[Ohlostme]

(I posted this on the Dr Phil board, too, in case anyone lurks over there...)

This post is going to be WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY out there, but it's something that has me concerned (more than), and I want to mention it in case anyone else has ever experienced this.

My life has been bad for so long, I can hardly remember when it wasn't. I've been into metaphysics...well, my whole adult life. For a VERY long time, I've been told by astrologers, card readers, psychics, that really great things were coming to me. Yes, I know some folks believe that these people are charlatans, but I've been "read" by some people who were remarkably accurate, even spookily so. I've waited and waited but good stuff just hasn't come. In fact, it can be said that things have gotten worse and worse. No, I don't believe these people were just telling me what I want to hear. I've turned over the tarot cards myself and seen the results. (I used to read tarot, so I know what the cards mean. Nobody rigged them).

Today, I read my horoscopes (I'm Capricorn, on the Cusp of Aquarius, with an Aquarius moon & a Libra rising, so I read Capricorn, Aquarius and Libra horoscopes every day). They all said that this day was the day of BIG change in my life. (Change for the better) Specifically: "You've been ready for success -- and finally, success is ready for you. This is thrilling -- but also just the teensiest bit scary. Everything's coming your way, and that means change -- big change -- is in the works...There's no question, this has been a long time coming. But today the change for which you've been hoping for so long is likely to occur…Embrace the unexpected like an old and dear friend"

Except that...NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY THAT WAS GOOD! In fact, the opposite can be said. So, what's the problem? I'm not only frustrated, I feel like screaming, shaking, crying. I want the good things to come, finally, SOOOO much, I've waited SOOOO long, and worked SOOOO hard. I've been SOOO patient. And, when the horoscopes say that today is finally the day, and nothing happens...it's sort of like having someone propose to you and then, on your wedding day, they don't show up for the wedding. You know what I mean?

The point isn't that I shouldn't believe what these people say, the point is that I'm WAAAAYYYY overdue for something good to happen, at the end of my rope waiting for it, and I feel deprived of something I've damned well earned that I feel has been withheld from me.

I've been depressed for a while. This no-show, big (great) life change is enough to put me even more on the "nothing good ever happens to me" depression treadmill. Sigh...

Can you relate?

[almostangela]

Hello Ohlostme.

What does 'something good to happen" mean to you? What would it look like? I have two thoughts on this but only you can answer it. 1. What if you went to a fair and were really excited for months about going on your first rollercoaster ride and you could hardly wait for the thrill to come. The you get onto it, go for a ride, and wonder why it wasn't as thrilling as you expected it to be. Is your anticipating clouding the experiences?

or

In order to feel something intense, you need a comparison and with you now feeling so disappointed in life, when something good comes your way you will feel it more intensely. So, metaphysically speaking, you will get what you desire, but you first need to feel the depths of the opposite in order to appreciate what you are heading for.

In any event, life is guaranteed to change but it will never come fast enough to those that are in the muck and mire of things so your impatience is justified. If I may suggest shaking up your world a little. Do something daring (but still safe) like going into a bar one afternoon and ordering a drink and see if anyone comes to talk to you and accepting what happens. Or, go to a karokee place and sing your heart out, even if you can't sing.

Six years ago in this month, I started yelling at God to get me out of my muck an put me on the track I belong. A month later the bottom fell out of my life and I went through a ton of turmoil. Now I can say, I have never felt this happy and content in my entire life. I look back and can't beleive how bad things had been for me and am surprised that they are so good now. I wouldn't suggest yelling at God, but I would suggest holding your faith.

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">[b] You think that's way out there? HEHEHE you haven't been around me long.

I live this "stuff." The problem as I see it is you can't find the forest for the trees, so to speak.

Even I, who can draw inanimate items into my path of life, could not just expect something good to happen overnight...IF I hadn't developed a lifestyle that supports that. (In general. I always allow for the large miracle to happen.)

