Couch number 33!!!!!

OK this isn't really an excuse per say but it was one of the stupidest things my ex ever expected me to believe.

i guess he was out drinking and doing drugs all night or something but came home at like 4 am and was out of it and said i really F ed up and fell asleep.i didn't think much of it,except that i was angry i didn't know ware he was all that time .i had called the hospitals and police stations because he had a habit of getting himself arrested and stuff. he was no place. anyway
the next morning when he gets up i wanted to go out someplace so i packed up my son and we walked out to the car .it had the drivers side front end smashed in and the side all scraped up and dented in. it had 3 flat tires .not just flat but only rims left with tire rubber hanging off it.(I'm not kidding) he must have driven it a long way like that. anyway when confronted with this he simply said i don't know. it must have happened after i got home and did i mention it has parked between two cars that were off the road and never moved. but of course someone hit it after he got home. what did i ever see in that looser lol

Granite..that certainly tops that my H doesn't look for a job on Monday's because he can't read the computer with his glasses on and needs his contacts. LOL

i don't know about that .that is by far the most ridiculous excuse i have ever heard lol .i would have slapped the wanted adds from the newspaper in front of him or his contact lenses . i could not have held my composure at all

See you later folks. Busy day gotta go watch a friends kid till 11, T at 12..seeing a friend after that. Wont be home till 3 or so. at least I'll be busy.

Good thing he was not here..or I would have punched him. I'm pretty sure..I would have punched him dead in the face. lol

have a fun day jersey.

god knows i know it is hard to be job hunting and it is hell on your self esteem . but if he could at least try to deal instead of come up with excuses. i would respect him saying god it is hard to do and it sucks and i just hate doing it because it makes me feel like crap when i can't find something. that i could work with.

Granite, you make a good point....I know, for me, it's been extremely difficult to put myself out there and look for a job. It's hard to sell yourself, especially when dealing with self-esteem issues. Being faced with losing everything I have is a good motivator though.

I gave the office a heads up that I will be in a little late today and will not be staying long. Eff it. I am in too much pain for this. Ugh.

Hey all...
Granite, I'd have flipped out. You have a good point about the job hunt though.
Jersey, you H really needs a kick in the asses. Good luck with t.
Nightlight, Apt - how was T?
MUE- sorry your in pain again
(((Lola))) good to have you back

I have a busy day. My niece has pneumo, and I am watching her. Supposed to take mother to the heart doc too. She is going on and on about how she thinks she is loosing her mind and something has to be done. Blah blah blah. I keep telling her it's a heart guy not a brain guy. She's fine, crazy like a fox. Old bat. I just need to figure out what to do with the niece because she is sick and old people at the heart doc are weak.

Thinking...

i hear you MUE. i am not working at this point either and have done nothing to find a job and have no interest in putting myself out there. people are mean and i just don't trust anyone. when i was working at a grocery store i wan miserable and always in crisis and having problems.i just cant bring myself to do it for any length of time.i have so much great respect for those who go to work and deal every day.because i cant do it. i use to be on ssi but stopped it when i got married . my husband has said i don't have to work but he does want me to be doing something.i think that is a big issue for him and is getting worse. i don't blame him, i should be doing something other then hiding in my home and craft room. i hope someday i will see some worth in most people but for now i am safe at home.

Healed - I've found I am most content when I am able to find joy in the everyday things. Cooking is one of the easiest for me because I enjoy doing it. I have to go to work now, but I can PM you later if you'd like.

Thanks for asking Wiki. A crazy roller coaster ride. I don't understand why T gives up on me (she says she doesn't, but really some of the things she's said ) when I'm trying my hardest and then when things fall apart, completely, totally, when there is no hope left...she listens to me and hears what I need. Since the first bad session I've had many times when she's heard me during one session, but then the one afterwards was so awful. So, she heard me today. Heard that I couldn't finish in 50 minutes after four years. We have three more appointments scheduled, though there will be three weeks when she's away in between two of them. I have no idea anymore. It means so much to me and I needed it not to finish in the way it seemed to be finishing...but perhaps it will still end like that. Hard to know what to expect next week. If the pattern since last October is anything to go by, I'll arrive back thinking there's a little hope, I'll be ready to work hard...and it will all fall apart again. Each time it does...worse things are said. Anyway, I'm rambling. It's a confusing mess. She didn't call me through until 10 minutes late (normal for her, but not since we've been dealing with such difficult stuff). So I guess for the first time in weeks, she made sure I had a very strict 50 minutes, despite the fact that she thought it was my last session. I was a shaking mess by the time she called me through. The wait, after predicting so much awfulness was just too much. Ugh.

Apt, I've been wondering how you got on too.

Originally Posted by healed84
Hey couch...
Anybody have advice on how to be content and stay content in your life? I need to be content/happy in the life that I have

If you ever find the answer to this question, please let me know too.

BTW.. I am going to pretend that last week never happened, as I don't know what to do with it.... Mulligan!

Morning all! Yesterday was my busiest day in the last week and a half. LOL. I worked part of the day, fed the horses AND went to a religion class with my son. I was wiped out. Next year, I may risk the big reaction and go ahead and get the flu shot.

