she does hate me

You're triggered and in pain. Maybe I should just hug you.





That's the maximum dose allowed by law.

i have been so detached from everything inmy life.i have been so completely numb.why am i crying so uncontrolable and feeling like i am the worst humanbeing in the world because my T move my chair in the corner.

and it isn't just moved a few inches it has been moved about three feet away against the wall and away from her and so close to that damn corner

i'm sorry ill be better tomorrow

Please try to step back and take a look at what you're doing to yourself here, granite. You are jumping to conclusions instead of being direct and asking T. You are punishing yourself.

It's important that you understand your process - as you know that it is affecting you deeply.

Maybe your T is intentionally provoking you in order to get a response out of you...Maybe she is frustrated with you...Maybe she was sarcastic. MAYBE it's out of care for you and wanting you to make progress....

But until you call her on it, you will not know....and instead, you are torturing yourself with what you are assuming.

I understand that it's SO hard....but I feel so awful when you're in such pain.

(((( HUGS ))))

my husband just said if he finds me still crying tomorrow morning that he is going to bring me to the clinic .i know he means well but i hate the doc there all he does if dope me up so ill calm down .i dont want to go there so i need to be better bye the morning.stupid stupid stupid chair

Don't be sorry.

I promise you, I'm not angry with you.

I agree.

I don't believe this for a moment.

Granite, this is the T who sat with you through months of silence and eventual won your trust.
I can't believe she would hurt you deliberately.
It must be a misunderstanding.

Only this morning I cleared up a misunderstanding with my own T that had lasted for two years simply because I didn't raise it any earlier. (See my post about the email ban that never was!)

I hope you feel better in the morning granite. I'm so worried about you.

granite you are triggered like you have been in the past about T, about talking, not talking, other things.

Please try to remember how those other times turned out, and what they have in common with how you are feeling now: You've decided something is happening and you are responding to your own thoughts right now - you haven't had the opportunity yet to check this out with T. Just like you would want her to clarify something with you, she will be wanting you to clarify with her.

I cannot see how offering water and mints could be mean. Maybe she is feeling bit sick (hence water, dry mouth... and being bit off).

Granite, it seems you are projecting your dislike of yourself into another people. You interpret as little not important thing as "she doesn't like me". I don't think that if she wanted to be mean, she would show it with moving chairs... did you tell her that it bothers you? You need to talk about this, why do you expect others to hate you.

Thinking of you today Granite.

my husband finely left for work.i stayed in my room untill he left.i'm not crying any more so i guess it is ok.

thanks for being here for me lastnight everyone.i wish i had friends like you all IRL but i guess i would burn them out being like i am lol.thank you all

Hi Granite,

I would guess that your reaction to your t is not based on the reality of the situation. I don't mean that you are lying. The strong feelings and deep pain you are feeling are real! But the way you are interpreting your t's feelings and actions are most likely not accurate.

You are guessing about the reasons why your t did what she did, and said what she did. And your guesses (she's mean, sarcastic, and hates you) don't fit who you are finding her to be as a person over time. The way you are describing her sounds more like your mother.

I think the chair location triggered you, and your strong pain and reactions are due to that. It brought up all your pain about how your mom treated you. And so, being lost in that old pain, you assumed your t was being the same way your mom had been toward you.

I have done similar things like this in my therapy, and it can be really, really hard to see the clear picture of what's going on when all that old pain gets stirred up! It's like the present and the past get all mixed up.

Please talk to your t about this. I think it's really important for you to get clarification about what her behaviors meant. . .and also to remind her that the chair location is potentially triggering for you--and why.

I am sorry it was so bad for you. Try to tell her.

Hi Granite,

I hope you aren't mad at me for saying you might have interpreted your t's behavior wrong. I think you are such a nice person, and i really like you. And i SOOOOO want you to have a good experience with your t, and to realize through your interactions with her, over time, that there really are people in this world who truly care about you, and who don't want to hurt you. It sounds like your t might be this person, but you are just really, really scared to believe in because of all the times you've thought somebody cared, only to get terribly hurt!!

I can relate with much of what you say in your posts.

So sorry you had such a bad session, granite. I do feel that T should attend to her own needs (drinks, mints etc) in between sessions, and she should certainly give you the full time that you pay for. I feel all that time should be about you- however you choose to use it. But I don't think any of this means that she hates you, and the others' advice about asking T about it is probably very sensible.

