The dreaded question...What brings you to therapy?

I know there is really no right answer to this question but I am very anxious that with my second attempt at therapy I need to express myself and my concerns better. I feel like to get him to take me seriously and not feel dismissed again I need to somehow get myself to stop acting so nonchalant during the first session as a result of anxiety and be more specific. However, part of why I am seeing someone is I do not really know what is specifcally eating at me and causing most of the anger, irritability, sadness, anxiety, tears, problems concentrating, low energy, binge eating, etc. Should I just list all those things? It seems that would sound like a feel sorry for me list when in actuality I am afraid I will not be understood or listened to so I want to help them understand as much as possible from the get go so I will get the help I really need.

I am still not sure if I am seeing the right person but I did find a Pdoc who apparently does analysis. No Ph.D.s of that orientation were listed in my city except for a female and with the issues with my mother I want to avoid a female like the plague. However, I am afraid if I do not express myself well enough he will decide not to see me and then I will be out of luck in finding anyone who can truly help. Also, I am in my mid-30s so will they even feel depth therapy is too much too late?

I think that you should go in there and tell the T or Pdoc exactly what you wrote here. It is honest and is a good list of symptoms that could be anything from depression to anxiety to disordered eating. Remember you are the only one that really knows what is going on with you and inside you so in order to get the proper treatment you need to be honest about what is going on and answer any questions that they might ask you, I hope that it goes well. Best of luck to you and keep us posted on how the appointment goes.

Hi there,
I agree with Cats, that it would be best to tell them exactly what you wrote here. Maybe even print this out or write down things you want to be sure to say and bring it in. It won't sound "rehearsed", rather that there are some things that stick out for you that you want to be sure to mention. It's never too late to start feeling better, and this therapy might be the route to recovery you're looking for. I hope it goes well for you and that you'll keep us updated

It is just so nerve racking & scary. It feels like I am going into a job interview & like I have to say all the right things for it to work out right and not flounder off in left field again. Maybe I am just really gun shy from the first experience. Or, maybe I always feel dismissed in general as my father always told me to just get over things and that he didn't want crying in our house (last time I checked little girls cried occasionally but whatever dad ).

I DK. Anyway, thanks for the support. I REALLY hope I have good news in a day or two.

Are you worried about your therapist becoming bored? Good T's take the time to actively listen and pay attention to their clients no matter what the client is talking about. If you only say what you think your T wants to hear, how will he get to know the real you?

Thanks guys. I think I will definitely mention these things. It is easier to write the words than to say things out loud to a live person! When I try to meet someone for the first time and discuss serious things I tend to ramble like crazy and crack silly jokes since I get uncomfortable. Maybe I should warn them about that also?

After T sees that this is just your way, I'm sure he'll take it as a sign that you're uncomfortable rather than not serious about your treatment. After a while in therapy, you become used to deep discussion, and the urge to make jokes presents itself less and less (I'm the exact same way )

I still crack jokes and I've been seeing my pdoc my almost two years. It takes time apparently

Good to know and thanks!

Yes, just list all those things!! You're seeing a therapist because you want help, not because you know exactly what's wrong. When I started with my T, all I told her was that I was struggling with anxiety...that was really only the tip of the iceburg, but it was all I felt comfortable sharing in that first session. Just be honest, you don't have to go in to detail. Tell the T you're afraid of being misunderstood. Ask them if they do understand what you're telling them. If the T knows these are worries of yours, they can address them.

It's not too late! (It better not be, I'm in my mid-30's too and I have been seeing my T and doing in depth therapy for 2 years). It's never too late...the T isn't going to look at your age and say "nope, too old, I can't help you."

Your T will help you find that out. A list should work fine.
Many people are not ready for depth therapy until later in life (not that mid 30s is "late"). I know I wasn't. Being ready for depth therapy is more about the willingness to look within and go deep, and be reflective about what one discovers.

Good luck.

the T isn't going to look at your age and say "nope, too old, I can't help you."

Thanks for saying this!!! I literally LOL when I read this but I am embarrassed to say this truly was a concern of mine.

Also, after all my rambling, when I asked if they were sure they were interested in seeing adults as well (it says so on the card by the way ) they asked ab. the question by saying "Sure, why not?" and I said I was just making sure and they said "Yes, I will be happy to work with you is the answer you were looking for". They were even processing and calling me on stuff while I was walking out the door. I was a little taken aback but nevertheless impressed.

