Feeling like the best part of life is over

Maybe this is midlife crisis I don't know.

I'm married, settled life, nothing fancy but comfortable, our son is grown now. I work and volunteer, my job is routine, heavy physically (I am fit), but a regular wage. Volunteering is nice (can sometimes be sad because of declining health of people I volunteer with).

I love my husband, things haven't always been easy but he's a good guy. He's older than me and I have always been aware my old age will be alone because of this.

Happiest days of both our lives were when son was little and we had such fun times, now he is grown that is over.

Sometimes life feels so joyless like the best bits are over and nothing to look forward to. I don't think this is depression (was treated earlier this year), rather more a rational awareness. How do I reconcile myself to the fact the best bits are over? My overwhelming mode is flat and tired.

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." -Hemingway.

I doubt you won't feel happiness again, and I believe you can have a new adventure in your new life. Until then

I'm sure you'll feel happy again at some point..

So sorry you're feeling this way right now. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

Many people people take this time to learn something new and fun, or even rediscover an old passion they never gave enough time to. You will need to put your creative energy into all good times that lay ahead. They are there! Your next "best times" await you! Maybe you can take some classes in photography, art, gardening, something you're interested in or were always curious about?

Big hugs.
-Lele

All things are only for a season, and living with (or at least near) your son and grandchildren (assuming you will have some) would be ideal, I believe, for the new season ahead...kind of like re-living or reflecting days past without being the one responsible for making all things happen. I had that for a time and enjoyed it immensely, and now my own challenge is to endure "flat and tired" while watching for occasional snippets.

I feel the same but I know I will have fleeting moments of happiness along the way however for the most part my happiest times are behind me.

When I asked my mom what to do after my kid heads out to the world, she said to find a new hobby or something to get good at.

so my plan is to get a second BA in either Psychology or History; History was what I wanted to double as when I was young, but time didn't permit. But over the past few years I've become more an more interested in Psychology as I've poked my own problems and wondered why I didn't do something about them much earlier.

As an older student with a place to live and job; you don't need to maintain 15 hours, or be unsupported and take loans; just take what courses the budget will allow and learn as you age.

That's my plan... I think.

Then again, I could just play video games till I'm senile.

I have struggled with similar issues. And I have had a mid-life crisis...which became a mental health crisis. When I am nostalgic (which is a grief over lost times), I ground myself in the moment. Think about it. What made your past living so meaningful? Could it be that you placed a lot of meaning and focused presence into the moment with your child? I'm honestly looking forward to the place you're in. My children are 17 and 19. My wife and I are almost done building our future love nest. I'll get my wife back! It will be just me and my most favorite person in the world. My advice is to take notice and do some little thing that you don't usually do. Go buy a flower and tuck it into your hair. Try an ice cream flavor that you've been afraid to try. It really doesn't take much.

This doesn't have to become a mid-life crisis.

In many ways, I could have written your post. I was a stay-at-home-mom with my two children while my husband went to work. I loved my life. My husband is also older than I am, by fifteen years. We've been married for over 30 years. The kids are grown, our oldest, our daughter, is married and our son lives with his girlfriend. I do speak with my daughter every morning, but my son only occasionally. When they were little I thought the time would go so slowly. Well, it didn't - it raced by. So fast, and GONE. I've retired form my job of thirteen years (I worked while my kids were finishing high school, in college, and making their adult lives). My husband and I do run an online business, but my days are long and quite empty. I am alone, except for my cats, most of the time. The best days, the meaningful days, seem to be long past. I don't foresee grandchildren any time soon, if at all.

Most of my extended family (and my husband's) have died. No more big family holidays or anything like that. I've lost so may pets, over the years. I can't see much to come except loss and more loss. I tried to go to therapy, but the therapist just didn't 'get it' - plus she was younger than I am.

Anyway, yeah - I well understand how you feel. I suppose it's some kind of midlife crisis. I wish I had some magic, hopeful words for you. All I can say is, you're definitely not alone.

prefabsprout and LauraBeth. You two are in my prayers today. I can't fully appreciate what you are going through, but I pray that you find meaning in your new phase of living.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies. I am struggling to articulate my thoughts right now but there is certainly a lot for me to consider here.

Actually CloserToTheMid our son is 18, so similar age to yours, I consider him just about grown now although he is not yet out the nest. We are lucky in that we both enjoy his company and he seems to enjoy ours, but we both miss his young days. You raise an interesting point and yes I think a lot of my hope and motivation came from parenting although it was hard work at times. He's the apple of both our eyes.

Of course at the same time I'm also older with all that entails and LauraBeth I understand what you write about loss - there is so much loss with ageing. I lost a dear friend last year and this year several dearly cared for people who I volunteer with. I accepted those deaths but the sadness is left behind. Volunteering with the ill and elderly this is to be expected but we lost 3 in one month which was hard.

