Embarrassing things we talk about in therapy! YIKES!

Same here...I am so embarrassed talking about my heavy body in front of my super-skinny therapist. It feels intrusive and "unclean"..it's what it is - heavy.

Good for you Squiggle. I'm proud of you. You did the right thing.

I can't say that I have ever discussed anything embarassing with my T. Things I am ashamed of (SI, suicide attempt), but really nothing embarassing. I have another thing I am now very ashamed of (but felt at the time I needed to do) that I have never discussed with anyone that I should really talk to her about, but I'm not sure if I am ready.

Pretty much what others have said in here...anything sexual, but I've talked about it anyway. I also hate talking about romantic/amorous feelings I may have for someone, just talking about sentimental-mushy-lovey things makes me squirm. I'm in there for social anxiety, which is an additional barrier to bringing up topics that would be embarrassing for anyone anyway.

I just realized how great I am! If I can do what I did today, I can do anything! I am so proud of myself for how I did in therapy today. I am super, terrific, fabulous, awesome, fantastic, inspiring, magnificent, wonderful, astonishing, impressive, brilliant, marvelous, outstanding, etc.......

I think I need to be nice to myself. I deserve it after what I went through in therapy today! I may fall off the wagon tomorrow, but for now, I am feeling like I am on top of the world!

Squiggle

I'm so proud of you for what you said in therapy AND for recognizing how awesome, fabulous, and wonderful you are! Good for you, Squiggle!

I must say, I am also curious to know more details about the masturbation conversations y'all have had with your Ts. What exactly did you say? What follow-up questions did your Ts ask? How were your Ts able to help? What benefits did you gain from the discussion with your Ts?

Now for the embarassing things I've shared with T... well, T and I have certainly talked about sex. I don't have trouble talking about sex with her, though. I don't find it all that embarassing to tell her what I've done in bed with my girlfriend, or about buying things like handcuffs to use on my gf. In fact, I told T I didn't particularly care for the sex shop she recommended-- and I told her which one I preferred instead! She said our difference in opinion was due to the fact that we were looking to buy different items... and she was right. I found that conversation amusing (kind of awesome, really)-- not embarrassing.

Another time, T said something like "oh, you look pretty today" and then about ten minutes later, she was like "wait, you know I wasn't making a pass at you, right?" I about fell out of my chair! OF COURSE I knew she wasn't doing that-- I was shocked it could even cross her mind that could be a possible interpretation of what she said! This then led to us clarifying that there was no sexual attraction or tension between us. The way she said it was kind of hillarious. She told me what her type was (the opposite of what I am) and then she was like "but, I mean, you're very pretty, you're just not, I mean..."--- I stopped her and was like IT'S OKAY!!! You don't need to justify why I'm not your type! lol. T already knows what my type is (the opposite of what she is) so I didn't feel I needed to say a whole lot... I mean, I didn't want to say "gee, T, you're so awesome on the inside but outside... well....uh..." While this whole conversation was certainly awkward, it wasn't really embarrassing. I mean, the whole point was that we DON'T have embrassing feelings for each other... well, at least not embarrassing in a sexual way! Which brings me to my last point...

