I hate myself

I don't daydream about getting a cool job or a nice girlfriend anymore because in the end I still have to be me, and I don't like being me.

here is an embarassed icon for all the different ways in which i dislike myself.

It, I am so glad you are you. You make me smile, you have a great since of humor, you are encouraging, and you make me like coming to chat. You are not near as unlikable as you think.

What is it that you don't like about yourself? Please make a list so that we can determine what can be improved or (even a little bit) modified to make your life more bearable.

Our dreams do not define us. Rather, our actions define us. These dreams sound more like goals. However, when setting goals, you also have to determine HOW you are going to achieve them. In other words, having goals are useless unless you have plans on how to make them come about.

1. My voice.
2. My intelligence
3. my appearance
4. my hands
5. my lack of skill at anything
6. my depressive mind
7. my lack of flexibility or ability to come up with new ideas or even phrases

That's seven to begin with.

your voice - I can't vouch for, I have never heard it

your intelligence - you are like me, you know so much about things that are out of the ordinary, so that makes you extraordinary, correct. Animals, pigs, tv shows.

your appearance - I'd love to see a picture of you, you should put one up here. I did and I am not pretty at all.

your hands- again never seen them. But how can you have ugly hands?

your lack of skill - totally not true. you know lots about computers, more then me any way, and you are very skilled w/ animals

your depressive mind - we all have something, this is not sane central, it makes us unique

your lack of flexability - no, yu have to stand for something or you will fall for anything.

These are my opinions. We are always so hard on our selves.

I don't have the greatest of voices either - it's rather high for a guy. Speaking slowly and assuredly makes my voice sound better. Also, what you say is more important than how it sounds. If you have something to say then people will be more apt to listen. So, choose your words carefully.

You seem to be very intelligent but have a radical approach to things that make you stand out as strongly un-conformist. Use your intelligence to find commonality with people rather than make you stand out as too different for the average person. I have found some of your prior posts to be unnecessarily irritating. Tone it down.

Appearance can be modified. A new haircut. Grow a beard (or shave one off). Decide who the new you will be and get an appropriate new wardrobe. All it takes is a few new outfits. Research and try out a few new looks for the new you. People re-invent / re-make themselves all the time.

What is the problem with your hands? Too small? Thin fingers? Deformities? Please explain.

Skill are learned. No one is born with them. Please identify the skills you'd like to improve, e.g., job skills, interviewing skills, social skills, dating skills. Have you sought help improving these skills? If so, how?

Depressive predisposition is sometimes seen as attitude. Do you have an attitude problem? Is your attitude often negative? What are the causes of your depression?

Change is a part of life - an important and necessary part of life. Why are you so inflexible? Why don't you want to become more flexible with the way you live your life? How did you learn to be so obstinate?

If you need to make changes in your life so that you like being alive then you have to learn to be flexible. If a few of the changes work out for the better then you might gain some positive feelings that will help carry you through to additional life improvements. Tell us more.

1. My voice is manly, but it's rather boring.
2. Noted
3. My appearance problems is hair loss and vitiligo. I think there's a cure for vitiligo now, but I also have so much wrong with my body. I'm oddly proportioned.
4. my hands are small and no good for sports or playing music
5. lack of skill has a bit to do with my hands. I suppose i could work on something
7. Flexibility meaning i'm not a lateral thinker. I probably used the wrong word there. Also I seem to get stuck on certain phrases whereas I think other people are more creative and random.

i find that often how other people treat us, and how we treat other people really determine how we treat ourselves. so, if we have competent parents, and we are a naturally sociable person, we tend to like ourselves, and others, and be nice about it.

alternately, if we are not parented well, and we are born with a predisposition to be shy or sad or angy, or to have other impairments, we can become hurt and angry and afraid, and act unpleasantly.

so, i guess to a large extent, i feel like we are what we do and say; and thinking and feeling are more private. so, i can say that sometimes i find your company interesting and pleasant, and sometimes , i find it hard to tolerate how you behave. this really says more about me, than about you.

still, i hope you come to terms with who you are, and learn to like that person, for being a person, nothing more.

best wishes~
Gus

If your voice is manly then you have an advantage over me. Mike Tyson has a little boy voice so you have an advantage over him and a lot of others.

