[feary]

she said she can no longer work with me because she feels she has exhausted all her expertise and resources

she was the top psychiatrist here with national awards etc

now I am completely HOPELESS

my life just gets worse each day

[Gus1234U]

Dearest Feary~~ I understand how this looks and feels like a major disaster, because it is one~! Please don't blame yourself, at all at all~~ Grieving is the natural response to such a terrible loss. Come to chats, and we will comfort you as best we can, with kind words and {{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}} I bet that doc doesn't have a single award for Compassion~! Gus

[WePow]

((((( feary ))))))) Just because someone has awards and others may say they are the best, that does not make them the best. Allow the universe to open up to you. There may be a very humble therapist right down the road from you who can help you heal in ways you never thought you could. My T is a great example of someone who doesn't want to get a PhD. Not because he couldn't do it... but just because he has his own way and reasons. But I would put him up against someone with 10 PhD's any day of the week!

This may be the best thing that has happened for your long term healing...

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by feary

she said she can no longer work with me because she feels she has exhausted all her expertise and resources. she was the top psychiatrist here with national awards etc. now I am completely HOPELESS
my life just gets worse each day

Oh, fiery, fiery, fiery,

You WILL be able to find a P-doc who you can work with and who can work with you. Just because your present (or former) P-doc wasn't able to measure up to you doesn't mean that you can't find someone who can. They're out there. You can find the right one. But you do have to try and cooperate with them. You do have to try to feel better. To do some work on your own behalf. If you keep trying, you WILL succeed. Take care!

[Eliza Jane]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

Was your pdoc also your T or just rx'ing meds?

I don't mean to be too pollyanna or anything, but the bright side of this is that pdoc was able to realize and tell you when she could no longer be helpful. The alternative would be to have her string you along for years giving you unhelpful treatments. There are plenty of pdoc's who do that. Just remember that this isn't about you being so bad that no one could help you. It is about your needs not fitting her talents.

Did she at least have a good referral for you? Good luck. I hope you find the right match soon.

EJ

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by feary

she said she can no longer work with me because she feels she has exhausted all her expertise and resources

Was her expertise in prescribing or therapy, i.e. what services was she providing to you?It sounds like your case was too complicated for her? Do you agree with that?

now I am completely HOPELESS... my life just gets worse each day

Do you also have a therapist?

Hang in there, and come here for support when you need it!

[feary]

I am falling apart

I have no support no life no one around

I feel terrified of dying and aging

I can feel myself as older 40, 45, up to 80 and I know I won't be able to handle it

i am too aware of my age and my looks and my body

I feel myself dying and I expect it in every single second everything I do

I am a very tough case and I know there is no solution otherwise she would not have dropped me

she was only my pdoc but is a therapist too and she was very good but I feel completely abandoned by EVERYONE even my parents who just ignore me now

no one understands and no one gives me comfort

I feel so strange in my body all the time and about my life since getting divorced, I feel like I am without an identity

I am so utterly terrified it is unbelieveable

I have a therapist but she is not great, I am scared of her because she just scolds me and makes me feel bad all the time

she also said that she has never seen anyone in her 30 years like me and I am the hardest case and she has never seen anyone try the least like me which is completely not true

I feel my life is just going to get worse

I am terrified of everything and I have no one

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by feary

she also said that she has never seen anyone in her 30 years like me and I am the hardest case and she has never seen anyone try the least like me which is completely not true

That's her. Others may not have the same reaction to you.

I am terrified of everything and I have no one

You have us. If that is any comfort...

[peaches100]

Feary,

We may not have the solution to your problems, but we are here for you. . .to care and listen. . .you are not all alone. . .we are just a few keystrokes away. . .

[DoggyBonz]

Originally Posted by feary

she said she can no longer work with me because she feels she has exhausted all her expertise and resources

Ok first the legal aspect - I don't know where you live but that would be called patient abandonment where I am in Boston, MA. That was cruel, mean and unprofessional of her to say that. You are not a hopeless case, I don't know where you live but there are people that can help you and she has an legal obligation to help you find someone.

