fidgeting and body language

So many great and interesting responses!

Just picking up on what some of you have said about sitting on the floor, switching seats, sitting in different positions... It's great that you feel empowered to do this! My T has quite a small room with two chairs facing each other (there wouldn't be room to sit on the floor, I'd literally be right at her feet looking up at her, which I think would be weird!) but the set up suits me just fine. Thing is, now that I think about it, I don't know if she ever told me which chair to sit in - or if she just told me to take a seat... It *feels* like I'm sat in the right one! lol! I don't think I'd like to switch, it'd almost feel like a transfer of power, or something... I sometimes think I'd like to sit with my legs tucked under me, but it's just not that type of chair - it's comfortable, but you have to sit properly. I've always found her office/room to be a relaxed/relaxing place, but from what some of you have said about your T's rooms it's probably quite formal in comparison.

Yes!!!!!!! My T can have a very piercing gaze sometimes, and I feel just like that ... or like a lab rat Luckily he has a great sense of humor, so it all balances out. When he looks at me like that, I realize that he's working ... I've done or said something that's important, and he's figuring it out. He usually does it when he's taking notes on his laptop. I like it when he takes notes because it means he's paying attention.

JSG, I always imagine I'd like to sit with my feet up in the chair too, but when I'm there somehow I don't think of it. Last time I finally remembered and did at least put my ankle on my knee. I'm slightly awkward feeling about taking my shoes off, or asking if t minds if I take them off. And there are so many other things to feel awkward about too, this one hasn't reached top of the list. lol.

great idea about asking to try t looking away, Silent Lucidity.

I always bring a big tote bag - in it my journal, my handbag, sometimes a book i am reading & want to show T, stuff I might have written, whatever.
when things are OK, it sits on the floor by my feet.
when I put it on my lap, wrap my arms around it and hold it tightly, T knows that I'm going into high defense mode.

Funny, just last night I was thinking of sitting T floor.
I feel like I need to be protected by sitting in the corner.
But wouldn't this freak T out? I have never done anything
like this before. I'm always very proper how and where I
sit. So if I walked in and sat on the floor he is going to think
something is really wrong. Then I dont know if he would sit
next to me or in his chair looking down. That would feel very
weird. Should I really try this?

This is a great thread.

I saw a therapist during my freshman year of college. I remember him telling me that I could sit anywhere I wanted. That his office was a safe place. I remember that I wanted to sit on the floor, in the corner of the room. That seemed safer, somehow. But I never, ever did that. I sat very still in my chair and tried to disappear into myself.

Now that I'm in therapy again, I'm acting the same way. Sitting very, very still. Afraid to move. I hope that someday I'll be able to move around.

I sat in the corner with one of my T's. Once she realized it was going to be a pattern, that the corner was my safe spot, she brought pillows and blankets in to make it more comfortable. Unfortunately that part backfired. Part of what made it safe was feeling the hard cement bricks on my back, the hard concrete floor under my bottom and the hard, cold metal desk to my side. She was saddened by what she interpreted as my rejection of her nurturing. After I explained things we were OK.

it IS a great thread. I fidget -- or else sit overly still, not much in between. My T has a couch across from a window and I stare out at that sometimes. Eye contact has been an issue with the two of us and I think he sees more eye contact as better, but I have a hard time really getting nto what I need to cover AND looking straight at him. Oh well. Seems like it's my therapy and I'll do this the way I need to....Ha!

Would it feel any more comfortable to ask your t before you do it Masimo? Maybe explain you'd feel protected?

Yes, I fidget in therapy, and allow myself to do so very deliberately. I see it as another way to communicate with my T and I don't want to hide that from him. I pick up little objects he has on the table next to where I sit and I play with them, turning them over and over in my hand, etc. Sometimes, if I have been crying, I fold the kleenex I've been using up into a little square, with many folds, before I toss it into the trash. I do these things to communicate my level of stress, anxiety, pent up energy, etc. to my T. I don't want to fake being still on the outside when I'm not on the inside. It also lets me discharge some extra energy so I can talk more easily to him. I don't see the fidgeting as a bad thing. If I were with someone outside of therapy in a business meeting, I would probably not allow myself the luxury (and honesty) of fidgeting.

My T has never commented on my fidgeting. He doesn't act bothered by it. There have been a couple of times I was fidgeting with certain objects on his table and he turned the conversation to them and told me what they were, their meaning to him, or showed me how to use them. These were nice conversations that drew us closer.

All that fidgeting is from trying to contain so many feelings inside I think. I used to fidget and move like crazy everywhere in my life. Now I can sit very quietly, calmly and comfortably and I feel it is because I unloaded all of those feelings and DEFENSES.

It's the opposite for me. The fidgeting is allowing anxiety to physically manifest itself in the room. If I tried to be still when I felt anxious, that would me containing and in a way, trying to hide how I felt from T. Usually I'm comfortable letting him know if I'm anxious. He's really adept at reading body language so this is an easy way I can communicate something to him without having to speak the words.

I guess I didn't explain myself well Sunrise. I'm saying that the anxiety is caused from years of stuffing those feelings. We can't let them all out in one session. It takes time to become aware of them and learn how to let them out. I'm not talking about trying to contain the anxious feeling. I'm talking about stuffing all sorts of feelings throughout the years.

OK, I get what you are saying now. Thanks for explaining, Sannah. Through therapy, I've gotten rid of a lot of my stuffed feelings--what were at one time a mountain. (It feels great, fantastic, amazing!) But I still fidget in session--I think my fidgeting (at least now) must be more of a garden variety anxiety signal rather than due to a backlog of stuffed feelings. My fidgeting is also a way of saying to my T, I trust you, I want you to know what I am feeling in the moment, and I am being honest with you. Kind of cool how fidgeting can have all these different meanings.

Or maybe you aren't done unstuffing stuff Sunrise? My anxiety was caused by many things, not having good boundaries, my low self worth and finding my defenses and attending to them really made a difference. Defenses can make you anxious. Maybe some other things are causing your anxiety?

Well I did it! I sat on his floor up against the wall.
My excuse was I needed to straighten my knee out
as I had surgery a few months ago, but my real reason
was to feel safe. And, to kind of make a statement to him
how unsafe I really felt.

He didn't say a word about it, dont have a clue what he thinks.
I thanked him for the use of his floor as I was leaving. He said
no problem. I wonder if he will mention it ever again, or it I will
do it.

Masimo - I'm so glad you did it! If you want to do it again, it will probably be easier. Is that something you've been thinking about? Did it feel like you thought it would? If you really want t to know you feel unsafe maybe you can work it into the conversation some way?

Congratulations Masimo! did you like it? are you going to sit on the floor next time? t never said anything to me either, and i doubt i will ever sit on the couch again...

like being down on the floor, feel like i can't fall any further....