What I mean is that you need to find every good thing in your life and begin to appreciate those things first. Daily, constantly. Next, you need to expect good in your daily life...not the biggie event but all the little "trees" of goodness. Take nothing for granted. (You're being able to come to PC is a good thing many ppl forget about. Having internet is good. Having cable or a phone? etc and that just beginning with the good things along one line!)

In quantum physics it's been proven that you create what you want. Not only can you see what you want, but the act of observing changes what might normally happen into what YOU EXPECT to happen. Do you believe this? I do.

The Bible also speaks of this effect, when it refers to faith. It says FAITH IS the substance... that you must act like it is for it to be so!!! How metaphysical is that!!

I firmly believe that everyone can learn to do this. It takes work. I have been working on this for many years... and yet am struggling with drawing animate beings into my path... the inanimate I can do in less than 2 weeks and often within the hour... (What I'm talking about exactly is like, well, take something simple like a yellow ball... I INTEND to find a yellow ball in my normal pathway as I come and go. When I make that intention and believe it...I can often walk out the door and voila` there's a yellow ball lying in my yard!)

What is important is that you BELIEVE this...and there is a difference you will learn between thinking it and wanting it, to really "knowing" you believe.

Some ppl call this karma, but I believe Karma to be for the "next" world. However, taking the idea of karma... if you do good and expect good, you will receive good and see good. (Simplistic, I know.)

Often there is an element of NOT ALLOWING something to come to you. Unconscious feelings that you don't deserve good things can block your conscious intent. That's why I suggest beginning with something simple like that yellow ball... there's no guilt or shame involved in a simply yellow ball, imo, and you can allow that easier than say, the lottery, which you might not feel you deserve etc.

There are many books out there defining the process... choose the one you can follow and believe... and think -intend- good things in your life!

[Ohlostme]

Thanks, almostangela and sky. Lots to think about and respond to.

“What does 'something good to happen’ mean to you?”

Ahhh. THAT’s the question. When I had an acting career and would get a prediction like that, I always thought it meant an acting job was coming. But it didn’t always come. And I wondered if it was actually something else that was being predicted, but I didn’t know what. I was interpreting it one way, but my interpretation could have been a bit off. Now, when I think of good things coming, I’m thinking of a script sale, a book sale, a lottery win – something that will bring in a lot of money that will, ultimately, allow me to move out of California and back east, which is my Big Dream. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what’s being predicted. It’s just my interpretation of it. REALLY frustrating.

“Is your anticipating clouding the experiences?”

Inevitably.

” metaphysically speaking, you will get what you desire, but you first need to feel the depths of the opposite in order to appreciate what you are heading for.”

Oh, believe me, I’ve FELT the depths, all right…Decades-worth of depths. I’m READY for the contrast.

”In any event, life is guaranteed to change but it will never come fast enough to those that are in the muck and mire of things”

AMEN!

“Six years ago in this month, I started yelling at God to get me out of my muck an put me on the track I belong…I wouldn't suggest yelling at God, but I would suggest holding your faith.”

Oh, I have SO been there and SO done that. I’m glad it worked for you. My “God” turned a deaf ear, or just doesn’t care (my perception. Religious fanatics may disagree. I love their cop out, when people say “I prayed for something and God didn’t answer my prayer.” And they say, “Yes, he did. Sometimes the answer is ‘no’.” YEAH, RIGHT!).

”Even I, who can draw inanimate items into my path of life, could not just expect something good to happen overnight...IF I hadn't developed a lifestyle that supports that. “

I don’t expect something good to happen overnight. I’ve spent YEARS working my butt off for some kind of break that never seems to come. ‘They’ say “you make your own luck/opportunities.” Maybe. But I’ve worked very hard for a long time and haven’t seen results. I think I could be working hard, but not smart. Wish I knew how to smarten up…

”…you need to find every good thing in your life and begin to appreciate those things first. Daily, constantly.”