I'm in my early 40's and just starting depth therapy and it's been the best thing I've ever done for myself!

Thanks! It went very well today. I was almost shocked it went so much better than with the former T so, of course, I am now waiting for the other shoe to drop. [ at myself]

Glad it went well!

I am so glad it works for you! I was afraid I was going to have to free associate or something but it was more of an insightful conversation, at least this first time. I was thinking after the appointment that unless someone has a single straightforward issue like a child being bullied or an in-law cramping a marriage, why would anyone do anything else but depth therapy? How can you fix what you do not understand and have it last? Also, I read a research article that said no matter what a T calls what they do (CBT or whatever) the more they used psychodynamic techniques, even eclectically, the more clients/patients felt the treatment was effective over time. Something like that. Definitely makes sense to me!

Thanks Indie!

Not to hijack DF's thread, but what is Depth Therapy? Is it like a specific approach that requires a specially trained therapist? I'd be interested in doing something like that, if it weren't for the fact that I am so young. Does it require having experienced certain aspects of life, like a career and having children, or is it for anyone who is willing to look deep inside themselves?

It's really just a classifcation to include therapies like psychoanalysis, psychodynamic, and others that delve "deeper" into the unconscious. At least, that is the way I understand it. Someone else may know what, if any, other types are included.

I WISH I could do this type of therapy, but my T does CBT and I'm not willing to leave her. To me, CBT seems like a "treat the symptoms, not the cause" type of thing. I don't like that. Like you said, how can you fix what you don't understand and have it last?

I didn't start depth therapy until after age 50. It's wonderful.
When asked what brought me to therapy, I said that primarily I wanted to know myself better and also I wanted to feel better, I wanted my life to feel better and that anxiety and depression were issues.

I am such a loner I didn't think that I had "enough" relationships to "qualify" for therapy. I worried how I would be able to 'prove' that I should be there.

Yes, it's fine to say: These are things about me, about my life that I'm not happy with.

About the PhD.. I used to think that ONLY a PhD would do. But when I wanted to enter into depth therapy, I contacted the psychoanalytic institute nearest me and asked for a referral. My T is a LMHC and MSW. Actually, I read recently that most analysts are not PhD's.

Anyway, here's a link that might be helpful:
http://www.212analyst.org/istherapy/istherapy.html

Hi Echoes - I just sent you a private thank you for your help with the links before. My new T is actually a Pdoc. I feel like if they are well trained and motivated, as well as intelligent, it isn't that important either. However, all those 3 things are essential. I just had 4 choices where I live and only two were men so I went with the one I heard another psych say he heard good things about. So far so good. Fingers crossed....

I'm glad to read it went so well! It's so hard to find a good t and it sounds promising that you did. I was identifying with what you wrote earlier a lot, so I'll comment on it even though it's a little old now

I struggle with balancing asking for what I want in therapy and thinking it sounds like a "feel sorry for me list" too. I didn't think your list sounds like feel sorry for me at all, it sounds like perfectly normal things to go to therapy for.

That makes sense that being taught it's not okay to have feelings or to cry when you were a kid would make you feel that way. I'm really glad it went well for you.

Hi Indie,

I do not feel there is anything wrong with CBT and research says it is effective; however, if you would like to know more about the why maybe you could tell your T that and see what she says. She may say she feels the why may be too distressing, at least at this time, and/or the focus on what you are working on right now might be lost. Everyone's situation and personality is different and I tend to block attempts at change w/o knowing the why (this is true for all aspects of my life including at work!), but many people do not want to explore their past and can feel very uncomfortable doing so or may ruminate too much on it for too long w/o moving forward. You and your T would know best what works for you.

Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes learning1!

Even though I know better, I guess I still subconsciously feel like therapy is for those who have disorders that are more medical in nature and everyone else (including myself) should just "buck up" like they did decades ago when treatment was not readily available. Then I think, those were people who needed help but did not have the opportunity, so if we do we should take advantage of it and realize it takes courage to "buck up" and ask for help, unlike those stoic and prideful to a fault people from ages past. (btw, I am good at arguing for and against things )