Okay, so, for me, what WAS embarssing... EXTREMELY embarrassing... was telling T that I feel "kid cuddly" towards her. It was embarrassing to admit that to her that I want more touch in my life in general, and even more embarrassing to admit she's one of the people I want it from. I'm used to getting touch in romantic relationships, but what I really want is platonic/ maternal touch-- that kind of supportive, nurturing, safe touch kids usally get from their parents (but I never got). So, for me, that comes up a lot with my T. I see her as maternal and I crave that kind of nurturing from her. I've talked to her about this more than once, and she's always been accepting of how I feel and told me that, given my background, it's completely understanable why I feel this way. However, she often minimizes it by pointing out the fact that she and I hug-- she tells me: "you get that with me!" What I can't bring myself to say-- because I'm too embarrassed-- is that I want more than just an end of session hug. I want to cuddle up to her on the couch and have her hold me (like she would a kid). But, because I'm an adult, I'm embarrased about feeling this way. I feel like, as an adult, it's not okay to want to cuddle up to another grown-up and have her take care of me. I mean, it sounds totally weird to say "I want to cuddle up to my therapist." When we had that conversation where I said I felt "kid cuddly" towards her, she made a joke, saying: "I mean, we can't just sit there and hold each other all session!" That was SO AWKWARD. I immediately was like "OMG that's not what I meant!" I mean, I don't feel THAT cuddly towards her! But what I wanted to say-- couldn't say was: "of course I don't want to sit there and hold each other for an hour... but I do want about a minute!" I've been feeling this more lately because I'm sick (just got diagnosed with a chronic condiiton). It's triggering all of my "I never got taken care of when I was sick as a kid" stuff-- and I don't have anyone to take care of me now, either (just broke up with my partner). So, alas, I want T to step in and take care of me. She'll also make jokes like "I wish I had a magic wand" or "I wish I could just make it all better"-- and I want so badly to say "You can! Just hold me for one minute!" But, alas, that is too embarrassing. I couldn't handle hearing her say "no, that's not okay." It would crush me to hear her say I can't have that, because it would be saying that my desires are not okay-- what my inner kid wants is not okay-- that I'm an adult and I need to "grow up" and get over all of the ways I was deprived as a child. A part of me doesn't want to just get over it; a part of me still holds out hope that, someday, somehow, I'll get that nurturing I never got.

I feel exactly the same way, justsomegirl. I don't like to talk about anything coming in or out of my body. That's what I need to tell my T though she knows it already. Your words say it better, though. Thanks.

scorpiosis: I don't want to hijack Squiggle's thread--hope it's okay to comment on what you wrote. I wish my T could hold me too. Hugs aren't long enough. Holding her hand gives me almost the same feeling as holding me, though. Do you think that would work for you? The problem with a T holding us like we want is that it wouldn't be enough or we'd want it all the time, and we wouldn't want to leave therapy. I know if my T held me or cuddled with me I would want to continue seeing her forever just to keep getting it. Therapy isn't supposed to be a substitution for life. Yalom says that in A Gift of Therapy. It sounds like it would be the answer, but the goal is NOT for your T to satisfy those infantile needs. Seems cruel, though. We think our Ts can satisfy them, but that is a fantasy. At least I think it is.

I think I would just have to agree with all that say there isn't anything too "taboo" to discuss in therapy. That's definitely the right mindset, I am sure. That's not to say I can take my own advice.

Oh, I've had embarrassing discussions. But they've mostly been accidental and due to my sometimes embarrassing quality of naivety..We once had a very embarrassing discussion about the therapeutic relationship that was along the lines of "But you have "no personal feelings" for me, therefore you don't care." T: "No, I don't have those kinds of personal feelings for you..." Me: "Wait...exactly what kinds of personal feelings are we talking about here?...You mean thoooseee kinds of feelings?.."

So, due to an inability to use real words to describe certain embarrassing topics, ect....that's pretty much ruled out any real intentional conversations about embarrassing topics.

I admire the people who can have real discussions about "embarrassing" or "taboo" subjects! You're much braver than me!!

Squiggles, you inspire me. Thank you for sharing. Maybe there is hope for me. Not yet though.

There isn't anything we cannot discuss .....I had a dream about him where I told him I would "worship" his.....well, you know......the reason that is so hilarious is that is is also.....a pastor! LOL

I don't think we have missed much....love, sex, death, paraphilias.....7 years....I went to him for a business dispute, and stayed with him, simply because I fell in love with him; we are the same age and he considers me a colleague; am also studying to be in his profession ........I will eventually be his student and maybe someday I might even share an office with him, LOL

P.S. We shouldn't be embarrassed about ANY feelings we have. Feelings aren't right or wrong....they just...are.

Great Job Squiggle. You are brave for being able to be that open with your T.

But what if it's not feelings? It's embarrassing stuff that happens in therapy, or you think is happening, and then you do have feelings about it. To me, that's more embarrassing than anything.

I know there are things that I didn't want to tell my therapist that I felt were too embarrasing, but there is something about my therapist that just pulls the words out of my mouth. There are times I have left her office had to park my car on my way back to work and just sit and cry because I was so ashamed of the things I had told her. But there is nothing that I have ever been able to hold back.