I’ve read those books, too. And I do. On a moment-to-moment basis, regularly, I’m saying things like “universe, I’m grateful for that beautiful tree”…or “universe, I’m grateful that I was able to get from point A to point B in the car, safely,” etc. BUT, when what you want is an out-of-state move (the money to make one and start a new lifestyle), and you have to be grateful for little things like having a phone…yes, I know having a phone is a luxury. Everyone doesn’t have one and would be grateful for one, if I’m not grateful for mine. I just spent the better part of a month with phone problems, and I AM grateful to finally have service restored. But, do you know how demoralizing it is to have to be grateful for every little thing, because you haven’t been able to get the real “blessings” that your heart longs for? Things that other people have and take for granted, but that would mean the world to you, and yet you can’t seem to have or make happen, no matter what you do? It makes me feel helpless, pathetic and SOOOO demoralized. Like a poor relative.

“Next, you need to expect good in your daily life...not the biggie event but all the little "trees" of goodness. “

That’s one that I can’t say I can really swing. There’s been too much bad for too long for me to expect good. I hope for it, I sometimes pray for it, but expect it? That’d be a stretch for me.

“In quantum physics it's been proven that you create what you want. Not only can you see what you want, but the act of observing changes what might normally happen into what YOU EXPECT to happen. Do you believe this? I do.”

I’ve been getting “into” quantum physics, since last year (after seeing “What the Bleep”). When I was a teenager, I was very into mind over matter, and I saw results. I also practiced witchcraft and saw some results. But making lots of money appear so I can change my lifestyle and location of where I live – that’s one I haven’t been able to bring about, for all of the visualizations, etc.

”you must act like it is for it to be so!!!”

Yeah, faith is something that I’m seriously short on, at the moment.

“I believe Karma to be for the "next" world.”

I don’t. I can’t explain why some people seem to get all sorts of things with little or no effort, but others struggle for years and can’t manage to get what they want, no matter what they do. I have to believe it’s some people’s karma to have some things, and other people’s karma not to. Simplistic, but it’s all my brain can currently accept.

“Often there is an element of NOT ALLOWING something to come to you. Unconscious feelings that you don't deserve good things can block your conscious intent.”

Yeah, well, considering my low self esteem, that could also be part of why so little good seems to happen to me.

“think -intend- good things in your life!”

Would that that was all it took…Thanks for the wisdom.

[eskielover]

Along these thoughts, I wanted to relate an experience that I went through with my Mother. She was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. She prayed to God that he would heal her & that she would get better & continue living her life & enjoy the vacation she wanted to spend with her boyfriend in Hawaii. She went to a surgeon that she was told was an excellent surgeon. She went through the chemo & radiation before they could ever do the surgery because the cancer had spread too far & the tumor was too large to do the surgery on. Finally after a year of chemo & radiation, they did the surgery. The surgeon came out of the OR saying that "he got it all". From that point, my mother told me that God had given her the surgeon to save her life. From the point of the surgery, she continually had worse & worse problems, but she still believed that God had answered her prayers & the prayers of all her friends.

I had her hospitalized several months after her surgery for blood clots in her legs & I am sure that she had a mild stroke a few days before that hospitalization which no one would check for. When she was discharged from that hospitalization she could no longer get around with her walker & was going down hill daily. She kept asking me when she was going to get better because that was what she prayed. It wasn't until I told her that God's answer to her prayers wasn't going to be what she was wanting or expecting, but when she dies, she no longer will have the cancer.....& that was going to be God's answer to her prayers. She could no longer speak at that point, but the small squeeze of her hand let me know that she realized that what I said was true.

It isn't that anyone's God's answer is "no'. It is that the answer is a different answer than what "we expect it to be". We need to be open to whatever answer we get & continue to live our lives the best we can with what we are given. My feelings about prayers is that it is just a method of letting God know what we would like in our lives.....not what is going to happen because we want it. We have to live our lives the way they are. We can have plans that we want to have happen, but changes happen to us everyday & we have to deal with the reality of our everyday life. We can direct our future the best way we can, but that doesn't determine the actual outcome that reality gives us to work with.

I have found that when I deal with the reality of the world around me, I am much better off than trying to make it into something that it isn't or expecting something that isn't going to happen. Reality is what it is & that is the basis of everyones lives......we can't change what reality is no matter how hard we try or how much we ignore it.