Can you ask her for some referalls, are there trauma centers where you live? I know that I am in the process of trying to find a new therapist and it's hard but please trust the people here, there are therapists and all she did regardless of how much you respected her was show an unprofessional side. There are so many different therapies and maybe you were not diagnosed properly and therefore not getting your therapy needs met.

Have you considered an inpatient hospital or an outpatient partial. They do exist all over at least US.

she was the top psychiatrist here with national awards etc

As was said before - who cares that she has national awards. The therapist that I was working with was the only person that ever got close to me and understood and she didn't want any awards. It's not about their awards, it's about how they interact with you. Sometimes those awards can be a hinderance b/c you think they are so great and you feel like the failure.

You are a patient and deserve the very best treatment and deserve a therapist that will help you get there. My psychiatrist is world renown for the work he does and for a long time I was intimidated by him but the truth is that he is there to help me - awards really do mean nothing.

now I am completely HOPELESS

I feel like that on a daily basis. You are not completely hopeless you just have not found the right therapist and/or meds. This is HARD STUFF and it took you a lifetime to get to the place you are at - give yourself time. You went to the yoga class. That is awesome. There have been times when I have gone to the gym and had to take it minute by minute and constantly be in the present moment.

But you are not HOPELESS. I know you may feel like your situation is bleak but I think everyone here has felt that way and just pushed through it.

my life just gets worse each day

Again, I can relate to that statement. But this is tough and so not only do you have to now find a therapist but try to do something each day. I am not glossing over this. I am in the worst crisis I have ever been in and at times the best I can do is take something for anxiety and zone out. It's in those rare seconds that I feel like I am coming up for air that I can take action.

Your therapist was wrong for what she did and it set you up to feel the way you are. Please don't give up on yourself. There are other people you just have to search and give it time. I know I am and that is hard.

[eskielover]

At least the T was being honest in their their analysis of their abilities. Nothing worse than a T holding onto you when they can't help just to waste your money & time.

I think that WePow said it best.....I couldn't choose any better words:

((((( feary ))))))) Just because someone has awards and others may say they are the best, that does not make them the best. Allow the universe to open up to you. There may be a very humble therapist right down the road from you who can help you heal in ways you never thought you could. My T is a great example of someone who doesn't want to get a PhD. Not because he couldn't do it... but just because he has his own way and reasons. But I would put him up against someone with 10 PhD's any day of the week!

This may be the best thing that has happened for your long term healing...

I had a similar thing happen except my pdoc couldn't treat the level of Sui that I was experiencing & I guess felt that if he threatened to drop me, I would quit feeling that way (but I didn't). Had to look for a new pdoc & ended up finding one who was better with alternative meds because I was having such horrible reactions to them. It took me a long time to find this new pdoc & ended up assigned to him on one of my hospitalizations. It all worked out for the best in the long run, but it just doesn't feel that way at the time.

Keep up your hope, help will be there if you keep searching (even though you don't feel like you have the energy which was something I struggled with also).

[susan888]

(((Feary)))

None of us are hopeless cases. We were all put on this earth for a reason. Feary, doctors are just a human as we are no matter how many awards they have won. Belive me...I work with some very brilliant (and seriously fu**ed up doctors)! Find one that can relate to you as the unique person you are and please don't blame yourself for your Pdoc's inability to treat you.

Sending you hugs tonight. You are a person of worth and you are special.

[WePow]

Feary.... but you do have one person who will not give up on you.... YOU.
Sometimes in life we have to be THE ONLY ONE who will stand up for ourselves.
I've been to that place and it is not good. It is very hard. But it is the very bottom of the bottom when you are where you are. It is only at this depth of aloneness that a person finds that when the world is silent, they remain.

YOU can be THE ONE who is there when you need someone there.

[imapatient]

feary, that's her acknowledging her limitations as a professional, not condemning you. It's hard for pros to admit to themselves that they aren't all powerful, but sometimes they must. If a T or pdoc concludes that they can no longer be of help to a patient, ethically they are required to terminate.

All the the awards in the world can mean little.

She's just one pdoc--how many others have you seen? Don't let one pdoc's action like this get you down.