The suggestions to follow my passion is a good one but I just don't seem to be interested in anything these days. What puzzles me is that I have a day off and social arrangement with 3 good friends tomorrow which normally would make me happy but I just feel flat. I'll put on a smile and act the part but there's no joy. I left a party early on Saturday, partly because I had early start at work next day but also I just wasn't enjoying it.

I'm not sure if I'm not depressed after all, if I read what I wrote up above I would say so.

I can't seem to rediscover my life's passion, either.

In a strange way, I suppose we are extremely fortunate, or blessed. My daughter and son, and son-in-law, are people my husband and I adore, too. They are just amazing people...daughter and son were terrific kids...which is a big part of why I miss their childhoods so very much, and miss seeing them every day or nearly every day now. It sounds like your son is also a wonderful person. Maybe if we had kids we didn't like and love so much we'd feel less sad

I'm about in the same boat. I'm struggling to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, with all the limitations that I have. Though my daughter lives with us still (and probably will for a while since she's going through college), it's not the same than when she was little. Friends and acquaintances are starting to die off. It's hard. But I persevere, just keep going for now.

Empty nest...I sure was not prepared for it. Obviously there are at least three of us who are in a similar boat

Mine's not quite empty but close. Daughter and boyfriend seem to be a permanent pair now, promise rings and all. They're a good fit, both good students too, future little engineers I think; but they're almost never home, and all they do here now is mostly sleep! Even when they're both here no less.

Ive been feeling this way for about 3 years.
Left my career on bad terms...my children and I are on bad terms.
There is like ONE person in my life that makes me happy and that is my neice.
I'm 53 and I totally feel like the best part of life is over...So sad.

Just to update, I went out to lunch today with my 3 friends as planned, I wasn't really that bothered about going even is hadn't seen them for a while. It turned out to be a really fun afternoon and at a couple of points we laughed so hard it hurt - I can't remember the last time I had a really good laugh like that.

It did me the world of good and I'm glad I went.

That's wonderful! I'm truly happy for you

One thing that was very helpful was a holiday over the summer. It was very simple really. In my case it was missing outdoor activities for 4 years that caused the majority of grief. My boyfriend took me on a two week camping trip. It was exactly what I needed to recharge as basic as it was. Having time away from what I considered to be a boring life seemed to be the answer.

Perhaps you might find a way to give yourself your own break.

I find it's the basic things that really seem to make a difference for me too.

I had Sunday off (first in 4 months) and went for a run through a woodland area, it was muddy, crisp and fresh - felt so good. A passing cocker spaniel got excited and jumped up at me covering me in mud, an adorable dog - owner was so apologetic but she had no idea how much it made my day.

Camping sounds fun, I've never done that - you have given me an idea for next summer.

I feel like this sometimes too. My kids are grown and gone. It could be mid life crisis. But it could also mild depression. When I'm depressed I just feel bad and think my life is over. When I'm doing ok I make an effort to find interesting things to do and places to go

I am in the same boat also, & I am estranged from several major people in my family, but thanks to my 3 dogs, 3 horses, & a cat, who's love is always
unconditional, I still feel a sense of purpose in my life. Without them, (since they depend on me daily, & it helps keep me feel focused & grounded), I can't even imagine what mental state I'd be in right now, without my animals, who give so much, & ask so little in return! I know how hard losing an animal is, & I do take it hard as well, but I try to go into owning each new pet knowing that chances are, I'll outlive them, so I'm determined to make the most of the time I have with them, & remembering & taking photos of all the great times & many happy memories we've had. If you have a dog, taking them for a daily walk or to just throw the ball for awhile, gives you a sense of accomplishment, & knowing you're making them happy, or even if it's just playing with a toy your cat loves, or brushing a pet you have, is a positive feeling. If animals are something you're interested in, maybe you could consider getting whatever type of pet you feel suits your personality, time & household, or if you already have one, try spending more time with them. Dogs are so happy just to be allowed to for a ride, even if it's just going on errands with you.

I was afraid to read this and didn't read it for a couple days.

I didn't read it because I feel the same way sometimes....kids gone, job gone...whats left?

Well, some people enjoy "retirement" and "empty nest"...so I am trying to find ways to do that.

Yesterday I saw yarn at Wamart and decided I was going to learn how to knit...so...finding things that make me happy is a way I am learning to live life and stop focusing on everything that is missing! To add new things to my life.

This is a really good suggestion. My psychaitrist said last time I was there..he thinks I need a therapy dog.....He said I should think about that because it is proven with research that the things you are doing with the dogs...is absolutely benefiting your depression.