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#51
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Last edited by ShaggyChic_1201; Nov 16, 2011 at 05:41 PM. Reason: added more |
![]() FourRedheads
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#52
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Squiggle, I have talked about every single teensy tiny embarrassing aspect of sex, masturbation, that you can think of. My T always makes me feel just fine about it. He has a ridiculously impressive poker face. I think that if it is bothering you, get it out. That is what therapy is for, and it always makes me feel better to remember that they listen to this stuff constantly. I am sure that she will not be surprised by whatever it is that you choose to put out there.
And, I agree with what you said about the ways that masturbation can become destructive. As with anything, it can become a way of coping, covering up, distracting, etc . . . It is not bad in itself, at all. But, it can become dark and damaging if used for the wrong reasons, and/or instead of facing other things.
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#53
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It took me 4 months to get it out, but I did it. Now I will have to see where this takes me. Will we ignore this and act like its no big deal? Or will we continue to talk about why I am doing this? Only time will tell. |
![]() rainbow8
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![]() CantExplain
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#54
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#55
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Can I ask what her explanation was of your T being the focus? Or is that too personal ? I'm just in awe that you were able to say these things. I worry that my T might get embarrassed and fall out of her chair if I said anything like this stuff. Really, I worry more about her than me. |
#56
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With the masturbation issue, how does one know if it is being used to take away the anxiety or being used as an unhealthy thing? What is healthy and what isn't?
It's something I feel HORRIBLE about. Just HORRIBLE. No one ever talked to me about it. I thought it was abnormal for females. Do other people have this awful shame about it? |
![]() Anonymous37917, FourRedheads
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#57
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My T literally asked me "what gets you off?" the other day. I was like... uhhhh...
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__________________
"Just as a jewel that has been buried in the earth for a million years is not discolored or harmed, in the same way this noble heart is not affected by all of our kicking and screaming. The jewel can be brought out into the light at any time, and it will glow as brilliantly as if nothing had ever happened. No matter how committed we are to unkindness, selfishness, or greed, the genuine heart of bodhichitta cannot be lost. It is here in all that lives, never marred and completely whole."
Pema Chodron |
#58
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Here is the link where you can find the whole process I went through. http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...=219464&page=8 This is what happened the day I told her: After much agonizing, squirming in my chair, pacing the floor, sitting back down and turning my chair away from my therapist, I finally told her. I was very choppy with my words and she had to piece them together to figure out exactly what I was saying. I asked her, "Do you really get what I am saying?" She then gave me some of her thoughts about what she thought I was trying to tell her. She was pretty close, but not exactly. I finally said, "YOU are the main character." She knew what I meant when I said that part. I wasn't looking at her, so I am not sure if she was shocked or not. She didn't act shocked. Of course, therapists are trained to keep that poker face no matter what we say to them! She explained that she was not surprised about it given my past and the issues I was working through in therapy. She explained that she is the most stable person I have in my life right now. She represents security for me. She is the one that I confide my most private things with, so why would it be odd that she shows up in a sexual fantasy? Sex is one of the most intimate things that we experience. We only share that with people we trust. I trust her. She was so casual about it. I told her that sometimes I think of her in very demeaning (sexual) ways. She said this was more than likely my way of 'getting back at her' because I am angry with her at times. She makes me face things I don't want to look at. Demeaning her makes me feel powerful and not so vulnerable. Isn't this weird that she comes up with this? I think she is right because it makes a lot of sense! I hope that by talking with her more and more about this, the erotic transference will go away! |
#59
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#60
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Often times religion plays into whether or not this is viewed as an okay thing to do or not. Why do you feel horrible about it? You can PM me if you would like to. I would be more than willing to talk with you about it. |
#61
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I think its perfectly normal for men and women to masturbate. I m not sure how often is normal (everything I do is to the excess). I am assuming if things start "falling off" or "scabbing over" you should stop. LOL |
#62
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For me, masturbation was a good topic to bring up -- and it was SOOO hard to do so and I've only spent one session on it with a T. In fact, I should bring it up again... Yes, it's personal, but for me who has never been in a romantic relationship (dated several people for a few months each) it is an important part of my sexuality, really the only part. I have body image issues and so masturbation is a way for me to learn to feel better about myself this way. No one ever talked to me about masturbation, didn't know that so many women did it--just men. Certainly not my mom, so when I started doing it (not until I was 26 or 27 after a conversation with my best friend at the time who was surprised how little I knew about it) I felt guilt but also immense pleasure, so it was confusing. Since I never learned to talk openly about sex, talking with a T about this is good for future relationships I hope to have. Hmm, add this to the list of upcoming topics to talk about...
