Struggling

Anxious and stressed out due to doing vocational skills group. It's nothing like my care co ordinator said it would be and though i have pushed myself to go i'm really struggling with it.
It doesn't help that everything is so formally structured and there is so much stuff you are expected to get your head round and do which i am finding hard due to certain cognitive difficulties.
The problem being that the so called mh professionals won't even take on board how the social anxiety/cognitive problems are making doing this an uphill struggle and a fruitless exercise.
They have their agenda which in turn is the government's agenda and any problems are to be glibly and dismissively swept ahead.
Beep the fact of how it might make some people feel worse trying to live up to this agenda which is less about meeting the needs of the individual client than it is about imposing what is dictated to be good for the client.

Truth be told it's making me feel increasingly anxious/stressed/tense/depressed/ and most certainly useless, angry and annoyed. I am constantly worrying about the group with either not being able to sleep because of it or alternatively finding myself so emnotionally/mentally drained with the anxiety i am in bed by 8 or 9
wanting to curl up foetal fashion and shut everything out

On Friday afternoon after the group i went up to the cemetry to put some flowers on my wife's grave as it would have been her birthday and to have my customary talk to her.After doing so Found i had gotten the time when the main gates close wrong(thought it 4.30 but it's 4.00 this time of year) and went into a hysterical fear sticken panic because i thought i was going to be locked in there. I know this is going to sound silly and stupid but i have a poor sense of direction/orientation and going through the main entrance was the only way i knew to get in and out of the cemetery.
Luckily by chance, as i was unable to think straight as i was in such a muddle headed hysterical state, i found a way out minutes before the cemetery closed completely.
I was shaking and either crying or on the verge of tears all the way home and spent the next 14 or so hours after getting home in bed.

The way i feel at the moment going into a mental coma would suit me quite nicely . The pressure and the stress is really getting to me.

((teejai)) I'd have felt as afraid as you if I hadn't realised it was almost closing time! I too have to be pretty certain of ways in and out!

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teejai said:
Anxious and stressed out due to doing vocational skills group...
It doesn't help that everything is so formally structured and there is so much stuff you are expected to get your head round and do which i am finding hard due to certain cognitive difficulties.
The problem being that the so called mh professionals won't even take on board how the social anxiety/cognitive problems are making doing this an uphill struggle and a fruitless exercise.
They have their agenda which in turn is the government's agenda and any problems are to be glibly and dismissively swept ahead.

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It seems to me that there's only one way around this, and that is to simply not go along with it. Maybe you can do that inside your head only, so that you do not have to butt heads with the "authorities," at least not immediately. I don't think there is one way only to vocational competence. But I don't know your actual situation.

TJ, sorry you're struggling and miserable. Hope something eases for you soon.

What happened, when I was reading your post I got to the bit that said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
They have their agenda which in turn is the government's agenda and any problems are to be glibly and dismissively swept ahead.
Beep the fact of how it might make some people feel worse trying to live up to this agenda which is less about meeting the needs of the individual client than it is about imposing what is dictated to be good for the client.


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and I thought, bet thats England, and, low and behold, I looked at where you were from..................
I know everywhere's got its f...ed upness, but ......... I guess we've got our own speciality.

that wanting to retreat into feotal posion, I get that too, and I allow mysefl to do it for a while it I'm at home, it seems to somehow be necassary and the right thing to do. Its not ideal, .... I know.
How to survive in groups, ............. ? it is about surviving I guess and I always underestimate the human daftness that goes on........ so I'm trying to take it into account... but sometimse it doesnt feel realistic to switch off ones feelings iether, so, I understand, I think, what you're experiencing, havent cracked it myself .........yet.........!

river

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teejai: On Friday afternoon after the group i went up to the cemetry to put some flowers on my wife's grave as it would have been her birthday and to have my customary talk to her.After doing so Found i had gotten the time when the main gates close wrong(thought it 4.30 but it's 4.00 this time of year) and went into a hysterical fear sticken panic because i thought i was going to be locked in there. I know this is going to sound silly and stupid but i have a poor sense of direction/orientation and going through the main entrance was the only way i knew to get in and out of the cemetery.

