Do you worry your therapist will get tired of seeing you?

Dec 25, 2011, 09:34 PM

I do. I have been in therapy for several years now and I know I have gotten better in some ways, but I still really, really struggle with severe self injury and eating disorders. He has told me he does NOT get frustrated with me, but he feels sad for me struggling. I am just afraid he'll one day say, "Ok, you should be fixed by now. Out the door and don't come back."

Does anyone else worry about this?

Dec 25, 2011, 10:05 PM

Yes I have that fear as well. In 2008 I was seeing a T til the beginning of 2010...she kept trying to force me to go to group therapy. I didn't want that...it made me uncomfortable. I took that as she didn't want to see me anymore.

Anyways I have a new T now & fear in due time she will feel there's no reason for us to see each other. I hope this isn't the case for any of us. Take Care <3

stopdog · Dec 25, 2011, 10:09 PM

No. They get paid to do a job, Sometimes jobs are boring or tedious etc. Whether I get better, change (in the way I want, not the ways a t might think should) or whatever - is my problem - not that of the t. They provide a service they get paid to do. It is not my job to be interesting, entertaining, change in ways I do not want to or even agree with them.

sweepy62 · Dec 25, 2011, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

I do. I have been in therapy for several years now and I know I have gotten better in some ways, but I still really, really struggle with severe self injury and eating disorders. He has told me he does NOT get frustrated with me, but he feels sad for me struggling. I am just afraid he'll one day say, "Ok, you should be fixed by now. Out the door and don't come back."

Does anyone else worry about this?

wow i thought i was the only one i am glad u posted this question, it was a yr last week that i been in therapy and i always ask her if she is bored of me she said no, but then i kept asking and she said i am not going down that road again lol

nicoleb2 · Dec 25, 2011, 10:24 PM

I wonder all the time about if my t is tired of me. I have been seeing her for 5 years. Life has been a rollercoaster in that time, unfortunately I am in one of the down times right now. I hope t doesn't get tired of me when she gets back from her vacation... she's gotta be tired of the same stuff all the time

Dec 25, 2011, 11:28 PM

I do have that fear sometimes...not as much as I used to, but still occasionally. It used to be a HUGE HUGE fear of mine.

It's kind of interesting that the longer I've been in therapy, the smaller that fear has become. Doesn't that seem kind of backwards? Maybe it's because that fear was based on things from my past...and I'm learning from T that in the present, it's okay for me to be there. Maybe?

I do ask T about it. I used to ask SO much that he would just throw it into phone messages, conversations, etc..."and no, I'm not going to refer you". I needed to hear it about 5485290579408 times and then EXPERIENCE not being sent away to even begin that he would let me stay.

You're definitely, definitely not alone.

crazycanbegood · Dec 25, 2011, 11:36 PM

Yes, especially when I was seeing T so often. Somehow we found things to talk about or the silence that occurred was comforting, not awkward. She claims that she has never been bore and will never tire of me.

delicatefade26 · Dec 25, 2011, 11:37 PM

ohh yes...a very familiar feeling for me-one of my scariest!! I have dreams where T has pawned me off onto someone else because he regretted taking me on as a client as soon as I started telling him all the things about me/my past...and all of the irrational emails and attempts to quit...yeah I have the hugest fear he will tire of me...but there is also a part of me that thinks/hopes/knows he is legit when he says he is not going anywhere...and damn he has proved me right every time so far...
I think it gets easier the longer in therapy I am...but yeah I know the feel

Chopin99 · Dec 25, 2011, 11:54 PM

I worried about this a few sessions ago and told T I was afraid she would abandon me. She assured me that the only way she would ever refer me to someone else was if there was a huge conflict of interest like I murdered her best friend and she knew there was nothing like that, so she wasn't ever going to leave me.

bluemountains · Dec 26, 2011, 12:09 AM

Yes, I feel that I am the most difficult client ever because I decided to go in this totally honest and there are times when I have to admit that I am not ready to go in the direction the T thinks I am ready for.
As a teacher, I have dreaded classes because of those one or two students, and I have a fear that I am that difficult person for my T. Since it is a private practice, I worry that she can drop me when she gives up on me.
All of you report to be in years instead of months, like me, so I hope that my T is willing to work through the many, many, many unexpected needs that seem to surface with every session.
Bluemountains

Dec 26, 2011, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweepy62

i always ask her if she is bored of me she said no, but then i kept asking and she said i am not going down that road again lol

Wow, if we lives closer I'd ask if we had the same T...lol.

beautiful.mess · Dec 26, 2011, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweepy62

wow i thought i was the only one i am glad u posted this question, it was a yr last week that i been in therapy and i always ask her if she is bored of me she said no, but then i kept asking and she said i am not going down that road again lol

Hahah, I like her response the second time.

I too am afraid he'll decide I don't need to be there and will tell me he doesn't think I need to schedule an appt. For a long while, I got seriously nervous about this every week. But now I have standing appts 3-4 weeks in advance so that helps me feel better. Kind of.

nannypat · Dec 26, 2011, 01:25 AM

Yes! I worry about that too.

confuseduk · Dec 26, 2011, 04:33 AM

I worry about that all the time. I hate being needy

Betty_Banana · Dec 26, 2011, 06:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautiful.mess

I have standing appts 3-4 weeks in advance so that helps me feel better.

