[elliemay]

And I don't know, I just wanted someone, somewhere to know.

My therapist is, of course, out of town - but not before he told me that there are some things he just doesn't want to hear upon his return. Thanks. That really helps a lot.

I'm nervous as a cat over work which I just can't seem to get done.

I hit my head yesterday quite hard. I have a knot and it hurts. As we all know pain just makes everything harder.

I'm just stressed out, sad, mad and upset over life I guess.

Can't seem to pull it together.

[Elana05]

(((elliemay)))

How hard that your T is out of town right now, when you feel low and have stuff you need to say. When does he get back? I can see why this comment felt hurtful. I think I would have reacted in the same way. I hope you'll be able to tell him how that comment made you feel.
Hang in there. Sending good thoughts and warm wishes your way.
We're here for you. Hope you will keep posting.

E

ps. I hope your head feels better. Have you tried some aspirin? I once dropped a 3 lb weight on my head (oops) and had a similar lump. Ice and aspirin helped out a bit. Ow.

[Fartraveler]

I'll double what Elana said, I don't think I could say it better.

Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

-Far

[WePow]

((((( elliemay )))) It sounds like that is a huge trigger for you - to have unresolved conversation that you want to address. ? That happens to be one of my triggers. I HATE it when my boss at the start of the day says "Can you swing by my office before you leave today?" UUUUUUGGGGGG!!!!! It took a ton of work for me to figure out why that was so hard on me. Finally figured out it was because my mom would catch us doing something like playing with the water hose and then would say "Wait till your dad gets home!" At which point we all had to spend hours awaiting the punishment (which for me involved the CSA -- ICKKKKK !!!!) So needless to say, that being on "hold" drives me insane.

Maybe you have something that is in the past that is making it much harder to wait on T to get back to deal with this?

Hi (((((((((((elliemay))))))))))

Ugh, what a day you're having. I'm sorry T left you with that hard comment before he left. T vacations are hard enough without having some sort of unresolved conflict hanging over our heads!

I'm really glad that you posted. Being alone with stuff makes it that much worse sometimes.

Lots of to you.

[elliemay]

I so wish I could just get out of my head, but I seem to be stuck in there.

I've been having some control issues lately, triggered by -get this- vulnerability and abandonment. I have to laugh at the irony I guess.

In any case, he indicated several times that when he got back he simply did not want to hear about how I've been handing it. Really, I should have never brought it up in the first place.

I'm quite angry with him. Quite hurt too. I've been seeing him several years. Did not expect this his reaction, which was followed by "okay then, see ya bye" He's gone for two weeks.

As I indicated previously, I used to be tougher about these things. I feel like I'm just a mess.

[mixedup_emotions]

I would most certainly be hurt by what your T said. Any idea why your T would've said that? I hope you are able to address it in T when he gets back.

((( HUGS )))

Why would he say that? That seems unkind.

Originally Posted by elliemay

I've been having some control issues lately, triggered by -get this- vulnerability and abandonment. I have to laugh at the irony I guess.

In any case, he indicated several times that when he got back he simply did not want to hear about how I've been handing it.

Do you mean he doesn't want to hear about the issues you're having around vulnerability and abandonment?

That sounds really painful. I'm sorry.

[Lauru]

That sounds like such a hard and cruel thing to say. I am so sorry you are having problems with your T. i hope you are taking good care of yourself. You deserve it.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by elliemay

And I don't know, I just wanted someone, somewhere to know.

My therapist is, of course, out of town - but not before he told me that there are some things he just doesn't want to hear upon his return.

What is it that he doesn't want to hear, do you want to talk about this here?

[elliemay]

I don't think he didn't want to hear about my issues around vulnerability/control.

I had a moment of vulnerability with another human being, and is was nice, but he thinks I am having some sort of secondary reaction to it, that, well, isn't so nice.

His problem centers on the way I'm coping with that putative secondary reaction -with food, or lack thereof. He didn't want to hear about that maladaptive coping technique. Not one word. He just wants me to fix it.

I know it's not good, and something is going on but it's hard you know?

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I don't think he didn't want to hear about my issues around vulnerability/control.

