post-therapy blues

1) does anyone else have them?
2) what causes them?
3) how do you deal with them?

everytime i leave a session, it feels like my heart is being ripped out. the disconnect is so great, and i walk away in a daze. (yesterday, i don't even remember the mile-walk i had right after.)

i've been trying to think of what causes them, and i know it's partially because therapy is such a safe place, and then to have to leave is just.. hard.

i deal with it by trying to distract myself afterwards or by journaling, but i need some other ideas. if anyone has any thoughts on the subject, please share!

For me it helped to have someone to talk to/connect with afterward so reconnecting with my "real" world wasn't as hard.

It gets easier with time. I've been with my current T coming up on 7yrs and 9/10 I can manage to conjure up the nice feelings about her. But there are still "those" times when I do just as you do, journaling etc, there is no easy answer to this, it is just as it is, sadness at having to leave that nice, cozy warm "womb", and detaching from the pain of it.

I could write a book on the subject! Yes, I have always had post-therapy blues, but not ALL of the time, and particularly much less with my new T. I used to cry in my car after my sessions, and with Bt would call her often before I even went home. This happened with my other Ts too.

Sometimes those phone calls after a session would help, but not usually. I would distract myself, and get busy with whatever I needed to do, or with something that I enjoyed doing. Distracting or self-soothing activities, whatever may work for you. The recent thread had some great ideas.

My very first T, many years ago, told me what I was feeling when I first started getting attached to her. She said something like "it's hard to disconnect after being connected, isn't it?"I didn't understand what therapy was all about then, but I knew I just wanted to be with her all of the time. It IS hard to leave the therapy room where we are cared about so lovingly. Plus, things get stirred up that we don't want to face. Sessions don't end tied up with a ribbon; they end in the middle, and we feel uneasy. I think those are the basic reasons for post-therapy blues.

In my particular case, and maybe yours, it always seemed like the session was over a minute after it started. I was slow in getting to the "hard stuff", so by the time I got into it, the session was over. So, naturally I felt frustrated afterwards. I learned to start right away, but that took years. I don't know if that's relevant to you, or not. When I felt like I said what I had to, and my T "heard me", I didn't have such awful feelings afterward. When I connected with my T during the session, I didn't have to call her to get the connection or sustain it as much.

What is helping me, and it's kind of a miracle, is the longer sessions I have with Kt. I get 1 1/2 hours. I don't feel like I'm "in and out." I feel like I have enough time so I don't have to rush, and the sessions seem more finished when I leave.

Do you think there's anything your T could say that would help you? Have you told her how you feel when you leave? Maybe you could end your sessions differently. Do you end feeling frustrated that you haven't said what you wanted to say, or is that part okay? I know the "heart being ripped out" feeling. Are you allowed a phone call or email in between? Knowing that I can email after a session makes it easier for me to leave. What's your relationship with your T like? I think it has to do with that, too. I always wanted "more" from Bt. I don't feel like I have to "get something" from Kt; it's a different kind of therapy, focused more on me, not her. I never thought I'd be writing anything like this and I don't trust it yet; the feelings are so new for me.

I hope something helped you here. It's pretty normal to feel the way you do, but I think you can do things to stop feeling so utterly miserable. There's journaling too, if that helps. I'm sure you'll get more ideas.

Hi Seventy-eight,

Yes, i get post-therapy blues quite often. Probably at least half the time. Sometimes it's because i didn't talk about something i needed to say. Sometimes because we got into something painful during the session and i couldn't seem to "put it away" when the session was over. Other times i had post-therapy blues, it was because my t had said or done something that bothered me, and i didn't speak up, or i wasn't sure about something she said, and i didn't clarify it with her. And then the whole idea of having to leave that safe nest and go out into the cold, cruel world (at least it feels like that sometimes). I also feel unsettled and yucky if i've needed to feel some kind of emotional connection with my t but for whatever reason, wasn't able to feel it in my session.

So yes, i totally understand the post-therapy blues!!!

I guess, like you, i am in need of some advice on how to deal with it. I've been in therapy several years, and i've always used email as a way to try to resolve the post-therapy upset/uneasiness. I would use email after my session to say things i hadn't said when i was there, or to ask questions that i didn't ask, or that came to mind after i left her office. i would also use it to try to feel that connected feeling with her between sessions. Would your t allow you to email between sessions?

