POLICE WERE THERE; panic set in

I got to the doctors office; no more than 10mins later, a police officer showed up. Then I over heard one of the staff on the phone say, "she is hear, to see Dr. *******. I totally freaked out. My heart raced so fast and I could not calm down. I kept watching the officer to see if she was watching me. I thought they were going to arrest me under the mental health act; have had that happen a few times before. I knew if that was the case, I would be sent out of town; about 45mins away. It is a locked unit and I had a couple of bad experiences there already. I am really upset as my t and doctor promised that they would not do that. I WENT TO THEM FOR HELP. I HAVE BEEN HONEST WITH MY T. Why would they lie like this. I told them I would not seriously hurt myself; I have my kids. What the hell am I supposed to do with them if they ship me off. She reasurred me that this would not happen.
So, I told the staff that I was going outside for a smoke. She said; Okay. I practically ran to the car and left. As soon as I got home I phoned my t but she was on the phone. I left a message on her voice mail. So that is that. I am so angry. How can I trust someone when they pull this crap? I will deal with this on my own. I have had enough of this bull.
itsjustme

I have to ask you a couple of questions if I may? First, do you know that they were there for you? Second, is there abuse happening at the facility they send you to, or do you just not like it.
As much as I hate facilities, I've been in one twice. The first time after I attempted suicide I was there by court order; the second I checked myself in because I needed to feel safe.
Unfortunately it wasn't a very good facility, but sometimes we have to accept the help no matter what form it appears in.
I don't know your story, but I truly wish you peace, and success on your path to freedom and health.
Blessings,
Jon

In response; I am not at risk right now to attempt suicide and they know that. I agreed to hosptial; not to be dragged away from all my suports here. They were not abusive at this other facility but it was like pulling teeth to get someone to talk to me; staff. They were snappy and rude. I had to beg someone to talk to me last time I was there and they gave me all of a few mins to speak. It was not like they were so busy, most the time they sat at the desk and talked about their personal lives. It was ridiculous and did not help a bit. I have not attempted suicide in well over a year. I have been talking to my t about everything and she agreed that I was okay to be in the hospital in my city. It is not a locked unit. She told me that my doc was in full agreement to this as I am asking for help; I showed up didnt I. I have my kids right now, I would not do something that would destroy them forever. I would not allow them to find me dead. yes, I need help and am willing to get it. We had agreed that they would arrange it for when I have to take my kids back to dads. Which is now the 22nd. I said that if I could only get in a little sooner I would speak with the kids father. Anyway, my feeling is that this is unfair. I am wanting help and I contracted with my t to not go ahead with any suicidal ideation. Yes I am struggling but if I was in that mind set; I would get help immediately. I would never do such a thing to my kids.

itsjustme

Best wishes; I hope that you are able to work things out with your "t"; I know it's difficult to find anyone to trust in the midst of our depression.
My thoughts are with you. WHen I was in the hospital, I had never felt so patronized in my life. They were just going through the motions, I would have been better off if they didn't talk to me. But I did have a few good experiences while there.
Good luck,
Jon

That must have been scary. But you don't know why the police were there. Maybe it wasn't for you, or maybe it wasn't your docs that called them. Maybe they just wanted to talk to you. Please call your doc and talk about it. Tell him why you panicked. Your docs want to help you, but you have to be able to trust them. So far, they have worked with you to keep your trust, and it doesn't add up that they would violate your trust when you were working with them as you have been.

Be safe, and take care, and see that you get the help you need!

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

Rapunzel

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

Have you gotten to talk to your T yet?

As others have said it is quite possible the police were not there for you at all. Let the T know your fears and see if you can schedule another appointment.

I think the police officer might have had nothing to do with you. You said you heard the staff on the phone, but why would she be calling someone about you if the police officer was already there?

Please try to talk to your T and get the "scoop." I hope this was all a misunderstanding and that you can reschedule another appointment very soon. Even if it was a total misunderstanding and the officer had nothing to do with you coming in, please let the T's office know your fears so they can try to be sure something like that does not happen again. Hopefully they will work with you to make sure you are comfortable to visit.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I wish you luck, and I sure hope this was an overeaction at your end. We are all entitled to "freak out" over the things we fear.

I sure hope they were not there for you and you find out that, after all, you can trust your t.

