[Gracey]

Ok, I know there's already a thread similar, but this is a bit different. Maybe I'm just dense or something. I understand why some people are bothered when people say they're leaving and then don't. THAT I get. What I don't get is why people will post that they are going to leave, and then hang around to see whether or not people will beg them to stay. Is it part of a mental illness? What am I missing in this picture here?

[tranquility]

Hi Gracey,

That was kinda my point. Yes I think it's part of mental illness to a degree (need for attention, manipulation, control, etc.), so that's why I was saying that people need to take responsibility and say why they are upset instead leading everyone on this wild goose chase of "im leaving". I don't say that to hurt people, but if you are hear for support the best way (imo) is to take responsibility and say what it is you really need help with.

I think that's why it triggers me - I've had alot of needy people in my life who do and say things to manipulate me and I distance myself from that now.

Tranquility

[Gracey]

I guess that's the thing for me. . .if feels like manipulation. BIG TIME This is a public forum. . .people are going to post things here that delve deeply into mental illness and the like. IF those things are triggering, then wouldn't it seem like utilizing a little common sense and NOT reading them would be more beneficial than reading and then running? OR threatening to run?

I guess what I'm not really understanding here is IS psychcentral a place where we can say what we think and share our feelings about our illnesses (using trigger icons when necessary) or are we being relegated to a community where ALL deep conversations are going to need to take place in PM's?

[Direction]

I've just had to avoid reading those kind of posts...too triggering for me...

I posted i was leaving as i was upset. Sorry if you were upset. Some times ppl get upset and say things un need. As i did. So sorry.
Trust me will not happen again.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( muffy ))))))))))))))

[sabby]

I just made this post in the other thread. I hope it might help explain some people's thought patterns and why they do what they do. Please know that I think this is good to talk about, as long as we are respectful to each persons point of view.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sabau2 said:
I think at times some folks are looking for attention and maybe they don't quite know how to ask for what they need. Some may be afraid to ask for help or attention, feeling they don't deserve such a thing.

I also believe that some folks act on their emotions first and think second. I know this to be true because I suffer from that myself. I have battled with this problem all my life. I have learned how to step back, feel the emotion, take the time and think about things before I post. I am NOT always successful at doing that, but I'm sure as heck a lot better at it now than I ever was before.

There was a time that I too said I was going to leave as I didn't feel I was making any connections with folks here. I was graced with some of the most beautiful posts from folks and pm's too letting me know that I would be missed and that folks cared about me. It opened my eyes to see that I had really made connections.

Now, when I am feeling out of sorts, I don't feel I have to say I'm leaving....if need be I will say that I need a break. It was a lesson learned for me and I believe that it is the same for many others here too.

We are all here to learn how to cope with our illnesses. Sometimes we learn in different ways from others. It's unfortunate that our learning styles might trigger others. I'm sure that's not what folks are meaning to do.

If these kinds of posts bother you, feel free not to read them or respond to them. It's ok to ignore those posts. But lets try to understand that we, as individuals may have different needs and learning processes than the next person.

Love to you all!

sabby

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[January]

I am going to post what I added to the other thread. I hope Sabby's wise words will help calm everyone's hurt and/or upset feelings.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I don't think anyone could have stated the situation better than Sabau. Because of her all encompassing remarks, I am going to close this thread in the sincere hope that we all have learned more patience and tolerance for each other. Remember, all of us are here because we have a problem of some kind. Sometimes a member may be triggered, and we all know that we aren't our usual selves when triggered. That's when we need to lift that member up in the spirit of support in which PC is designed.

Also, once again, I want to remind each and every member that if someone triggers you, put that person on ignore. It's a function that is designed to help you help yourself.

The ignore button is our friend.

Gentle hugs to everyone,

Jan

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[heyjoe]

i was going to reply in the other thread but it was closed so ill do it here. People who say they are leaving, that is how they feel at the time in many cases. They are upset or disgusted, or hurt or whatever but that is how they feel when they type it, its what they need to get out at that time . After thinking about it, or someone talks to them, or things change they may change their minds,or maybe they dont feel wanted and when people show they care they change their minds. If it annoys you, dont read it. I dont really see what the big deal is, its the nature of the beast.......Lack of compassion annoys me more.

[recluse1]

i agree heyjoe. we are all here for a reason. and this is supposed to be a place for support and understanding. not a kick 'em while their down sort of thing.

recluse1

[pegasus]

I understand that we are all at different levels of learning.

My original thread was to try to get people to learn a different way of expressing their pain.

I thought I was one of the most compassionate people here, I support as many people as I can, I feel hurt that it seems I'm being made to look like the baddy in all this.

