[WePow]

Sorry I am not posting the way I usually want to post and support you guys.

Since that last session, I have been in an odd place emotionally.
I know I shut down but never felt this totally alone before inside.


It is even hard to read anything now about other Ts and what not!


I wanted to email my T and cancel seeing him Monday, but email is out of the question now for me unless he writes first about something with schedule stuff. So I would have to call him and I really DON'T want to hear his voice at all. All his emails to me are gone and I put his stupid rock up too.

[Suratji]

Ouch... Hey, don't we take turns in support. You've done your fair share. Just try to take care of yourself now

[sunrise]

Ditto what Suratji said. (((WePow)))

[granite1]

do you want to tell us what happened???

[rainbow_rose]

Take care of you, Wepow.

[lastyearisblank]

(((Don't be sorry)))

[WePow]

((((Granite)))) Well, the email I sent saying that I had an issue with alchohol was on Sat last week. I know it was holiday and he was out of town, but my session was Thursday. I would have thought he would have taken the time to read the email at least before we met. But it was not important enough. I get that (finally).

I don't know, just hearing him say "Good thing you pointed that out to me, you could have slipped that right by me." I don't know. Maybe it was just that this issue has been one I fought with since I was 11 yrs old ... I don't know.

He told me my homework was to think about how alchohol was a problem for me.
Somehow ... I don't know. It is like he didn't hear what I needed most for him to hear. That he can't see me. And that I am just not worth his time to see. That is how I feel honestly.

Oh, (((((((WePow))))))), I'm so sorry you are hurting

I'm so glad you are seeing him on Monday. I hope you will be honest with him about how you feel.

Thinking of you

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by WePow

((((Granite)))) Well, the email I sent saying that I had an issue with alchohol was on Sat last week. I know it was holiday and he was out of town, but my session was Thursday. I would have thought he would have taken the time to read the email at least before we met. But it was not important enough. I get that (finally).

I don't know, just hearing him say "Good thing you pointed that out to me, you could have slipped that right by me." I don't know. Maybe it was just that this issue has been one I fought with since I was 11 yrs old ... I don't know.

He told me my homework was to think about how alchohol was a problem for me.
Somehow ... I don't know. It is like he didn't hear what I needed most for him to hear. That he can't see me. And that I am just not worth his time to see. That is how I feel honestly.

Oh, I know how that feels, or something like that. One time I felt so unseen and unheard that I called T and left her a message. I said, "You weren't there, were you?" Meaning - she wasn't with me REALLY in session.

Next time I saw her she admitted that she wasn't fully there. It felt good for her to acknowledge it. And we discussed how it happened.

Another time, she told me I was acting like a spoiled teenager. I still haven't gotten over that and I know we'll have to address it at sometime even though it happened weeks ago.

BUT, the bottom line is that I know T cares about me and that even with the mistakes (on her part and on my part), that we still have a good connection.

Maybe you can give your T the same kind of slack. He wasn't there the way you needed him at that moment but can you remember all the times he was there for you. They are only human and we should try to not forget all the good they've done for us.

I love my T even with the ruptures we've experienced and I know more ruptures are inevitable. It's part of a healthy relationship, I think, to be able to accept another person's faults or mistakes.

I wish you luck in processing this with your T.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Wepow,

You definately don't need to apologise for feeling you aren't supporting others because you do that all the time and it's good to take time out for yourself, its the healthy thing to do

I hear your anger, your pain, your feelings of unworthiness from your T not having taken the time to read the email you sent which for you was such a huge deal as you opened up about something so peronal and so difficult for you. I bet if he knew right now how much that email meant and how hurt you are feeling he would understand what he had done wrong and be sorry for your pain. I don't think he would have intentionally meant to upset you or make you feel you weren't important but I understand that you feel like he doesn't care and that you wish at this moment in time that you hadn't trusted him in the first place because you feel so hurt.

I think if you could find the strength in yourself to talk to him and tell him how all this has affected you that it would help you and perhaps give him a chance to understand where he has went wrong too

(((((huge hugs)))))

[ECHOES]

(((WePow)))

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I hope you can let in that misconnections don't tell the whole story; they are just a snapshot in time.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. Please please please take care of yourself.

[lastyearisblank]

I think it would be worth asking how he perceived your disclosure. Many T's consider alcohol a specialty on its own; a really really difficult one. And there are many T's who have struggled with alcohol in the past. Frankly I do think the topic brings up personal issues for some T's. I can't help wondering what his response to your disclosure is as a person. And I think he does care about you so perhaps he is feeling a little helpless right now.

[SpiritRunner]

((((((((wepow))))))))) my heart goes out to you!!!

[googley]

((((((((((((((((WePow))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you didn't get the response you needed from your T. That he didn't read your email before you arrived. That sounds very painful. I hope that you can talk to him about this. I had a rupture once because my T didn't call me back. I didn't talk to her about it for a long time, so we kept having ruptures until we discussed it. I hope you discuss this with him.

[Chronic]

Originally Posted by WePow

I would have thought he would have taken the time to read the email at least before we met. But it was not important enough. I get that (finally).

It is like he didn't hear what I needed most for him to hear. That he can't see me. And that I am just not worth his time to see. That is how I feel honestly.

