OMG! Why did I confess that to her?

OMG, your T talks about "toys"? I could never go there in our conversations, even though I have become more comfortable talking about sex! LOL

I feel like if we start this as another thread it may just kill the fun we are having! We are sneaking this in behind the subject line of something else. Yet, it kinda does all tie in together. OMG! Why did I confess that to her?

Who in their right mind would confess this to their therapist? The fantasies we are speaking of? Still falls along the same subject line to me. You guys can take it somewhere else if you want to, but as for me, I think we will lose something if we do that.

It also makes it more secretive. Like a club. No know one will know what you are talking about unless they take this little detour behind the original issue (My confessions to my therapist that I have feelings for her).

I think adding this to the end of a very painful thing I went through will make others see that you can get through the painful stuff, you can survive total humiliation, and you can turn it around and have fun with it. You can choose not to allow it to destroy you. You can overcome those thoughts and learn how to deal with them in a healthy way.

Like endulge yourself in a fanatasy world with a bunch of others who have gone through the same thing and survived.

Is that fantasy talking, or the truth? Either way, you are riding in my vehicle anywhere we go. You can stay in my hotel with me. I will not attack you. I will respect that you are the 'good girl'. Actually, I am the 'good girl', too. I have just taken a detour with my mania and this is what happens sometimes. Total insanity!

Not trying to pull you over to my side or anything, but I did NOT rip anyone's blouse. That was an accident. Purley innocent. As we were getting into the ride, the dude that helps you get in, accidently did that with his key chain that was hanging off his belt!

He felt really bad about it and offered to give us a free night at the Goofey's Getaway. She thought getting that gift was well worth losing a blouse over.

SO, we are getting a fabulous night together at Goofey's! Suratji can come with her chocolate and we can have a good clean blast!!

I am sure the others will find some way to try to get in, so security will be high! This is actually going to be my session night, so no one can come. I have issues that I need to work on with my therapist. Yes, I mean that. I am being serious. She and I need to have a heart to heart talk about why I am doing these insane things on PC!

On a serious note......we all know that having these feelings is no laughing matter. They can be very painful and hard to cope with. We are just lightening it up to cover the pain that we are really feeling inside. So to anyone that is following this, and is experiencing sexual fanatasies, please jump in at any time and let us help you.

We know how you feel and we are NOT making fun of it. We are using humor as a way for us to cope with it. No offense to anyone. If this does offend you, please PM me and let me know.

Squiggle, PoetGirl - how 'bout coming over for coffee and chocolate tomorrow morning? Looks like we left everyone else in the dust, so it's just the 3 of us. AND, I'll feel more comfortable joining you in the conversation if it weren't so public like this forum is.
You two are awesome!!!!

I admitted in an essay I wrote for therapy a few months ago (I started a thread about it in here too) that I was feeling way too attached to my T and I was very confused by my feelings for her. I should have talked to her about it a long time ago but was too scared, again, afraid of embarrassment. Once I allowed myself to "take inventory" of what exactly I was thinking and feeling about her, the thoughts were not sexual or romantic at all, I never wanted to do anything to her or with her in that way. (I understand where poetgirl, rainbow, and Squiggle are coming from, though). I still felt confused about it and sometimes wondered if I was a lesbian because it felt like I was walking into that office to see my "crush" or talk on the phone with my "crush"...like a "what's she doing right now?" kind of thing. I felt so great every time I was going to see her. I just thought about her all the time, it was like an infatuation. I wanted to know everything about her life, and I told her all of this. I didn't mind it when she would pop into my head, but it was the frequency of the thoughts that was the unwanted part, and which created a lot of guilt and anxiety. I told her I felt like a freak for being so obsessed with her, like I was stalking her, and joked that she was indirectly ruining my life.

She told me she wasn't frightened by me or anything like that. She said it just showed that I really did want to connect with people...and all the things I wanted to know about her (which I listed one by one) were not strange. Rather, it showed that I was an interesting person and really wanted to learn about everyone I was acquainted with. I came to realize that it was natural to feel an intense bond with someone whom you've shared your deepest secrets and gone to the darkest places in your soul. T also said that it's especially intense for me since we have worked together for so long and so many life-changing events, rites of passage etc. have happened throughout our relationship. So while I still think about T a lot and sometimes wish the time would go by faster in between our sessions, I feel a lot less guilty about it and am more at peace with my "obsession".

I've become attached to going to weekly sessions and as I have mentioned before, my life seems punctuated by that hour. I don't think I'm particularly attached to my T although I did blame her for allowing me to be needy with her and how uncomfortable that felt. And I can't imagine doing therapy with anyone else. So, maybe I am attached. But I'm a newbie and only began mid-December.

As far as fantasies - none at all with my therapist. But, please, don't ask me anything more.

I totally relate to this except I go twice a week.

So where are we going next??

I had to go to work! I am back now.

I ask for extra sessions sometimes. Last week we met twice. It's so expensive though, so I have to be careful to not overdo it.

I often get extra sessions and extra time as well. Luckily for my mine is all covered so I don't have to pay for it.

Suratji~ is this "Please don't ask me anything more" your way of really reaching out for someone to listen? Or is it really something you don't want to or can't talk about?

Not pushing you at all, but wanted to let you know that if there is something you want to share, but cannot say it in this forum, you can PM me.