Some people who say they are leaving do it for attention, do it to PURPOSELY hurt others, use it as blackmail, create drama or use it to try and get their own way. These people need to learn new ways of communicating.

I will continue to support people and offer my opinions where I feel it might help.

[therealme]

to start , i have said i was leaving.... and i came back after 2 days......... is that wrong, should i of stayed away for good....... (i know some will say yes) .
when i decided to leave i was finding that some issues that were stating here on pc , were getting to me. (bullying isnt nice)
yes, i was convinced that i wasnt going to return, but after a long talk with a super great friend here, i stayed.... ... please dont get me wrong , i felt like a idiot when i started typing again..... .
but after reading the other thread and now this one , im angry that when people are that scared , confused or upset, that they feel the only way out is to leave,. ........ the support ends.... (i dont get it)
im guessing why these threads started ............. and if im right , that is bullying... (its not nice when someone you thought was your friend turns on you , i know ive been there)

dec

we just can't pretend to understand how another person is feeling even if we share similar problems.........and we can't teach others new ways to handle these emotions........the beauty of pc is the freedom to say how we feel when we are feeling it.........pretty much every issue is going to trigger someone.....its painful when anyone says they are leaving because we truly are family here but lets try to look past the words and give that individual what they need at the moment........if you know that its going to trigger you.please don't read it.........there are others here that are able to handle these situations.......

Thank you to all that have supported me threw this, Thank you Hey Joe and TRM and others.
I never ever posted i was leaving to PURPOSELY to hurt others. Never.
It was all based on my emotions ,what was happeneing at the moment with me. I am sorry pegasus and others , which there seems to be many. I never meant harm.
In my real life I tend to bend over backwards to not hurt ppl. Ask tymber.
I was going to write what it was like IRL and deleted it.
As it does not matter.
There is a saying in the bible, I prolly do not have it right.
But .......The one with no sin may cast the first stone.
Once again as I have said I am sorry. THere is nothing more I can do.
You are all wonderful ppl............may peace and happiness follow you............where ever you walk.
I wish you all the best, that life may offer.

[Gracey]

While Peg's thread was about teaching other ways to express emtion, this thread is intended solely for the purpose of understanding WHY people say they are going to leave. This isn't an attack thread, and hopefully no one here will do that. We all have our issues. . .ALL of us. Nobody here (with the exception of maybe DocJohn) is here solely for the purpose of supporting others. Now, that's said. Let's move on. Thank you Muffy for being open enough to share the reasons why you said you were leaving. You too RealMe. The whole point is that maybe if you guys can see that you WON'T BE JUDGED because of your feelings, then maybe next time, instead of getting upset and just saying, "I'm taking my toys and gonig home" you can actually talk out the feelings with someone. When people threaten to leave, it is disrupting to the entire community. People who are leaving b/c they are moving on, that's a little different.

Because this is a support site, I think that anyone who shared anything in either of these posts needs to learn from the experience. Look what happened you guys. . .you posted your feelings, and YOU STAYED. That's a good thing. I'm sure PM's were flying a mile a minute, which is god, b/c that's where your deep connections are, and your support.

Learn from what you've read here. Dont' let it just be words on a screen.

[skittles]

great post, Gracey.

if you have been here for years and you know all of the ins and out of this forum.......talk about your feelings......

sure, if you're new, you might think that something is going on and you want to leave.

but, if we have been here a long time......we know what PC is. a support forum.........and we know that we can talk about it safely with someone or the whole community.

talking out feelings on this thread is wonderful!!! kudos to everyone!!! xoxox pat

i spent 13 years of my life, at home, waking up to my parents yelling "i'm leaving you".....or, "if it wasn't for Pat, i'd leave you"....i lived in fear that one of them would leave me. .......my first memory of it is at age 3.

i'm sure that many here lived through the same thing.

i left at age 16 and didn't go back except for brief visits. they continued it up until they were old.

maybe this will help clarify this issue.

[Fuzzybear]

"Lack of compassion annoys me more"

As I have said 3 xs now I am sorry. I can do no more.
I have been here six months and you all have been very supportive . I thank you for that. Right now I am feeling very hurt. But that is my choice to feel that. I own the feelings.
I can no longer look here. I am sorry for that. But is my choice.