(((Wepow)))

This seems like a miscommunication, not Ts deliberate intention to cause you hurt and pain. Maybe he missed reading it for some reason. When T disappoints me and lets me down, it is usually as a result of him not "getting" what I want/need, and I have to literally spell it out to him. I hate doing it as it makes me feel he doesn't know me as well as I thought he did, but sometimes Ts just miss our point. Was there a reason you didn't bring up the email with him in session?

I have to remind you of something you said to me, which I try and remember and believe when I am having the same feelings to my T- "you are very precious to your T...after watching my T and seeing his eyes and the words he isn't allowed to say because of the way they teach Ts to stay emotionally distant, well I know for a fact that Ts really care far more deeply for clients than they can ever let that client know."

You ARE important to T and he DOES care- it sounds like he just messed up this time. I hope you can talk to him about this next session.Sorry you are hurting

((((((((WePow)))))))) When I read the comments in people's threads that you respond to, you always have great insight and offer wonderful advice to those people. You don't have to apologize for when you need time to be with yourself. You have to take care of you.

I think sometimes therapist "brush off" or don't put enough attention on certain issues that we bring up either because they missed the mark on how much it actually is a struggle for us, don't have the expertise in that area, struggled themselves with it, or there is some theraputic reason that they think will benefit us if they don't dive into it.. Just an example: My therapist ignores my disordered eating habits because she thinks focusing on it will make it worse. ( I don't know if I agree with that) In any event, tell you're therapist that you are hurt and need the support on this and its important to you. Hopefully you're T will see that he should have taken the time to dive into this a little. I hope you're session works out for you. (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[WePow]

(((all))) Thank you much for all the wisdom and insights. I very deeply appriciate them. The thing is that he is an addictions expert. Specificially a sex addiction expert. I have brought up some issues on that but he also acted strangely around them. It is almost like he enjoyed the "break" with me from his "normal" clients because I had DID and PTSD issues with the addiction stuff being in the far background.

I am more at peace today. I just figured I would deal with that stuff on my own as I have most of my life anyway. Will see how Monday session goes when it is there. Odd thing is that now I am glad we will have some time away when I go to Florida this month. Next month he is gone for a few weeks on a hiking trip with his son. I thought that would be hard on me, but now I think I will like him being away from me.

[ECHOES]

Odd thing is that now I am glad we will have some time away when I go to Florida this month. Next month he is gone for a few weeks on a hiking trip with his son. I thought that would be hard on me, but now I think I will like him being away from me.

Perhaps you are preparing for this now, unconciously, so the break isn't hard on you...

[itsmeshorti]

We Pow don't ever be sorry for not posting. We are a support group. When one of us is down we all gather together to help that one. It is our turn to pick you up, and when you are strong enough I know you will be there to help pick me up next time.

I'm not so sure I could add anymore to the other comments, it is all great advice.

The only thing I can say is make sure you discuss with T how it affected you. This is very important, everything we think and feel inside and outside of therapy is significant to the process. They are human and they do make mistakes, but in order for them to help they need to know how they affect you. He may not have realized just how important this topic is to you.

Take care of yourself WePow. (((hugs)))

[nannypat]

{{{{{{Weepow}}}}}}

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( WePow ))))

I can certainly understand how you feel. I hope you are able to work through this with T to get to a place of peace without feeling as though you're on your own with it.

[rainbow8]

(((((WePow)))))

I hope your session tomorrow helps you. As far as posting or not posting, we all understand that sometimes we can give and sometimes we need to take. You've given so much to others here! There's no need to worry about needing support for yourself.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah some people just contribute just by being here. (That would be you).

Originally Posted by WePow

(((all))) Thank you much for all the wisdom and insights. I very deeply appriciate them. The thing is that he is an addictions expert. Specificially a sex addiction expert. I have brought up some issues on that but he also acted strangely around them. It is almost like he enjoyed the "break" with me from his "normal" clients because I had DID and PTSD issues with the addiction stuff being in the far background.

I honestly think that if you feel so strongly about it, then he deserves to hear this firsthand. Sometimes clients CAN pick up on things that their therapists might not notice about themselves or their reactions. And it doesn't mean they're doing it on purpose. But to me if you went to a T who was an addictions expert, at some level, maybe you wanted help in therapy with that. So I dunno it just seems too big to brush under the rug.

[swimmergirl]

((((((((WePow))))))

I second everyone's advice, which seems to be pretty good. If it's your turn to be down, so be it.
I just wanted to tell you after reading through this thread that someone quoted something you had told them earlier......."you are very precious to your T...after watching my T and seeing his eyes and the words he isn't allowed to say because of the way they teach Ts to stay emotionally distant, well I know for a fact that Ts really care far more deeply for clients than they can ever let that client know."

Two comments about that. First, I personally really really needed to read that tonight. You have no idea how much that sentence has helped me. My last appt. with my current T is on Tuesday and thank you for that.

Second, try to remember how you felt when you were thinking that/feeling that. It's okay to be mad, angry, hurt, whatever at your T. But when you are more rational, less emotional..........remember that he does care. And definitely bring it up. I have found that a rupture, if handled well, can bond a T and client closer than they were before. Thinking of you tomorrow.