I think if anyone has they should try to iron it out or speak to "admin" about it.
"Chat" can be a fun place and supportive too
Hope all is well for y'all and enjoy the weekend.

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[heidu]

I don't know that it's a case of letting "bygones be bygones". I feel the same way and it has nothing to do with anything that has happened or a problem with anyone. I just don't feel like I fit in here. There are people here I "know" pretty well but I don't have anything to say. Maybe it's just me, don't know.
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
Unknown

[darkeyes]

That was beautiful, did you write that?
If not, is there more poetry/verses to that and written by who?
If you have time can you post the author and/or book it can be found in, I'd like to add to my collection.
I hope you are doing alright and wish you the best

** hugs **

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[heatherm]

I agree with Darkeyes...what happened in the past happened in the past. That was why I let Ian know that I usually avoid his posts but thought I would ask him a question...I am just curious as well as I do wish well for him.

Can I ask why there seems to be a problem of fitting in then lately? I know myself, I will pm or post messages to those that seem to not be around lately...that is my concern and support to them. If they choose to not respond I cannot do anymore right? It is up to that person to stay in touch if they want to.

I also took part of my signature out of my response to Ian as well...he had mentioned before that he was uncomfortable with hugs so I respected that.

Also, I have been in chat several times and never saw any hostility? Gosh that sounds so harsh....


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[heidu]

DE,
Unfortunetaly I did not write that but I also thought it was beautiful. I have no idea who wrote it. I got it off a greeting card somewhere...don't know where.
Wish you the best too,
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
Unknown

[heidu]

Heather,
I think the feeling that some of us are having is because of different reasons. I am not agreeing with Anyone and my reasons for feeling the way I do are my reasons. Just maybe the feeling is simular.

I have posted many times to Foolish and he as well as anyone who read them knows what I think about that.

I didn't mean to say that I don't feel cared about here. I do very much. I know there are people here who care for me a great deal and I feel the same about them. Yourself included. It's not even that I don't want to stay in touch but more that right now I can't. I have been thinking alot about this and here's what I have come up with:

I am not happy in my life. It is hard. It takes alot of energy to get thru the day. There is something I receive here and that is the ability to help people. To support and encourage and maybe give some advice. That is good. It makes me feel productive and that maybe I have done something to help someone.

The down side of that is it becomes very draining and it takes away from me focusing on my own needs and taking care of myself. It is too easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing and forget or ignore my own needs and what I should be doing for myself. Selfish maybe but I think most of us agree that we need to care for ourselves first.

I stopped doing that. I focused alot of time and energy into talking, helping and being here. I stopped focusing on my own needs. It caught up with me. I am on my way back up but every bit of my energy and focus is on me. Trying to figure out what I need to do to make my life better because I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I want to live my quote.

I do get hugs and kind words from people here and that's nice but it isn't solving my problems and no amount of hugs or kind words will. I need answers that can't be answered by anyone else but me. What was at first isolation when I crashed became a realization that what I need are people in my every day life. I know some people like to think of this place as part of thier real life and it is but for me I need more. It's nice to have friends online but I don't want them to be the only ones and I don't want my best friends to be at the other end of my computer. I am sorry if that is hurtful to anyone but that is MY reality. I don't have a wonderful husband or significant other or family that really cares about me and they are far away anyway. I am trying to build my life again. I don't have the basics that friends on the comp add to. I need to get the foundation first.

Does this make any sense? I hope so. I do care about people here. I am just prioritizing and taking care of my needs right now.

Hugs,
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
Unknown

[SeptemberMorn]

Hostility? In chat, Hun? Wow... I'm glad I've missed it! I didn't think too many here got all that hostile. I'm sorry you had to go through that. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

He's making a list and checking it twice...

[PlanningtoLive]

Heidu,

I understand how you feel. Sometimes you can get so wrapped up here with everyone that you do forget about other things.

I admire the fact that you are taking care of YOU, and that you want more for yourself. Online people can never take the place of 3D, although some of us try, like myself.

You know I have no one in 3D that I really connect with (excluding my T and Alex) and that it does get lonely. The problem is that I bury those feelings and simply spend more time here.

I hope you find the happiness that you seek and deserve. You are a wonderful person.

Mary Alice

[LMo]

Thanks Sept, Heather, Fuzzy, Lady, Heidu, and MA... your kindness means a lot. I'm not overly sensitive to hostility (which might not have been the precise word I was looking for, but that's not important right now) but a few incidents here, in Chat and otherwise, have left me feeling very uncomfortable to try to help others or to ask for help for myself. I still learn by reading other people's posts, which is why I haven't "gone elsewhere" as suggested. It's not a matter of letting bygones be bygones... I see the same behavior continuing among others, unrelated to me, so I know that it's not just a matter of me letting it go.

I miss all of you and would love to keep in contact via PM or otherwise... as I said, I still lurk on this board pretty much daily, so in the background, I am cheering your successes and hurting when you hurt.

