[Kacey2]

This is a little of a spin off from another thread. When I am on PC it is easy to forget just for a moment that our T's are not here just for us. I am trying to process this relationship which is indeed a complex one. When I think about the fact that my T has a relationship with probably 40-50 other clients right now and who knows how many 1000's in their career it just so dimenishes the relationship to me. Is it fake, is it unreal, or is it just not a special as I would like to think it is? How does it go in your head?

[JustAPixie]

I must admit, I do get that sense of paranoia when I go to therapy... Like my T is thinking: "Oh, not her again" I figure it's just a job to them... But if you look at it differently... if people come to you for help and you are able to help them etc, does that mean you care? Off course you care, getting paid is a bonus... you have to live off something. I think to a good T it's more than a job and they can only fake so much of their feelings. I think they do care, I also think that sometimes they do get annoyed with us and sometimes they too are feeling a bit off and then they resent their patients... That is just my opinion though.

[RiverX]

I have felt agonized in this one. And I've felt diminished.
This is how, ideally I'd like to see it. If the work you do with T. can make you healtheir, it puts more health into the world. And its a world where we all live and love, including T. So, in a way theres a shared purpose. And the same goes for any one any where doing work on improving mental, emotional health. So, each person who walks into that room, if the work she does is as it should be, is making the world better place for you, and those you love. theres a shared purpose, even tho each individual is so infinately different from the one before and the one after that walk thro that door.
Another angle, is its a challenge to us to hold onto our unique individual role we have in life, that no-one else could fulifil. We are still irreplaceable even when we feel like an idiot showing up, having all these emotions, relying on the one person, and then paying a bill!! : }

[MissCharlotte]

I would imagine that we all suffer from this one. The therapeutic relationship is unique and at once loving and intimate. But it's confined to 50 minutes once or twice a week! I used to have a lot of anxiety over this but I do believe and in fact KNOW that T really cares about me. I just don't think that my relationship with him has to be diminished by the fact that he has other relationships in his life, both professionally and personally. I used to hate all of his other clients but now I am going to join some of them in a group. The 45 minutes that T and I are together are special and they are my time, and mine alone. Think of it this way, lots of people have multiple relationships that are caring and intimate--mothers, teachers, doctors. I have three sons and my relationship with each of them is unique. One truly doesn't compare to the other. I don't love each the same or even equally. But I love them all deeply.

I guess we just get caught up in trying to quantify something unmeasurable. I know that I try to classify the therapeutic relationship and place it into some category I'm familiar with. But when I come up without a "label" I realize the T relationship is special and unique. It's in a class of its own.

Maybe a baby obsesses about its mother this way! The T relationship is a reparenting after all....

[jexa]

Oh boy. Yep, it's hard! Especially seeing the client before.. and the client after.. oh the jealousy!

Therapeutic relationships are WEIRD. Weird weird weird. But I agree, being a T is kind of (sort of) like being a mother with many children. Each relationship is unique.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

This is a little of a spin off from another thread. When I am on PC it is easy to forget just for a moment that our T's are not here just for us. I am trying to process this relationship which is indeed a complex one. When I think about the fact that my T has a relationship with probably 40-50 other clients right now and who knows how many 1000's in their career it just so dimenishes the relationship to me. Is it fake, is it unreal, or is it just not a special as I would like to think it is? How does it go in your head?

I just don't think about them!

I was just pondering this today. Sometimes I feel like I'm T's only client and then it's kind of jarring to think of everyone else who sits in there with him.

I know that T loves me and cares about me. And I know that he can love and care about other clients without his love for me being diminished. But there are times it's hard to hang onto that.

When I worked in mental health, I worked with lots of different clients, and I really did care about each of them, and have a relationship with each of them. There were a few I really loved and I still wonder about occasionally, years later. Remembering that usually makes me feel better.

Miss C is right....the therapy relationship is in a category all by itself.

[Melbadaze]

I think sometimes it can be more about externalising the struggle we are having inside ourselfs, ie am I enough? When we feel uncertain of our worthiness we look extra hard for external reasurances, but no matter what others say here about the therapy relationship even that won't really feel enOught, but as you progress in your Therapy you will begin to feel your time is enought, you are enought and tHoughts of other clients will fall away once you begin to grow in confidenCe, then you will be able to feel others committement to you, and won't panic about it perhaps becoming watered down because of others, something which we may expereince within ourselfs? An inabilty to share ourselfs to much or to often? Wounds leave us limping and we fear others only have limited capacity to share who they are with us, perhaps?

