[Hellion]

It's good to know I am mentally 'weak' because people are able to ruin my day by being a**holes, because I have mental problems that make it hard to let go of the past and not be effected by it and contribute to me taking things personally....think you psych central for the helpful self esteem boost, nothing like having it implied 'people like you are weak' when I first come onto this site.

Anyways here is the full article kinda pissed me off actually:
Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things | Leveraging Adversity


Ok great so what do I do with that than? Seems the implication here is to be mentally 'tough' you need to become entirely apathetic and if something bothers you you're just 'letting it' and should stop....well what if there is good reason for it to bother someone?

[venusss]

Thank you for the link.

It is actually a very good article and I am actually will incorporate some of the things I am not already doing. Life has become much more bearable when I realized that some things just happen and have nothing to do with me, that if I do the best I can do in the situation...I can just sleep well and not to rumminate endlessly.... and instead using the time productivelly and/or more enjoyably.

Stop Forecasting. Mentally strong people — as tough as they are — know that there is one thing they cannot do. They cannot predict the future. And they don’t waste any time thinking about, anticipating, or foretelling the future. Because they know the action is right here, right now, and the future is not now. But they also know that when their mind is in the future, it’s not in the now, and they are likely to miss critical details and make mistakes — simply because they were distracted by what could happen as instead of focusing on what is happening.

Yeah, I need to do this. Future is one of the things I rumminate about. Way too much for my own good, sometimes it does not let me to enjoy the moment.




Hellion, I don't see where the article implied you are weak... if you let go all the anger (you seem to project that often to words like this), you might actually find ideas that you might wanna incorporate into your world-view. Believe me, it can make life ever so much easier.

[Hellion]

I guess I just haven't found an off switch that allows me to not be effected by nasty things like people being jerks...I do not choose for things like that to bother me like the article suggests they just do regardless of what I choose. Also I have anxiety, its not like I can just up and not think about the future at all if I am anxious about something to come or that pesky feeling of impending doom is getting to me. Also I have mental health issues making hard to let go of the past, again I can't just turn a switch and make it go away or not have effected me.

I guess main part that irritates me as it implies people have the ability to just up and stop having issues that might make them struggle with some of the listed things. And weak is the opposite of tough so yeah it seems they are suggesting people who cannot implement what the article says are mentally weak rather than mentally tough....so seems to be rubbing it in peoples face.

[venusss]

You operate in dichotomies. There are various degrees of mental thoughness. And... you don't ever feel weak? I sure as hell do. I have weak moments and spots. I try to change that, because that is not helpful.

It's not easy to stop rumminating. But is it worth it? Yes. Do I wish I could do it even better?

You spend lot of time explaining why you can't do things. How about slowly practice doing them? How about each time are about to defend why you can't, just can't... you spend the time on guided imagery countering your thoughts? Maybe let yourself roll and dwell on it for limited amount of time. Put on alarm clock for five minutes. Then... imagine burning that **** on fire.

Each time intrusive thought pops up, try to counter it. Have mantras to remind yourself of who you are and what you want.

what you want from life? From yourself? How you imagine wellness? And how you want to get there?

[MotownJohnny]

I can only speak directly for myself, but I think a lot of what I'm going to say about myself is pretty universally applicable to a lot of us here who face MH issues.

I think we're pretty damned tough as it is, even with our various problems and issues. If we weren't, we wouldn't still be here, we would have offed ourselves long ago.

I think it takes a lot more "tough" to take in all of the crap the universe can dish out to you and NOT let it kill you than it does to just "slough it off" and ignore it.

I think if I could just shut off my negative thoughts about so many things, I woiuld be better off. BUT, I also don't think that the ability to ignore something is the same as the ability to face it, analyse it, and process it. Ignoring a problem is like someone getting a summons to appear in court, and ignoring it, and the next one, and so on, until it catches up with them and a deputy shows up with an arrest warrant. You may "feel good" along the way about it, because you put it out of your thoughts, but it eventually catches up with you.

[StressedMess]

Motown said "ignoring it works until it catches up with you." It caught up with me last year and crippled me with a depression I've never had. Now I'm trying my damnedest to make myself tough, but to me it just highlights every weakness. More shame doesn't equal more strength, not in my mind.

I have friends who are like the article described. To me they appear cold and standoffish, but it's hard to rattle their cage. They have a good handle on their reactions. I don't.

Makes me mad too, but at myself.