A couple of times with T I have had an erection. Its was difficult to tell her that. She was unfazed.

I'm so glad you managed to talk about this, and the stalking too.

Incidentally, my T has no desk to hide behind or under. But I bet some people still find a place to hide! If all else fails, they can turn the chair around.

This is really really wonderful! I was so worried about you, but I can see you are in good hands. Your own.

I was kinda forced into an embarressing talk with my therapist, twice. she had read through my file before our first appointment, my file contained everything from table throwing, storm outs, and other parts of my mental health that I had revealed to other T's of the past. I was embarressed to talk about it all, and I quickly ended the conversation on a certain subject.

second time, we were going to see the resident doctor and she was quite sure that I had seen this doctor before, she was quite sure, although I assured her I hadnt, which left her quite confused!, I didnt recorgnise the name, then I saw him...not only was she right but he was the doctor I saw during the certain subject that i dont like to talk about....that was really embarressing...this answer is really vague...im sorry.

I have exactly this problem. My T is a beautiful person, but... She's OK to look at, but...

I can't tell her she's a beautiful woman, because her appearance is just not that special. I told her once that her hair was "a non-performing asset". (I feel really ashamed to write that down. How can I think that! Ungrateful wretch that I am!) So I tell her she is a wonderful woman instead.

I once took a picture of her. It shows nothing of what I see. In the photo she looks drab and nervous.

Appearance aint worth ****.

[Thinks: Then what is the pornography about?]

I once told my T that. "That's not going to happen." Hmmm. I think she could have handled that better. What's wrong with touching anyway?

As a follow up to our session last week, all my therapist said was that I get to choose if I am ready to work on that issue. The personal one. She said, "You get to choose" I hate it when she does that. I mean, who "chooses" to talk about masturbation?

What does she mean by that? I feel ridiculous going in there next session and saying, "Okay, I am ready now!" How stupid is that? What in the heck will she ask me then? Will she ask things like, when, where, how often, what triggers it? Will she ask what I am thinking when it happens?

While I would like to address this, I am not sure what to say. While I do want to address is, I feel that it is the dumbest thing ever to discuss with your therapist!

What would be the point?

I think you can address whatever you like Squiggle, and I don't think it's dumb at all.
I discussed the same topic with my T over a couple of sessions.
While it wasn't causing me any trouble in my life, I just needed to admit it to someone like her who is a mother-figure to me, and have her tell me I am normal. It was then that I realized how much shame I felt around my own sexual feelings, and getting to have the "sex talk" with my T helped me tremendously. I feel like I got to experience something that was vital to my development that I missed out on earlier in life.
T's positive views have definitely rubbed off on me, and as a result I no longer feel embarrassment to bring up such things

I don't think that any one needs to discuss/mull over/interprete/react to/analzye the reason for/masturbation unless it bothers them on a very personal and deep level. I think that masturbation is an intensely personal thing that one doesn't have to admit to or recognize unless the are worried about it or think they "shouldn't do that nasty thing!" It can be a wonderful and relaxing/soothing thing for many of us. If is less than that, than it needs to be talked about and made normal and soothing. Just my take on the issue of masturbation.

My embarassing topic is too embarassing for me to mention but if you have followed my posts over the past 8 months or so you can probably guess what it is...

The issue with masturbation is that it can become a way of hiding from things in your life that you are afraid to deal with. It can be an escape. Just like taking drugs or turning to alcohol, people often turn to this as a way to take away the anxiety. It is not so much the act, but what is going on to make a person turn to that instead of dealing with the issues. It can become an obsessive compulsion and be harmful.

Yes, masturbation is a very personal thing. Most won't talk about it. But I do feel that at some level, it may need to be addressed if it is bothering you. It all depends on your beliefs about it. I think when we open up a topic like this, others who are concerned about this are able to see that they are not alone.

That's how it was with me. To have a parental figure accept and even approve of my sexuality was a great relief.

(She did actually say "approve", which surprised me. Ts are generally careful neither to approve nor disapprove.)

(I'm proud of the grammar in that last sentence. Noticed how I used "neither .. nor" and avoided splitting the infinitive.)