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![]() Hope-Full
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#63
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You all are sooo brave.. Sex, is something that I would never bring up with T.. and probably turn red, if he brought it up himself. As far as the most embarrassing thing I have brought up.. Hmmm.. probably the fact that I used to SI.. that was shameful secret that only a few people knew about. Although, I am embarrassed everytime I talk about the things that panic me, b/c they seem so irrational to the outside observer.
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
#64
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We all tend to think that our thoughts can be irrational at times. I told my therapist that I didn't like pump lotions (lotions that you have to pump to get them out). That just came out of nowhere. She asked me what was it about them that I didn't like. Well, this opened a brand new can of worms! The reason I don't like them is because of something sexual that it brings to my mind. She actually guessed it. Holy cow! I couldn't believe she said what she did. But it sure did open up a good conversation that I feel was necessary to help me with some of my issues. You have to understand that sexual issues is a huge part of why I am in therapy. Being able to finally talk about things is a major accomplishment for me. I have talked about them from a distant 3rd person point of view many times. But when I address them in first person, that is another story! |
#65
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That is why you are brave.. b/c you bring up the issues that you know you need help with ![]()
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
#66
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#67
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Other than sexual issues, are there any other embarrassing topics that come up?
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#68
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![]() One time when my bisexuality came up (and she had no problem with it), I assured her I wasn't attracted to her that way, she wasn't my "type"...that she was a "mom figure". It wasn't a big deal, she just said okay. In the past, some straight women, when I told them I was bi but not attracted to them, have actually gotten offended that I wasn't attracted to them. I hate that stigma of "You're bi? Wow...you'll sleep with anything!" ![]()
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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau |
#69
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It was also very embarrassing to admit I used to SI...by banging my head (against a wall, with my hands, etc.). She said we all do things to SI sometimes, but she was glad I'd stopped hitting my head (now 6 years bang-free ![]() ![]()
__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau |
#70
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T has made me feel so comfortable with the topic of sex and masturbation-which is huge for me to be able to say some of the things I have. One time he said something about being horny (me not him lol) and it made me blush. One time I was talking about the annoying sexual side effects of Celexa and about masturbation and I was getting flustered explains and he asked if it was laborious haha! I love that I can talk with T about such personal things!
I have yet to being up that I have thought about him that way before...maybe one day when it feels right! Besides sex I told him it was disgusting but I was going to tell him anyways-because it was such a rough experience-I got food poisoning (puke and diarrhea) and I started my period-I felt like I couldn't make it lol...T just said ohh jeez triple threat...
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"Wake me up...when September ends" ![]() |
![]() critterlady
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#71
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![]() I haven't discussed it with my daughter and she's 11. Wonder if I need to do that. I sort of wish when you entered therapy, they had a list of questions that you answered that you could just check off - common issues. I know a lot of people wouldn't be honest, but that would certainly help me. Thanks for writing. ![]() |
#72
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I was talking with my therapist about having a breast reduction. I was telling her how it was done. Then all of the sudden she asked, "You've already had it?" I think she embarrassed herself on this one!
I told her that I had it about a year before I began therapy. Since I am still full busted, (and she is rather small), she assumed that I hadn't had anything done yet. I bet she can chalk that up to one of her most embarrassing moments! |
![]() InTherapy
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#73
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Besides masturbation, like Chopin said, telling my T that I wanted someone else to be my mom (wasn't able to say "you," but I know that this was obvious). It took me YEARS to get this out and I had so much shame associated with this desire, which actually was/is self-protective since I didn't get what I needed from my own mom.
Take this a step further and I once admitted that sometimes I wondered what it'd be like if my parents were dead... Actually, I only admitted it when my T said "Wouldn't it be easier if they weren't here?" I was so excited that she saw that I was thinking this and could understand it. BUT I'd interpreted her statement to mean dead when she actually meant not living in the same city since I'd recently moved back to where I grew up. This was way embarrassing particularly since I believed for a minute that my T somehow understood my completely messed up thinking before I realized that this wasn't at all what she was saying... ![]() |
![]() Anonymous37798
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#74
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I felt very embarrassed when I told T some really humiliating things that happened to me when I was a child, like my parents beating me to a pulp on the front lawn while the neighbors stood at the property line looking on. I could never face the neighbors after that, knowing they had seen the whole thing. Another was telling my T how I had had fantasies in which my husband died. It seemed like his death would solve all my problems, so I used to daydream about it. I know it's awful to essentially wish someone would die, so I felt very embarrassed admitting that to T.
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
![]() Anonymous37798
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#75
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You would all scream "TMI" at me through the internet if I told you.
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