It's her, not you. You're just incompatible with each other.

[feary]

You don't know how good it feels and how helpful it is to me with all of your support

I wish I had people here like all of you.

Now my regular therapist says that unless I am seeing a pdoc she will not see me

and she or the previous pdoc will not refer me to anyone

and she said that if I leave her, she will write me an email stating that it was against her advice strongly and all these other things why she feels I need to be inpatient and such as a permanent record etc

so she basically said that I HAVE to be inpatient

I am not suicidal or anything, I can do things and I do for my kids but I just have this extreme unrelenting panic in my body that and obsessive thoughts that run through my mind constantly bombarding me

I do so much but they never let up even a bit

I am debilitated by not being able to enjoy things and not being at peace feeling nothing will happen to me and not worrying about every single thing and impending doom and all but I still DO everything and am there for my kids although I struggle greatly

she does not understand that I CANNOT go inpatient because I have my young kids who are only 6 and 2 and they really need me and I do care well for them but I am in a state of generalized anxiety about everything

plus, I am on the board at my son's school which is going to start soon and we are having meetings and planning things and I NEED to be there

I have many things I NEED to do right now and I suffer and still do them

I am having an open house for my house, getting some landscaping done for it and the carpets cleaned, enrolling my daughter in her daycare a few times a week, enrolled her in a gymnastics and dance class, my son has his classes and he has two weeks off and we are going on a mini vacation next week and I have to pay bills, so many things

there is just too much I need to do right now so inpatient is not an option, it will only make things much worse because I will feel loads and loads of guilt

this condition is not affecting my ability to do things with and for my kids or other things although I do them with extreme constant panic like I have had 20 cups of coffee and I am in front of a firing squad with no escape while drowning at the same time

and no one would be able to tell

but in my mind and body, I am going through hell

the doctors are just frustrated because I cannot tolerate any meds

[ECHOES]

so she basically said that I HAVE to be inpatient

Well, she said she'd keep seeing you if you have a pdoc. Have you found a new pdoc?

Maybe another type of therapist would be more helpful. I learned a lot on this site: www.guidetopsychology.com. There is information there on different types of therapies and different types of therapists. A good Q&A section, too.

You have a lot of responsibilities that you take care of and not feeling good while having so much to do is exhausting.

[eskielover]

I am like you with the meds.....there were absolutely NONE that my body would tolerate especially when I have to be functional at the same time as taking them.

Your T says that she won't see you unless you have a Pdoc......interesting enough, I had a pdoc that dropped me & I needed to find a new pdoc also......I ended up finding one finally on one of my hospitalizations. When you are hospitalized, you are assigned a pdoc...just a fact of being inpatient......so hopefully from that assignment you will be able to have that assigned pdoc take you on as a permanent patient & then you will have a pdoc & your T will continue to treat you also.

Not being able to take meds, I was lucky in the pdoc that was assigned to me was also into med research & alternative treatments. He tried everything from light therapy to the final find for my depression (Omega 3 EPA). He also helped me get through the trauma with stronger meds that were able to knock me out so that the nightmares would stop bothering me so I could sleep, but now that I am living alone, there is no way I can take that med & function......so now back to the natural Omega 3 (when I can afford it).

I know you are going through a lot of demands on you at the moment with your kids & school......can you make any arrangements after they get settled in school to take 3 days to go to the hospital.....at least to give it a try to find a solution & to satisfy your T & hopefully find a pdoc......

Of course, like echoes suggested, maybe you would be better off with another T, one who doesn't require you to go to a pdoc. My psychologist now doesn't require me to go to a pdoc because of all the med issues I have not been able to take....no point in paying for a pdoc to prescribe meds I can't take. She has suggested it initially, but hasn't pushed or required it for her treatment of me. I have never known a T to require a patient to go to a pdoc as a stipulation for their treatment.....in some ways it does sound like you might be better off finding a new T in the first place. I know that our community mental health providers in the state I live in are outstanding & they provide everything right at that facility (pdoc, group therapy.....etc). Maybe you could find something similar in your area? that you would be much better off with & not have to worry about going inpatient to satisfy your T.