At times god works in odd ways. I needed more time with the kids. MAybe this is his way. Thank you all.tc

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
therealme said:
to start , i have said i was leaving.... and i came back after 2 days......... is that wrong, should i of stayed away for good....... (i know some will say yes) .
when i decided to leave i was finding that some issues that were stating here on pc , were getting to me. (bullying isnt nice)
yes, i was convinced that i wasnt going to return, but after a long talk with a super great friend here, i stayed.... ... please dont get me wrong , i felt like a idiot when i started typing again..... .
but after reading the other thread and now this one , im angry that when people are that scared , confused or upset, that they feel the only way out is to leave,. ........ the support ends.... (i dont get it)
im guessing why these threads started ............. and if im right , that is bullying... (its not nice when someone you thought was your friend turns on you , i know ive been there)
dec

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
<font color="#000088">I certainly hope this thread wasn't started because of you taking a break! There is nothing wrong with what you did!!!!! You felt hurt, you took some time off, thought about it, got some advice from a friend, and felt as though you could come back. And there is nothing wrong with that. I think you did the right thing by coming back. But I understand how you feel after reading what is being said here. So atleast know that there is someone here that understands how YOU feel about this! And I don't think you were in the wrong! I'm glad you came back!((((((((((therealme))))))))))
See what this thread has done to a very sweet and caring member, that just was upset, and needed time! Now it's being taken personally by her, and I wonder how many others that just needed a break, is taking this personally?
I know some do it for attention, but what about the others that didn't do it for attention, are you thinking about their feelings right now????? </font>

[TYMBERWOLV]

To all the PC Family

I am writing this against my better judgment but I too can have a say in this whole matter. When did PC become a place of discrimination?? To speak about this statement is that when I had the opportunity to read the post it seemed to me that members who chose this way out “ To leave” was labeled as having an additional sickness or looking for attention .

Now with that being said I am far from saying that everyone is participating in this campaign of discrimination. These are my feelings and my opinions only

First, to the ones who have been thru some sort of therapy > If you remember that leaving is a coping response just as avoidance is another coping response.

People deal with certain events in different ways this is what makes us all different from each other.

If everyone didn’t know I teach Anger Management and what I see here is that we are in an environment that is comprised of didn’t backgrounds, environmental issues and mental issues.

As other members that have posted prior to the post mentioned there is nothing wrong with how it is done or what is done. Some of us are taking offense to something that they do not have any control over. I’m not in the business to control feelings or actions of others.

My opinion is that everything in life is a choice... We choose to feel a certain way, It is our choice to live a certain way. We are a product of our own environments … Once again this is my opinion and I choose to express it

Let’s get down to the bottom of this matter as quick as we can ….

This post was based on the feelings at the moment of a wonderful member here. We as adults should grasp the ideology of others when it actually helps us.

As said previously on the post we are here to support each other not make deliberate attacks on each other.

Muffy as my dear friend you know my answer to this problem …. People are entitled to their opinion we do not know if this was a deliberate act against you. I will always tell please do not assume because assumptions hold no fact until proven…

On the grand scope of everything here does this really matter if someone posts “Hey I’m Leaving” It is what it a post is advising some friends that they might be leaving

What if that person uses this post to get attention??? Do you think that a hurtful thread will allow them to get the needed help that they require? Does that thread really want to make them leave more ?

I will give you my experience here and why I want to leave PC and then I will explain why I haven’t

Over the last couple of weeks my dear friend and I have been battling some bad rumors that have we have been advised of.

I have been accused of having an online affair, I have been accused of being a slut and a ***** (I’m a guy) I have been accused of being unfair and hateful, I have been accused of multiple things on PC

Well here is the kicker a friend of mine that is also a member on PC has been accused of having an affair with me. She doesn’t deserve any of this because she is a dear friend of mine and I will go down in flames defending her honor.

So you ask why I am here still.

11 months ago I came here as a broken man that couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel... I wanted to just crawl up and die inside.

Then I made a post telling my story and the response that I received from people like Biplol, Sweet Sunshine, Septmorn, Notthemama Snowflake changed my life.

And I can say changed my life … I took their advice and walked hand n hand with Jesus thru the hardest storm of my life. What could I have asked for better than a “God Breeze” called PC?

As the days and months grew longer I learned very valuable skills from these same members and others that have put in their emotions and logical thoughts into what I was doing.

Then after going to Anger Management classes for 20 Weeks I was asked to share my experience with new members of the Anger Management class … Another “God Breeze”

I get to practice what I preach. I have utilized my experience from PC to my anger management class as well as the experience from Anger Management class to here on PC another “God Breeze”

Somewhere around the end of 2006 I met some great people that have had an influence over the new me. I went to work right away studied as hard as I could to beat BIPOLAR Disorder. I changed how I thought about things and how these events caused certain emotions. I asked these same people to keep me going in the right direction. What a heavy burden I placed on them but they stood up to the task and now today I am “ME”... Did you know that 3 months ago my PDOC took me off all meds for anxiety and BPD?? They claim Oh we misdiagnosed you but I know between the swift hand of God and some support from God sent people I beat an incurable situation. Let me be the Testimony that helps everyone here know that it can be done.

