Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VI

I wish I could see mine in a shop or something. He's on his two week break and I miss him

It's now almost 9 months since I terminated therapy with you - I still find the whole situation and what lead up to it, upsetting.

I've been told that you would have stopped thinking of me from the moment I terminated.

Great.

Just makes it all suck even more, doesn't it.

I understand reality, but I hate when you let me walk out the door into the scary, cold, hard world, especially when I am feeling.so vulnerable. I am not tryong to put the responsibility on you, I am just telling you how I feel ALONE.

Dear T,

as we progress in therapy and I talk about the failures in life that I have.. how I'm not able to make it to the university due to my ****** grades, I can't help but think, "what do YOU know about failure? You went to a prestigious school, you graduated and went straight into medical school to earn your MBBS. So what do YOU know about failure?"

This hinders my recovery process. Not to get me wrong but I am somewhat envious by your success. It makes me feel small.....

I called to tell you I quit. The OCD is too much and it gets in the way of me doing what I know I should do to get well. So that is it. I am done.

Dear T,
i miss you already and it's only been 2 days I wonder if you'll think of me over the Easter break?

((Roseleigh))

Dear T. I'm a bit scared of you and at the same time I am terrified of the summer when I will move to a new location and leave you. Will never be able to find someone as good as you on my problems...

Dear T - I'm thinking a lot again that it's time to revisit the termination discussion that I so clumsily started back in October. I'm feeling that readiness again, that internal push to do this on my own. Doing this "inner work" has become to me as natural and as necessary as breathing; I have no intention whatsoever of stopping the work. I just don't so much need help with it anymore. So yeah, we'll be talking about this on Tuesday 'k?

Dear T, Our last goodbye didn't feel right at all, don't know how to live without you..

.
Dear T,

You break my heart . I am without hope.

Dear T.

You've left for Easter now for a few weeks and are out of the country and it feels weird.... What if something happens and you're not here? What do I do?

That is similar to how I feel too, Rect0pathic. Hard, Huh?
Sending you hugs ((HUGS)).

*sigh*, Dear T,
I am still missing you, but i know that i dont need to worry about this break ruining our relationship. We will survive it, you have worked hard to ensure that i feel safe and secure at all times.
But it hurts like hell, and i can't wait to see you again.x.

Dear T,

You keep reassuring me that I'm not wasting your time....that you like meeting with me....that you are not going to just abruptly end therapy with me. So why am I holding back still? I did touch on some of my feelings about this and you responded perfectly - as always. You give me no reason to fear you...Im embarrassed to say that I try to find mistakes or errors on your part just to prove that you are like all the rest (I sound like a child ) yet, you still haven't done anything wrong. I guess you might ask me here, "Freewilled - I'm wondering what you imagine might happen if I did do something you felt was wrong?"

Ugh. This is setting up to be harder than I thought....

Dear T,

Spring Break sucks. I know that you have kids and you want to spend time with them. It just doesn't make it any easier having you away for so long... I wonder if you'll think to check in on me...I hope you do.

Hi T, I want to have one visit where I don't let myself talk about the issue we always talk about (my fault, I know). Do you think I can do it? I want you to see the me that is outside of that. I am fun and funny and not whiny like I must seem when I talk about THAT.

I just sent you an email. Never done that before. Now I'm numb, but I think it's because of the alcohol. Later on I will be so anxious that I can't feel my fingers and toes. I told you not to read it (I just wanted to put something in your inbox for next week, so that I don't convince myself in the interim that it's not important blah blah blah), which means I will be checking my inbox compulsively for the next three days and will be extremely embarrassed when I see you.

I really need you I am so down. I need to see you more than once a week but I am afraid to ask you. Please help me. It hurts to need someone like this

Dear T, thank you for calling last friday, you helped more than we could ever tell you, and even though we won't see each other again, promise you to not ever take too many pills again.

Dear T,

I am so annoyed. I have lots of good stuff written in my therapy notebook. But now I may need to talk about how my mom just showed up at my house today. NOT COOL. GRR

T.
This one was particularly rough. It was terrible and am so very glad the day is over.

Dear T,

honestly i don't feel like we're moving anywhere in this. it's just so tiring everytime after your appt. and i really really don't know what to do in therapy despite you asking what are my goals and aims in therapy and also what i would like on the agenda.

this just sucks.

Dear T, please be gentle and calm tomorrow. thank you.

Dear t,
Thank you for being honest and present with me! I always go into a session feeling crap and come out feeling loved and supported and you always make me smile.
T you are an inspiration, I know how hard your life has been but you never let things get the better of you! Please always be honest with me no matter what else