Several months ago I found myself in a similar situation. I was in a brand new job and due to a misunderstanding, I'd gone to the wrong location to catch my ride home and I'd missed it as a result. I knew that somewhere there was a bus I could catch that would also bring me within walking distance of home but I had no idea where that bus could be found. Feeling foolish, I ended up phoning the ride I'd missed and insisting that the driver turn around and come back to pick me up.

Having been through the situation I now know what to do if I ever miss my ride again, but at the time, I felt as small and despondant as a kid lost in a department store. Everything was new and unfamiliar, and I didn't know where to go. I was lost. It's that simple.

Beep the fact of how it might make some people feel worse trying to live up to this agenda which is less about meeting the needs of the individual client than it is about imposing what is dictated to be good for the client.

What will happen if you stop going? Will you get in trouble? Will you feel like you failed? Will you feel relieved? Personally, I think I would stop going. To me, there's nothing wrong with recognizing that that which is supposed to be helping you, isn't helping. Then again, I don't seem to be that fond of formal therapy. Like you, I resist the imposed structure. But I am a fan of recognizing that some things might be beneficial. Is there any way you can create for yourself what the "formal structure" is supposed to do for you? What is it supposed to do for you anyway?

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spiritual_emergency said:
What is it supposed to do for you anyway?



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According to the letter i got about it it is supposed to be a 'step back into work' activity that can lead to further study,voluntary or paid work depending on needs and aspirations.
Most of the people there have worked previously whereas i haven't. In fact i have always been told that work was not a viable option for me and indeed the last time(over 25 years ago) it was suggested i was sent somewhere to be assessed as to what i had an aptitude for my then pdoc
wouldn't sanction it.
The course is probably a good one for those who have a previous work history or are still young but at 51 and with no previous work history along with avoidant issues/anxiety (long term) which has been practically ignored i just feel like i have been thrown in the deep end .
It is not that i am lazy though i am not a workaholic either but the thought of going to work terrifies me because of the thought of making a fool of myself and not knowing how to interact and being under pressure.
If someone gives me something to do without any pressure attached amongst people i feel comfortable and safe with i am ok.
I can not see anyone realistically employing me but even the thought of voluntary work (which is a more realistic option) is scary especially as a lot of the voluntary work involves considerable interaction with others ie helping out in charity shops etc.
If i could do something in the background i wouldn't feel so nervous/scared.
It is hard when you feel you should be doing something but you are scared of making a fool of yourself/getting things wrong/have difficulties initiating conversations and making small talk.

The last possible option is to do some studying at the local college -again the avoidant/social anxiety issues make the thought of that nerve racking
even without various cognitive difficulties i have which centre round problems with organising/planning(executive functioning) and critical thinking.
People tend to think i am capable of a lot because of my verbal abilities which are in the high and above range in contrast to my performance/visuospatial abilities which are considerably less.
I do not know what the situation is elsewhere but here in the UK they tend to dismiss the idea that you can be intelligent and yet still have cognitive/learning difficulties .
The last time i did any studying was for A levels which i never took due to being admitted to hospital. I really struggled with those in comparison to O levels due to the problems with critical thinking etc.
If i could get recognition for those difficulties and help then studying would not be totally out of the question. However i do not hold out much hope of that happening as my cognitive difficulties have always been overlooked on account of being reasonably verbally skilled/articulate ( I performed very well up to about 9-9.5 then it was a gradual decline which really hit home between doing reasonably well at O levels and then studying for A levels.)

Open U. has some good courses and is distance ed http://www.open.ac.uk/new/what-is-the-ou.shtml You could just take courses that interest you for awhile, see how you do?
Many have no entry requirements http://www.open.ac.uk/new/starting-course.shtml and is geared to helping disabled: http://www.open.ac.uk/new/disability-support.shtml