Embarrassing things we talk about in therapy! YIKES!

I don't think most of you understand that pornography and masturbation is WHY this all happened with my spouse. His addiction to it. That is WHY he did it. He is so warped by years of pornography that he can't get "off" on things that others may find really exciting. He has to 'raise the bar' so to speak.

This really turned him on that he was doing this to me. His sexual appetite is getting out of control. Pornography and masturbation are a HUGE part of why he did what he did. He needs more and more to turn him on.

His disabilty and low self esteem played into it as well. I don't think he has a need to control me. Its almost as if I were his 'sex toy' in this sick thing he did to me. I honestly think he was really aroused by it.

As far as what I talk about today, I have two agendas for that. We will go with whichever one comes up, or we may go down a totally different path. She knows me well. She knows when I am avoiding. I am sure that she won't let me get by without talking about what my husband did to me. Who knows? I may have a breakdown in her office. I don't see me doing that, but it may happen.

Like I said, I don't have any emotions at all about what he did. I know that sounds strange to many of you. I don't get it myself. My life is so corrupted by sex and pornography that I need to talk about it with her. Yes, I need to talk about ALL of it. Even the most embarrassing things. There are things that I cannot tell you guys on here. Maybe if I could, you would understand why I need to go down the 'masturbation' path with her.

Thanks for all of your replies and support. I will let you know how our session goes today. I am thinking this may be a two hour session!

It was a GREAT session even though it was totally EMBARRASSING! I didn't tell her everything, though. I can't admit some things. She got enough out of me to let her know how she needed to help me. She said that if I want to tell her more, it would be okay. NOTHING is off limits in therapy. She said that I can talk about ANYTHING that is bothering me.

We will continue talking about this topic next week. She feels that I am holding back on something. She is right. There is something I can't tell her. I just can't.

The issue with masturbation is that it can become a way of hiding from things in your life that you are afraid to deal with. It can be an escape. Just like taking drugs or turning to alcohol, people often turn to this as a way to take away the anxiety. It is not so much the act, but what is going on to make a person turn to that instead of dealing with the issues. It can become an obsessive compulsion and be harmful.

Yes, masturbation is a very personal thing. Most won't talk about it. But I do feel that at some level, it may need to be addressed if it is bothering you. It all depends on your beliefs about it. I think when we open up a topic like this, others who are concerned about this are able to see that they are not alone.

Thinking back on the new thread I started last week http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...=219464&page=8 (erotic transference), I remembered this thread. The one thing that I just could not tell her was that SHE was the main character in the sexual fantasies. I can't believe that I finally told her. If you read the other thread, you will see that she wasn't surprised. She actually gave a very good explanation about why she felt I was making her the focus.

It took me 4 months to get it out, but I did it. Now I will have to see where this takes me. Will we ignore this and act like its no big deal? Or will we continue to talk about why I am doing this? Only time will tell.

Can I ask what her explanation was of your T being the focus? Or is that too personal ?

I'm just in awe that you were able to say these things. I worry that my T might get embarrassed and fall out of her chair if I said anything like this stuff. Really, I worry more about her than me.

With the masturbation issue, how does one know if it is being used to take away the anxiety or being used as an unhealthy thing? What is healthy and what isn't?

It's something I feel HORRIBLE about. Just HORRIBLE. No one ever talked to me about it. I thought it was abnormal for females.

Do other people have this awful shame about it?

With the masturbation issue, how does one know if it is being used to take away the anxiety or being used as an unhealthy thing? What is healthy and what isn't?

It's something I feel HORRIBLE about. Just HORRIBLE. No one ever talked to me about it. I thought it was abnormal for females.

Do other people have this awful shame about it?

With the masturbation issue, how does one know if it is being used to take away the anxiety or being used as an unhealthy thing? What is healthy and what isn't?

It's something I feel HORRIBLE about. Just HORRIBLE. No one ever talked to me about it. I thought it was abnormal for females.

Do other people have this awful shame about it?

You all are sooo brave.. Sex, is something that I would never bring up with T.. and probably turn red, if he brought it up himself. As far as the most embarrassing thing I have brought up.. Hmmm.. probably the fact that I used to SI.. that was shameful secret that only a few people knew about. Although, I am embarrassed everytime I talk about the things that panic me, b/c they seem so irrational to the outside observer.

We all tend to think that our thoughts can be irrational at times. I told my therapist that I didn't like pump lotions (lotions that you have to pump to get them out). That just came out of nowhere. She asked me what was it about them that I didn't like. Well, this opened a brand new can of worms! The reason I don't like them is because of something sexual that it brings to my mind. She actually guessed it. Holy cow! I couldn't believe she said what she did. But it sure did open up a good conversation that I feel was necessary to help me with some of my issues.

You have to understand that sexual issues is a huge part of why I am in therapy. Being able to finally talk about things is a major accomplishment for me. I have talked about them from a distant 3rd person point of view many times. But when I address them in first person, that is another story!

I am assuming if things start "falling off" or "scabbing over" you should stop.

Another time, T said something like "oh, you look pretty today" and then about ten minutes later, she was like "wait, you know I wasn't making a pass at you, right?" I about fell out of my chair! OF COURSE I knew she wasn't doing that-- I was shocked it could even cross her mind that could be a possible interpretation of what she said! This then led to us clarifying that there was no sexual attraction or tension between us. The way she said it was kind of hillarious. She told me what her type was (the opposite of what I am) and then she was like "but, I mean, you're very pretty, you're just not, I mean..."--- I stopped her and was like IT'S OKAY!!! You don't need to justify why I'm not your type! lol. T already knows what my type is (the opposite of what she is) so I didn't feel I needed to say a whole lot... I mean, I didn't want to say "gee, T, you're so awesome on the inside but outside... well....uh..." While this whole conversation was certainly awkward, it wasn't really embarrassing. I mean, the whole point was that we DON'T have embrassing feelings for each other... well, at least not embarrassing in a sexual way!

I have exactly this problem. My T is a beautiful person, but... She's OK to look at, but...

I can't tell her she's a beautiful woman, because her appearance is just not that special. I told her once that her hair was "a non-performing asset". (I feel really ashamed to write that down. How can I think that! Ungrateful wretch that I am!) So I tell her she is a wonderful woman instead.

I once took a picture of her. It shows nothing of what I see. In the photo she looks drab and nervous.

Appearance aint worth ****.

Other than sexual issues, are there any other embarrassing topics that come up?

I felt shame for the LONGEST time, WTH (I love abbreviating your name that way, hope you don't mind ). What helped me was having a husband who was completely open and easygoing about it. And then when I had kids and realized that I wanted them to feel comfortable about their bodies and their needs, that helped even more. When they were small and exploring, I just let them know, yeah, that's fun and it feels nice, but it's just something you do in private. As they got older, that was always the message - it's fine and good way to relieve stress; it's just something you do in private. Lock the door.

Other than sexual issues, are there any other embarrassing topics that come up?