Heather - I am thinking about you often, and although I'm not religious, I "pray" for you and your nephew Daniel in my own way

MA - you HAVE been quiet lately, but I've been wondering how your new job is going and whether you still are travelling very much. And how is Alex adjusting to your new routine?

Heidu - I'm sorry that the meds are having the weird side effects. Thank you very much for your external support -- as I said before, things got much worse but right now we seem to be on a bit of an upswing, and I'm grateful for that. I hope you wowed the Norskies with your Thanksgiving dinner this year. I'm embarrassed to say that I never made it to the grocery store and didn't cook until yesterday (Friday).

Fuzzy - your thought-provoking questions kick butt in a //39 kind of way. I certainly miss you in Chat also... you know that you were my favorite -- you are a spectacular reader ("listener"), have remarkable objectivity, definitely win the award for the best use of emoticons, but you stay up entirely too late and I worry about you!

LadyD - I got your egreeting - that was so so so sweet of you and it came at a time when I really needed some kindness. It had been an awful set of days otherwise. I replied back with an egreeting to you, but I never received confirmation (from Yahoo Greetings) that you received it.

Sept - your life seems to be sailing smoothly now that your court case is over. Just a few more days until Check #1 arrives! Yay!

Foolish (if we haven't scared you off yet) - #1: you are not boring and you know it but maybe you just need to hear people tell that to you as reinforcement. Ok. You have a lot offer and I think you're doing yourself a big disservice when you push people away by putting yourself down or by saying that people aren't capable of giving you the kind of friendship you are looking for. Good friendships and trust are not instantaneous - they take time to build on both sides. #2: you once told me that you were surprised that I understood you, and that you sent my posting to some of your friends to help them understand you as well. So yeah, it hasn't been in-person, but I liked to think that you got something out of at least that particular post, if not all of the help and friendship the others here have tried to give you.

Peace,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[Sam]

Hello Foolish - nice to see you posting.

I strongly believe trust is something one earns, but to do that, one has to be honest and put forth an effort too. It is difficult to trust one that doesn't trust you or anyother.

Not all that reply to one's post will always be honest, although for the vast majority I do believe it so. For it takes a lot of effort to post and reply. I would think it would take a very foolish person to spend all that time posting and replying if they were being dishonest.

For this being an online forum - one must be willing to trust (and it does have to work both ways) or there is no reason to post or participate - unless one is subject to playing games, and if and when that case may be, it always shows.

As for one being able to acquire answers - sometimes, but I do believe those that do take the time and spend the effrot to reply do so in the very best of attentions.

Family and friends have pressures on them when asked for serious and important answers we so seek, and may somewhat feel cautious about being truthful with us because they may not wish to take a chance of hurting our feelings or ruining the relationship.

Here - one may discuss what bothers them without having to wake up the next day and look the person in the eye. That makes it easier for people to be honest and to seek answers to whatever it is that bothers them. It also makes it easier for others to answer. Sure - one may not always get the answers they seek, but they are sure to receive support - from people that do care.

And the beautiful thing about friendshsips, is that they can be formed online. Where is it written that only good people are those next door? Or that one has to see another before they can decide of they like them?

To say you can't believe one unless you know them personally is to say you can't trust them either and that is I believe selling everyone short - including yourself.

Somewhere at sometime, one has to make that first step and then another, but that first step will be the hardest - it always is. I would think it would be better to have believed and discovered different later, to have trusted than to never having someone to trust and to have trust you back, to have loved (regardless of how it turned out) and lost than to never have loved at all. I hope you see where I'm going with this. Perhaps some soul-searching will help.

Personally, I believe one is able to forge great friendships online. Not seeing them at work or whenever I go to socialize also means I don't have to stop doing whatever it is I may be doing when the phone rings to talk with them. I am able to talk and communicate to them whenever I wish, by email, by IM on even in some chat room. Online friendships remove much of the unwanted batter we experience with people next door.

The bottom line is life is what you make it. Sure we have drawbacks, but the thing is, if one doesn't put forth much of an effort, how can they expect to get much in return?

I don't always expect for people to agree with me whenever I post but I do expect for them to believe me - if they don't believe me - why should I waste my time and theirs? (I've added this after I posted - sorry for the changes)

Your friend Sam

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."

[SeptemberMorn]

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sam}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

Good to see YOU posting again! I've missed you. Is everything okay with you?



He's making a list and checking it twice...

[Fuzzybear]

I think maybe I know what LMo meant, but it was a while ago, and it was a misunderstanding. Or maybe I am way off here. . But there are occasionally people who keep repeating the same patterns, and this can become frustrating.

LMo, if you read this, I haven't seen any hostility in chat here for a long time, and having hung out on a couple of other boards, I have seen a lot more hostility there! IMO, this chat is, in general, a safe and friendly one.

Hugs,
Fuzzy

P.S. Hey Sam, it's great to see you posting! We must have posted at the same time (and I must have written my post very slowly ..)