[terry]

Sometimes I feel that everything I do or have done in my life are meaningless and that here I am, 63 years of age, retired, and I have nothing to show for it. I was a court reporter for 40 years and I worked very hard to be the best I could. I raised two children, one who only seems to call now when he wants something. My daughter and her husband and our four grandchildren lived close to us and we had a great relationship with our grandkids, but now they have moved clear across the country so now I have lost any hope of having the close ties that I had previously with my grandchildren. My wife is a severe alcoholic and I tried my best to do what I could for her. I went to counseling with her for months, I spent a lot of money on going places and buying things to uplift her mood, I agreed to move to a new home which she liked and sell our old home.

So what's the problem? Well, now I am financially in terrible shape, my wife is still an alcoholic, and I feel that everything I've done to keep myself strong and healthy and try to be a good husband and be the best I could at my profession over the years has culminated in nothing. And on top of that, my twin brother passed away about three months ago. He was not only my brother for all the years but he was my very best friend.

Well, here I am and I'm looking back at my life and I'm not feeling any satisfaction that I accomplished much to benefit myself, my kids, or my wife. I love her so much and care about her dearly but I can't make her understand that. I love my kids but they are busy with their own lives and I'm probably asking too much for them to worry about how I'm doing. I'm on antidepressants but have severe bouts of anxiety and my doctor has a very strong aversion to prescribing antianxiety pills. I have no money and my insurance would never pay for seeing a counselor.

That's it, I guess. I'm not seeking any advice or anything else. Just wanted to talk and get things off my chest. No other place to do it here. Probably I'm just making another mistake in my life by putting it here where everyone else can see it. Sorry if I am.

Terry

[MissCharlotte]

((Terry))

Your wife has an illness. Moving and buying her things will not fix it. You must go to Al anon and I think if you get a therapist for YOU, it may help as well. You sound depressed. There is help out there for you but you must seek it. No mistake coming here, we are here for you.

You may also find some support below in the individual forums, for depression, addictions, etc.

Good luck and keep coming back. We care.

[snowflake_48888]

((((Terry))))
It sounds like you are having a difficult time in your life. It is good you are getting this off your chest...this is the place to do that. You will find many caring and understanding individuals here. I hope you keep coming back to post. It really does help to get it out...
Snow

terry.......i can totally relate to your feelings.....but you will find a hand to hold an an open ear hear......please pm me if you need to talk.....love julia

[January]

((((((((( Terry ))))))))

Welcome to PC. You will find many wonderful, caring people here.

You have been given wonderful advice. I hope you at least consider it.

I wish you the best,

January

Terry, I am so sorry that your life is so painful right now. Please know that lots of people here have experienced similiar things and will listen to you and support you.

We have a depression forum and an anxiety forum that you'll find tons of support in.

I'm so glad that you found PC. Life isn't over for you, some adjustments can be made and you will be better.

The suggestion to go to Al-Anon is excellent. You can find out about meetings by calling the local AA chapters (in newspaper or phone book).....see you around here.......pat

[tranquility]

Terry - glad you posted and I hope it helped even a wee bit to get this out. I know you said you're not looking for advice, but I just have to say that I am a sober alcoholic and you cannot change, fix, or make an alcoholic do anything. It is extremely painful to what them self destruct. Someone else gave advice about going to Alanon. I have been there as well since I have also lived with alcoholics. They can give you the hope that you so desperately need. It's anonymous and it's free. You can usually find them in your yellow pages.

My thoughts are with you dear man.

Tranquility

You might find very inexpensive therapy at a university in the closest large city or metropolitan area. There is one near me that charges on $5 per session.

[bebop]

hi terry and welcome. many of us here have been pretty much where you are now. I was married to an alcoholic for a number of years. I finally had to leave to protect myself. It hurt so bad to watch someone like him turn into the horrible person alcohol makes one. you are not alone. pm me if you need to or want to.

[Wants2Fly]

There are many challenges to face in the third trimester of life. I popped in here immediately after reading some columns about Carl Jung's 7 tasks of aging -- something you may want to read about, if you are so inclined.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you will find some new interests and new friends.

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome to PC. I hope you found some ideas from the replies to your post. Many people have similar experiences and can provide you support. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. There are inexpensive options (such a univ.) for t. You may want to investigate them. I am glad you had a chance to talk. Please continue if you found it helped. Take care.

BB

[sabby]

Hello Terry and Welcome to PC

Gentle and peaceful thoughts are being sent your way in hopes of helping to calm you. Know that you are not alone in your situation and that folks here are wiling and able to be supportive to you. I hope you can keep posting, as many of us have found that writing and getting feedback is so very important to healing and finding our own answers.

I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby

[gostryter]

(((((((((((((((Terry)))))))))))))))))))

wow - kind of crazy...but you could almost be my dad! he's 65, retired, and married to my mom...an alcoholic!

i'm very sorry you're feeling such pain....and i'm especially sorry for your loss (it must make it sxtremely hard him being your twin! but i do believe he's in heaven and you will see him again!)

i can't give much advice on how to deal with your wife's alcoholism...my dad hasn't seemed to figure that out either. i do think going to Al-Anon would be a good idea...especially if you're not able to see a therapist.

don't underestimate your kids! you say "I'm probably asking too much for them to worry about how I'm doing" ... it is hard sometimes that my dad relies on me to help him with my mom... it's hard emotionally...but i love my dad and WANT to help him.

don't give up on having close ties with your grandkids either...you'll just have to make a special effort!! my grandfathers died before i was three...so i didn't have a grandpa! you're an important part of thier lives! write to them and send them cards...email or call when you can...send them a little treat on their birthday (just to show you remember...nothing expensive or fancy), be sure to send each of them separate holiday cards. don't give up on your grandkids just because they moved away!!!!! my grandma and i used to write each other when i was in elementary school - i LOVED getting something in the mail....i still have her letters all these years later!

well...guess i rambled on long enough!!!! take care!! and keep posting!

Terry--

I am glad you found PC. Know that it is no mistake and could quite poosibly be one of the best things you ever do--to post here and allow yourself to make friends that will suport and love you. Welcome to PC and I hope you find it a home for you. Keep posting and reaching. It will be a great thing for you. It is a chance but I can tell you a chance well worth the take. I am sorry you are going through so much. My heart goes out to you and I am here to listen and be a friend. Take care of yourself, and I look forward to getting to know you better.

purplesecrets

[DocClyde]

Terry, the best of luck with your life. The others are right, you deserve and do needed to be taken care of...this doesnt mean you neglect your wife, but in order to take care of her, you MUST take care of yourself first.

If you went to a doctor for a cold and he kept coughing on you and wiping his nose on your shirt, would you accept his treatment? No...so, first, you must help yourself, believe in yourself before you can help your wife...

With your kids, while it does suck (my brother, the only one I have living lives in Washington State while I live in Missouri)...is there a way you can write your daughter or email her, etc. to stay closer in touch?

Best...