I had a moment of vulnerability with another human being, and is was nice, but he thinks I am having some sort of secondary reaction to it, that, well, isn't so nice.

His problem centers on the way I'm coping with that putative secondary reaction -with food, or lack thereof. He didn't want to hear about that maladaptive coping technique. Not one word. He just wants me to fix it.

I know it's not good, and something is going on but it's hard you know?

Do you mean he doesn't want to hear about the vulnerability, or he doesn't want to hear about the control issues and food. I'd seriously doubt that he wants you to fix your issues with food all alone. He is there to help you with this. What makes you think he doesn't want to hear about this, did he say anything specific?

Ack. My T is HORRIBLE about ED stuff. Horrible, horrible.

When I was restricting food at one point, I felt trapped, like I couldn't find my way out. T literally sat and gave me a lecture about what to eat. "for breakfast, eat this or this or this. Then have a snack and eat this or this....". I kept interrupting him and he kept talking OVER me with his food list. WTH?

He told me he isn't good with eating disorders, and that he might do a continuing ed thing. And then when I asked him later if he would do the continuing ed thing, he said "no, because, honestly, i really don't want to".

I just stopped talking to him about ED stuff, but continued the work of therapy. For me, it ended up being one of those gray areas...he IS a good T, someone I want to work with AND he's terrible at directly addressing ED stuff. Both are true.

Somehow, through doing the other work in therapy, the ED stuff has slowly, slowly gone away, along with my other bad coping methods. I think T trusts that if we work on the internal stuff that creates the need for the bad coping methods, that they will go away on their own. In the end, I guess that's kind of how it worked for me.

When does he come back from vacation?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Oceanwave

Do you mean he doesn't want to hear about the vulnerability, or he doesn't want to hear about the control issues and food. I'd seriously doubt that he wants you to fix your issues with food all alone. He is there to help you with this. What makes you think he doesn't want to hear about this, did he say anything specific?

Well, he told me that he didn't want to hear about how little I'm eating, or the calories or anything. I was just going to have to have the self-discipline to eat. This aspect was up to me. He's right of course, about the self-discipline. But damn. This is the first time this problem has manifested in the way.

When he returns, he said that we would work on the core issues of regaining control after I have a vulnerable moment, and how and why I feel that way afterwards.

He just doesn't want to hear the struggle with food. I think he might be scared, or just giving himself permission to leave by throwing this back on me alone. It's hard to say.

But I can promise you this, he won't hear another word about it until I fix it, or don't.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Ack. My T is HORRIBLE about ED stuff. Horrible, horrible.

When I was restricting food at one point, I felt trapped, like I couldn't find my way out. T literally sat and gave me a lecture about what to eat. "for breakfast, eat this or this or this. Then have a snack and eat this or this....". I kept interrupting him and he kept talking OVER me with his food list. WTH?

He told me he isn't good with eating disorders, and that he might do a continuing ed thing. And then when I asked him later if he would do the continuing ed thing, he said "no, because, honestly, i really don't want to".

I just stopped talking to him about ED stuff, but continued the work of therapy. For me, it ended up being one of those gray areas...he IS a good T, someone I want to work with AND he's terrible at directly addressing ED stuff. Both are true.

Somehow, through doing the other work in therapy, the ED stuff has slowly, slowly gone away, along with my other bad coping methods. I think T trusts that if we work on the internal stuff that creates the need for the bad coping methods, that they will go away on their own. In the end, I guess that's kind of how it worked for me.

When does he come back from vacation?

This maybe exactly what is going on with my T. He really is a good T. I've worked with him for years. He gave me the same lecture about what to eat, and when and all that.

I see him again on the 18th.

[WePow]

I am sorry your T is being this hard on his own support to you for the ED.
I do understand how a T may not be able to/ or qualified to / help with ED or SI, but they should never just tell a client to "fix it" or "just don't do it" - that is not good therapy.

My T is an addictions expect so I think that he must know that saying "Don't SI" will not help. He has to provide me with alternative options and different ways to look at the work. He did that in email Friday when I was very low and he said "Where is your drum?" That was the entire email! But he did IT. I knew he was giving me an option rather than saying "I don't want to hear about it." or "Don't do it."