[sally.m.gardner]

I know what u mean...when I'm doing okay mentally I don't obsess but when I go down the rabbit hole it all comes back and I'm angry with the lack of family support and all the pain surrounding sex abuse and depression that my parents never acknowledge their part in the process which prevented me from getting help. I don't know how to prevent it other than staying as healthy as I can but that's hard too (Fibro & cardiac) You're NOT WEAK you're just sick.

[rapidcyclingchica]

If you haven't I would suggest researching cognitive behavioral therapy. It really hepls biild skills that can help in situations where othr people are jerks and how to get through without causing severe distress with yourself. For example even kust reminding yourself that you can't control others but you can control how you react. Not easy but worth the practice.

[possum220]

I don't think I know any body who is that strong mentally. Maybe a robot?
Emotionless.

What about emotional strength?

[Altered Moment]

I just skimmed it. I can see how it might be offensive in the way it is written.

It is concepts we should strive for. Practice practice practice.

My favorite prayer is the serenity prayer.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

That last part can be the hardest.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by venusss

You operate in dichotomies. There are various degrees of mental thoughness. And... you don't ever feel weak? I sure as hell do. I have weak moments and spots. I try to change that, because that is not helpful.

It's not easy to stop rumminating. But is it worth it? Yes. Do I wish I could do it even better?

You spend lot of time explaining why you can't do things. How about slowly practice doing them? How about each time are about to defend why you can't, just can't... you spend the time on guided imagery countering your thoughts? Maybe let yourself roll and dwell on it for limited amount of time. Put on alarm clock for five minutes. Then... imagine burning that **** on fire.

Each time intrusive thought pops up, try to counter it. Have mantras to remind yourself of who you are and what you want.

what you want from life? From yourself? How you imagine wellness? And how you want to get there?

I feel weak all the time, it would be nice to just feel stable or like just have normal confidence not feel like I am lacking severely in it. So yeah I suppose I didn't need an article to remind me of how weak I am due to not being able to implement the suggestions.

Also I wouldn't expect it to be easy not to ruminate, even so do don't know I am capable of undoing years and years of anxiety and how my thinking has developed with being on the autism spectrum(rumination is part of that, though sometimes it can be good like ending up ruminating on an intresting topic so you learn more about it...but it can make anxiety even more hellish. So yeah just not sure I'd ever be in a potions where i never get caught ruminating I'd probably have to become neurotypical and be cured of the anxiety which I am not sure would happen...best I can do is probably try to limit my rumination on things which I do make efforts to do.

I do counter a lot of intrusive thoughts or try to, but sometimes its literally too much mental energy so I find it more effective and less exuasting to just find a distraction like listen to music, or try to find entertaining pictures/videos and what not on the internet or go for a walk or something and just not think so much.

I am not even all that sure what I want in life, from myself..as for wellness not sure what that would be I suppose being in a position I am eating healthy and enough and managing things well enough and feeling less miserable than I do much of the time but no concrete image of what 'wellness' would look like....not sure how to be well in this society and not sure how to change it in such a way wellness would look more realistic. No idea where to go or how to get there.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by rapidcyclingchica

If you haven't I would suggest researching cognitive behavioral therapy. It really hepls biild skills that can help in situations where othr people are jerks and how to get through without causing severe distress with yourself. For example even kust reminding yourself that you can't control others but you can control how you react. Not easy but worth the practice.

I have been having that kind of therapy for years, can't say I feel it has done much at all. I guess a lot of times it seems to simplistic, too much trying to lie to yourself like stuff like telling yourself things you don't believe in the mirror.

Also I don't find reminding myself of that helps at all because the reality is I can't always control how I react...like if someone where to start verbally ripping me to shreds yeah no way in hell I would take that well or be able to take full control of my reaction and just be calm about it. If I did always have control of my reactions maybe I'd find telling myself that more helpful and less of a lie.

[H3rmit]

My rebuttal: Easier said than done. To me, the article is an advertisement for the author's counselling service. If becoming mentally tough appeals to you, you are her market. There's no meat there on HOw one might get to be mentally tough, just the concept of it.

I'd call it courage, in a word. That's a meaty and fundamental concept that can be explored and applied without need of a counsellor.

[thickntired]

I agree with Mowtown. We are stronger people because we made it through adversity. It is my opinion that counts ; I'll be the one to decide if I am weak or strong. Who else knows me better?