[Razzleberry]

It's the same crap all over again, just like the first time I ever tried to fix this crap.

Call for appointments. They're booked for 6 weeks, 2 months, oh there's a waiting list there 'might' be an opening next year.

I wait so long that something that WAS NOT a crisis situation, now IS. If they could have just f#(%*#&ing helped me when I first called them, I'd be getting better by now. But no.

And if I tell them the truth, that I'm nearly suicidal, all they'll do is lock me up for a few days. I'll lose my job, everyone will know I'm crazy...and they STILL WON'T HELP ME.

I just went to the county walk-in mental health clinic. They have walk-in hours from 1-3 weekdays. So I went. I told them that yes, I did get a therapist, but he doesn't prescribe medication, he's on vacation, I'm not doing so well, my OB doc who was going to do the meds side is all booked up for a few weeks, and I just really need to start something NOW so maybe it can start working in a few weeks...rather than waiting another few weeks just to start it.

Well guess what. They won't help me either. Have to go thru a long drawn out process, and even then - they said their pdoc's that can prescribe are all booked up for several weeks.

AAAARRRRGGGHHH

I am ready to scream and cry at the same time. Why is it so hard??

If you have a broken arm, you go to the doctor, they fix it. End of story. Why, then, when your brain is broken, do they make you wait 2 months just to get an appointment, and then tell you to fix it yourself?

Why can't I just say "I NEED HELP" and f*#()(ing GET some help????

Is this just me? What the heck am I doing wrong?

[Irine]

ho i am sorry for you!

i donno what ot say for real help since i am not a therapist..but i feel you. Hang in there and HOLD ON

"Hold on be strong
So right so wrong
With all of my senses
With all of my defences
Hold on, Be strong..."

I think that if you DO clentch to this life and try to get help this already shows that you have enought courage to deal. I see you need help..i don`t know...you tried evryhting like online therapist? Or like...any kind of..well i don`t know i guess you have tried whatever i saw her elaso sited about it..when you have the depression forum there are "no suisidal post" thing and they have a link under it...have you tried it?

I am sorru i odn`t know a lot of such stuff right now...but since tpoday right now you cannot get this help and i agree with you that you SHOULD have to! ..and in the emergency? isn`t there a part a section for mental issues?

i hope you will find this help soon. by now i guess you will just go throught it. But you are strong for doing it and for holding on till now
so take it as my compliment for you and something to know about yourslef - you are strong!

and you will find the help you need and will be okay
believe it

[Defective]

Its not just you Razzle, its hard to find help in a timely manner. When i moved to far away from my last therapist i called around. First you have to find the ones that accept your insurance, then you have to figure out who can get you in the quickest. Then you have to pray that the therapist they assign you clicks with you or you go back to the end of the line it seems. Blargh! I feel your frustration. Sometimes i try to just feel better once i set everything up, that i did everything i could do.

[Timgt5]

(((Raz))) I am so sorry you are struggling with this, hang in there, I know its frustrating. If there is anything I can say or do for you that would bring the slightest of relief to your suffering I would gladly try.

TJ

I wish I Knew the answer to that? I have also found this out recently.
I think there are a small few who know that they need help and are willing to seek it. These few are smart. Those who see the need of others and refuse to help even in the smallest are usually ones who are unable to help themselves so therefore are helpless to help others.
Doing what you can for yourself is the smartest and best course, but don't quit in your effort to find outside help.
I wish you the best of luck

Hey, I am sorry you are having a hard time.

I hope I don't upset you by saying this....but if you are truely suicidal, you need to goto a hospital. Not everyone will know, and at worse they usually only hold people 1-2 weeks until they stabilize them. You will get treated and they will also FIND and SCHEDULE appointments for you with other people when you are released.

People here say bad things about hospitals and they have never been there...they are afraid. The truth is, if you are in crisis the hospital can help. They are not bad and mostly are helpful.

Just my 2 cents.....

[KathyM]

Well, THAT sucks!

Do you have an old pillow you can beat up and scream into in the meantime? OR, you can sign up for kickboxing lessons. Watch some really funny movies or do something that includes some deep belly laughs. If you're into nature, maybe you can schedule some quiet time out in the woods to just "be" for a little while.

Sometimes little things come along to remind you that life is worth living. Sometimes things happen that make you grateful you didn't carry through with suicidal intentions.

I hope you can find some balance while you're waiting for treatment.

[Razzleberry]

Well....it's now 5:20 on a Friday, so my only options now are 1) go to the ER or 2) wait till Monday. There's nothing else I can do.

I was so desperate, I even just called my daughter's pediatrician. He's an MD, right, he can write prescriptions....uhm, yeah, he said he doesn't treat adults and has no experience in all this crap and yadda yadda yadda "have you tried the County?"....

Grrr...yes, i went there today thankyouverymuch and they didn't do jack shiott for me.

I just hate to think what this whole process is like for those who are even worse off than me - financially and mentally. I'm still sane enough to know that I need help. I can't imagine how hard this is for those who are beyond this point and incapable of taking care of themselves. No wonder we have so many problems....