Now, i'm at a point because of my own issues, where continuing to email for the above reasons isn't going to work anymore. I'm not sure where i am going to put all those thoughts/emotions/uneasiness that hit me post-therapy. It scares me.

Hi ((((((((((((seventy-eight)))))))))))))))

I DO get them. Yuck.

I think for me, I get them the worst when we are in the middle of big issues that can't be completed during the session. So, when we are in trauma stuff, I feel it EVERY time, and I hate it. When things are calmer, I leave and feel connected and okay.

I think part of connecting with T is actually connecting with ME (if that makes any sense). Trauma work/hard stuff makes me feel the disconnection I have from my SELF and I think that's a lot of what I'm left with after those sessions

Now that I've been in therapy for a while, it seems like if I can just get through that first evening after session, things quiet down. Usually.

My T and I have a thing we do where I call him and leave a message about what feels undone after session/what I need, and he leaves me a message to hang on to for the week. That helps a little.

(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to you

yes, I get that too. I think maybe it has gotten a little easier over time, but it really depends on what we talked about during the session. Sometimes just leaving her office is the hardest, saddest part of my week.

I started taking time right after the session to write down my Ts words that I wanted to remember and carry with me through the week.

I can call or email my T whenever I want to, so that helps. Sometimes, like this week, I didn't feel that connection at all during the session so afterwards I will either be really kind of frantic, missing the connection and not feeling like I can wait another week to try again. Or else I'll feel kind of hurt and angry and pull into my shell, and just let it be until the next session.

after a session i need to be alone, to process. to work out all the kinks in my head... to have some down time. I park way far away from t's office and then run all the way to my car. then i just sit in it until i am grounded again. anywhere from 5 -30 minutes, then i head home and journal, then crash.. I usually sleep really good after a t appt... good luck to you

I haven't had a chance to read all of the other posts, but I have experienced lots of post-therapy blues in the past. Crying in my car, feeling badly that I hadn't gotten everything out that I had wanted to, etc. It's gotten better over the past year, though, as I start to feel more of a stable connection with my therapist. I've slowly become more able to believe that our connection will continue on into the future. It's taken a lot of time, though.

Thanks for sharing your personal experiences xx

I'm flooded with thoughts. My T expects to get an email from me either that night or the next day. He also emails me his session notes, which helps me connect with what we discussed which helps between sessions. The only time I call him is when I feel I'm in a crisis...actually he usually calls me when he senses from the email that I need to talk with him. It's still tough, regardless....the cold cruel world effect.

No, its really OK. There is nothing in his notes that surprize me.
He is honest about my situation, and I find it very helpful to gauge
where he sees me and what I might need to work on. It's like having
another session inbetween sessions. For us, it's a good thing.
This may not work for most.

Yeah, sounds good the way you state it. But I can hear my T underlining and drawing circles... I'm sure I would be analyzing and analyzing over her notes over and over again...

But to be honest I would love to see them, too!!

suga, not sure if the links mentioned anything about "transitional objects," but those can really help with the "hangover." i asked my therapist for a small note to keep with me, and have also asked for voicemails on occasion as well. in addition, i have a few other tangible things to help me feel connected. is that something you think would help? and something you think that you could ask your therapist for?

I think I could ask for a voicemail.
I have one or 2 encouraging texts from her that i keep stored on my phone and that help me feel connected.

I'm not even sure how I'd ask for anything else without being terribly embarrassed.

My T left me a voicemail the other day...we had an intense session the day before and she wanted me to know I was on her mind. I accidentally deleted it, but I had really wanted to save it...so got brave and left her a message asking if she would leave another message. So she did! I guess this is like the 'transitional objects' people have mentioned earlier in this thread?
Also - to combine both the blues/hangover threads I read through - it always takes me a while to process the session, so to speak. I go drive around a half hour, sometimes with music up loud, before going home so my husband doesn't see how undone or shell-shocked I look/feel sometimes. Sometimes it takes hours or days to get my head out of session; sometimes, I feel the need to mull things from the session over a lot...other times, I just feel happy about what transpired and go about with a sort of an after-therapy glow.
Usually, I journal my thoughts about things from the session....journaling helps clear my head from the things rattling around in it after session. If they're on paper, I'm free from obsessing about them!

This is a little like the messages T and I leave for each other. Almost like a little session right after session. It helps.

Yes, I would use a voice message as a 'transitional object'.
It took me 2.5 days to kind of get over my last session - that's a long time to be mulling over things...
Thanks for your comments - at least I know I'm not alone in this.