Debbie

[Ohlostme]

Thanks, eskielover. As for reality, I think trying to do anything with reality is like trying to nail jello to a wall. When I was in Mensa, I used to argue with people about reality. I thought that there were absolutes, and other people argued that it's all in the eye of the beholder. Years down the line, I think they're right. What's Ashleigh Brilliant's quote: "I have abandoned reality and am now looking for a good fantasy" or something like that? Amen.

I'm "trying" to accep that I'm "supposed' to be where I am, in pite of how much pain it causes me. That there must be some lesson I haven't learned form it yet (and I'll be able to move on when I have). I have a greeting card I got in a metaphysical store. It says: "This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you." Talk about believing that God doesn't love me! LOL

Then there's that line from Desiderata :
"And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. " A very scary and demoralizing thought to me.


I just want to/have to believe that somewhere out there is a secret for how to change things and make them better. I just haven't found it yet. (I hope I live long enough to find it...)

[almostangela]

I read your post and it is like my own thoughts a few years back. Logical thoughts that go around and around and around. You are given words of wisdom, and you practice them to perfection and still nothing. Others just sluff though life and get everything. You work harder than anyone you know, and still nothing. I'm trying to think of what it was that changed me and helped me feel more content and I can only hope that there is something in this that will help you. After I yelled at God (this time it was different and I think it was because emotionally I hit bottm) my whole world spiralled to the bottom. I went from a house in the high end of the city, to stealing food for my kids in a year. I was a bit of an overachiever and suddenly I couldn't barely get out of bed.
What happened in the course of those 2 horrible years was that I had to learn to give up and as someone pointed out, drift down the stream on faith. Giving up control was the hardest part because my survival instincts wants to hang onto every advantage (log) that I could, but it was all slipping out of my hands. My lesson was to give up and allow things to be. We are born to perceive the way life should be. Nice home, a few luxuries, good friends, good health, etc. However, life is sooooo much more than we perceive. It's like you are in a backyard and the fence is high and everything outside the fense is noisy and kinda scarey so you never go out. But, once you go out, the scarey noise is actually laughter and you have to ask, how do I get there...darn, boss arrived, more later, okay?

[BluBird]

Just popping in - I don't have any words of wisdom to add (because I'm going thru a similar thing right now) but almostangela &amp; _Sky - your words are very encouraging. almostangela: your words about being an overachiever and then barely getting out of bed describe me to a tee. Thank you -

[Ohlostme]

Well, folks, just to make sure we all get our laugh for the day...

I guess the horoscopes were right (about the great things coming to me). Congratulate me -- I got fired from my job today.

It's good because I hated the obnoxious supervisor I had to work with (I've only been there 3 weeks. Everyone else in the place seemed nice, but her. The 2 of us who had to work with her, could not tolerate her BS. WHAT a personality! UGH). It's bad because I'm out of work again. Sigh.

So, just to make sure I get a really big laugh, my horoscopes for today said: "If your perfect plan met with an untimely demise, it's because the universe didn't think it was the right strategy for the moment. See what you can salvage and learn from this." Heck, yeah! Then another one said: "An increase in money could bring a lot of happiness and good feeling into your home. You might be a bit concerned as to how to keep the energy going, but don't worry about it. All signs are that your success and good fortune are going to be around for a while." Huh? What success and good fortune were those - losing my job and having to go back on unemployment? Is that where the big money is coming from???? NOT!!

This is me, diddling my lower lip...bubbiebubbiebubbie

[almostangela]

This is great, Ohlostme!. No, really. You want to move to California, but can't see how you can do that without this big gob of money you were promised. Well, the money hasn't come yet and may be a while because you can't hurry destiny, but by putting you on a different path, you can find another way to get there. It could come in a form of opportunity through appling for jobs in that area, you just picking up and moving, or meeting people to get the skills you need to get there. Unemployment sucks, but it sounds like you were stuck and you are getting what you asked for. Big requests require big changes. Hang in there. In a year from now you will look back and say that losing your job was the best thing that could have happened to you. You can handle this. It's all good.