I hope you start to feel better very soon. Do you have ways to soothe yourself or lift your mood? I know you are fab at crafty stuff!

OK hi all.and thank you for being such a voice of reason in a somewhat unreasonable state of mind feeling really bad about my temper tantrum last night.sorry.

this morning i am going to try and reason things out some.

i know she wasn't acting like she usually does
fact..
she was 10 min late she is usually only about 5
she never leaves the office after i am in there
she was very sarcastic
the chair was moved even further away.
she didn't make up the time at the end of session.

all these things have made me convinced that she is so angry or at the least very frustrated with me.no she doesn't hate me .hate is strong and i don't think i have done so much for her to hate me.

she could have just stooped at my mouth is dry when she got her mints.she didn't need to add my mouth is dry from all the talking that we are doing.how can i not feel she is frustrated with me.knowing i wasn't able to even think about opening my mouth.

kind of reminded me of how a parent would treat a child who is having a temper tantrum but i wasn't having a temper tantrum.i was just sitting there. it seemed she had the attitude if i wasn't going to talk she had other things she wanted to do.and ignored me.like leaving to get water,getting her mints. her sarcasm about talking. this mixed in with her moving the chair and my already being convinced that she was going to hate me and be horrible because of the session before was way to overwhelming.my head and thoughts were screaming and i didn't know what to do or how to fix it.

the chair
Fact it was moved..

my reality is that she moved it.for the past few weeks it has been moved further and further away and closer to the wall and closer to the corner.
i truly believe it is my T that is moving it but reality is i don't know why without asking her.i cant see a client moving the chair so far back and also moving the waste basket also.and if my T moved the basket she would do so only if the client needed it to throw used tissue away.if that were the case there would be tissues and there were no tissues so if T had time to empty basket she had time to move chair back.
now this was my reasoning for knowing it was T who moved the chair.

did she move it because she wanted me away from her i don't know maybe not because it makes no sense.i don't know if i did anything to warrant that.without asking i wont know. but i do feel this way down to my core.

is she just moving furniture around because she prefers the chair there possibly.especially because the basket was moved also.they do kind of go together.what i cant understand and what makes no sense to me is if it isn't because she wants me away from her and in the corner .why does she want all her clients so far away from her and so close to the corner

so my reality is i do believe she is very frustrated with me right now .yesterday it felt like the world came crashing down AGAIN .what i need to try and keep under control is the fact that i am here and i am OK so someone is frustrated at me maybe even furious at me.someone i care about .but does this mean the world is going to end.yes it hurts unbelievably so.and i am terrified because of it but i am still here and i am OK.

not at all i could never be mad at anyone here and you may be right i dont know why and it probibly isn't what i think and believe me i know i need to hear that a lot at times

Maybe the client before her really triggered or upset her and it is this client that is moving the chair?

I like your work that someone is upset with you but you are still okay! I like that a lot! (Even though she might not be upset, still this is a good skill to build).

It is good you can recognize you are okay even if someone is frustrated or angry. I think talking to the therapist about whether she is those things or not might be useful. I am sorry if I missed it, but does she know about the chair and how it bothers you? I ask only because the one I see moves back away from the client to be less threatening. I myself would want the chair as far away from the therapist as possible so if there was a movable chair (the one I see has a stupid couch) - I would move it far away.

a very rough floor plan of T office and the chair moving thing if interested
http://forums.psychcentral.com/album...ictureid=23934

Can you call or email her and tell her that the chair being moved into the corner has triggered you a lot?

no i'm not sure if she knows the chair thing is so triggering.i havnt said anything(i know I knowi'm hopeless)the problem is she is doing it not me and that stupid stupid corner.and it all feels so so punishing.

What is the problem you have with the chair in corner?

Because... if I can speak for me, having space behind my back makes me edgy. So i can see why somebody would move it to the place where it is, to feel safe. Not to be in the view upon somebody entering the door and feel "protected" and not exposed.

Obviously for you the assotiation is the opposite. But your T cannot know unless you tell her.

i could call her but she wouldnt get the message untill tuesday and i see her wednsday.that was even if i could even muster up the words to say to her