Sweet has been there from the beginning and has heard the tears hit the phone before she has endured the explosiveness of my anger and has experienced the very caring side of me.

Muffy (my best friend) has taught me that people do matter that to allow a kid to be a kid. I have learned to have patience with the world and people. Muffy knows everything about me, my background, and environment, thoughts, how strong my faith is, and knows all about the loves of my life

She has been a great friend because she allows me to be me. She understands my strengths and supports my weaknesses. Can we ever ask for a better friend than this? I thank God for people like Muffy everyday because a life of hate, sadness, turmoil would be very difficult to live. Sunshine Manor (muffy’s home) what a vision a place where the light shines from every direction. Light a representation of God’s enduring grace upon all of us.

Els….

This young lady has given me more strength than anyone else on PC... I see her endure a very painful situation by herself. We met and we took a walk thru the internet to a place know as the “Tree House” The tree house was designed as a private room where everyone is welcomed but no drama allowed . The members of the tree house know that this is where we can be ourselves where the outside world doesn’t matter. We ask that the mask that you wear fall at the trunk of the mighty oak. We have a tendency to bury these masks. An el steals my fruit loops and makes me laugh and my daughter just loves talking to her.

Agony:

This girl has taught me compassion and love again. How could I love anyone if I hated myself? What an up and down journey that the both of us shared with each other. From time to time we still share the journey but I cannot ask for a better teacher than Agony.

Snow:

A big sister that just tells me like it is. Snow is my anchor because she doesn’t allow me to lose focus too much. She keeps this high flyer grounded and tells me that “ Faith is important” When I wanted to trade everything away for love Snow intervened and advised me that I have the Greatest Love of all just if I could wait.

TRM/KATHY

Adversity is their claim to fame. If this couple keep it together and hold a family as tight as they do. Well then no challenge is too great for me as long as I have God by my side guiding me thru the turbulent channels.

To close this post… I’m here because I believe in people; I have a heart and compassion for others. I learn from each one of you regardless of the positive or negative approach to the issue I still learn.

I’m here for you and God placed certain people in my life to learn from and he placed me in other people lives to learn from me.

So, on this note we are here to help, support, grow, learn, understand, and to be who we are and not what other people thinks we should be.

To all my friends and family we must embrace each other with open arms and open ears to understand what God wants is to learn.

David

[Gracey]

Justice you said, </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
See what this thread has done to a very sweet and caring member, that just was upset, and needed time! Now it's being taken personally by her, and I wonder how many others that just needed a break, is taking this personally?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

THIS thread was not started as a "bash so and so" thread. Not for leaving, not for threatening to leave, not for anything. THIS THIS thread was begun as a way to help some of us understand WHY people say that they are leaving. I said that before, on page two. Perhaps, if people UNDERSTAND why people threaten to leave, we can begin to work together and communicate with one another, instead of this infernal , "I'm leaving, no I was leaving, no I'm leaving first" stuff that is going on. To the people here who actually shared the reasons they wanted to leave, THANK YOU. You grasped the concept of the thread.

[TYMBERWOLV]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Gracey said:
Justice you said, </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
See what this thread has done to a very sweet and caring member, that just was upset, and needed time! Now it's being taken personally by her, and I wonder how many others that just needed a break, is taking this personally?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

THIS thread was not started as a "bash so and so" thread. Not for leaving, not for threatening to leave, not for anything. THIS THIS thread was begun as a way to help some of us understand WHY people say that they are leaving. I said that before, on page two. Perhaps, if people UNDERSTAND why people threaten to leave, we can begin to work together and communicate with one another, instead of this infernal , "I'm leaving, no I was leaving, no I'm leaving first" stuff that is going on. To the people here who actually shared the reasons they wanted to leave, THANK YOU. You grasped the concept of the thread.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Gracey,

We as individuals do not have to explain why we do the things we do. If it is a request of yourself to have someone to explain why they want to leave I feel your are incorrect in your analysis.

Members here come and go that is the nature of these types of sites and we just need to understand and have the compassion to allow them to deal with whatever they are dealing with on what terms they can deal with it .

Now this thread in my opnion has really gotten off base with the original premise or intent.

We are here to support not to criticize Gracey is entitled to her views and opinions .. Thats what we call freedom of speech . Gracey didnt ask for people to be hurt people allowed themselves to be hurt by this post. We can only be offended by the things that WE allow to offend us

Tymber