[Paige008]

I know that I am in therapy for a reason and I understand that I am not how normal people are.

But, for the first time ever, my T described me as 'sick'. We were talking about my relationship with my mother and how if one is 'sick', the other stays 'sick'. She asked if I stopped being 'sick', what would happen to my mother and vice versa.

I understand the point she was making about my relationship with my mother, but she still called me 'sick'...a couple times.

Again, I know that there is a lot of **** in my head that's wrong. For some reason though, it really hurt when she said that. Now I can't get it off of my mind.

I guess I didn't realize that other people knew that something was wrong, even if it is my T. Maybe you all will read this and think 'duh! dumbass - what did you think you were in therapy for' and I totally agree with your response. Having someone call you 'sick' though, no one has ever done that, and it wasn't expected.

Does that make any sense? I don't know if I even understand it. Has anyone else felt like this before?

[precious things]

It is unnerving to hear. With my last T I said something to the effect about being a pathetic woman and T said, " I don't think you are pathetic. I think you are a tragic woman". It stung a bit and I occasionally go back to that comment in my head. I don't want to be tragic, much less have anyone view me that way. Sigh....

[unaluna]

That's pretty judgmental and hard to hear. Is your T new? I think my T stays away from using words like that, except when he goes off on a riff about my mother. But that's been after several years and he just looks frustrated and possessed when he does it. But me, he always says I'm fine. Which is kind of ridiculous, really.

It may have something to do with your perception of the word sick. What other words do you associate with "sick"? I bet if you talk to T , she may find a more suitable word for what she was trying to say.

[healed84]

My T has said stuff like.. Now, that truly is something somebody who is mentally ill would say or That is one of the craziest things I have heard. However, I think he is careful to call me mentally ill or crazy. However, what your T mentioned.. I think is maybe a powerful insight. We don't go to T because we are "well" we go to t b/c we are "sick." We need help, and I don't think it is a stupid realization to have. I think it is a crucial one. Even, if we do go to T thinking that something is wrong, I think we all have a moment of Holy crap.. I do need help in way area in my life or another. I would let it be empowering to you. You know what is wrong, now lets fix it!

[Paige008]

She's not new, no. I've, personally, been seeing her for over 2 years. She's been a SW for, at least, 15.

[Paige008]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

It may have something to do with your perception of the word sick. What other words do you associate with "sick"? I bet if you talk to T , she may find a more suitable word for what she was trying to say.

We were talking about my mother's mental illness, so I can only assume that when she meant 'sick' she meant sick with my own mental illness.

I'm a little worried about bringing it up to her. She's very hard on herself when she says something that bothers me and I feel guilty about it. Like I said, I know that my head is off, but hearing it was just different. And, I guess, being included in the same 'sick' as my mother didn't make me feel much better.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Paige008

I know that I am in therapy for a reason and I understand that I am not how normal people are.

But, for the first time ever, my T described me as 'sick'. We were talking about my relationship with my mother and how if one is 'sick', the other stays 'sick'. She asked if I stopped being 'sick', what would happen to my mother and vice versa.

I understand the point she was making about my relationship with my mother, but she still called me 'sick'...a couple times.

Again, I know that there is a lot of **** in my head that's wrong. For some reason though, it really hurt when she said that. Now I can't get it off of my mind.

I guess I didn't realize that other people knew that something was wrong, even if it is my T. Maybe you all will read this and think 'duh! dumbass - what did you think you were in therapy for' and I totally agree with your response. Having someone call you 'sick' though, no one has ever done that, and it wasn't expected.

Does that make any sense? I don't know if I even understand it. Has anyone else felt like this before?

I'm reminded of a saying I heard: When you are the only sane person in a crazy situation, you will look like the crazy one.

When kids grow up with sickness or craziness, they HAVE to adapt to the crazy situation. It's not because they are crazy. I think it's because their survival instincts are working hard, and that's not crazy, or sick, that's very sane.

I imagine you, like the rest of us, have learned some coping mechanisms that worked for us at the time, but don't continue working for us. But that doesn't seem like sickness to me.

I wonder what she meant by that. As I continue to write, it occurs to me that the therapist might have meant many things by it. Maybe she was doing "reality therapy," or maybe she was trying to normalize the situation, or maybe a hundred other possibilities. Do you know what she meant, beyond making a point about your relationship with your mother? And do you know why it triggers you?

It sounds like maybe in saying the relationship with your mother was sick, it implies that you are sick. I don't think I would like that either. I would feel less, at least in the therapist's eyes, and probably mine too because I respect my therapist a lot. I doubt he would want me to feel "less," but I suspect I might. I might also be disturbed about the reflection on my mother, who I have some understanding of why she is as she is. And uncomfortable with pigeon-holing her, and me, and the relationship which is much more complex than "sickness." Is it anything like that? or something different?