My solution to my hair loss is to wear it cut as short as possible. I always leave a little since I don't like being totally bald. And, this cut is in style right now. Style magazines recommend that guys with little hair bulk up their bodies and I see a lot of guys who are successful this this look, e.g., LL Cool J.

I am oddly proportioned too - my arms are so long . . . But, if you buy nice, good fitting clothes people will notice your clothes and that will distract them from your body proportions.

Do you know that Elton John complains that his fingers are too short for him to be a good piano player? My hands are more woman-sized than man-sized with thin, weak fingers. Again, my suggestion is to develop other parts of your body so that people notice your broad shoulders and strong biceps. I bet your fingers are a lot stronger than mine.

A cognitive therapist may help you with the way you think about things. You are intelligent but are not a conformist and can be radical in your thoughts. But, you can learn to tone things down so that you come across as a reasonable person rather than a reckless intellectual.

Your replies have been interesting.

Have you learned to tone things down? It's something I need to do and have always needed to do.

I have learned to keep my mouth shut. Though that does not seem to help much since it's possible to read the expression on my face - which is usually negative, confused or non-emotional - easily.

Here's my final suggestion: become a patent attorney. Seriously. I used to work in intellectual property law as a paralegal. Patent attorneys make a lot of money but are rarely good looking. Their trade requires 2 advanced degrees and some have 3; they spend lots of time behind a desk and are not in the best of shape. Their wives, however, are gorgeous! Beautiful women gravitate towards men with money regardless of what they look like and most patent attorneys are not especially attractive. The patent attorneys also make enough for generous lifestyles that include vacations and nice homes and cars. You don't have to be good looking to enjoy a rich life.

Um, how am i supposed to get a double degree?

For what it's worth, I have little girl hands myself. Literally, my wife's hands are bigger than mine as are most women's. But I played 5 instruments and shooting guard/light forward in basketball. The size of your hands isn't holding you back unless they are insanely small ... like 7-year old boy small.

Creativity can actually be fostered. Contrary to popular opinion, it's not a "ya got it or ya don't" kind of thing. Plus, just because someone doesn't paint or write doesn't mean they aren't creative. For example, engineers are usually considered to not be very creative. But, engineers are extremely creative people; working out novel solutions to problems people didn't even realize were problems.

Earn one at a time like everyone else.

hi there
ok,so no one is born with all the positive traits
voice is manly,what else you need,the intonation would depend on your mood and attitude
you are positively intelligent judging by posts and replies,you have a good insight into situation of others
beauty is in the eyes of beholder
skills are honed in time,takes practice
not many people have hands ready for modeling(only few as a matter of fact)
flexibility is a matter of attitude along with depressive mood:sure no one of us chose to be depressed,there is definite chemical imbalance and genetic predisposition,but triggering conditions can be managed by attitude too.i have read somewhere (do not remember where): "If you can not change the situation,change your attitude toward it" Easy to say,but for me it worked better then just feeling sorry for myself,and surrounding people feeling the same to me.
I felt it today very clearly; I was in a good mood and suddenly everyone was eager to approach me and talk to me (just because I looked confident)
So,you are unique,smart person who has considerable amount of potential waiting to be unearthed. true friend/partner looks beyond the facade to find a soul,which you have plenty to offer
do not despair
Good luck

I enjoy reading your posts, IT.

women gravitate to warm,understanding,loving man with an intellect.Money,even though good to have ,not a defining factor.I would suggest to respect yourself enough to find a woman who would be with you for who you are,because money are not eternal and they don't give us warmth of human being. you do not have to be good looking to enjoy Love and friendship

wife22, very true, understanding, sense of humor, warmth, that is what women look for. Looks fade in all of us, unfortunately. Our hair falls out, our teeth fall out, we get fuzzy in paces that don't need to be fuzzy, but warmth and love never fade.

I personally have a very good male friend who is very, very large. 400 lbs and balding. He is not model material by any means. He smiles, he is happy, he has values, and he's kind. He has farm boy inteigence which beats book smarts any day. That is what makes a person, not looks.

