Text T how I feel...

How does she feel about people who act borderline? Is she "against?"

I have told her before that I don't like it when she is firm with me because it makes me cry.

Stormyangels, I know that you are a T so I have to ask why are you saying red flags?

I'm not sure how she feels about people who act borderline but I do know that she treats some BPD patients. I would say she isn't against BPD.

I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way.

It's hard to understand her reaction to be honest. What does she say when you ask her about the getting strict?

PTSDlovemycats:

uhhhhh.... I can't see how ANYONE sees this as ok! My friends definitely have shown me "tough love," and it has hurt my feelings...but my god, it has never been as mean as this. I find it extremely inappropriate, even if in DBT the T is frank. This is beyond that and I think verbally abusive.

Because her language is extremely abusive for the position she is in. My jaw is on the floor regarding how she responds to you. While I support being confrontational and reducing client's "manipulative" behaviors and trying to encourage them to use skills and pull themselves out of being a victim - this is beyond inappropriate. If she is "sick of listening to your victim s---", then she needs to refer you elsewhere. She obviously cannot handle what is going on and should have the professionalism to realize she is in over her head instead of using profane and inappropriate language and confrontation with you. Find. A. New. PDOC. ASAP! And, I'd report to the board about her behavior.

Yep, I m behind this 1000%

She says that she does that to make sure she gets her point across.

I really don't see her as being abusive to me.I think she just says stuff like that to get me to snap out of it, I know she cares about me, She has helped me through so much. I don't want another PDoc...

PTSD-
We can't make decisions for you. If you want to stay with this Pdoc it is up to you. We are just trying to give you our opinion about what we see from this situation. We don't want you to be hurt. Sometimes it is hard to see what is going on from inside the situation, especially if it is how you are used to being treated. We want you to be safe and have the best care possible. We don't want to see you being hurt more by someone who is supposed to help you.

Thanks Googley, but how would I know if she isn't helping me??

I have to admit I also was really bothered by what she texted to you. However, if you are truly okay with it, if you really find it therapeutic to be spoken to in this way, then I won't say anything negative about it.

I will say, though, that if my T ever said anything like that to me, in either writing or verbally, I'd be instantly done with the relationship. Having such things said to me by someone I trust would be very, very upsetting. I don't allow friends or family to speak to me in such a manner, why would I allow it from someone I'm paying to help me.

I don't know what else to say but -Wow...

I guess I just don't see how what she said in her text was that bad. I realise that she was swearing. She did give some helpful advice eg; volunteering, focusing on positive things, and she did say that I have a good soul. I don't know, maybe it is just me....-sigh-

Not trying to pry, but cats, it sounds like you have been abused in the past and may have minimized it as not "really" abuse, or that it isn't "that bad". I have to say, how she treats you and what she says to you ARE abusive,even if you don't see it that way. I spent a lot of time in the past when I stayed with toxic, negative, abusive people and felt they were treating me fine. Because I had been abused in the past, I minimized it or just plain ignored it. I felt that they terrible way I was being treated just was due to me being so bad and worthless. I didn't think it was abuse, until my current boyfriend of the time went outside during an argument to get his guns from the car to kill me and my brother. It was still abuse whether or not I thought it was.

Now, I am not saying that your pdoc would ever get physically violent with you, but verbal violence is just as bad imho.
Please know, I say this out of compassion and concern for you. I may be totally off base, but it just sounded so familiar to me. I had to speak up. Sending you

Thanks Lauru, you are right, I was abused in the past. I was raped when I was 22...

This is really important. Only you really know the dynamics between you and this pdoc/t.

maybe it's what you need, cats. If it works for you, than fine.

there are other types of caring than huggy-feely-goody.... maybe you need to be pushed, so you are not enabled in your bad emotions?

Cats, my pdoc/t is similar. She doesn't sugar coat nuthin'. She just tells me how it is because that is what I respond to best.
I am much the same - just in case you hadn't noticed

I guess you know what your relationship with T is really like- we are not there witness how she behaves in session or her tone, body language etc, but from your posts and what she has texted you back it seems to me she is a little too familiar and crossing boundaries. You are a patient, she is a T and she should respect that position. If my T were to start swearing at me I would find it uncomfortable and unprofessional.

I think I get that what she is saying in her reply to you is that she cares about you and hates to see you listening to the negative stuff in your head, but she really could have been more supportive in her response. If you are feeling sui then I would imagine her response hasn't helped a great deal (it certainly wouldnt for me)

My first reaction to this is "Whoa! What is up with this!" I, personally, could never work with a therapist who talked to and treated me like this. The cursing is over the top. Then again, I don't talk that way and it appears by your response back to her that you do. So, in that respect, maybe you are comfortable with your therapist cursing at you?

Not sure how long you have been with your therapist, so maybe this is normal for you guys? Do you like to be talked to like this? Does it help you? I know that some people do need tough love and a very strict therapist who "tells it like it is".

I have to wonder why you think this is okay? Is this how you were treated by your parents or someone else? Is this normal for you to be treated like this by others? It sounds very condescending to me.

To be honest, it makes my skin crawl when I read it. I don't have this kind of relationship with my therapist. Yes, she does get firm with me and says things I don't like. Yes, she does tell me in a round about way that I need to stop allowing my mind to keep going back to the negative and force myself to focus on a more positive outlook for my future.

I think if your therapist had written her message this way, it would still get the message across, but not be so condescending and harsh:

"Stop focusing on all those old negative thoughts/patterns...you need to focus on how good of a person you are....that's why you need to find a way to do things that are more positive--- like maybe volunteering with others...stop focusing on all the bad....it's sad to hear when you are a good soul and could help more people. Try not to allow yourself to play the victim...it's so not true...and old part of you keeps making it a focus...focus on good things...can you go and join a meditation group?...Will you think about going and doing more good things for others?"

It probably is what I need. She can be the caring hugging T at times but when I need her to this is what I get...