[pbutton]

My unhealthy family patterns could probably be called "sick", but it wouldn't have occurred to me until I read this thread.

Originally Posted by Paige008

so I can only assume

I'm a little worried about bringing it up to her. She's very hard on herself when she says something that bothers me and I feel guilty about it. And, I guess, being included in the same 'sick' as my mother didn't make me feel much better.

You need to ask her and not worry about how it makes her feel, she is the T. An you know what they say about assuming anything right? I am sure the comparison to your mother by stating you are both "sick" wouldn't sit well with me either.

[Paige008]

Originally Posted by Syra

Do you know what she meant, beyond making a point about your relationship with your mother? And do you know why it triggers you?

It sounds like maybe in saying the relationship with your mother was sick, it implies that you are sick. I don't think I would like that either. I would feel less, at least in the therapist's eyes, and probably mine too because I respect my therapist a lot. I doubt he would want me to feel "less," but I suspect I might. I might also be disturbed about the reflection on my mother, who I have some understanding of why she is as she is. And uncomfortable with pigeon-holing her, and me, and the relationship which is much more complex than "sickness." Is it anything like that? or something different?

I don't know what she meant exactly by 'sick'. She was talking about how our relationship is intertwined. She called it homeostasis and that if one is sick the other has to be sick and if one starts getting better, the other has to pull them down so they both remain sick.

She wasn't saying that our relationship is sick (which would have been 100% true and I know that). She was saying that I was sick. I didn't misunderstand that part because as soon as she said it, I was like, 'ouch, that hurt'.

That is definitely part of it Syra, I do respect my T quite a bit and it did make me feel very small to be called sick. I think it even hurt more because it came from her.

I know that my mom has a mental illness and that she is sick, but I didn't know that I was on that same level of 'sick'. One of the scariest things for me is that I will end up like my mother. It truly terrifies me for my future. My T knows that. I took it as, according to her, I am already my mother, so, yes, that is definitely a trigger or sore subject or whatever you want to call it.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Paige008

I know that my mom has a mental illness and that she is sick, but I didn't know that I was on that same level of 'sick'. One of the scariest things for me is that I will end up like my mother. It truly terrifies me for my future. My T knows that. I took it as, according to her, I am already my mother, so, yes, that is definitely a trigger or sore subject or whatever you want to call it.

oh my. If I thought that I was on the same level as my mother-with-a-mental-illness, I would find the scary too. And if I was afraid of losing myself and becoming someone else, I would find that scary too. Particularly if it was someone who I was dependent on, and was dependent on me. Is it like that?

Particularly if I had been working hard, and using my resources to do better. And being afraid of that, I would be very afraid that was what she meant. I have a friend with a mom with a serious case of bi-polar, as well as a daughter. I know she is pretty scared and works very hard to not be like that. It's part of her day in ways that I haven't experienced.

I wonder what you mean by levels. I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean. I presume you don't mean you are exactly like your mom, as two people rarely are, not even moms-daughters, or even "identical" twins. I have a sense of what you mean - or rather a sense of what I would mean if I described myself like that - but I'm not sure I'm accurate. I would think it meant I was weak, and I would struggle because part of me would feel very weak, and part of me would feel very strong from all the work and understanding I had put into dealing with the situation. So I would very confused. What does it mean to you?

[Paige008]

Originally Posted by Syra

I wonder what you mean by levels. I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean. I presume you don't mean you are exactly like your mom, as two people rarely are, not even moms-daughters, or even "identical" twins. I have a sense of what you mean - or rather a sense of what I would mean if I described myself like that - but I'm not sure I'm accurate. I would think it meant I was weak, and I would struggle because part of me would feel very weak, and part of me would feel very strong from all the work and understanding I had put into dealing with the situation. So I would very confused. What does it mean to you?

I guess what I mean is that my mom's mental illness is severe and debilitating. She tries to take everyone down with her. She doesn't have relationships, she doesn't work, everything is someone else's fault, and she routinely talks about wanting to die and hating the world.

I have my own issues, for sure, but I don't see myself as 'severe'. Am I headed to severe? Maybe, but, for now, I am managing, or I thought I was.

I guess I saw it like my mom is a Level 5 and I am a Level 2. Does that make better sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well...

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Paige008

I guess what I mean is that my mom's mental illness is severe and debilitating. She tries to take everyone down with her. She doesn't have relationships, she doesn't work, everything is someone else's fault, and she routinely talks about wanting to die and hating the world.

I have my own issues, for sure, but I don't see myself as 'severe'. Am I headed to severe? Maybe, but, for now, I am managing, or I thought I was.