That's what my T was doing too. And although it made me feel that he did want me to go back, at the same time it made me feel like I must really be screwed up for him to do that.

Seems like no matter what he does I can find something to stress over.

granite1 · Dec 26, 2011, 07:25 AM

i completely worry about that now.i use to not really care one way or another if i went and saw her.it was my doc and husband that insisted i go to a t i wanted nothing to do with it really .i had such a hard time talking to her at all but now i always worry that after three years of the same thing week after week she is going to tire of me and just not care.sometimes it feels like she already has.

Dec 26, 2011, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

It's kind of interesting that the longer I've been in therapy, the smaller that fear has become. Doesn't that seem kind of backwards? Maybe it's because that fear was based on things from my past...and I'm learning from T that in the present, it's okay for me to be there. Maybe?

This is SOO true if you're in a good therapy relationship and it shows that you are growing. One word: Trust.

Dec 26, 2011, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I'm learning from T that in the present, it's okay for me to be there.

If I am able to focus on how he responds to me in T, how he lets me know he is thinking about me before or outside of T, the tenderness and understanding he shows to me, then I feel it's okay for me to be there.

When he reminds me of my own goals that I've written down, and how I want to be done in a year from last spring, then not so much. I know intellectually that he's trying to help me do what I want to do, but my emotionally stagnant self accuses him of trying to push me out the door.

Anne

pachyderm · Dec 26, 2011, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I do ask T about it. I used to ask SO much that he would just throw it into phone messages, conversations, etc..."and no, I'm not going to refer you". I needed to hear it about 5485290579408 times and then EXPERIENCE not being sent away to even begin that he would let me stay.

Sending away is what the mother does, not the T.

beautiful.mess · Dec 26, 2011, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost_In_Thought

That's what my T was doing too. And although it made me feel that he did want me to go back, at the same time it made me feel like I must really be screwed up for him to do that.

Seems like no matter what he does I can find something to stress over.

Oh I know! That's the flip side of the coin that I failed to mention. Yeah. Well, the whole standing appt thing came about because he had to leave one day for an emergency and didn't come back until after a week later. I was on my way out the door for my appt when I got the phone call. It freaked me out how needy and unstable I felt. I mean, emergencies come up, and I KNEW that I'd see him again and everything.....but I felt like a little kid and felt like I was jumping off the deep end. When I finally was able to see him again, I talked about it and that felt nice to get it all out and inform him, *until* it dawned on me that now he knew, OFFICIALLY, how needy I was (and that was really only the tip of the iceberg). I have had a standing appt ever since.

So yeah, darned if you do....darned if you don't.

Betty_Banana · Dec 26, 2011, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautiful.mess

So yeah, darned if you do....darned if you don't.:

That's for sure.

I was having a hard time with my appointments always being on different days and at different times each week. It made me feel anxious. I need structure and routine.

I finally spoke up. I told him how anxious it makes me. And I have had a standing appointment since then.

I got what I wanted, yet then I felt like I must really be screwed up to have a standing appt.

*sigh*

Dec 26, 2011, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. They get paid to do a job, Sometimes jobs are boring or tedious etc. Whether I get better, change (in the way I want, not the ways a t might think should) or whatever - is my problem - not that of the t. They provide a service they get paid to do. It is not my job to be interesting, entertaining, change in ways I do not want to or even agree with them.

The thing with the NHS is that they will stop seeing you if you 'don't get with the programme'. Besides you only get allotted such a small amount of sessions eg 20 max, which isn't always enough, especially when you have to wait over a year to get to see a T (so if you were a so-called 'simple' case you'd likely have improved by that time and get taken off the list).

I've been thinking a lot about therapy since my last session, and I figured that the reason I'm so fake in session (there's an interesting thread about this topic in the depression forum) is because I'm so scared of him not liking me and wanting to stop seeing me, like most of the others, so I protect myself and try and minimise this by being all fake and jokey. (And yes, I will be bringing this up with T at my next session)

*Willow*

pachyderm · Dec 26, 2011, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

The thing with the NHS is that they will stop seeing you if you 'don't get with the programme'.

Some treatment programs are like that in the US too. They see you as "less" and in need of being kept in line, or you may escape their control. They seem to need you to be in (their) control, which is not a good prognosis for successful outcomes, it seems to me. Maybe there are other programs (or programmes

) that would be better?

stopdog · Dec 26, 2011, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

The thing with the NHS is that they will stop seeing you if you 'don't get with the programme'. Besides you only get allotted such a small amount of sessions eg 20 max, which isn't always enough, especially when you have to wait over a year to get to see a T (so if you were a so-called 'simple' case you'd likely have improved by that time and get taken off the list).

I've been thinking a lot about therapy since my last session, and I figured that the reason I'm so fake in session (there's an interesting thread about this topic in the depression forum) is because I'm so scared of him not liking me and wanting to stop seeing me, like most of the others, so I protect myself and try and minimise this by being all fake and jokey. (And yes, I will be bringing this up with T at my next session)

*Willow*

I am sorry the nhs does this. It sounds quite a rough way to handle mental health.