Posts from this thread have been moved to the sexual issues forum. You can find that thread here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=176046

Please remember which forum you are in and post appropriately. Some members are triggered by the kinds of subjects talked about in the pulled threads. We make different forums to help members stay safe and know what kind of subjects will be talked about.

Thanks so much for your understanding,
wanttoheal

Sure, sorry. So sorry if anyone was hurt or triggered. If anyone was hurt, please forgive me!
Some of these things are actually traumas/triggers for me I am trying to work through too. We did get carried away here and I wondered if it should be moved .... and am feeling quite embarrassed about how I let my emotions run away with me and clearly my judgment was poor ..... I want to help ..... not add hurt. But I want to heal from my own hurts too .....

(((((((((((poet))))))))))))

Take that bag off of your head

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Posts are moved sometimes because they are more appropriate for another forum....so, a post about meds might be moved to the meds forum, a post about parenting might be moved to the parenting forum, etc. It happens all the time, truly.

Hugs to you

thank you so much, tree, I was feeling terrible at the thought of having hurt anyone here at all when I really do love you all so much! i was feeling like this (but then my moods are clearly unbalanced right now ) anyway, I so appreciate your kindness!

It's true, poetgirl, that posts do get moved to what the moderators feel are the "appropriate forum"....and I sometimes HATE it because this board is where all my peeps are.

I wanted to contribute to the thread, but I didn't have the time or energy to allow those feelings to come up for me....maybe at some point!

Poetgirl - I think you and Squiggle probably did a wonderful service by bringing up topics that some people needed to see and who would have never gone to the other forum. You have helped a lot. And I, for one, am happy to have gotten to know you and Squiggle better.

We did get carried away, but when no one commented in a negative way, we felt that no harm was being done. I did try to balance the fantasy with reality. Reality is that many of us are hurting. We do have sexual issues and we don't know how to deal with them.

We hide them, ignore them, try to pray them away, drink them away, etc... we don't just put them out there and deal with them. I don't regret that part of the thread at all. Like I told poetgirl, I know that we helped you, and I have no doubt that many others who were viewing our 'fantasy trip' were seeing that they are not as abnormal as they thought they were.

So many people are in therapy because of shame. Being ashamed of the thoughts and feelings they have. They feel like they are not normal. When you come to a forum and everyone can be open, blunt, honest, and just 'say it like it is' that can be freeing and healing.

I know it is not for everyone and some may have been offended. I also apologize for that. It was meant to lighten up all the negative things that are constantly posted in this forum. Too much of the negative is in here. Where is all the positive things about therapy?

This should have been moved, but we just never thought about it. Now that it is in the other forum, I think it killed the party. That's okay. We are going to party anytime we want, just not in this public forum.

Humor is a great release of pent up emotions. She and I both were dealing with really hard stuff in therapy. We meant no harm at all. This was our way of dealing (or not dealing) with what we know is coming up for us this week in therapy.

Thank you for those who supported us on this trip. I hope that we helped you in some way to see that you are normal. That is, if you think we are normal!

(((((((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))

Just want you all to know that no one is in trouble and my post was not directed at anyone specific. You can still post to that other thread and continue with your discussion. It wasn't that the discussion was bad by any means, just not appropriate for this forum (it is fine for the other forum).

Sometimes I come off as very direct, without emotion, and if I hurt anyone's feelings, I'm so sorry. It truly was not intended.

Please take gentle care. You are all cared for.

((((((((((((((wanttoheal)))))))))))))

Thanks, wanttoheal....

Although, I think the thread was perfectly appropriate for this forum, as it was very much related to therapy and the therapeutic relationship - and the very issues that are so troublesome due to the intimate nature of therapy. Maybe a trigger icon could've been added...but I don't feel there was a need for the post to be moved.

I'm not intending to debate here, just sharing how I feel.

Maybe we can steer this back to the original topic? The facts are that many of us do have unwanted or confusing 'feelings' for our therapist. We freak out and worry that we are not normal. Since this forum is about therapy, this is where it needs to be talked about IMO.

Some people would not venture off to the other forums, even though they are specific to that topic. I think this forum has the greatest following. Maybe next time, I (We) can mention that we are going to talk about (sex) and crazy stuff, and invite others on here to join us in the appropriate forum?

I still think that many who need this help, will not take that route. They will feel too intimidated for some reason. I think people feel safe in the Psychotherapy forum.

Rules are made for a reason and I respect that. I had fun a lot of fun with this in here..... but rules are rules.

I don't know, squiggle.....If I had an issue with sexual thoughts/feelings towards my therapist, I wouldn't want to post it on the sexual issues board. To me, the main issue isn't a sexual issue - it's the therapist piece of it. So, I believe strongly that it belongs here.

Not sure what can be done about it other than perhaps a post to the moderators to get some clear definition....

I know that I felt safer here in the psychotherapy forum....I'm used to posting here, feel this is 'my' special forum and 'my' people, not that I don't venture out and enjoy visiting other places in PC, too and there's great people out there too. I just feel attached to this forum....and true, since this is not merely a sexual issue alone or just sex talk/sex questions but sexual issues tied into therapy itself and with our Ts, I think it does still fit here ..... but if we want to get crazy with the fantasy aspect and go off to theme parks and beaches or talk a lot about toys, maybe we should take the party to the other forum in that case!
But I definitely want to be respectful of the rules, of what the mods have said, and considerate of what is best in general for the others who frequent this forum....