One more comment on the money part. The money is only a vehicle to which you will get what you really desire. What if the vehicle you travel in is a beat up junker, but you get there faster and easier? Is it just the money you want, or freedom, or lifestyle, or??

[almostangela]

Hey Bluebird. Nice to meet you. Maybe you could post your own thread about your overacheiving and burnout. I'm sure there are a few of us that can relate and help you along the way.

[Perna]

I believe one's perception has a lot to do with one's life and how it goes. Waiting for something to happen or come TO you gives you all the power. The perception is that one feels one gets to judge what's "good." However, bad things can be good too. We really learn most from mistakes and, for me, it follows that bad times are learning times and I'm in this thing to learn so. . .

When I feel stuck I try to remember I believe that everyone who comes into our life each day is there for a purpose, has a "message" for us. Trying to figure out why someone shows up in my life and says/does a certain thing at a certain time more than makes me feel blessed and cared for. Works for posts too; your questioning and concerns Ohlostme have given me much food for thought today.

[desirae]

First off hun, sitting around waiting for this good stuff to happen is a waste of time, I think what you need is to go out and make your own good, no more waiting around for magic to happen...ya know.

You can believe in what you want, I respect that, but you always have to remember that you pay these people to read cards, believe me there is no possible way to have accuracy for every person.

I hope you find your strength to venture out and find your own good stuff.

[Ohlostme]

To almostangela:
“You want to move to California, but can't see how you can do that without this big gob of money you were promised. Well, the money hasn't come yet and may be a while because you can't hurry destiny, but by putting you on a different path, you can find another way to get there.”

Yeah, very possibly. BTW, I want to get OUT of California, not move TO it. I miss the change of seasons terribly. I want to be in New England, or maybe upstate Michigan?

“Big requests require big changes. Hang in there. In a year from now you will look back and say that losing your job was the best thing that could have happened to you.”

Yeah, maybe. When I’m in a bad situation, I try to think of what my perception of it could be a year in advance. Helps give me perspective. I hope this time next year I don’t recognize my life, so much good change has come. I’m not stressing out over this firing (yet). I’m glad to get out of there. Of course, I don’t have much savings, and unemployment doesn’t pay much, so I can’t afford to be unemployed for too long. Still, anything could happen.

”Is it just the money you want, or freedom, or lifestyle, or??”

Lifestyle, absolutely. Money will help me make that out of state move, though.

To desirae:
“I hope you find your strength to venture out and find your own good stuff.”

Thanks. I’ll try. I’m nothing if not tenacious.

To perna:
“When I feel stuck I try to remember I believe that everyone who comes into our life each day is there for a purpose, has a ‘message’ for us. Trying to figure out why someone shows up in my life and says/does a certain thing at a certain time more than makes me feel blessed and cared for.”

I try to remember that everyone/everything that comes into my life is there for a purpose, too. Baffles me, though, when they’re mean or bad. Makes it hard to imagine what the purpose was (like I haven't taken enough abuse already?). And certainly doesn’t make ME feel blessed and cared for…

Thanks, guys.

[Ohlostme]

I’m getting those horoscopes again --
“A change of luck shows you that a prize is dangling well within reach… you achieve a long-sought-after goal, and you're about to reap many financial benefits.”

The thing is, I’ve noticed a lessening of bad things in my life, in the last couple of months, but nothing really great. While a lessening of the bad things is nice, it’s sort of like dying of thirst and being given a thimbleful of water, instead of a glass of water. I feel like my life has been a war zone, and there’s been a cease fire. But what I want is to win the Nobel Prize or the lottery or something. I’m tired of settling. I’ve always referred to my life as an “at least” life – you know, “at least you have a roof over your head,” “at least you’ve got food in the frig,” etc. While I watch other people live in nice houses, with families who care about them, money in the bank, and successful careers. I’m trying to be grateful for tidbits. Then I get horoscopes like these, and I hope and pray so much that they’re going to be right. But nothing has come yet (if it ever will). I don’t want to stop reading them – it’s the only thing that gives me hope. But it also causes great anxiety. Gawd…