IT I wouldn't worry about looks, hands, intelligence, and physical things. That all fades anyway. Ever seen a gorgeous 90 year old that had all there memory and all there hair, most likely not. But sometimes they seem to be madly in love with there spouse. Looks mean nothing.

what some one looks like is irrelevant in my opinion.after all looks fade.
i think if some one is kind and shows that kindness to others, in my view point that is the ultimate wisdom and there fore you have attained success.
this is how i view life.
after all a buddhist priest has no possessions,wear the same clothes and have shaved heads and they are happy .
take care

I kinda feel this way, too. Like, what's the point in continuing on with life if you're just not satisfied with you who are? Yes, you can change "who you are" to a certain extent, but when it comes down to it, you'll always be the same person.

try to find something that you like about yourself, even if it's just something small. that makes me feel better. in the mean time, remember we love you!

Wow IT, some people took a lot of time replying to this thread to give you their opinions, advice and constructive criticism. I hope you took it all onboard. I would like you to post a list of more than 7 things that are good about you. Or maybe you could make a thread asking PC members to come up with 7 things they like about you. The thing with you IT is unfortunately you can't take compliments. You need to learn that the way you see yourself is not the way others see you. And you are more often than not wrong in your judgements of yourself. I have seen pics of you and I have told you that you are cute and good-looking. Your intelligence is exceptional. That is one of the reasons you are in my top 3 on PC. That and your sense of humour. I've never seen your hands, but I understand that one because a male colleague once said in front of a table full of people that I had the ugliest hands he had ever seen on a woman. I have hidden my hands ever since then. You can change your voice with practise. If your voice is boring, then practise throwing in intonation in appropriate places. Watch and learn from people on tv or something. Use them as a guide when to use inflection etc. About your body: you can't really change proportion but you can change your body's appearance drastically with work-outs, general exercise and nutrition. Maybe your body looks out of proportion because you lack muscle tone from lack of activity. Lack of skill is such a changeable issue. You just need to pick things which interest you, study them, then practise, practise, practise. You are smart enough and have a broad enough mind to pick up a vast number of new skills. You just need to work on your energy, lethargy, lack of motivation, and lack of self belief. As to your flexibility: I think you are wrong there. You can be totally random at times. I've had some of the fastest flowing, rapidly changing chats with you and we have both managed to keep up with each others tangents and topic leaps. So I think that last one is totally wrong. Please take what I say onboard.

I am going to be preaching at myself right now, and hopefully I can learn some of the things I say also. Sometimes, out of the mouths of babes comes the truth. Sometimes speaking something useful is easy, but to believe in it is the hardest part. Lets see if this will help me (or anyone else):

The world would be a boring place if all the people were the same. Sometimes beauty is in being different. What is perfect? Look at the diamond shape. Sometimes when it's mathematically perfect (proportional) it's boring. It becomes beautiful when it has an odd shape. There are things in life which look more beautiful when they are not perfect. And there ARE people in this world who are bored with seemingly perfect and PREFER imperfections. What if people were like robots and all spoke in even tones? And never were passionate about something they say? Wouldn't that be boring? Where would be the spice of life?

There is a poem which says: what makes you different, makes you beautiful.

And it's because people have different tastes. You are beautiful to SOME people as you are. I think that perhaps the reason you see yourself as not is because you are looking through other people's eyes (see yourself as other people would see you) AND you're looking through the wrong people's eyes. You're looking through the conformists' eyes for example.
But you need to look at yourself through the people who are similar to you, who may like this about you.

The world needs people like you. If all the people were conformists, then no one ever would come up with new ideas. Where would this world be then? Stuck in the beginning? But being a prophet in the Bible times was not easy. Being a pioneer is never easy. Some people may think these people are crazy. But these some people are the people who just don't get it. And why should these people be considered "better"? They are the ones who "don't get it"!

It's like one person gave an example about the rainbow. Some colors started to argue about who was better. But then they learned that they were all a part of the rainbow and all necessary.

So which people's eyes are you looking at yourself? Not all the people will like you NO MATTER HOW YOU ARE. Some people would always dislike you. And that's a negative, and also a positive. Because people have different tastes, SOME WILL like you.