My husband was making me crazy this morning. We have separate blankets because I get REALLY cold and he gets hot, but then when he's chilled, he cocoons himself in the blanket and completely steals it from me. So, this morning, he flips up my nice warm comforter, letting in cold air, to get under with me and snuggle, even though I'm looking at the 'net on my phone. So I look at the phone a little longer because I'm crabby he made me cold, and then he starts sighing these great huge gushing sighs, blowing his morning breath/onion breath from last night in my face. So I put the phone down and arrange the snuggling so he cannot breathe in my face and then he rolls over, with his back to me, like he's going back to sleep. Okay. I wait a while, and then pick up the phone again and he immediately rolls back over and tries snuggling again. WTF? ARE YOU FIVE YEARS OLD? IS THE PHONE A MAGNET? WTF? Back to huge sighs even after I put the phone down. bleah. Then he gets up and makes me breakfast, which he knows I love. ???? so confused.

Healed and LC - I first believe there is a difference in being contented in the life you have (not envious of others, not unhappy with status, accepting yourself and others, not being pushed around or abused, making choices that are for yourself and not for others (I do not mean choosing to gamble because you find it fun versus feeding the children - but choosing to let yourself count and get help and be happy sorts of things) etc) with my situation is not what I want but changing it is too X (scary, I don't deserve it, I don't count, I have to sacrifice for others etc) - I believe the first is attainable but not the second. The latter is, to me, like trying to fit the square peg in the round hole by pounding it in and saying it fits once the peg is wedged in. I don't think the second works and is how people wake up in the 50s or 60s with a large number of regrets and unhappiness.

sorry about your morning breathe experience MKAC, that is not in the vows! At least you got breakfast??? SD- I'm not gonna worry about it any more, let the cards fall where they may.

The only year I had a flu shot I ended up with the worst flu I've ever had, not in reaction to the shot, but later that season. So annoying. I worked in the health sector at the time though (seeing lots of people with colds and flu), so I did tend to catch everything.

Have a good one everyone. It's after 4am and I have to get up early. I'm off to attempt sleep. I haven't been doing very well with it lately.

MKAC i got breath spray and i know how to use it lol

Thanks for asking, wikid - it was the first time I've cried in T, and it was rather embarrassing. Thing is, today is my father's birthday, and yesterday was the two-year anniversary of his funeral, so I am a bit emotional today.

Other than that, it was good. This is a slow process. I'm saying a lot of things, and T doesn't necessarily react, and I don't really feel any particular direction in therapy right now... but I know that some things have changed, I do realise that I trust T more, I dare to say things to him I would not have dared to say a few months ago ("I was worried that when I said X you would respond with Y and I'm glad you didn't", for instance - I would never have been that forward with T when I started seeing him.) I did bring up a few things that have been worrying me a bit in therapy - including the language question. I've been imagining that T would prefer me to switch languages, but he doesn't mind either way.

I was feeling rather hungover after the session, but right now I'm ok. Not great, but ok. I've visited dad's grave and lit a candle there this afternoon.

Also, the kittencam Rainbow_Rose linked to - I loves it.

Oh, and I feel like the world's least supportive wingless bird right now. I read everything people write in the couch thread, more or less, but my time and energy resources are a bit limited at this point in my life.

((((( Apt )))))

you are always very supportive.

Agree - this is very Abraham Lincolnish, but count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. The time with your kids won't last long. You made a commitment to them. But does this mean you have to stay in that church? I'm with Randy Travis on this one - you can always find a better class of losers to hang out with! (I'm a big Randy Travis fan, who knew?!)

((APT))) I just went thru that a bit. My dad's death anniversary was in Dec., his b-day was Jan 5...lots of memories in a short span, it's bombarding every year. You are always supportive, it's quite alright to pull back when needed.

Healed - I think I find peace and contentment in loving and receiving at the same moment. Just grasping the little wisps of time that come by me. It's weird and stupid that I find those more now than before, because I realize how short time is. Please don't take that as preachy, I honestly don't mean it to be, it's just that when it's mandatory to find those moments somehow you do. I wish for you to have a few today.

I want the video of granite spraying Mr. MKAC. Cuddles with morning breath...ick. What'd ya get for breakfast? This morning I had some steamed millet with pom seeds and a bit of raw sugar. It was good.

That was...a crazy dream...

Warning: graphic, violent, guns:

--------
I don't even remember where I was at or what I was doing, but some kid shot me in the head in my dream. It felt 'real' as in there was pressure and a leaking sensation. I was comforted by someone and we decided I should go to the hospital. But no one thought to call 911 or anything, so I was left to try and walk there on my own. My bf had to go and get my insurance card at home, I hopped on the bus and tried to ask people if anyone could drive me to the hospital. Obviously not thinking straight..lol
I end up going inside a mall or something still trying to find someone to take me there when the shooter comes back and aims for me again, but he has a different gun this time. I use my hands to block and it feels like pinpricks, so I keep running and people manage to distract him or something.
Eventually my bf comes back and I had to tell my mom I got shot in the head...that was not pleasant. She freaked out and I had to explain I was still walking around, I could still see straight, I should be fine. Bf comes in saying he contacted a Dr and they're very worried about me...

And then I wake up, and my T calls me not even 5 minutes later to check in.

How is she able to do this??