[arli]

Hello

My diagnosis is depression with panick attacks. My T thinks that I might also have and ADHD and probably bipolar depression....Well, since I know myself pretty well and after I did a lot of readings about BPD and ADHD, T is probably right but....she is still "working on my diagnosis".

The problem is.... I should see my T next Moday...and I just think this is pointless.

I can`t open myself to her... I tryed but I realised that I don`t express my thoughts and feelings as I should.

This is not her fault. It is like I don`t give her a chance to help me.

Usualy, I feel good when I speak to somebody...I can see the exit, I see how to solve problems...my horor starts when I stay alone, by myself. And... I can`t describe to therapist what my problem really is cause when speak tu her I am acting...like I SHOULD feel OK...

On the other side, I am blocked thinking that I have "only few minutes" to speak. OK, is not few but I can`t concentrate...

And I don`t know what to do..Should I write something and than show it to T? Something like diary?

Sorry for my bad English. I would appreciate any answer.

[hereiam]

Wow, I feel exactly that same way. I hope that someone has a good answer, I'll be able to benefit from it too.

Good post.

[Rapunzel]

Arli,

Lots of people, including me, find it very difficult to talk to our therapists. You're not alone in that by any means. I was in and out of therapy for many years and spent a lot of time sitting there not saying anything at all, struggling with what I needed to say or even not knowing what was important, what was okay, and what was either not significant or too bad even to tell T about.

Writing it down was what worked for me. Actually, I wrote T a letter explaining why I was hopeless and a waste of time and there was no reason for him to keep trying, although I didn't want him to give up on me. That was a turning point for me. I started to be able to communicate about a few real issues. I had only ever talked about surface stuff before, and it didn't help.

You can write a diary or something like it, or a list of what you need to talk about, or anything that works for you. You can even print this post and show it to her. If you tell her that you are struggling to communicate with her, she can even help you with that too. It gets easier. I don't think it ever gets completely easy, but better than it is now.

Your English is good! If you hadn't said anything, I would never have known that it was a second language for you.

Best of Luck,
Rap

the idea of time frame still at times drives me up a wall while in therapy. One thing thats help is my present therapy has her clock at her view but not mine. I know she didn't do this intentionally its just where the clock got hung most likely by the past theraist that used the room. But Im glad its like that because I cant see the clock so I am not constantly looking at it going "only this much time left hurry up and talk already". My first three appointments with my present therapist my past therapist went with me. when she didn't come anymore I was stuck trying to figure out how to talk to her. So I started bringing in my journals and we talked about how much I like to journal and other things to help myself. That was good for an ice breaker but still there were times when Im sitting there trying to figure out what to say. Ok time to bring in some of my drawing for her to see. I always carry something to pull out of my back pack be it drawings, journals, projects, workbook exercises I did that week and so on. The Depression Workbook and the book Mind Over Mood are great books to start with. Good luck and take care.

[Lexicon78]

Try journaling and showing it to your t...you can always start there or just write something and read it out loud to your t. I don't have trouble talking about my problems and such, but I do have problems saying what I really mean...

[Azalysa]

Hi, Arli...nice to meet you!

I tend to be a talker so my hurdle in therapy is to make the best use of the time alloted.

What I do is to jot down things at home in a notebook as ideas or issues come to mind that I want to work on, then before I go to see my therapist (or psychiatrist for that mattter) I go over what I've written and make a list in the order of importance.

Since I've been in therapy for a long time, many times I don't use my list, but just having it with me makes me feel better that if I get stuck I can refer to it.

When I was in therapy years ago and some of the issues were too painful to talk about or I was embarrassed to bring them up to my T., I often wrote out my thoughts and handed them to my T., then left the room while he read them. That made it MUCH easier as then he would know how to help me and I didn't have to verbally initiate the conversation.

Therapy is hard work and sometimes it takes a bit of time to find the right therapist that one feels comfortable working with. But I've found the effort is really worth it.

My best to you - please feel free to pm me anytime.

[bipolar_bear]

I have a lot of trouble communicating with my therapist at times. I journal every day per her request and email them so she knows how I am doing on a continuing basis. Otherwise I tend to just talk about how I am feeling at the moment rather than what happened throughout the week.