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((Razzleberry))))))))))))))

[RozG]

((((((((Razzleberry)))))))) i know it doesn't make the waiting (or frustration or anger at having to wait ) any easier for you but...i do understand, i do care, and i am just a pm away any time you need someone. sending lotsa love, hugs, positive thoughts and well wishes your way.

[DocClyde]

(((Razzy)))

Believe me, I know a little about your feelings too. My friend recently needed to see a T, and the one place I go too, which I told him would help him greatly, won't see him period! GRRRR!

Then, another place wouldnt see him for 3 months.

Then another wouldnt for another month.

He got lucky, called a place in the phone book, and got to see them the next day, and will see them next week too.

What am I trying to say? I know its sucky, and I know it hurts beyond belief, but patience does persevere after awhile. I wish it could be sooner than it has been for you

[DePressMe]

Yeah, I had to wait over 2 months to get seen by my psychiatrist for the first time. I was in pain and ready for help when I called them--waiting more than 2 months seemed like an eternity.

I hope you can work something out soon...

[Cyran0]

Please do go to the ER if you feel you can't hold out.

Also, you can call local doctors and establish service. Just say you don't have a family doctor and you want to see whoever is available. Suddenly, you have a new family doctor and probably a prescription.

Still, not much to do over the weekend.

I'm very sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Cyran0

[Razzleberry]

I think I'm okay enough to make it till Monday. At least I hope so.

The good part is, I haven't really been alone enough to really do anything. I go from work to home, and there's always someone around.

The thing is - I know I'm still not nearly as bad as I have been in the past, simply because I can talk myself out of this stuff. I start thinking...really stupid thoughts....but then I am still rational enough to think how all this would effect my daughter, my husband, my coworkers, everybody. I'm even rational enough to look up my life insurance and realize I haven't met the 2 year exclusion yet. That's not something I would be thinking of if I was as deeply depressed as I used to be, right. So I make myself snap out of it. But it doesn't stop the stupid thoughts.

Now if I could just FOCUS for a day or two and blow thru all this work...just get it done...then maybe next week I can finally relax. That might help.

I did sort-of tell my husband what's going on. Not entirely. Last night I just said "I think I'm getting depressed again". He didn't really say much. I think he just thinks its the stress from work and it will all get better in a couple weeks. I'm not so sure. I'm hoping maybe he remembers....2 years ago when I hit rock-bottom with postpartum depression and I actually drove myself to a psych hospital...and 4 years ago when he found me after my last actual attempt. I've been this way forever. At least since about age 10. It's not just temporary. Sure, things might settle down when I'm not as stressed with work, but I need to FIX this...I can't keep wishing it away. Some years are better than others but it keeps coming back and if I don't take care of it now...who knows how bad it could get.

[StayGolden]

I AM PROUD OF YOU!!! You talked to your husband, no matter how much you said, you took the step and did it...YEAH!! And you have also talked your self out of the "stupid stuff."
You know that I have never been where you were or currently are. Yet you have shown me and taught me so much. So many people don't want to hear about the pain, the anguish, the suicide attempts and so many other things that push you. The world would tell you to forget about it or move on with you life, but it difficult. And you have shown me that there come a point when you need to let that out, when people need to listen, when you need to find that control once again. I have kept things in me that pushed me beyond anger and am trying to talk it out. I actually got through my immediate anxiety of talking to my wife about what frustrated me last night and didn't raise my voice or get irrational.
But this is not about me, it is about that cry for help. Know this my wonderful, beautiful friend, your cries have been heard. I smiled for you today...

[KathyM]

I'm glad you're still with us. I'm at risk of this too because my mother either talked about or attempted suicide for as long as I can remember. In between, she talked about how much she hated life - and me, lol. None of us knew she was really sick with a dreadful disease because her type hadn't been discovered yet in this country. By the time she was diagnosed, I didn't believe her story of being the only person in the U.S. with this disease. It sounded too far-fetched. I attributed her physical problems to diabetes, though it had always been controlled well with diet and insulin.

I didn't find out until 5 years after she died that her rare disease was real, and that I have it too. It's terrifying sometimes because mom's last 10 years were horrible. There's no treatment or cure, not even on the horizon, and the disease only gets worse.

I really have to fight the urge to end it all now before it gets any worse. I HAVE to fight that urge, though, just like YOU have to fight the urge.

Your daughter needs you. The best gift you can give her is to show her how you are able to weather the storms in life. Even when you get knocked down, show her how you are able to recover and move on. As the song goes, "walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown."

When thoughts of suicide enter your mind, consider them a silly fantasy - because you know it will create long-lasting disaster for the people you love. The fantasy can serve as a reminder of all the things that really DO give you joy in living. Take that time to go treasure hunting for your joys in life, regardless of how small they may be. If the urge gets to be too much, look closely in your daughter's eyes. She needs you.

Maybe your bouts with depression are also just a sign that some adjustments/changes need to take place in your life. You spend your day identified as wife, mother, and employee - not much time left for Razzleberry.