What is is the wildest thing you ever asked?????

Yeah I think so! LOL unless I heard it somewhere before but only think I made it up!

I don't think it has anything to do with manners. I think it has to do with boundaries; understanding your own, understanding other people's.

A lot of people are in therapy because we did not get unconditional support or love as children. And when people do get unconditional support for the first time, I think they're thrown off kilter. It's not that they don't have any manners, it's just intoxicating to be able to ask or say WHATEVER YOU WANT, and no one is going to "be mad at you."

It's natural for people want to explore the limits of a new found space. Having the freedom to say whatever ridiculous thing you want and not be told that you are "bad" for it can seem strange.

Once people get used to the idea that the support is not going anywhere, I think it will be easier for them to stop asking their inappropriate questions.

I think it's pretty much either "testing the waters" to see if the support waivers,

or

people with erotic transference attempting to get to "know" their Ts.

Either way, a good T will redirect the conversation back to the client, but be supportive and understanding, not angry/annoyed/frustrated.

T told me I could ask him anything I wanted & that it was his responsibilty to tell me what he wasn't willing to answer. If I had a burning desire to ask him something, I would ask. I figure it's another opportunity for him to learn what makes me tick.

For good or for bad I'm getting triggered into wanting to ask my T the questions I've been thinking about.

I think it's important to ask T the questions that you have, even if it's regarding their sex life. Not that they would answer, they would most likely redirect and talk about sexuality, what's healthy, what most people do. But I think if it's being thought about, it needs to be talked about why that is.

I can tell you I do not answer the questions that are directed specifically at my actions. Why? Because what I do or don't do should not impact what my client does, and sometimes it does if we answer.

On the flip side, any question my inner kid has asked my T, she normalizes and they talk about why they want to know.

I definitely answer the general questions often! Sex can come up a lot in the therapy room, and people voice where they have confusion, problems with their spouse, problems with performance, uncomfortable feelings with certain acts that they want to perform, etc. We talk about why all that is, etc.

these questions just made me laugh out loud.

i do NOT ask my T ANY personal questions. i'd be terrified too! eep.

this fascinates me. i can NEVER EVER imagine talking about anything closely related to sex. EVER. which is unfortunate because i definitely have issues around it. the thought of talking about it in therapy gives me the heebie jeebies.

One of the funniest moments we've had in therapy involved a discussion about oral sex. I had a really emotionally abusive boyfriend in college and at some point decided if I were better at that particular skill, he would be less concerned about me not being as thin as he thought he deserved in a girlfriend. So I got a friend of mine who is a gay male who ONLY does oral to teach me how to do it better. I told this story to my T during a discussion about past relationships and said, "does that sound bizarre?". T's reply, "no, I think you're brilliant." then kinda muttered under his breath, "but maybe that's my personal thing." or something like that and we both cracked up.

When I worked for the Stae of Florida I asked a client in front of his mom if he was gay.......reason....I figured he was and there were some excellent programs I could find for him if he was.....it was maybe an" oops" as I don't think he was out to his mother...live and learn I say

I am reminded that I asked my T if she had a boyfriend. When she said yes, I asked if she loved him. She said she did. Then I asked if he loved her. She laughed, "He better." Sadly, they have since broken up.

I can't choose
- things regarding his divorce- why, who's idea it was, if he cheated or if his wife did. Then some remarks about his second wife's age (10 years younger)
- regarding sex- Have he ever slept with his client (like he's going to tell me ) Forced a women to have sex with him. Experimented with his sexual orientation...

Some I have asked because I was mad at him and was trying to hurt him. Some were serious.
Come to think of it the most awkward question was: Did he ever felt sexual attraction towards his own daughter.
God I am messed up.

Anilam, I don't think your questions are messed up. You were checking to see if he was safe. I asked T if he ever yelled at someone or hit them (because that's happened to me, and I worry!). I felt stupid asking, because like you said, if he had, why would he admit it? He answered in depth though and I felt more reassured.

Kacey, I love your T's response here, and the way you describe it so vividly. I love how he 'thinks aloud'- showing you his mindful observation of his own reaction, and his skilful response to that, like getting grounded. It seems like a very subtle and respectful way to model something which over time you could copy without even realising- developing that narrative in your head which steps back and mindfully notices 'wow, I'm having a really strong reaction here...' and then skilfully deciding to ground yourself.

That was my question to t, too.

This thread is definitely interesting. It makes me not feel so alone and insane that I think about stuff like this. I want to ask her alot of personal things, but I don't. One time when were talking about sex and I wanted to deflect (take the focus off of me), I asked her, "Well, how is YOUR sex life?" I don't think she liked me saying that. Her response was, "Really? You are going to go that far to distance yourself from talking about you?"

I can't remember if that is exactly what she said, but it was similar to that. Later in the session, I came back to her response and asked her why she said that. She gave me her normal response, "This is your session. It is about YOU. Not about me. Your question to me is not going to help YOU. It is only going to keep you from working through the issues we are working on. I want you to stay focused on YOU, not on me. I am not mad or upset with you. I just want to make sure you don't keep deflecting when you get to a topic that you are uncomfortable talking about."

I don't know squiggs......... sounds like she was deflecting to me!

I guess you could say that she was deflecting the conversation away from her. But, that's her job. To keep me focused on me, and not on her. If I had my way, we would talk about her all the time! It's not like I don't know that much about her. I actually know alot about her. Maybe not about her sex life, but about other things.

I have a need to 'know' my therapist. I want to know all about her! She knows that I tend to do this every chance I get. She can tell when I am going overboard with my questions about her so that I can stop focusing on me. That's when she knows that there is something that I need/want to talk about, but I am struggling with bringing it up.

Sometimes I get the urge to say something silly. Usually I don't say it. But I think T would prefer to hear it.

I once told T she had Hitler's eyes. Where did that come from? And how does that help our relationship? Stupid and hurtful thing to say!

Do you know where it came from? Have you two talk about it?
And could you tell me what you meant by it?
Given my family history I would never use that collocation but it might be different for you. Hitler had a very strange eyes...

I guess the weirdest thing I've ever asked T was if she'd show me her head (she was bald from chemo). She lifted her wig a little, then said, "If I take it off, will you freak out?" I told her no, so she showed it to me in all it's shiny glory.

I asked last week if her hair was growing back and she asked me, "Wanna see?" So she took her wig off and showed me. She told me I couldn't comment on her gray hair. She's already asked if she can dye it even though she's still wearing the wig. She's got a "thing" about gray hair. She said as long as there is hair color, she will never go gray and if it ever gets outlawed, she'll buy it on the black market.

I once asked my T if she had seen a specific TV show as I was going to talk about my reaction to something that happened and wanted to know how much background information I needed to give on the show. She had seen it so I didn't need to give much information. Other than that, I haven't asked many questions.

Devil's advocate here but is it really such a bonus to be "open" about other people's private stuff???

I asked my T once..how it is being a T with children. I was in a really bad mood that day so I asked her .. "How do you deal with your own kids? Do you mess with their head and then analyze them? She just stared at me in dis belief. I apolgized afterwards for being so harsh. Thats probably the worse or most wild thing I asked my T.

MKAC this made me LOL! Ok I don't feel so bad now~! Thanks.

Oh, what did he say to the last question? I think that is a good one to ask about. I am sure he would deny no matter what.