[WePow]

When I first started seeing my T, I felt there was no way I would ever be able to reach him - to show him who I was in the midst of all his other clients. That is how my mind saw it. But then a few sessions into the T relationship, T paused when I asked him if he ever worked with anyone else like me who had DID / MPD . He looked far away and said "Yes. I had one client who had DID many years ago. I didn't get to work with her much because she moved. But I sometimes wonder how she is doing these days."

Something happened for me when he said that. It was like I felt that he doesn't just drop the clients emotionally when they are gone. That he must care on a deep level.
And even when there are times I think he doesn't see me at all - that I am just another session to him, I think back to him saying that and the look in his eyes and I know he really does care.

[elliemay]

I'm not sure that having other clients diminishes the relationship our T's have with us.

Surely, I have been upset with other clients and never EVER want to talk to them, and I'm sure there are exceptions, but if I make a new friend it doesn't diminish the relationship I have with my old friends.

I recently went on vacation (hallelujah!). When I returned I told me T (simply because I was astonished) that I didn't really miss him and thought of him only on occasion. It was a huge advance for me.

He replied that, "well I missed you". I was floored. He said, "yes, I missed talking with you and seeing you."

I couldn't believe it. I thanked him for saying that. It made me feel special and less like a burden.

Amazing what goes on in their heads that we have absolutely no clue of...

Ugh. I try hard to look the other way and not think about the other clients. Two weeks ago I couldn't avoid it anymore, when another client turned up at my appointment time. I just fled, as I felt convinced that my T would 'choose' the other girl. It took twenty minutes of texts to get me to come back. I've since christened the other client Mustard Girl as she's always wearing mustard tights. I've sent her a message through my T not to ever change her tights, or the whole system will break down, but I suspect that T won't pass it on!

I don't know whether this is better or worse, but I find I'm mainly fixated on her daughter and husband, and feel jealous of/compare myself to them more than to her other clients.

This may be because my T has told me that she doesn't (and couldn't because of her time and emotional limitations) have the same kind of close relationship that she has with me, with most of her clients. This makes me feel guilty (rather than special) because I worry I'm using her up when others need her too, but she says it's ok, because most clients need something different (or something less)- to sit and talk to her for an hour a week rather than daily contact and extensive reparenting.

I find it very difficult in general to understand where what T is giving me comes from. A silly example is that she gave me a glittery bouncy ball to hold when I'm not with her, and I refused to touch it or take it because I'd convinced myself that she had taken it from her 2 year old daughter to give it to me, and that felt horrible. It took me a long time to understand that she'd actually bought it specially for me, and to understand more generally that what she gives me isn't 'taken away from' someone else. T doesn't divide up her finite resources each day between her daughter and me, so that I get whatever is left over once her daughter has what she needs. In general, I get what I need, a great gift which comes straight from her, and neither of those relationships takes away from the other because each is complete in itself. She has enough. For the first time in my life, there is enough for me.

[jilliebeanmn]

You know, I've never really been bothered by the fact that my T has other clients. Obviously, I know he has them, and I'd like to think I am "special" to my T, and I believe I am. But, I also believe most of his other clients think the same thing, and that means he is doing his job.

I was really struggling with something and came up with my own little homework exercise. When I told him about it, he said it "was brilliant" and asked if he could use it with other clients struggling with the same issue. Who knows what he has learned from them and passed along to others. It's all good as far as I am concerned.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I don't actually mind that she has others, as long as when we are together, she is truly with me. That's all I can ask.
One thing that's good is that she has never bumped my appointment in favor of someone else (would probably get to me a lot).

I have told T that I'm so sick of coming in with tidal waves of anger and bad feelings, and going into tirades (why doesn't she boot me?!)
I said, I get the feeling some people just come to you to ask about how to do their taxes. They always seem to leave so cheerily... and then there's me.
T didn't make a sound and suddenly I remembered the couple who had left just before me, his arm around her and she still sniffling.

I told her that I would love to be her most boring client. She got a sort of faraway look in her eyes and said quietly, I don't seem to get very many boring clients.

[granite1]

i never get to see my T other clients because she is very good at schedualing.thank god because i would be so jelous i think.although my T went over oncenot like her,and i may have seen a quick glance at a client who was after me.