Best thoughts and wishes going your way.

gab

Yeah, I think you freaked out. But I might have done the same thing!

However, they were probably there for a patient that was already in session, and in crisis... you said you were waiting right? The officer probably was trying to see WHO she was to help... and the staff was saying (no, that YOU) ...was there to see... Dr. xxxx .. and the other patient was already in with????

I have a pretty good idea that IF you were who the cop wanted, she would not have let you get away... especially since whomever the cop was there for needed her to stay safe... kind of her duty, you know?

It sure wasn't a nice situation, I agree. I'm surprised your T hasn't called you before now!

Calm down, breathe! Hey, if we handled all these things well, we wouldn't be needing Ts!

Hey everyone; I think I did overreact. I talked to my t and she understands my fears. She said that its not what they had discussed. I guess when I saw her; I totally panicked and did not think straight. She told me to phone him and explain what went though my mind. She felt so bad about that experience. Like I say, I am paranoid right now. I feel so stupid; I must have looked totally insane. I just can't believe that I did that. Totall embarrasment. Oh well, I can't change it now, just deal with it. If my doc understands then he will realize what "conclusion" I came up with. My fear was what the heck was I going to do if they were there for me; my kids. But if they were there for me; they would have been at my door. Silly of me. Man, you must all think I am nuts. Fear can sure take over. Maybe in the future they will take this into consideration. I will let you know what happens. I am phoning in about an hour; hoping he won't be as busy. He is there until 7pm and its 4:30 here now.
Thanks everyone; sorry about my stupidity. I am kicking myself for this one big time. I blew my shot at talking to him rationally today.
itsjustme

Well, it all over now. Move on to the next thing and take care of yourself

gab

It was a scary situation. No need to apologize, and you are NOT stupid nor silly. I'm just glad that you're ok. ) (((((((((just))))))))))

Hey I don't think you were stupid, in fact, I think that was good quick thinking... hey dudes I need a cigarette! Usually I just think... I need to get out of here (and look out for anyone in my way!) This is kewl that you have again shown how good a T you have found. Maybe the universe is allowing these things to prove it to you, to help build up that trust? It does seem a bit heavy though, and I'd ask it to back off some.

Don't feel bad about posting here, I am very glad that you did. There is no reason to be embarrased... especially here, I think we've all been through that.

Giving you reasonable alternatives to help fight the paranoia is one thing we can do here... it is a great "use" of this place and hopefully it made you feel better about calling your T.

We're here if you need us.

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--http://www.idexter.com

Thank you ssssooooo much everyone. The more I think about I realize for me that was a "fight or flight" response. Well I decided to fly. lol. My doctor is in today until 2. I am going in again today. I just hope the staff from yesterday is not there. One of his staff members is always so rude to me. Once she said" Oh not her again, great." I thought what is your problem. I have left the office in tears many times, maybe that is an issue with her. I dont know, but its her problem not mine. My boyfriend is going to come in with me. I asked him to for more of a comfort zone. My kids will be out in the waiting room with him so I will feel better not sitting there letting my mind do its panic thing. If that cop was there for me, they would have been at my door. So, I just had a really good imagination; nothing wrong with that. He is a doctor so I hope he understands. Like I have said before; I have seen this poor guy turn away in tears when we have spoke before. A long time back he asked for some of my documentation in regards to court etc . He saw many things that totally blew his mind. He was amazed at how the system can work at times. I also gave him some of my documents from womens shelters etc. So he has some idea to our past history. Anyway, once again, I will let you know how it goes and thank you for helping me feel better about this.

itsjustme

Good luck today. I am so glad you are going back. Yesterday was a bit of panic but you are able to get over that and try again today. That's GREAT! Plus you have a plan today to make it easier.

That office person sounds very very rude. No matter what her personal feelings it is part of her job to not show that to the patient, it is her job to make patients feel comfortable, not alienated. That would be bad behavior for any doctor's office, but even worse for someone dealing with mental illness where patients are likely to be even more fragile. I'd consider letting your doctor know about this. Don't worry about it this visit, you have priorities for this visit. But in future let him know that one of if staff isn't doing their job if you feel OK talking to him about it.

Good luck today, just focus on the stuff you are there for.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I cant thank you enough. It is great to have the support I get from u all. I have to go get ready now but will talk later.

The encouragment I get from all of you; I will take with me today.

itsjustme