Couch number 33!!!!!

Sila - were you watching any violent movies before hand?

Nope...I refuse to watch them because I know i'm sensitive. Only thing graphic I've seen lately is watching someone play a game called 'Heavy Rain' and watching my bf play a FPS game called 'Golden eye'. But that was days ago/weeks ago and not enough to do much..

Scary enough just a week ago my bf woke up in a panic because he had a dream that I had been shot. What the heck. I'm just going to stay inside the house all day every day until therapy, go there, and then come back and repeat. @_@

Sitting outside T's office in my car and thinking about drivig away. Seriously, what's the point? What is the effing point? I give up.

I agree Jersey, I am thinking the same thing today. New T time?

Lola.... used to call it my bubble world... where anything I didn't want to face could not enter it... it would be as if it never happened... the best thing that ever happened to me was when that bubble burst...

I would definitely take that approach at work or with people who don't matter.... hope you can find a way to deal with it in T

Lola, how is work going today?

In regards to work and my transition back, Today is great. My boss and the office hag are out til Monday. Not good , not bad just here. I am processing some tough truths about the situation, allowing myself to see the hurt I caused others and attempting to wrap my brain around this, while mindlessly hacking away at meaningless task. Thanks for asking.

I don't think so necessarily. He's probably wondering how he failed you. Not trying to crowd you or rush you into anything one way or the other. What does impulsive action buy you? What would Jerry Jones do? Seems to me like you don't want to sit with the painful results of your decisions, or be anywhere near them. I can totally relate to that. Italians say, "If you stay, you burn. If you run, they shoot you." You can't stop it from hurting. Why do you think I turned into a lonely old hag? Answer: cuz I didn't want to risk getting hurt again. I didn't think I could stand it. Until you rebuild your resources, maybe you can't. I guess it depends how resilient you are? How many things hit you at once? And then, how much good support you have.

had to do damage control today. i have this acquaintance that seems to have attached herself to me for some reason to get herself involved kind of in the local scrapbook community. she just seems to have no boundaries and it is hurting me.

i have gotten to be friends with this woman who runs classes at this scrap booking store and she has asked me to join her group of people who get together once a month and make artist trading cards. they are very talented people and i am honored to be included in this bunch. anyway this acquaintance of mine also knows this scrap booking store and woman who runs the classes and has been trying to get involved and be active in this particular community. the problem is that the woman who teaches the classes does not like this person at all. .at the time i didn't even know they knew each other until she showed up at the store once when i was attending an event.
i guess ever sense she saw that i am involved in this community she seems to have attached herself to me . today i found out that she called the store and asked my friend if she and i could join the artist trading group she was running. this is a free group that you need to be invited to join it isn't for the public. i had already been asked to join. but this person was using me to try and get involved. she seems to have no boundaries. she never even asked me if it was OK. she even was expecting that i would drive 1/2 hour out of my way to pick her up and bring her. none of this was ever discussed with me at all. i just got a pm on face book saying she had talked to my friend about us joining the group. my thought i told her about the group and that she could join .i did not i know they don't like her and am now starting to see why. she has no boundaries at all. i am so worried ill be ousted by this community if she keeps it up. my friend said not to worry but it feels like crap all around .something i was so happy to be involved with. now i know why i just want to hide in my scrap room and not get involved. people are mean

It's like I took 7 days off. I am exactly where I was only now people are hurt. I can't win for losing.... the Unit Shrink actually said, " if it weren't for bad luck, you would have no luck at all. " , as he read my file. Who says that? Then he proceeded to tell me the reason my voice was so deep was due to my past substance abuse. Hello.... Did I ask you for your opinion on my voice.... uhh I hate Shrinks!

run Granite run......... Maybe she will chase you with scissors in her hand , then trip?

AHHHHH!!! I hate it when the computer doesn't do what I want it to!!!!!

I will and I understand. I don't wanna talk about it anymore... Ill be in the corner, eating ice cream watching the live kitty stream. , kitty cam as its blocked by the man.

hey jersey did you go to T? how did it go/

Yeah Jersey How was T?

Hi Granite and Lola thanks for asking. After T, I decided to not go home. I came and parked in the parking lot of a playground and been here ever since. I don't wanna go home. She told me to leave H alone about work, not react and don't say anything to him and maybe it will spark enough anxiety in him to get moving. She wished me luck. We talked about emotions from last week. She told me I sell myself way too short. She told me she thought a lot about me. There was more.. But it's hard. I'm here, I survived the job crisis last time and I'll survive it again. I told her I wonder if H wants out and wants to lose the condo so he can get away from me and blame it on work. So.. I can't say another word to him about it. Just go about my life like nothing changed and leave him to figure it out.

She thinks H pulls back and puts a wall up when I react-kind of like a level of stubbornness like a child. That's one reason why she wants me to not bring it up.

Interesting, I guess it worth a shot as you know how you reacting works.

I guess we will see. So basically this is me, still only putting my portion of money towards the bills, getting H's from him-He's gotta figure out where to get it. And basically keeping my T sessions. Just going about life as I normally would and not hounding H to look for a job.

I never know how to respond to posts like this.

I've been unemployed, and that sucked.

But I can't honestly say I've ever been without a paddle. In the darkest days of 2009 my MIL paid our mortgage for three months, and we've since paid her back. Our savings and our credit card covered the other necessities.

In principle, you have as much right to be sick as a full-time employee. But reality isn't as simple as that, is it?

Asking to come in a different day seems like a good compromise.

It's so bitter cold today. I took the dogs out this am and when I came back in, I got dizzy, threw up and blacked out. It's too cold today.

Um, Jersey, dizzy and blacking out are not side effects of the cold. Dizzy and blacking out were what happened to me when I was restricting my intake of food way too much. Please take care.

Thanks MKAC-it's really hard.

I think I'm gonna leave the playground parking lot and drive home now. Been sitting here since I left T's.

I just read this on a blog I like, and because it's something I'm working on right now, I thought I'd share. I know it's long, but it really spoke to me.

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to criticize, or regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can do.
To let go is to fear less, and to love more.
Author - Louise Hay