The trick is to see yourself from the perspective of those people who would like you, who are similar to you in some ways. Or maybe you could look at people on youtube who are more screwed up than you (in your own subjective mind) and that perspective may help you see yourself as somewhat "normal" or better.

You don't like your voice, but some people may find it very soothing for example and therefore happy that you have it. It would make them feel safe and they would be drawn to you. See yourself from the eyes of those people.

You don't like your hands, then see yourself from the perspective of people who don't care about those things, who are focused on mental gain.

We all have different intelligences. We don't have enough RAM and harddrive space in our brain to keep ALL the knowledge and all the skills. It's like trying to download a program on your computer when your computer has a very limited space. Your knowledge (the things you do know) may be helpful to some people. It's like nature distributed tasks and said: you will have this one and you will have this one.... so that together you could have all of them. Like a rainbow of skills. So see yourself through the eyes of the people who have similar set of skills (like computer skills, I heard someone say that about you) or people who know different bits of information. OR see yourself through the eyes of the people who NEED what you have, who need help with computers for example. In their eyes, you will see yourself as valuable.

It's impossible to see yourself from ALL the people's eyes at the same time and consider yourself a catch. Because all the tastes are different. So choosing to see yourself from the wrong people's eyes is no worse or better than choosing to see yourself from the people who would respect and like what you have to offer. It's just your choice. You are focusing on the wrong part at the moment.

It's no fun for us to wish to be someone else. We need to learn to focus on our own set of skills and develop it and grow into what we are. It would be like if nature was trying to complete a project and told you to paint the wall and told someone else to go buy some wood. These people would sit and say: But I want to paint the wall, I think the painters are more important than those who are going to buy wood.

But think of this: what if you have the know how about buying the right wood? Imagine sending a painter who knows nothing about this to buy it? A bad idea. And if you're not good at painting, it wouldn't be good for you to try to do the job of those people who are actually good at it. Even if you do envy them. Just be the best that you can be in your own area of skills. And being the best you can be at what you could do best, you will be most useful in the grand scheme of things.

So, yes, I could be wishing that I could be a singer because that job is more glorious than sitting and writing on forums. But if I start to think that way, I am just wasting precious time and not contributing my part. If all were singers, who would help out in other areas?

The flaw is not in which job you have. The flaw is in looking down at particular jobs. I bet in more evolved societies people value janitors as much as the singers. But our human people, they wrinkle their nose at some things. And why? Because they are short-sided, they can't see the whole picture. They are unwise. So, let's not see ourselves from the unwise point of view. Let's learn that each is unique and needed in the grand scheme of things.

Why would you want to change yourself and become a painter (figuratively speaking)? Are there not enough painters? Who will do your job if you try to become someone else? Why become like everybody else? Isn't there enough of those already? They are doing their own job. You have to contribute what you can from your uniqueness.

Just because people are too dumb to recognize your uniqueness and your contributions to this world is that a good reason to change yourself? Or is it better to educate people about the value of uniqueness?

Going against the flow is always harder and those people deserve a reward. Short sighted people don't realize that rebels are the ones who shake up the waters and bring changes. They just complain that they offended their little peaceful stale natural course of life.

Sometimes, if all you could do is to visit an elderly person and make their life better just by being there, you already served your purpose. You already was a beautiful building block in the building of life and society.

The reason you look down on yourself is because you (along with the rest of the people) did not yet evolve enough to recognize that each peace of the puzzle has its own value and is very important in order to complete the puzzle.

So, don't look down at uniqueness. Look down at inability to recognize that uniqueness is important.

They say: ignorance is bliss. Why? Because ignorant people are just going with the flow, repeating whatever was done, conforming to everything, oblivious to everything. And going with the flow is blissful, peaceful and safe and NON-courageous.

So why would anyone reward this? But of course there are down sides to rebels also. But the point is to recognize both, the value and the side effects of such personalities and to deal accordingly.

I can relate to you man!

I have a body which I hate, and am ashamed of...never could "bulk up" despite 4 years of trying hard

I also suffer from hair loss too man

Yeah...life is fair!!!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!