I guess I saw it like my mom is a Level 5 and I am a Level 2. Does that make better sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well...

I think I understand. Is it like: You realize you have issues, and you are working on your issues. You figure that you are somehow about a Level 2. Not where you want to be, but functional and able to work on getting better, and in the upper half. You view your mother functioning much below you and not very functional. And what your T said felt to you like she thought you were a level 5, with your mother, because your mother was dragging you down. And maybe because you were letting her drag you down? Is that what you felt she was saying?
I can understand feeling like that. And I can understanding hearing your T that way.

I hear that you have a strength in your self, and a sense of yourself, to know you can't be pigeonholed, and you can't be pigeonholed there. I hear an acceptance of your issues, and working through what is happening. That isn't sounding like your description of your mother.

[BonnieJean]

I was taken back last summer when my t referred to me a 'higher functioning' patient. It seemed so strange that she had evaluated me that way. The level of functioning was never a question in my mind: I've raised a family, progressed upwards in the job for 30 something years and am educated. I know I have worked thru a lot with her from my childhood and have a ways to go but it felt degrading to be placed on a scale of functioning levels...

[TheWell]

My T was talking about me at a point in past treatment and he referred to me during that time as a train wreck. As in "well you can't be a good parent if you are a train wreck."
I chose not to linger on it. I have been a train wreck but it sucked to hear.

[murray]

One time my T said that he understood my "pathology" ouch that really bothered me for some reason.

My T refers to my neurotic tendencies , that bothers me but I try not to let it.

Sick makes me think of the character in Amityville Horror or maybe Jason...it's not a nice word to use. My mother also had MS most of my life until she passed in 2008, so I will usually think of physical illness when I hear "sick", although she was also mentally ill as it had shrunk her brain and she could barely speak anymore and had other mental complications (she had the progressive kind).
Sick just has a bad connotation to it all around; I would definitely speak to your T re: a replacement word. You don't sound "sick" at all...you are able to express yourself and seem quite self-aware. The word seems totally inappropriate and it would bother me, too.
I had my T call one of my relationships "contaminated" (and I really care about this person...and it's not like he ever physically or mentally abused me, either...he is super nice). I don't think my T could think of a replacement word, either. So I'm stuck with that...my relationship with this person was fine until X happened and then it was "contaminated". REALLY not ok with that. I have to find another word myself... I was using "got complicated" before and that seems to be pretty fitting.
Ts can be so thoughtless. And btw, ever notice how most Ts are so careful to call us "clients" and not "patients"? At least, mine have been.
Hugs to you, and hopefully you can get/find a more fitting, supportive word!

[Syra]

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

So I'm stuck with that...my relationship with this person was fine until X happened and then it was "contaminated". REALLY not ok with that. I have to find another word myself...

tainted? that seems less harsh to me, but maybe it's just as bad.
mixed up?
confusing?
difficult?
sugar & spice?
troubled
painful
a rainy day
a seesaw
an argh relationship

a catlyst for triggers

Originally Posted by Syra

tainted? that seems less harsh to me, but maybe it's just as bad.
mixed up?
confusing?
difficult?
sugar & spice?
troubled
painful
a rainy day
a seesaw
an argh relationship

a catlyst for triggers

Thank you, I will think on these. I like "a rainy day" ha....or Hurricane (Person's Name).

[LoneWolfie]

My pdoc has used the term damaged or broken can't remember which but it rubbed me the wrong way. I told her that in today's society things that are broken are tossed into the trash. Her explanation was that things that are broken can be fixed.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Paige008

I guess what I mean is that my mom's mental illness is severe and debilitating. She tries to take everyone down with her. She doesn't have relationships, she doesn't work, everything is someone else's fault, and she routinely talks about wanting to die and hating the world.

I have my own issues, for sure, but I don't see myself as 'severe'. Am I headed to severe? Maybe, but, for now, I am managing, or I thought I was.

I guess I saw it like my mom is a Level 5 and I am a Level 2. Does that make better sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well...

I saw my r/s with my mother as a kind of glass ceiling, only much lower. I couldn't do anything she couldn't understand. Like I had to live down, according to her limitations. Instead of up to my potential, my possibilities. So cut the cord.

My t told me I was in danger of becoming sick if I didnt snap out of this depression last year and it scared the hell out of me. I wish they weren't so politically incorrect at times but being sick can mean many different things paige

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T once told me that I am one of the most anxious people she's ever met. Then, she followed it by saying that I am also incredibly high functioning. It kinda threw me for a bit. I know my anxiety is high, but T telling me that really hit home and it upset me. I spent some time talking to T about it, after she said it.