[purple_fins]

When I see T's other clients, my very existence feels threatened... not so much jealousy but the feeling of being pushed away or put aside.

"Improving"-- a few posts above, voiced things well for my mindset also--
"I find it very difficult in general to understand where what T is giving me comes from. "....... Me too. Where does that giving and thoughtfulness come from???? how can it be real??.... it's sure not what I grew to know what the world was like.

I get concerned that T.(not just the one I see but any T.) will not be able to cope with so much and so many and that could then result in my needing to leave/dissappear. and also that I will not be seen as very worthwhile and a huge burden compared to the other clients that perhaps T. has much more special connections with and feel less burdensome around.

ugh... it's very difficult to see the other clients-- but--
if I didn't, then I think it would keep me in a more fantasy type world and I think that would be even worse, as I'd not have to confront some of this "junk" that is a part of me.

fins

[Kacey2]

Yah I know that it is my insecurities that gets my undies all in a bunch. I don't go to therapy for nothing. Anyway I wish it was easier not to worry about all the things that come up in the t relationship. I wish there was not such a thing as personality disorders, depression, etc...I wish, I wish.

One little side note today in my t session that made me laugh. We were kind of bantering back and forth about something and my t said, Oh I am going to go get that (something to show me on a new depression therapy) just because you are pissing me off. I laughed. Funny stuff. He probably couldn't say that to many of his other clients and them be ok with it. So our relationship must have different elements to it than the others.

[Thimble]

I am having a real bad time with this nowadays. So much so that it makes me debate dropping out of therapy because of it. I am so ANGRY at him in connection with him having/helping other people - and I know it is ridiculous and childish and I hate myself for feeling this way. But I do.

[Sweetlove]

Thimble, I get what your saying. I'm having a hard time with this too because I've needed him more than usual in the last 2ish months and I'm not getting as much as I need right now. I've thought about how much he gives his other clients and if maybe he just doesn't like me. I've really considered stopping therapy or finding another therapist becasuse of this Don't hate yourself for feeling this way, I think most clients feel this way.

[SpiritRunner]

That my T has other clients doesn't really bother me....of course, she has other clients, otherwise how could she stay afloat financially, and how could I think she was any good if no one else wanted to see her? That's one form of reasoning I use with myself to keep any odd feelings about other clients at bay. I can't say I have felt jealousy, though, about other clients.....I only wish that she would give herself more of a break between clients, so she isn't saying hello to the next one while I'm still walking past them out the door.....feeling as if she has already switched her mind over to the next one, just like that!
But really, like was said by SAWE above, as long as she is with me, really with me, during our time, that is all I ask. She has said that, when she is with a client, that IS all that is on her mind, is that client, that client's needs. I know that that is true for me, that she is with me, heart and mind...and really, I'm happy for her other clients that she can do the same for them when it is their time with her.

[Luce]

I was in a fairly unique situation in that two friends whom I cared about very deeply were also seeing my T. We often talked about our therapy and T together. It enabled me to see that my T did have 'enough' to go around. I experienced some pangs of jealousy when my T would give something 'extra' to one of my friends (extra time, extra session, extra phone calls, etc) but that jealousy was tempered by the fact that I knew my friend needed it at the time, and my thankfulness that my T was able to give it.
If I'd known about times my T gave extra to other clients I would have been totally jealous. I'm really glad I had the opportunity to see T care for my friends as well as myself, as it helped me accept the t relationship more, and really get that concept of "this is my T time, that is X's T time, that is Y's T time, and there is enough of T for all of us."
And also we knew she loved us all. Me and my friends. She cared deeply about all of us in a way that was perfect for all of us. when she was with x she didn't care any less about me. and when she was with me she didn't care less about x. So I guess she was like that with all her other clients as well. She only spent x amount of time with any one client, but the caring went on all the time.

[mark366160]

New to post here...

On this subject, I've always found this strange... that she has other clients... and what my place within them all are. Funny thing is my kids also see her and weekly, but for whatever reason, we are scheduled every other week. I don't ask the kiddos what they talk about other than generalities... but it's just an odd feeling to share so much with her... more than I have any other person... but not knowing if what I say is meaningful or meaningless to her. It honestly kind of drags me down rather than pulling me up. This whole "other client" thing kind of came out in the last session where she started talking about wanting to go over some of my homework, which I thought was odd because I hadn't done any in a while. She pulled out some document and started to ask questions about it, so I asked to see it... and it had someone else's handwriting on it... she got real flustered... realizing she had placed someone else's stuff in my file. I didn't get upset or anything... made sure she realized that I understood that she was very busy and sees lots of other people... but then, she basically just said "what do you want to talk about?"... which I took as meaning she wasn't really prepared to see me because she thought we were going to talk about whatever was on that other person's stuff.