At times it does seem that the time is short especially when you get into something late in the hour. My time would be well spent organinzing what I wanted to talk about prior to going than waiting until I am there and drawing a blank.

Maybe you and your t could come up with some ideas that work for both of you. Good luck.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Writing and or talking on tape to your T are both great ways to break through the ice....but sometimes...I think it may not be a bad idea to say stuff you feel bad saying or can't yet..It may be your minds way of say protecting you tell you feel safer saying things.....just a thought

[ErinBear]

Hi Arli,

I'm a very shy person, and I have a lot of trouble talking in therapy. It has gotten better as I've worked with my counselor, but sometimes it is still hard. Initially I often brought in something I had written, to at least get started, and that would really help me. He is okay with reading the things I have written. I would write about the things which are most troubling me, and which I wish we could discuss in the session. Sometimes if I get "stuck" during the session, I will pull out my pad of paper and start writing again. I find that, at least for me, if I start writing when I am having trouble talking, and give my T the pages, it often helps me get started talking again. But that might just be me. My T has been very patient about all of this, and I'm very grateful to him. It has gotten better as we worked together. I don't need to write as much as before, and often I can start talking even without bringing something written with me now. But sometimes I do bring a written page even now, and that's okay too.

I think a lot of people bring a journal to counseling, or a written page, or even a list of reminders that they've written to themselves. I think whatever you can do to help yourself make good use of the time is healthy. You can talk with your counselor about this too. I've talked with my counselor about it, and how hard it is to talk. It has been really helpful for me to talk with him about it. Your counselor might have additional ideas to help make your sessions feel more safe, so that it feels safer to work to together (if that's an issue for you), or your T might have other ideas to help you make better use of the time. Sometimes my T assigns me "homework" to do inbetween sessions, and that can be a good starting point when it's hard to begin work too. So it might be worth talking with your T about all of this too.

Take care,
ErinBear

[arli]

Dear All

You are such great community. Nice to meet all of you. And thank you for your time and answers. I appreciate it very much.

Well, about the problem....

I just read your answers and...yes....I have been thinking about keeping journal or about writing just few words every day ...about my thoughts, feelings, dillemas...And I do write some notes... not on regular basis but still...

My problem is the way I comunicate, the way I show myself to others (including my T). Let me make it simple and try to explain...

Huh...I am very extrovert, very "optimistic" person. Or better - my feelings and thoughts are ambivalent but I "sell" such look to others.

The person who is always smiling (honestly), who has a lot of idea, who works a lot....At the first moment (as well as at the rest of time ) you would never guess that I could even have some problems.

Every time, when I meet my T she is telling me...."you look OK", "you have a lot of positive energy and that`s great" . After such comments I just can`t mention anything I was prepared for. I am usualy frozen. OK, I was always expected to be perfect and that`s why I`m acting like this but - how to change it?

Such behavior is among the reasons which caused my first panick attacks...(I exploded showing all simptoms of heart attack and it was teriblle.)

Before my first panick attack occured, I was seeing an other T (male), very famous psychiatrist, very good person and very expensive as well.

We were spending two hours every week for 11 months...speaking about anything, about my problems, thooughts...and he concluded "that I am strong enough and that I am capable to overcome any problem..".

And I knew that wasn`t the real picture of me...

I was full of weakness and very often my time and behavior weren`t under my control... my sleepless nights, my deep crisis when I spent all night long crying and thinking about suicide, my impossibility to deal with such simple things like wake up and go out from house...And on the other side...even an minor light, the smallest good thing was enough to change my day, my mood, to give me energy...And this (probably manic) episodes confused my T.

And, of course I did tell him everything about the dark side but he had only one answer - "Even the strongest persons have their crisis and problems. You are too emotional but it is time for you to grow up". Well, I was 35 already...

My God....I felt so helpless.

Now, I have the same problem. How to make my new T to take serious what I am talking about.

The best start could be to write some notes now and than give it to her. But .... what`s the next I should do? I feel unsecure like never before in my life...I fell like I am sitting in the front of judge waiting for worst sentence.
Hm, maybe I should tell her this sentence, exactly as I wrote it here...

However...thank you for your time again and sorry if I loaded you with my problem too much.