I am very sorry that you are with a T who has not yet learned how to deal with the ED situation. I hope you will bring it back up to him and maybe even let him know how other T's act around things like that. And let him see exactly what his response to you felt like from your point of view. This is not to be mean to T or anything. It is because your T needs to know what impact that communication had on a client.

A good T will learn from the experience and maybe change the way their viewpoint is presented. The T may still not be willing or able to deal with the ED, but they should understand how to safely get the client to the help they do need. My own T has often suggested other experts on things he was not qualified or able to handle. He even has experts for certain parts of his own therapy work that his T can't handle.

Keep on being honest and keep posting about your feelings here.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Well, he told me that he didn't want to hear about how little I'm eating, or the calories or anything. I was just going to have to have the self-discipline to eat. This aspect was up to me. He's right of course, about the self-discipline. But damn. This is the first time this problem has manifested in the way.

When he returns, he said that we would work on the core issues of regaining control after I have a vulnerable moment, and how and why I feel that way afterwards.

He just doesn't want to hear the struggle with food. I think he might be scared, or just giving himself permission to leave by throwing this back on me alone. It's hard to say.

But I can promise you this, he won't hear another word about it until I fix it, or don't.

Elliemay, if a therapist told me s/he does't want to listen to some of my issues I need help with I would tell him that I will not waste my precious time (and money, if relevant) on that therapist. Life is too short for nonsense and there are many competent therapist out there who will listen. However, if he wants to address with you the underlying issue that's great; but don't let him stop you talk about what you need to share with him. You are perfectly right to stand up for yourself and confront him if he tries to silence you. And if he does I would just walk out.

[Elana05]

Maybe instead of talking directly about food you could talk about how what your T has said in respect to it and how it makes you feel? I think that is viable. I mean, we do these things because we feel they help us, even if they do not. Have you ever sought out help from a moderated therapy group with a focus on EDs? Would your T be more helpful of you were getting extra outside help? Idk. I love my T, but she once told me that she wouldn't see someone who self medicated with alcohol unless they were also in AA. In a way this startled me.

Maybe it might be helpful to read up on what the various techniques are used by therapists in general to help people in the ED area... then you might know more specifically what you need from your T that he is not providing?
Sending warm wishes your way.

E

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Maybe instead of talking directly about food you could talk about how what your T has said in respect to it and how it makes you feel? I think that is viable. I mean, we do these things because we feel they help us, even if they do not. Have you ever sought out help from a moderated therapy group with a focus on EDs? Would your T be more helpful of you were getting extra outside help? Idk. I love my T, but she once told me that she wouldn't see someone who self medicated with alcohol unless they were also in AA. In a way this startled me.

Maybe it might be helpful to read up on what the various techniques are used by therapists in general to help people in the ED area... then you might know more specifically what you need from your T that he is not providing?
Sending warm wishes your way.

E

Okay, the fact that he may terminate me over this hadn't even crossed my mind. Great, more pressure.

I just wish he were in town so we could talk about this. I feel really shut down here.

Maybe tomorrow I will look around and find some resources to help me find the "self-discipline" to deal with this.

I just don't think my T can handle it. God why didn't I just friggin' say I was on a diet. Why?

Originally Posted by elliemay

Okay, the fact that he may terminate me over this hadn't even crossed my mind. Great, more pressure.

I just don't think my T can handle it. God why didn't I just friggin' say I was on a diet. Why?

(((((((((((EM))))))))))))

Did your T say ANYTHING to indicate that he might terminate over this? It didn't sound like he had. Can you try not to add to your distress by adding that fear to it?

It sounds like T said something pretty abrupt and then left on vacation, and you're left not knowing how it's all going to play out. From everything you've said, he sounds like a really good T. My T is really good, AND he says really stupid things sometimes. Maybe this is one of those times with your T.

Hang in there.

[elliemay]

Okay,no he didn't mention termination at all.

I'm just having a horrible abreaction to something. I'm not even sure it's him - although he's got it coming.

Whatever it is, it is powerful and it must be old to be evoking this kind of profound response from my mind, body and spirit.

From here on out, at least until he returns, this has got to be about containment and taking it easy on myself.

I've got to allow myself to be and do what I need to do to survive it.