Anyway, obviously they are busy... and I'm having trouble separating a "real relationship" with this "therapeutic relationship" thing. I honestly just want someone to talk to that will talk to me... but then I guess this isn't how the whole therapist thing is supposed to work...

[mixedup_emotions]

I try not to think about T's other clients....although I do feel as though when he's with me, he gives me his undivided attention.

At my last session, I was in the waiting room. T's client before me usually walks out...and then T comes down the stairs, opens the door into the waiting room and that's my cue....

This time, T came down the stairs chit-chatting with his client. Then, she opened the door, and they stood chit-chatting some more. It was already into my session time, so I stood up, walked right by them, up the stairs and plopped myself onto T's couch.

When T walked in and closed the door, he was laughing, saying that I'm rebellious....

I have my issues.

[RiverX]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I try not to think about T's other clients....although I do feel as though when he's with me, he gives me his undivided attention.

At my last session, I was in the waiting room. T's client before me usually walks out...and then T comes down the stairs, opens the door into the waiting room and that's my cue....

This time, T came down the stairs chit-chatting with his client. Then, she opened the door, and they stood chit-chatting some more. It was already into my session time, so I stood up, walked right by them, up the stairs and plopped myself onto T's couch.

When T walked in and closed the door, he was laughing, saying that I'm rebellious....

I have my issues.

Oh, God, I would have been really upset at that.
Who has the issues?

It bothers me to think about my T having other clients. I know that sounds silly, but it kinda makes me jealous for some reason. I have NEVER seen another client. My T is in private practice and can do kinda what she wants to do as far as scheduling. She told me that she purposely schedules appointments so that none of us run into each other between sessions.

I have been going to her for almost 10 months. Not once, have I seen another client. It kinda made me wonder if I was the only one! I did ask her one time, out of curiousity, if she had like 15 clients or 50. She said (politely) that she could not disclose that information.

The relationship between a T and client is so complicated. I struggled for months about that. Thank goodness, I am finally at a place where I feel comfortable. I am not her best friend, she is not my mother, she is not a potential 'mate'. She is my therapist. That special person that I tell my deepest darkest secrets to. Her role is to be my safe person to go to. She provides a place for me to be myself. That is one rather great person for her to be.

I mean, how many people have that kind of person in their lives?

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

It bothers me to think about my T having other clients. I know that sounds silly, but it kinda makes me jealous for some reason. I have NEVER seen another client. My T is in private practice and can do kinda what she wants to do as far as scheduling. She told me that she purposely schedules appointments so that none of us run into each other between sessions.

I have been going to her for almost 10 months. Not once, have I seen another client. It kinda made me wonder if I was the only one! I did ask her one time, out of curiousity, if she had like 15 clients or 50. She said (politely) that she could not disclose that information.

The relationship between a T and client is so complicated. I struggled for months about that. Thank goodness, I am finally at a place where I feel comfortable. I am not her best friend, she is not my mother, she is not a potential 'mate'. She is my therapist. That special person that I tell my deepest darkest secrets to. Her role is to be my safe person to go to. She provides a place for me to be myself. That is one rather great person for her to be.

I mean, how many people have that kind of person in their lives?

I know that my T has 20 some other people with the same insurance company as me, but that's only because she told me that she learned she would not have to send in anything about medical necessity for any of us until after 30 visits this year (she said, you and the 26 others on that list....) I was like - hmmm, how many more does she have?! But I didn't ask. It's actually really OK....
I love what you say about T's role being your 'safe' person to go to - oh yes, it is great to have someone to fill that role in your life. Someone who can be entrusted with helping you bear hard burdens or help you become free from them.....which you couldn't necessarily expect from even a best friend, a parent, a partner...
I felt from the beginning my T is someone I could have had a friendship with, under different circumstances - but she is in precisely the role I need her to be in my life right now. And because she is filling that role, I don't need to have expectations from my husband or friends to do what a therapist is better trained to do for me or help me learn to do for myself....