Knowing that there is a place I can speak frenkly on and being understood helps me a lot already.

Hugs

suggestion - print off this thread and hand it to the therapist as the therapist comes into the area to bring you back into the office area. That way you are giving it too her BEFORE she says you look ok. Just by reading this thread whe will see that statement has caused you broblems and the thread will also open the door for telling her how you feel without feeling like you are being judged. I share my threads and posts with my therapist no matter what they are and it has lead to alot of interesting conversations and has added to my problem solving skills.

[Parker10]

I agree with "myself".........print out this thread and give it to your T. If your T doesnt learn that you are "not" OK, you are not going to benefit from the therapy sessions, and actually get more frustrated each time you go.

Good luck ! And welcome to PC!

[arli]

Yes, it`s really good idea to give my notes to my T before she start speaking to me.

I am gonig to see T at monday and will write "full report" about it.
Hope our session will be more successful now.

Thanks a lot

[Quay]

Hi Arli,

I know what you mean about having someone say, 'Gee, you seem great.' My pdoc often does that, then asks what I would like to talk about. It's like they point you in the direction that everything is coming up roses, and ask you to fulfill that for them. Makes it really difficult to talk about what's actually going on, like you're letting them down if you don't make it all sound wonderful. I liked your response above too, I think it explained the problem really nicely. Giving it ahead of time is a nice touch to help her see how not to start with you.

I am one of the many who journal during the week, so my t has an idea of how things are on a day to day basis. He suggested it because I have such a hard time talking about things during the session, but it has gotten better as it continued because I find i'm able to share more of the real me with out glossing over things.

Hope things go well for you, TC Quay

[arli]

Quay, thx for your support

[(JD)]

Welcome to PC arli. Yes, journal or just write yourself notes about things you want to say to T. TC

[arli]

Well I did it - gave her my notes. And our apointment finished very soon.
She was a bit confused and asked me - "who told you should do this? And , I am suposed to read this now, right?

And, she asked me to come next week to give her litle time to read my notes and think about.

I was confused too, so I left and will see what's going to happen.

Hope I didn't insult her. I was very nice when giving my notes to her but it's look like she took it hm...wrong.

[(JD)]

Oh I don't think you insulted her! Wow how good is that! The T has help to help you with your feelings. Can you imagine how great that would be if everyone could make a list for us when we have a job to help with?

Don't think you can read your T's mind... she didn't take it wrong... she just might not have very many ppl she sees being so upfront about their feelings ( I mean, you did give her your notes! good job!)

Yes, she needs a little time to read and think.. so if you give her more, maybe give them to the receptionist (put them in an envelope?) when you first arrive... then your T might take time to read them before calling you in to help?

Again, don't worry about her asking you who told you to do that.. hehehe Ts are curious by nature, about human nature! TC

[Azalysa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Don't think you can read your T's mind... she didn't take it wrong... she just might not have very many ppl she sees being so upfront about their feelings

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Totally agree!!

This is a bit different as it doesn't deal with feelings and emotions so isn't as hard, but the last two visits I've been handing a 2-3 page typed overview of how I've fared on med changes since my last visit, how I've done on accomplishing goals previously set and what my next set of goals are.

My pdoc was thrilled as it made better use of our 15 minutes for "med management" and he said NO ONE had ever done that before (and he has been in practice a LONG time).

So, what Sky said is absolutely true...I doubt your T. has encountered this before. I applaud you and think it's wonderful!!

[arli]

Hey, you two (Sky and Azalysa) really made me smile

Thank you for the words of encuoragment, I needed it.

Now, I can think about my T reaction from the other point of view. I noticed as well my habit to expect always negative reaction.
Huh...have already notes for the next appointment

That's why I thought I insulted her...it is my fear of being rejected or misunderstood...and, yes, she behave very normal, I can see it now.

The truth is that I can't speak freely about my feelings and problems even to my husbind or close friends. Probably it's my fault..I never knew how to overcome this strange look in their eyes when trying to explaing what I feel.

Writing my feelings down made me feel more free, more normal. After I gave it to T I felt so released...A bit empty but happier.

However, thank you all...Hope this topic will help to others with same problem.

((((((((All of you)))))))))

[Azalysa]

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[arli]

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